Raphael

25 October 2019 Time: 45 minutes Summary: I almost skipped today's meditation as I was pretty busy and also lazy at the same time. I meditated just before going to bed and I'm quite surprised by how smooth the session went. I kept my eyes closed and didn't move my body a lot, but I still had many random thoughts. In the end, I felt refreshed, more conscious, and calmer.

24 October 2019 Time: 45 minutes Summary: I had a lot of thoughts today, my mind was like in a fog, but I didn't move my body a lot and I managed to keep my eyes closed. I tried to meditate with my palms directed to the sky, they were always closing themselves a little. I didn't felt a huge difference of consciousness after the session.

More orange, less green I feel like I'm a little more at stage orange than I thought when I started this journal. It's maybe because I'm currently quite stressed and I'm more in my lower self, but I'm not sure... Currently, I feel I'm at: Blue: 10% Orange: 60% Green: 20% Yellow: 10%

23 October 2019 Time: 45 minutes Summary: I was quite agitated today as I'm stressed because of my freelancing business, however, I still managed to keep my eyes closed during the entire session. I moved my body a lot, did some burps, search my nose, and I didn't felt a huge difference of consciousness in the end.

22 October 2019 Time: 45 minutes Summary: I kept my eyes closed during the entire session, but moved my body a lot, did some burps, scratch myself, and searched my nose. I was also quite sleepy as I had trouble to sleep for the last days because of stress. I don't consider this meditation as really successful and I didn't felt a difference in consciousness in the end.

21 October 2019 TIme: 45 minutes Summary: The session went well, even though it was a little difficult at the end. I succeed to keep my eyes closed, but I moved my body sometimes, did some burps, and scratch myself a little. I also felt a little sad when I had thoughts about non-actualizing people and the fact that most of them will never be able a understand even a little how reality works. My mind was clearer after I finished my meditation.

I want to keep some privacy on this forum even though someone who knows me can still recognize me with all the information I shared here. Anyway, I think I can learn by doing some research and watching some tutorials. If you have some links or simple advice for beginners, I will be pleased to hear them

20 October 2019 TIme: 45 minutes Summary: I find this session a little harder than yesterday, but I think it was pretty good overall. I maybe blinked at a moment, I'm not sure... I also had a lot of random thoughts and my mind wasn't really clear, nevertheless, I felt more appeased in the end.

Nice videos! Do you guys have some advice on starting a little stretching routine? My body is very rigid and I would like to improve that

19 October 2019 Time: 45 minutes Summary: I'm quite surprised by how well this session went. I kept my back very straight throughout all the 45 minutes, I almost didn't move my body, and also kept my eyes closed. I had a little burp one time, and of course, I had random thoughts. I felt pretty good at the end.

18 October 2019 Time: 45 minutes Summary: I originally wanted to focus on my breath but got lost in thoughts too much. I also opened my eyes at 25:09 when I repositioned my body. At one moment, I felt like I was merging with everything, I felt very lightweight and didn't have any thoughts for maybe 10-15 seconds. In the end, I felt refreshed and more conscious after this session.

17 October 2019 Time: 45 minutes Summary: This session went pretty well. I kept my eyes closed, moved my body a little, chew my lips, and searched my nose a little. I didn't feel a huge difference in my consciousness at the end of the meditation.

16 October 2019 Time: 45 minutes Summary: This session went globally pretty well. I closed my room's windows to avoid external noises and managed to keep my eyes closed. I tried to focus on my respiration this time, I lost it, went back to it, lost it again, went back to it again, and so on. I was a little sweaty at the end because of the heat and the lack of aeration in my room and I did not feel a huge difference in my consciousness level.

Using low conscious people to grow ourselves What's nice with low conscious people for self-actualizing people is how reactive they are. They are reactive against high consciousness, but also low consciousness. They act like mirrors when confronted with low consciousness in self-actualizers, except that they amplify it a lot, they are like a high definition reflexion of yourself that is more visible. It's probably easier to grow at the beginning of someone's life in a stage orange/green environment, but I think going back and interacting with lower stages is also part of the path as they need to be integrated. I experienced enormous grow by interacting with stage red/blue/orange people, it wasn't comfortable at all, I was very anxious, angry, and depressed, but it helped me to fill some important parts of the puzzle. Main lesson: Experience lower stages as they reflect our bullshit stronger, it makes them more visible and therefore easier to correct them and grow personally.

Reframing My Objective My original goal was to be able to meditate for 1 hour per day without opening my eyes, stop in between, scratching myself or moving my body. However, the problem is that this goal is too perfectionist. Even after 10 years of daily meditation, I will still probably move my body a little, scratch myself sometimes, and do some other little stuff. These things are OK, and I think it's better to let go of the need to be perfect, my new objective is now to be able to meditate for 1 hour without opening my eyes. Current objective: meditate for 45 minutes without opening my eyes Final objective: meditate for 1 hour without opening my eyes

15 October 2019 Time: 45 minutes Summary: I kept my eyes closed during the entire session. I had a lot of random thoughts, moved my body sometimes and searched my nose a little. I didn't feel a huge difference in consciousness compared to when I began the meditation. I will close the windows of my room for the next sessions as there is too much noise outside, it's too distracting.

Thanks a lot! @ElenaO

14 October 2019 Time: 45 minutes Summary: I opened my eyes twice during this session, at 20m 16s and 33m 3s. I moved my body a lot, I wasn't able to find the right position as I have a pimple on my right buttock, it annoyed me during the entire session. I also scratched myself a little.

@Dane I say no most of the time and people get pissed off as they think I don't like them, and honestly, it was also true many times in the past, but even now I continue to say no because I want to have alone time and to do other stuff. People feal being attacked by this and start doubting themselves and reacting negatively because they want love from you and are not able to get it. I got criticized a lot for saying no and even insulted. I think that you should continue to do what you want and if they get annoyed, explain to them your point of view in a polite manner. It can play a lot. And also, accepting to do something with them one or two times each two months will not annihilate your results, the best thing to do is probably to find the best balance

13 October 2019 Time: 45 minutes Summary: This session went pretty well globally and I didn't open my eyes. I moved my body some times and also scratched myself, at a moment I had a sensation that something was moving in the upper right side of my torso as if something wanted to get out of me. I probably have trapped emotions in my body, so when it wants to get out my body does strange behaviors.

My fears I recently watched Leo's videos on fear and I decided to list them. I probably have thousands of fears of various intensities, I'm not conscious of most of them, but here's my current list anyway: Fear of people Fear of people who have mental health issues (like my grandma) Fear of depressed people Fear of being dependent on other people Fear of being attached to other people Fear of close relationships Fear of my dad Fear of never having a girlfriend Fear of women (especially if they are very pretty) Fear of being a virgin all my life Fear of being kind and look weak Fear of criticism Fear of violence Fear of being incompetent Fear of being disorganized Fear of not being productive enough Fear of procrastination Fear of continuing to be lazy Fear of being stuck in wage slavery Fear of being poor all my life Fear of not being rich and successful Fear of my addictions Fear of having tics all my life Fear to continue to bite my nails all my life Fear of staying skinny all my life Fear of not sleeping correctly Fear of having eye circles Fear of having a bad skin Fear to admit to people that I prefer to wear briefs instead of boxers Fear of being dumb Fear of not being understood Fear of wasting my life Fear of spiders (it's actually a phobia) Fear of extraterrestrials Fear of stade red Fear of stade blue Fear of lower stade orange Fear of absolute infinity Fear of absolute love Fear of change Fear of improving society Fear of not improving society Fear of changing the world Fear of not changing the world Fear to reveal my fears and issues Fear of myself Main lesson: I live in fear.

12 October 2019 TIme: 29 minutes 55 seconds Summary: I initially thought it was going to go well, but it didn't. The neighbors were making a lot of noises by sawing wood. I straightened my body in the right position several times and I searched my nose one time. I was also quite sleepy during the session. In the end, I opened my eyes at 29:55 and stopped here.

11 October 2019 Time: 45 minutes Summary: They were a lot of external sounds during this session, most notably hens making noises. One of them entered the house and was walking and jumping on stuff while I was meditating. I choose to let it go and to keep meditating anyway. However, I scratched myself and also did some burp during the session. Globally today's meditation was pretty difficult, but I achieved to keep my eyes closed. I didn't feel that much difference compared to the beginning, except being a little lightheaded.

10 October 2019 Time: 45 minutes Summary: I found this session a little more difficult compared to yesterday, but paradoxically, I had the sensation that these 45 minutes went very fast. I didn't open my eyes, but I scratched myself sometimes. I had a lot of random thoughts, some thoughts about the same guy, thoughts on this session, thoughts on having thoughts on having thoughts, and thoughts about what to write in this journal.

Yeah, I understand and honestly, I also have been confronted with dogs who were clearly aggressive. If I didn't move out, I would probably get hurt in these situations.