Raphael

@Breakingthewall I can exaggerate sometimes. The situation isn't as bad as it seems and things actually got better in recent months. I don't see any physical violence, but my dad can be annoying and his influence isn't that great for my psychological health which is why I avoid him as much as possible. I'm sorry for what happened to you, it must have been hard to grow up in a difficult situation like this. My dad has also been the source behind my low self-esteem. I hope that you are doing better now and continue improving.

09 October 2021 Wake Up Time: 06:41 AM (objective 6:00 AM - 6:30 AM) In Bed Time: 10:02 PM (objective 10:00 PM - 10:30 PM) ✅ Stretching after waking up ❌ Cold shower after waking up ❌ 1 hour of meditation in the morning ❌ No distractions until 7 PM ❌ 1 hour of journaling before going to bed Difficult day. I almost didn't sleep of the entire night, I felt agitated most of the day and didn't work that much. The construction noises outside didn't help me too.

I'm very complex and paradoxical, it's very difficult to figure me out.

Using The Actualized.org Forum For Maximum Personal Growth I think that I under rated the value that I can get from participating consciously on this forum. I spent most of my time here journaling and reading the conversations and grew a lot from that. There is value into that but partipating consciously is another thing because it demands efforts. I can improve many things by participating here like: Humour: I can crack some funny jokes that makes everyone laugh. Flirting: I can train my flirting skills, but I think that I won't do it that much because this is not a dating website and because I don't know how Leo and the moderation will react to that. Intellect and Intuition: I can write some high quality answers on challenging ideas. I can give multiperspectival Tier-2 solutions and develop my mind by doing that. Emotional support, compassion, empathy, agreableness, openness: I can give emotional support to people when they are going through difficult situations. I will be able to make more emotional connections like that and improve my emotional mastery. Assertiveness: this one is going to be a bit limited as assertivess is much better developed IRL, but I can still get some value in being assertive through written communication. Now the limitation of doing this is that most interactions that I have with people here are only written communication so there will always be some distance between me and others. However, I still think that I can gain valuable experience and develop a lot while doing that. Also, the advantage with written communication is that I can go back to my posts, self-reflect and find ways to improve. When it comes to improving anything in life, I noticed that asking myself the question: "What can I improve?" will make my the quality of my thoughts improve. From this question I can try to find new ways of doing things, open myself to new information and experiences, and accelate the thought maturation process.

I still have a bit of difficulties when it comes to emotions, when it comes to giving emotional support to people and connecting with people. I can make some mistakes, create some misunderstanding, and weird social situations.

There's still a bit of stage orange ego inside me. I noticed that there is still a part of me who wants to show himself and compete a bit.

Please... stop building things around me... my ears are dead... uuuh...

08 October 2021 Wake Up Time: 06:51 AM (objective 6:00 AM - 6:30 AM) In Bed Time: 10:01 PM (objective 10:00 PM - 10:30 PM) ✅ Stretching after waking up ✅ Cold shower after waking up ✅ 1 hour of meditation in the morning ✅ No distractions until 7 PM ✅ 1 hour of journaling before going to bed

07 October 2021 Wake Up Time: 06:32 AM (objective 6:00 AM - 6:30 AM) In Bed Time: 10:48 PM (objective 10:00 PM - 10:30 PM) ✅ Stretching after waking up ✅ Cold shower after waking up ❌ Healing ~ No distractions until 7 PM (Doesn't apply on Thursday) ❌ 1 hour of random journaling before going to bed Today was messy. I went outside with my mom to help her find a new phone for herself. It took a lot of time and because of that, I didn't do the essential things that I planned to do. That's life, it's fine.

I'm Fine After the realization that I had a screwed self-image, the realization that I wasn't weird but convinced myself that I was weird where I'm normal, here's now the realization that I'm fine. Yep, I'm fine. I'm fine. I lived my entire life thinking that something was wrong with me, but I'm fine, I'm fine. I just have strengths and weaknesses like everyone. My strengths might be a bit uncommon and unnoticeable many times which is why I can appear weird. On the outside I'm like the most normal person ever, I'm so normal that it's abnormal, so normal that's it's weird. But in the end, I'm fine, I'm fine. Overall, I'm fine. I make enough money to sustain myself independently. I can work from anywhere on the planet as the only requirements that I have are a computer and a quality internet connection. I made some changes to my diet in the last two months and it solved the issues that I had. I've been finally finding a proper organization for myself so that my life can be healthily structured. I can be social with people who have a minimum of openmindedness. And I know overall the direction that I want my life to take for at least the next 5 years. So... what is wrong with me? Nothing. Nothing is wrong with me. I'm perfectly normal in my own way, I'm perfectly fine. I'm fine. Yeah, I'm fine.

Here's the guy: > @Raphael <

We all gonna die in the end, and this is Ok.

One day I'll travel the world and maybe I'll go there too.

I noticed that as a man I tend to consume more content coming from men because they relate more to me. I want to balance that a bit with more feminine resources. What women can I follow in the domain of self-actualization / spirituality who offers very high quality content?

06 October 2021 Wake Up Time: 06:17 AM (objective 6:00 AM - 6:30 AM) In Bed Time: 10:30 PM (objective 10:00 PM - 10:30 PM) ✅ Stretching after waking up ✅ Cold shower after waking up ✅ 1 hour of meditation ❌ No distractions until 7 PM ✅ 1 hour of random journaling before going to bed

Many life purposes are about helping people that we wouldn't like to live with.

04 October 2021 Wake Up Time: 06:05 AM (objective 6:00 AM - 6:30 AM) In Bed Time: 11:03 PM (objective 10:00 PM - 10:30 PM) ✅ Stretching after waking up ✅ Cold shower after waking up ✅ 1 hour of meditation ❌ No distractions until 7 PM ❌ 1 hour of random journaling before going to bed

Anytime that I talk to someone, I just talk to myself. Any advice that I give is an advice that I give to myself which is why giving advice can be so powerful. By taking the time to think through stuff and giving quality advice, I'm helping myself and progressing in life if I then take actions of course.

Yep, I'm not weird. I'm normal in my own way just like everyone is normal in their own ways.

Ok. Things are getting back to normal. This insight felt like a system shock. I literally felt it in my brain, especially in the left hemisphere. It felt like some parts of my brain were rearranging themselves and bleeding at the same time to handle this insight. My left arm also felt a bit numb at a moment. Things are fine now.

I don't know what is happening, but after I had this insight I felt like my brain exploded. Something feels weird currently, like really weird.

For as long as I can remember I always felt weird. I feel like I was born weird. I've just contemplated the following question: "What is wrong with me?". The answer that came to my mind is: "Nothing. I just convinced myself that something was wrong with me".

Being a winner is all about attitude. Someone can have nothing in life and struggle enormously but still be a winner.

I feel that I can grow enormously by sharing high quality thoughts on this forum about issues that I have some familiarity with. I can get enormous value by going deep and giving very specific advises that clicks in someone's mind. Also, by helping people, I'm basically helping myself and growing. I'll try to do a bit of that when I'll have some empty time.

I'm a bit like a walking paradox. I feel paradoxical, my brain functions in a paradoxical way, and my thoughts are paradoxical.