Elisabeth

@kag101 How are you doing half a year later? I keep recommending your post. There's at least one friend of mine who got asked for a referral to a psychiatrist because of it. Good work, man. I hope it's still working for you.

Antidepressants will mask some of the problems you have. But consider this: Once a week therapy is good and helps, but it's by no means an intense program. It can take years (and a good chunk of being lucky) to fully resolve psychological issues through therapy and PD work. In addition to missed opportunities, "not being functional" adds to trauma and low self-esteem. Most people don't handle it well if they aren't a useful member of society. Think of all the well-documented psychological problems that come with long-term unemployment - it takes just a few month of unsuccessful job search for people to just start falling apart. Plus it's extremely difficult to be mentally well if you're socially isolated due to illness. How much more capable will you feel having finished university despite difficulty (I assume you study, if not, insert another goal) vs. dropping out for mental health issues? How much more self-confident for other endeavours in life? Trust me, it makes a world of difference. Perhaps worst of all - if you're not functional, who are you going to depend on? Your parents, who caused your trouble? Antidepressants won't alter your memories or erase your emotions, they just give you some more peace and joy in the moment, so that certain emotional issues become less pressing. You can still do most of the analytical work you need to do. There is value in pressing through difficult emotions without the crutch - if you've got the mindfulness and equanimity, and a safe enough environment, to stay with them and not let them retraumatize you. Yet I'd like you to consider the full value of being socially functional. See also this report of a forum member for a positive view on medication.

If your anxiety is that bad, just take them if they help, as long as you need. If you do your personal development diligently, in addition to taking pills, it increases the likelihood you won't have to stay on them your whole life. But be prepared for a few years of antidepressants. Don't go off of them until you feel fully functional. Most of the work you need to do can be done while taking antidepressants, AND will be easier to do on them. If you go off them, without great individual guidance (both therapeutic and spiritual), IMHO you are very likely to just get stuck.

@Junin I think you can have a signature link to your website. @Nahm has one. Nahm also made his website on his own using a template, I believe. You can ask him why he didn't hire a web developer

Before you restructure your whole web... Find some people in your target demographic and talk to them about what they want. Try to get some clients that way, and not through internet marketing. You need experience with the target demographic. If you're not ready, at least collect some contacts - ask, if you can let them know when you are available, and get their email as "proof of interest". If you can't make a single "sale", not even collect contacts in real one on one talking, it's probably not a great idea. Check out if there are other developers working in your niche already. See how they work, how much they charge, if they can make a living off it. If there is no competition, it may mean that it's not a great idea - find out why. Talk to other web developers, who have already found their niche and have a business feel, run your idea with them to get their view. The website comes last. You should already know what exactly you are selling and how to sell it when you're making the content of the website. (so much the content of a "business for beginners" course I took in the spring)

@PenguinPablo I second this question. What do you mean by "nothing is going to work out"? Can you appreciate the things that have worked for you? Or are you seeking a solution to a particular problem, an emotion that doesn't have a name yet perhaps?

@IAmReallyImportant What are you trying to achieve? I hear you were thinking about getting life coaching or seminars in radical honesty... as a means to what end?

That is quite possible. I've once seen a brain scan, they showed the dopamine circuits of someone who quit caffein compared to a normal brain. The timescale for recovery was definitely months to a year. Maybe research supplements? Eating more omega 3's seems to help me somewhat. (Check your sleep. Check your motivation. Check your other stresses in life...)

O...k? I was gonna ask you to get way more specific about what it is exactly that you need after reading your initial post. Seems it has revealed itself.

I mean... is this for real?

@Shaul How do you feel about the technical part of science support, i.e. taking care of lab equipment helping build prototypes of machines? Is that still a thing? Or the experimental part of science, where you at least get to prepare samples and perform measurements. I imagine that would still be too much of an indoor job and there's no doubt a lot of computer use too, but at the end someone has to put the machine together. Or perhaps construction in general? Yeah I know "actualized.org" people usually have higher intellectual ambitions.

Nice to hear, I wish you good luck

That is the sane thing to do. There's no reason why you should worry about the content of someone else's spiritual insights. Your fear stems from turning Leo's work into belief. You may have that insight yourself when you're ready. Until then, do your best to live your human life well.

I try to give advice based on the experience I have. Sometimes I preach from an "I wish I had done this better" place, but mostly I talk about what did help, from my experience with emotions and relationships. Do I live all the personal development theory that I've learned? NO WAY. But if I'm giving advice on stuff that I haven't been able to follow, I try to mention that.

Why don't you spend some more time on the straightforward "how do I want to earn money" question? When you know that, you know what skills you need. Maybe you want your own business or freelancer's path, but business management skills are still great for that. Maybe you want to write textbooks and could use a philosophy/teaching degree. It's less likely to succeed, but maybe you're ok with teaching as plan B. Maybe you don't mind a 9-5 job if it pays. Nobody can tell you what to study without knowing what you want to achieve.

I'll leave is up to the reader to take sides on this kind of dispute

I was feeling like I can't reset my sleep schedule to an earlier hour because I just wouldn't fall asleep. All it took was starting to get ready for sleep an hour before my chosen time and just getting to bed at chosen time for 3 consecutive days. The first night, I didn't fall asleep right away, got up after an hour to spend another hour or two online. But then, my sleep schedule shifted. I relapsed after a month, but now I've got the experience that it's not so hard to shift.

@Raptorsin7 Holotropic breathwork did help me access deep emotions, have you tried any body-focused approaches?

I've only now read the book. It's orange, but the very idea of writing something like this and making investing more available to people is above orange. So he will have some touch of green or yellow. I'm not seeing any turquoise, I'd say that takes much more than a humanistic life purpose.

@Chumbimba 1) Think about whether you really want both at the same time. 2) Find a Buddhist monastery where you can learn meditation cheaply. Talk to the teachers. Continue pursuing your degree, and spend your summer breaks taking long meditation retreats. 3) Once you have a degree, take a gap year (or so) between school and work to immerse yourself in meditation totally. 4) When you feel ready (or your teacher sais so), get back into the real word, start your software-related career if you still wish so and run meditation courses for African-American people in the evening. Or Fuck software engineering and financial security. Switch to a degree that's directly related to helping people, such as being a teacher, psychologist or social worker, take trainings and seminars in dealing with mental health issues and helping people, including a training on mindfullness-based stress reduction or a similar program. Have meditation as just one of the tools in your wide professional toolbox! Which one sounds more appealing? Any mix of those?

Please note this thread is one and a half years old.

Ah, I see you do know what I'm talking about. Be kind to yourself. You may have gone a little to fast/too far, if your psyche now protects itself from what has worked. Find a very safe setting for approaching your trauma. I don't know if that's a love-focused meditation technique, a breathwork/bodywork seminar, a trip on a low psychedelic dose with a sitter, your psychotherapy, something else... or if taking a break first is what you need. I've been working with a similarly sharp emotional pain in my chest. It's a journey.

two suggestions come up in my mind: 1) Absolutely do supplement Leo's approach with some kind of body/movement focused practice. Leo doesn't stress that, but it's critical for anxious people to use body-centred approaches, perhaps free spontaneous movement, for grounding, body awareness and emotional release. 2) You've twice described your anxiety as gut-wrenching. How's your digestion?

Just had that emotional experience. Someone loves me although I've been snappy, unproductive the whole day, feeling bad -- basically I've done nothing to earn any love, and it's not whatever pleasure I bring them. A flash of insight came for a second, that this is what opens the door for true authentic motivation. Has anyone had that experience?

I do think you might want to/ need to do both. The actualized.org popular thought is that you want to create a job just for yourself from your passion - but that's quite rare, and just won't happen with anthropology, philosophy and history without additional skills. Be it marketing, or journalism, or ... don't know what... you'll need something to couple with these abstract subjects.