Raphael

9 November 2019 Time: 45 minutes Summary: I kept my eyes closed during the entire session. I wanted to do some mindfulness practice today so I started by focusing on my body, however, after that I got lose in thoughts a lot and I was also a little sleepy. I was very happy during this meditation and I felt that those 45 minutes went very fast compared to the previous session. I opened my eyes feeling awesome, maybe not highly more conscious, but very blissful.

Hey @Bridge to Infinity thank for your support, I really appreciate

Still Burning I'm still having those burning feelings in my chest, but now it's also a little in my shoulders. I'm currently discussing with a potential client and I'm stressing myself because of this. Bootstrapping a business is hard, but I'm sure I will gain the ability to handle stress in business. Leo's video "How To Deal With Strong Negative Emotions" will help.

8 November 2019 Time: 45 minutes Summary: It was a good session even though I failed at the beginning, but I kept my eyes closed during the meditation. On my first attempt, I got distracted after 5-6 minutes by a text message on phone, so I choose to restart again and I succeded. In the end, if I ignore that little interruption I did 50 to 51 minutes today. I didn't felt a huge difference in my consciousness when I stopped.

7 November 2019 Time: 45 minutes Summary: I kept my eyes closed during the entire session. I searched my nose at a moment, at another one I struggle a lot and did a weird movement with my body, and the monkey mind was also pretty active today. I'm not sure of the consciousness difference at the end, I was maybe a little calmer, I'm not sure...

6 November 2019 Time: 45 minutes Summary: It was a great session and I kept my eyes closed during its entire duration. I let go of everything, I still had a lot of thoughts, but not a lot of parasites moves. I felt calmer in the end.

5 November 2019 Time: 45 minutes Summary: I kept my eyes closed during the entire session even though they were a lot of noises outside at the beginning including a hen in the house. I choose to let go of everything, but at the same time I tried to be mindful to relax my body, I get caught in the monkey mind a lot. I'm not sure of the difference in my consciousness at the end.

4 November 2019 Time: 45 minutes Summary: The session went well and I kept my eyes closed during the entire 45 minutes. I choose to let go of everything, not control my mind, nor concentrate on something. The ending was a little difficult, but I felt more conscious, clearer, and lighter when I stopped.

Hey everyone, I was so happy yesterday night that it was overwhelming. I was in ecstasy and I was feeling so much joy that it was difficult to control, I also had some tremors in my body and my heart was beating quite fast. I think that if I were 10 or 100 times happier it could become dangerous. Can too much happiness be dangerous to my physical self? Can it kill me physically?

3 November 2019 Time: 26 minutes 3 seconds Summary: I failed to respect the time. I think this is caused by how lazy I have been this morning as I take too much time doing nothing and playing Call of Duty Mobile. I felt a little stressed because I already used a lot of my available time today. I didn't felt any difference in consciousness when I opened my eyes.

Someone shared the following book one day on the forum: I didn't read it personally, but it's from the Isha Foundation so it should contain valuable information.

Yeah, I did this, but maybe not enough. Yeah, I think the realization was the cause and I also hope I don't die of excitement! Lol That's interesting.

2 November 2019 Time: 45 minutes Summary: It was a good session, I was pretty calm globally, but still had a lot of thoughts. I kept my eyes closed during the entire meditation. The ending was a little more difficult and I did some weird movements with my body, but I respect the time anyway. My mind was clearer when I opened my eyes.

@OmniYoga I read a passage of "Think and Grow Rich!", then I decided to go to sleep. However, I liked what I read so much that I become extremely excited. I'm also really more consistent with my meditation habit since last month. Last time something like this happened was at the end of 2018, by just doing nothing and thinking in my bed. And It's not a joke, this is really how it happened.

Hell on earth: My Dad's life My dad just turns 68 today, 68 of an extremely chaotic life. I remember some years ago when I felt like my life was shit when I was depressed when I wanted to kill myself. All of this is nothing compared to my dad's life, the way he lived, especially when he was young is what we can qualify as hell on earth. My dad was born in a very poor family. He lived with his siblings in straw houses and sheet metal houses, they didn't have their own room, they were all sleeping together on the ground because they were too poor to afford a bed. They were living with insects crawling on their body when they were sleeping, they had to hold the walls of their house when they were some bad weather or a storm because it was so fragile. My dad didn't even have a lot of clothes when he was a kid, he told me he went to school naked sometimes. I don't know if it's true, I personally have many doubts about this. He started to do hard physical work at a very young age, he was cutting sugar canes in the fields at the age of 10 - 12. His dad was an alcoholic who abused him, he was also beating him and his siblings. You think your life is hard? Think twice. This really poor childhood reverberated on his entire life. I saw him angry almost every week, I saw him humiliating people, humiliating my mom, humiliating me. I saw him throwing a knife at my mom when I was a kid. I saw him being extremely aggressive and fearful, I saw his negativity, his irrationality, his extreme reactions. I saw his fear of not having enough money every time I was with him. I rarely got kind words from him or high conscious love, but I got a lot of humiliations, critics, anger, and restrictions. I almost wasn't beaten, but I found the few times it happened was very unfair. I also absorbed some of his neuroticism, his negativity, his criticism, his fear of people. I only started to transform myself 4 - 5 years ago without being very serious about it, but even with that, I still changed a lot. Spiritual work is incredible and so damn powerful. So today I was with my dad in the kitchen and I tell him: "Happy Birthday". It was awkward, his reaction wasn't exceptional, but I still told the man that I hated most of my life "Happy Birthday". It's far better than where I was less than 2 years ago, where I had panic attacks thinking about him, and where I was so hateful that I even wanted to kill him. I'm more accepting my dad now, and I'm accepting that he did the best he can with what he had.

1 November 2019 Time: 45 minutes Summary: The session went globally pretty well even though they were a lot of noise outside. I tried to concentrate on my breath, but lose it a lot. I kept my eyes closed even if it was quite challenging at the end, this is where I started to move my body a lot, and I also almost open my eyes. My mind was more clear after this meditation.

31 October 2019 Time: 45 minutes Summary: I kept my eyes closed during the entire meditation. I wanted to do some concentration by making circles with both hands, but my mind went in hundreds of different directions. I was quite agitated and wasn't very concentrated finally. Thankfully, I still felt a little calmer at the end of the meditation.

My emotions change so quickly It's incredible how fast my emotional state can change. I was very stressed for the last few days and had burning feelings in my chest, then this morning I felt incredibly blissful, but now I'm stressed again and have these burning feelings because I did some shit online to another person's business.

30 October 2019 Time: 45 minutes Summary: I kept my eyes closed during the entire session that went globally very well. I was very happy during this meditation, even though I still had a lot of thoughts. My mind was clearer when I opened my eyes.

29 October 2019 Time: 45 minutes Summary: My monkey mind was on fire during this session, I wasn't very concentrated nor highly mindful, but I kept my eyes closed during the 45 minutes. I wanted to do some mindfulness in the beginning, but then let go of any kind of control and it ended in creating a thoughts storm. I didn't feel a huge difference of consciousness after the session.

Too much pressure I really put too much stress and pressure on myself currently. This is not helping me and I feel how it hit my productivity. I also have some burning feeling in my stomach because of this.

28 October 2019 Time: 33 minutes 5 seconds Summary: I found this session really difficult, I was very sleepy as I only slept four hours last night. I started to meditate after 9 PM, I felt uncomfortable, I wanted to pee, I wanted to poop, and I really wanted to go to sleep. I stopped before the 45 minutes, did a poo and then went to bed immediately.

27 October 2019 Time: 0 minutes Summary: I didn't meditate, I was too stress because of my freelancing business so I decided to put it aside.

Why I'm uncomfortable with my psychologist I think I understand why I am uncomfortable with my psychologist. The reason is that: she has stage blue/orange shadows and she is probably mostly around orange with some blue and green elements. As I am uncomfortable with low orange/blue, it's understandable that I don't feel at ease with her. One day she told me that there are even people that don't believe in god, she judges some group of people very quickly and I personally feel judged by her. One day when I was seeing her at the beginning I told her that I was working with French people in my company, I don't remember the details, but at a point, she told me something like "Mauritians thinks that white people are superior". Of course, it doesn't mean that much now as I forget the original discussion, but I remember that she had these thoughts before other ones can and this can be an indication of her consciousness level. She also has biases on people who smoke weed and on psychedelics, and she is not open to them. I told her many times about my plans for life, but she always tries to orient me in another direction. I told her that I'm starting freelancing and want to continue in that direction but ask at each session if I'm searching for another job. She's not even focused and doesn't listen to me sometimes and say the complete opposite that I say before. In my opinion, a psychologist who is mostly at stage orange is too low on the spiral to help people. The minimum should be stage green/yellow and this is rare to find. Many people finish high school, go study psychology in college, get a degree, and call themselves a psychologist. This is total bullshit. Psychology needs a lot of diverse life experience including spiritual practices. Most psychologists should start practicing only after 35 - 40 years of age and even there they still need to stay open to other perspectives. I have been seeing her for too long now and I think the time to stop is approaching.

26 October 2019 TIme: 45 minutes Summary: This session went really well, I kept my eyes closed and didn't move my body that much. I still had a lot of random thoughts, but at the same time, I feel like these 45 minutes went like 20 -30 minutes or even less. I felt pretty good in the end.