Randy

@Leo Gura Thanks for the reply

Hey All, Background: I've made some serious steps this year in my personal development. I gave up some really toxic habits on the new year: drinking, smoking pot and smoking cigarettes. I haven't relapsed once because I'm not fighting these addictions with willpower, but more like my whole mindset shifted, I was just done. I'm not perfect, i've got other addictions I'm still working on, like porn, social media, stimulation in general, judgment, validation, etc, but giving up these 3 were big in freeing up time and mental energy to even begin deeper work. I also added some great stuff to my life. I started working out. I cleaned up my diet significantly. I journal regularly (at least once per week). I took the life purpose course and really poured myself into it and feel like I have a very solid LP and something that I can be proud of. I read almost everyday I meditate everyday. I started with 30 mins and have been adding 5 minutes a week with the goal of reaching 2 hours a day (i'm at 1hour and 20 mins/day). I do Vipassana meditation, but have also recently discovered some non-dual teachers that have been great, but also have kind of brought me to a strange place and the reason why I named this post "Life purpose / Spiritual Backlash". Current problem/ question: Everyday I work on my Life Purpose. I am still early in the stages of it, so it's not paying the bills, but my job isn't very taxing (3 hours / day) so I still have plenty of time to devote to it at least 4-6 hours. One day after watching some Youtube of some non-dual masters I found myself in a near thoughtless state. I felt compelled to go outside and just walk around looking at the world and contemplating "who is perceiving this? Who am I? Where are these perceptions being perceived?". It felt like I was tripping on mushrooms or LSD, more controlled, but very similar. This happened a few days ago and I've had similar experiences each day after. My meditation has deepened significantly. I don't feel like I'm about to become enlightened exactly, but I do feel a profound deepening of my spiritual life. Part of me wants to marinade in this and pursue it, more than my life purpose. It feels more meaningful than anything the little 'me' can imagine doing with my life. I'm confused though if this is somehow some kind of ego-distraction or if it's my spiritual side causing a spiritual backlash when faced with pursuing things in the material world (i.e. my life purpose). As awesome as having a meaningful Life Purpose is, I don't think it really holds a candle to actually pursuing enlightenment and becoming enlightened. I'm curious if anyone else has had an experience like this or has any advice or input on the situation. If you have any questions I'd be happy to answer them. I can give you more details as well. I'm also kind of concerned a bit because I've halted doing a lot of my LP habits because I still feel like I'm on some kind of mild LSD trip and I'm just staying in this state of thoughtlessness. Should I be concerned? The only thing I haven't stopped is the meditation and eating well. Thanks for reading