Pelin

@DizIzMikey did you eat bad fish?

@JoseM I used to listen to Rammstein (because I couldn't understand the lyrics, my German is very basic) in high school to concentrate. There was so much noise coming from the neighbors that I couldn't concentrate without heavy metal! I had many musical phases in my life, nowadays I listen to classical music and symphonies though. I find it is the best while driving, too. Symphonies make me very mindful of everything. And I'm a person who gets distracted by thoughts so being aware while driving is crucial for me. And Chopin while writing is working out great for me for years. I think everything that comes into your life is affecting you in the way you want to be affected. Rammstein affected me very positively, I could study for hours and I got the scores I wanted in my uni. entrance exams. But if you feel guilty the lyrics affect you in any negative way, just be mindful of how it affects you (your mood, your thoughts and emotions, your actions etc)

I recommend setting a time for yourself everyday to review your notes and move them to your notebook. Looking back at a notebook is easier than going through voice notes or digital docs in the future. This way you can also prevent illegible writing because it is likely that you remember what you wrote on the same day. This is what I did when I listened to lectures at school. I would take notes on paper at class and then sit down and make a fair copy in a nice notebook when I got to dorm. Those final notes would always be motivating to review and study.

July 31st. It's been two months since I started looking inwards seriously. Let me review what has changed: 1. Simplicity & minimalism (Why? Because I do not want to get distracted by the stuff that I own, I want to minimize the damage on Earth that I am contributing by buying mindlessly, I do not want to create stress at home, I want my home to be more peaceful.) I've decluttered a lot, and my home is more much organized. Other than grocery, I shopped for these: Pens: my guilty pleasure. I bought some calligraphy pens and it's been really nice using them. Craft supplies: So many crafts better than none? I bought felt, cross stitch supplies, and hot glue gun for my hama bead crafts. I seriously need to stop multitasking and give my energy to one craft, if ever, and excel that one. Me and my curiosity. 2. Self-actualization. (Why? I want to be more mindful and selfless, I want to find and maintain my life purpose to live a meaningful life.) I've read very basic books like the four agreements and the five love languages. Borrowed Maslow's Toward a Psychology of Being, it's on my reading list. Watched a lot of videos and practicing mindfulness. The videos that affected me the most are: One simple rule for acing life: this is so powerful. I even practiced it today. I decided to go to a 6 p.m. outdoors yoga class, and I was telling myself that I was too tired, too out of focus to do yoga today. And the emotionally challenging thing to do was get my a** there. I did it and I am so thankful I did. It's the first time I did yoga outdoors and it was awesome. You can breathe and stretch much more easily. I was just trying to remember the name of the video and when I found it, this was the first comment: Love you, Leo. Awareness alone is curative: I like it so much I want to write it on the walls. 3. Writing. (Why? I want to share with the world, I want to inspire and get inspired by the others. I couldn't decide I will do it in fiction or non-fiction, though. So will try both ways and see for the time being.) It's been the best times in my life regarding my writing. I am engaged in both my blog and my creative writing process. Wow, I was actually a little pessimistic about my inner journey, because I know it is well below my potential. But this much is really good for me, I want to pat myself on the shoulder!

I've been experiencing something like this, too, and whoever I told had a different opinion about it. And the opinions scared me more. Thanks @Jorke for opening it up and @Arik and @Piotr for the insight. It is relaxing to know it is common and "this too shall pass".

Same thing is applicable for all (holy) books and teachings, also for your teachings, Leo! I hope we can all use what you provide us with wisely.

As far as I'm concerned, it's Sufism that is interested in enlightenment and being one with God. And you can certainly interpret the book like that, among other interpretations. But looking at day-to-day practice of Islam, most of the Muslim population isn't so much different from any other religious groups. They use dogma and fear of afterlife as a way to practice religion. What the religious leader approves is correct, disapproves is wrong.

@appleaurorae thank you for your honest post. I think writing about it even can lead to a positive change. My chronic addiction is also video games of various kinds, but I'm clean for 2 months except the ten minutes I played with my husband Street Fighter on playstation. ? He is one of the healthiest players I've ever seen, I've a lot to learn from him. Coffee, I do not find it a bad habit if I brew coffee myself (and sometimes grind). If I drink it at a place like Starbucks it's just sugar and cream, yeah I feel guilty. My constant addiction, as you call it, is multitasking. Meditation is helping it, but even sometimes I can't meditate because of the things to do and my mind never shuts up. Slowly trying to heal this part of me and focus on the damn moment.

I've recently read Zorba by Kazantzakis, and recommend everyone to read it. The time Kazantzakis met Zorba (a real person by the way, not fictional), he was struggling with writing about Buddha, and in a way he was trying to deal with the contradiction. And then when I saw Osho merging these two seemingly-different lifestyle, it made a lot of sense to me. p.s. While reading the book I sincerely thought Zorba was an enlightened human being.

@username okay, it is a bit hard for me to explain, and of course this is just my opinion, but my experience tells me looking inwards is more freeing than depressing. What is it that depresses you? Would you like to share?

What do you mean by this? How does one enter depressive episodes during consciousness work? Something doesn't feel right. People have their opinions. Let them have them. But I think beyond opinions they are genuinely worried about you. Also, if there wasn't any self, you wouldn't bother so much about not having a healthy relationship. And you trying to explain again shows that you still have the ego trying to prove itself right. And there is nothing wrong with that. Please don't try to jump miles before learning how to walk. You're only doing harm to yourself.

June 25th. I can see that creating the blog was a very good decision as I can combine all my goals within it actually. Writing really puts things into perspective for me and slowly being part of a community helps me grow. I watched quite an interesting video today on goal-setting. There really is a dark side of goal setting and this video gave me so much insight related to self-image, self-rejection and acceptance. Probably need to watch it again, take notes and question my goals. What desire lies at the very core of them? Worth considering.

You put it so simply. I loved this sentence.

@Elton I have this kind of dreams whenever I have an examination/evaluation at work coming up. I am always late in various ways. Because it happens only when I need to wake up early as I can't miss this stuff, I think it is happening because of the stress. Things like these aren't normal, in an ideal environment we wouldn't have scheduled exams or fixed schedules, I think it's a way the brain finds to cope with that.

My aim to start this journal is to keep a track of my emotions and therefore become more mindful of them. Shock I say "nothing can surprise me anymore." Then, All I hear is bombs and explosions. All I see is people following an illusion. I am suddenly a "treator" cause I don't choose a side. All I can feel is shock.

Peace. Peace I feel is very much related to outside world. wish it were about my inner peace, but I'm not gonna lie about it. I feel at peace because I finally freed myself from the outer suffering. but the inner one? Still I have a long journey to go to find inner peace.

@7thLetter I do believe with a lot of people here who say most people are both introverted and extroverted depending on the situation. I am mostly introverted when it comes to meeting people outside, having close friends that you get updated every second, going for drinks etc. (It thought these were just teenager stuff lol, but in thirties they still exist). I mostly hate occasions like that, and in my journey towards self-actualization I more often than not try to avoid these kinds of people and situations (like parties and group meetings and pubs). Yet, in my relationship with close friends (well friends I meet at least once a year if they don't live in another corner of the planet) and my significant other, and in the classroom (I'm a teacher), I am quite extroverted. There is so much insight I can gain through these interactions. How I behave in the classroom might be just the opposite of how I behave in a party. Even my posture changes! And there was a time in my life where I found this awkward and unhealthy. Am I not being myself in one of these, I used to think. But now I am at peace with it. Both of these are real me. If I forced myself to participate more in the nonsense chitchat people enjoy, I wouldn't be myself. It's not being shy, I can understand it now. It's just turning inward is more rewarding at those times. (To me, shyness is more like, I want to interact but because of self-esteem and self-confidence issues, I find it difficult) p.s. there is a great TED talk about how you can change your body language and therefore feel more powerful (that can help with being shy if you think that is your problem). I really like it and recommend it to students who feel shy especially in public speaking or classroom participation:

I borrowed Maslow's "Toward a Psychology of Being" from the library yesterday. And I opened a random page. This is what was written there:

Boredom. No tasks. Just stay, they say to a crowd. Just wait. sounds quite meditational, but the distraction! everyone speaking, commenting, children screaming and playing around. and of course they don't leave me alone either. They need communication. I am sitting there with a book. Interrupted every second. What do I feel? I feel bored to death. And I feel a big headache.

I tried palming like 9 years ago I guess, when there was little information online and I read Bates's original book. It made a lot of sense, especially palming, but I was maybe too young because I remember finding it "boring". Now that I am more experienced in terms of meditating, I think it can yield better results and I'm willing to try. It can easily fit in the meditation routine. But as far as I'm concerned you need to be very patient and persistent.

Frustration. Well when there is hope, there is frustration, right? I hoped to stay one more week with my family. But after «I don't even know what it is» I'm bound to go back to work. I wish I wasn't here in this country where they take away all my freedom. I just want to hope again. Not for the future, but for the present.

@Mary my first ever relationship was at age 22. It wasn't love, I can see it now, I feel like it was a step for me to get to know the other sex and get to know what a relationship felt like. It did its job in that manner and we broke up 10 months after. Now I see that I kinda needed that relationship to learn from my mistakes. It also taught me that I shouldn't rely my happiness on someone else. After a year as a single, I empowered myself and changed my job, moved to another city and became self-reliant, then I met my husband. I knew it was the right time for me because I had found my inner happiness. I knew it was the right time because I didn't need it or expect anything from it.

Fear. Fear what the future brings. Trapped in the future and paralyzed. Feeling so small and vulnerable, not being able to impact. And to impact whom? There's nothing to impact but me. But me. I'm so small. And I'm the universe at the same time. I am the fear itself, and I am the one who stands.

I know this place is not where we should discuss politics and it is not what I want. However, I find it quite hard to stay hopeful and sane during the times that my country face. Like terrorist attacks and suicide bombings aren't enough, these days there has been a "military coup attempt" in my country. People are crazy, killing each other, you hear jet planes above your house and sonic blasts that break glasses. And the crowds on the streets, religious authorities calling people to the streets to stand in front of the tanks for God's sake. Even right now when I'm writing this there is a call from the "minaret" calling people to the streets. Here I am, at home for two days, just thinking, remembering Leo and trying to stay cheerful but something happening on the street, a message from friends or comments from family members bring me back to the reality and what a sh****y world we live in. It's like a glimpse of war, and very hard to stay hopeful. What are your insights on this? How can one find a state of mind that is not affected by the social crisis that is going on?

The illusory one is I guess conformity. Just today I was talking to my sister on this. She wants to pursue some voluntary work, but nearly all non-profit organizations follow a political ideology. And joining that organization (in)directly means you support their ideology. The politics are so messed up in my country right now that even if you just want to have a friendly conversation with, let's say family or coworkers, you have to choose between the nationalist or religious conservative ideology. The (big) benefit when you choose one is that you will at least be a part of a community (of lies and you'll have your share of the war between ideologies as a bonus).