Raphael

21 November 2019 Time: 45 minutes Summary: I kept my eyes closed during the entire session. I had a lot of thoughts and also some burning sensations in my chest, I did a little pause without opening my eyes in between where I moved my body a little. I feel like these 45 minutes went very fast, it felt more like 20 minutes. I'm not sure if I were more conscious in the end, maybe a little.

20 November 2019 Time: 44 minutes 30 seconds Summary: I originally did my meditation this morning but failed because I opened my eyes at 27 minutes. My goal was to do 45 minutes without opening my eyes for 30 days and as I didn't want to restart from zero I decided to try again in the evening. I opened my eyes at 44 minutes and 30 seconds because I fall asleep, this is a failure if I want to be extremely strict, but at the same time 30 seconds is not that much and many times I take maybe the same duration to put myself into position. So I'm going to let it go for this time, and continue my challenge. Concerning the meditation, I didn't move my body a lot but had many thoughts and some burning feelings in my stomach because of stress, nothing exceptional happened and I didn't felt a huge difference of consciousness when I opened my eyes.

19 November 2019 Time: 45 minutes Summary: I kept my eyes closed for the entire session. I had a lot of random thoughts, and move my body a little, this was a little easier than yesterday, but not easy yet. I didn't felt a huge difference of consciousness when I opened my eyes.

18 November 2019 Time: 45 minutes Summary: I kept my eyes closed during the entire session, but I was sleepy, tired, and paradoxically at the same time very agitated. It was probably one of my most difficult session in the last few months as I moved by body a lot and scratched myself many times, it was quite painful for me. When I opened my eyes my body was sweaty and I only felt a little more conscious compared to the beginning.

I don't too, but I'm a quite addicted to Youtube.

@Raptorsin7

@Raptorsin7 I will maybe try it in the future. I'm planning to do a 1h+ meditation when I will be comfortable with 1 hour, but it will be only on a break day and after several months. I don't have enough time to do 2h+ or even 1h+ of meditation for a few days.

@Raptorsin7 Hi. No, I never tried self-inquiry.

17 November 2019 Time: 45 minutes Summary: I kept my eyes closed during the entire session, but was emotionally agitated hearing my depressed grandma crying because she was unable to understand how to use the shower. I focused on the meditation anyway, I know it's selfish to focus on myself where a close relative near me needs help, but at the same time, I need to focus on my practice to attain my objective. My mom came to help her anyway. Enduring her and my dad almost every day is challenging, but I currently have no best option considering where I want to go, so I have to deal with it. Anyway, if I come back to the meditation, I felt a little more conscious and calmer in the end.

Thanks @Raptorsin7 ! I think that taking simple and concise notes of our progress helps build consistency and motivation. I avoided that in the past by relying too much on my memories and feelings, but it was too approximate so I needed a tool to equilibrate my practice.

Probably, but it's always how it goes and it's necessary. There is a lot of example like this in history books. Sadhguru is doing this with stage blue Indian.

16 November 2019 Time: 45 minutes Summary: Today's meditation went incredibly smoothly. I kept my eyes closed, almost didn't move my body, and felt very blissful during the session. Only the ending was a little more difficult, but I felt very calm and peaceful when I opened my eyes.

15 November 2019 Time: 45 minutes Summary: This session went pretty well overall, I kept my eyes closed for the entire duration. I had a little more difficulty in the middle, I also searched my nose, however, the 5 - 10 last minutes were very smooth. I felt calmer and more conscious at the end.

Indoctrinated By Stage Blue After spending two years with stage blue communities, I feel like I got a little indoctrinated by them. I feel like I take more care of good manners, where I would not give a fuck in the past about using kind words. I also feel like I'm a little more afraid to speak up and a little uncomfortable when someone points out what's not working properly, where I would often notice what's wrong in the past and try to improve it. I need to be careful and more conscious when spending time in those communities. If I don't and just consider that we are all equals (which is the case in the absolute sense, but not relatively speaking), I will unconsciously let them bring me down to their level of consciousness.

14 November 2019 Time: 45 minutes Summary: I was a little agitated today and they were a lot of noises outside, but I still keep my eyes closed. I meditated with my palms facing the sky this time rather than the ground. I had a lot of random thoughts and the ending was a little difficult, but I felt more conscious at the end of the time.

I'm not doing anything specific, I don't even know how to name it. Most of the time I only let go of everything, so it's maybe the do-nothing technique. Sometimes I change and do some mindfulness or try to concentrate on a specific thing. It would probably be better to follow a technique.

13 November 2019 Time: 45 minutes Summary: I did my meditation this evening rather than in the morning as I was also quite lazy today. The session went well, I managed to keep my eyes closed, I didn't move my body a lot, and I only searched my nose in the beginning. I had some tingling sensations notably in my left hand, I was also very sensitive of my body today, I felt the air traveling in my trachea. I felt more conscious when I opened my eyes.

I had this realization, it was weird and I feel confused when it happened. From my current perspective, I would say that we don't control anything but life is making itself. Which means that: If you try to control your thoughts by doing some affirmations everyday, you are not in control of trying to control your thoughts If you don't try to control your thoughts, you are not in control of not trying to control your thoughts Think also about hardcore spiritual people who don't have any thoughts and who have an awesome life. They can't control their thoughts as they don't have any, but they still have a good life. After a certain level of awareness you will not need thoughts to improve yourself or take actions on things, consciousness will do what's needed by itself. I'm personally not at this level, but I'm making the supposition that thoughts are necessary only until stage Turquoise. You will take responsibility automatically by becoming more and more conscious, but even that will be out of your control. You are not in control of the thoughts you decide to give attention too and act upon. You are not in control of anything including what you do. Things are extremely tricky and paradoxical here. At the certain level you need to control them and you think you have control where your not, at another one you know you don't control anything but you're flowing with life.

12 November 2019 Time: 45 minutes Summary: I was quite lazy today and did my meditation in the afternoon, but pretty well handled it and keep my eyes closed during the entire session. I did some mindfulness today by first focusing on my body and then on external noises, but as I was also a little sleepy I lost it multiple times, and then go back to it. I fall on my sides maybe two or three times because I was sleepy, I also scratch my head and clear my throat. I was sweating a little in the end, but I felt more conscious with a clearer mind.

11 November 2019 Time: 45 minutes Summary: I found this session quite easy until maybe the first half, then it started to become a little more difficult. The lasts 10 minutes was quite hard, but I still managed to keep my eyes closed. I lowered the top of my body on my lap when approaching the end, and I didn't felt a huge difference of consciousness when I stopped.

@Wasem

10 November 2019 TIme: 45 minutes Summary: I kept my eyes closed during the entire session. I tried to do some concentration by focusing on my breath and I find it much more difficult than letting go. I did some movements with my body and also searched my nose a little. I didn't felt a huge difference in my consciousness when I opened my eyes.

Discovering What's Truth Leo's video "How To Discover What's True - A Deep Inquiry" is much more complex than I expected. Most of the time I understand his content logically pretty well, but I had some trouble for this one. I was also a little sleepy and not very focused while listening to it, so it surely played on my understanding. Overall, I really enjoyed the content and was surprised by its practicality. This episode is currently one of the best in my opinion.

I was depressed and anxious most of my life. I felt some relief when I did my first sessions 3 years ago (I was maybe 18 or 19), but this was temporary and the following two years were also quite depressing. My first year of meditation killed some parts of my ego and my selfish dreams with it. I remember one specific day when I was looking at myself in the mirror and not feeling that the guy in the mirror was me. I lose a lot of identification that was causing me suffering. I'm currently much more conscious of my ego, my manipulations, and selfishness so it's easier to correct them now. I'm also more able to understand why people behave the way they behave and if they are conscious or not. I grow enormously by doing meditation and spending time in isolation and I'm only starting to see the results. Even last year at the same time I was very depressed and having panic attacks. If you look at the firsts post I did on this forum and compare them to the current ones you will see a huge evolution in only three years. I currently feel happier than I ever been in my life

@Bridge to Infinity Hey, it's nice to see that you started your journal. Keep it up and stay consistent, you can change a lot with meditation! I also think that I have some sort of ADHD as I get easily distracted in my work. When I'm meditating my mind goes in a thousand different directions. Concentrating on the breath is probably better for that, I'm personally not focusing on a specific technique but most of the time just let go of everything. I'm glad that I can inspire some people.