Joel3102

I used to meditate 20 minutes a day very consistently with no troubles. However after delving more into enlightenment and non duality I did some strong determination sitting. I think I unlocked a part of my brain or a subconscious trauma, not really sure. I've been experiencing some of the Dark Night phenomena and having nihilistic feelings because I've realised the impermanence of everything and made contact with The Void. I am excited by enlightenment and want to keep pursuing it, however now I'm having extremely bad reactions to meditation, quite fast. Within 5-10 minutes of meditation the increased awareness starts tripping me out and my palms get sweaty ect and I have to stop. I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and hard place. I've gone past my old egoic driven self, but there is strong resistance to the inner work needed to produce greater levels of equanimity, and I need to still be able to function in the real world. Anybody have any advice how I could proceed? Start light and work my way up? PS: I am not ready for 5-Meo.

Hey all. I've been dealing with depression for most of this year and recently been getting really interested in enlightenment. I've been learning to become much more present, and had an experience I've never had the other day where the pleasure I derived from merely the sound of birds chirping was amazing. however my ego has been resisting this, as I used to have a strong self concept and want to improve myself for egoic reasons (become smarter, more alpha, better looking). This is falling away completely and it's causing me a lot of depressive horrible feelings, but sometimes it feels liberating. Has anybody else experienced the torment of the Dark Night of the Soul and successfully gotten past it where they are genuinely happier than ever. Part of me longs for my old self concept, but I know it's an illusion and not the true path to happiness. Any tips or guidance would be much appreciated.

Very helpful responses! Thank you

So about a month ago, I started trying strong determination sitting and did 3 sessions. This may sound crazy but I think it triggered anhedonia in me, as it came out of the blue and all of a sudden I had no capacity to experience pleasure or positive emotion. Maybe it was a coincidence. I'm slowly regaining my emotions back but I have been extremely depressed the last few weeks. Anyone have any negative experiences with such intense meditations? I'm scared to try it again.

Hey mate, I've been going through the exact same thing the past month. It's fucked. I'm slowly getting better though, slowly regaining interest in things, you can't force it or obsess over it too much. http://www.anhedoniasupport.com this program is being released soon and looks pretty promising