Elisabeth

Is that like a "sleep on the floor because I want to test if you'll do that for me" messed up kind of thing, or a "I really don't like sleeping in the same 90cm bed because there's not enough space, please bring a mat" kind of thing? You've been together for three weeks, so all kinds of insecurities can be there of course.

Sounds like a lot of worrying about "what other people think of me". My social skills are not that great either, but you know, some people react well to how I generally behave, some people react badly. Sometimes people give me clues that I've stepped over the line (even friends who generally like me), so I correct my behaviour (unless I have good reasons to continue). But I try not to indulge in replaying that situation over and over in my head to beat myself up with what I've done wrong. Maybe there was no wrong at all, just a clash of wants and expectations. I'm also content knowing that I fit into certain social groups much better than others. If you don't like the people you work with, you could quit and look for a better team, but if it's just a general feeling that "perhaps they don't like me", it's imho worth getting over it. Be you, do your job well, be generally well-meaning with your colleagues, and given time they'll accept you with any quirks you have, including shyness or depression.

I wanted to respond, but I'm unclear on your question No one else but you can have an idea what 'living life with purpose, meaning and vitality' entails for you. Do take the course if you feel like it, you'll get plenty of great questions to contemplate from it.

Possible, if you're willing to grow yourself, become great with people and engage heavily with marketing. There are 'personal development' teachers or healers who are less logical then Leo and more mysterious. Meditation teachers, shamanic work, energy healing and any kind of 'magic' stuff (where I generally can't tell if there's anything real or if it's scam)... they're out there and get payed by people who feel good after working with them.

Please let me know how it went if you do try. I'm also contemplating holotropic breathwork, but am very afraid of my own emotional instability. I wouldn't want to step over my own boundaries and end up being destabilized in a major way -- my biggest fear is not the pain but not coping well and losing my job over it. I wonder if trying bit by bit at home is perhaps a better approach (despite the advice not to do it alone), like maybe try 10, 20, 40 minutes by myself and see what happens before going to a full three hour - ritual setting - expensive - group seminar, where one might be tempted to force oneself into stuff that's no good. I can see some of the anxiety fading if I can just try and the intensity is manageable.

If you're dissatisfied with your studies, I also recommend taking the course now, not waiting with the purchase until you're finished. If you need to make a switch - the sooner you start, the better. Also, once you get your first job it will be even more difficult to give up that newly earned status and go look for something else. For some career tips you could go to https://80000hours.org/ , but they don't get you to introspect into your personal values and passions as Leo does.

programmer, scientist, night watch, artist,... all lonely jobs, most of the time.

Look, Leo's course is great. I mean, I didn't really finish it so I can't be recommending with a clear conscience, but I still got value from it. You can choose to save up for it and you likely won't be disappointed, even if it takes you 2-3 months net time of work. Or maybe you will. You do have it harder than Americans, and there is something like spending too much on PD material. So part of your resourcefulness could be finding other ways to construct a strong vision for your life. Leo is not the only teacher out there. You could find other material which helps you figure out your values, your strengths, the impact you want to have, and give you tips on how to start and persevere. For example (from my almost zero time spent on research), https://80000hours.org/ is a great source (these guys really made their purpose to help people figure out a meaningful impact). Mark Manson also has a short take on life purpose https://markmanson.net/life-purpose . They admittedly don't lead you to introspection as thoroughly as Leo's course does (huge disadvantage), but if you combine the best career advice you can get with the information you've already got for free (on meditation, the hero's journey, shadow work etc.), you're likely to hit a good direction (and if you happen to earn a lot of money while having a positive impact on the world one day, you can buy the course and check there's not much new in there ;)).

Well... what topic are you interested in mastering? I think for some (mostly the highly specialized) subjects college is perfect. You get all the tuition in one place and meet good people and you get the framework (as michael sais). Plus you've got external motivation which can either be an advantage or not (i.e. my uni made me study learn much more stuff than I would do otherwise, disadvantage is often it was a neurotic way of studying). For some subjects, you don't need any of that. I wouldn't go off learn physics (which I studied) on my own, there's just so much highly specialized conceptual stuff, but if I wanted to be in a helping profession ... well, it's a shame they make them study so much theory to get a title and be allowed to do some jobs.

Probably nothing better then google out there. To "stay in the know"... Go to an event that interests you. You'll usually find yourself on the teacher's or center's mailing list afterward. Soon you'll have more PD spam in your inbox then you can handle

Engineering will mean less time for consciousness work, but you can totally do both. A good university will teach you rigorous logical thinking, don't dismiss it. 40 books ... if you read one book every two weeks, you know them all within a year and a half. Sounds good enough to me. The missing piece for life purpose is the "impact" you'd like to have. (Well, still missing for me too.) You want to be a sage leader ;), but lead ... where? Good luck.

Did you waste tons of time playing strategic games? Chess, go (like me), or even modern computer or boardgames? If so, contemplate parallels (and differences) between the games and life. That's a nice exercise.

Feel you. I could have written this, substitute physics for running. Well maybe I'm not as sure of my passion, and a step further where my productivity actually dropped. I'm starting to think I will have to quit eventually, but then I have no idea what else could I do for a living. I mean do I have to actually loose that job to realize it was important to me? I'm not finding proper answers to that, except for the fear of pain. Ok, I do have a few hobbies, but the motivation is not that much deeper than eating ice cream - certainly not a motivation to actually produce something or help someone. Sigh.

1) Depends on how you define "masculine" 2) Depends on how you define success. If you define success as having big ambitiotion and achieving them despite competition, and if you attribute ambition and competitiveness to men, then yes, successful women have strong masculine traits. (Yet some of them have strong feminine traits at the same time, which I personally kind of admire and strive for.) But note that while I don't deny there may be a statistical difference in that men are more competitive, it's a) just statistics, b) you still don't know how much of it is hormonal and how much it's cultural. I claim that what is considered masculine is more culture-dependent then what you immagine. Even if you buy into some kind of masculine vs. feminine division/principle as some spiritual practices do - you should also say that each person has both principles in them, and that it's worth cultivating both "halves" of your character. Finally, the notion of success is totally culture dependent. What if you considered a person who's living a healthy, balanced, minimalist lifestyle a successful one? What if you considered sustainability and contribution a measure of success in business, instead of maximising profit? What if the capacity for love and empathy was your criterion to judge a person's success? Do you still think success would correlate with masculinity?

It's both true: passion=>success, success=>subjective reward=>sustained passion . I think if get that positive feedback circle it's ideal. What makes you doubt?

Thank you for writing this bit (I don't agree with all of the follow up, but mostly). The repeated claims of how scientists are ignorant are starting to really, really annoy me. I've know since, like, high school that science isn't asking why but how, that the big bang is a narrative and doesn't help with the infinite regress problem (that I myself understood about god-creator), that science is descriptive and there's no good reason to believe that the laws of physics won't change tomorrow except for consistent observation, and that there's something called philosophy (or metaphysics) of science. My high school teachers told me. Astronomers at the local observatory told me. I'd say the scientific and science-friendly community at large knows. @Leo Gura Please stop painting scientists in an unnecessarily ignorant light - we're just about as ignorant about deep consciousness work as your average population, but we know a tiny little bit more about the limitations of science than what you claim. I don't know if being conscious happens in the brain or not, but I know that science can't explain what reality is. You spent so much time in the video saying how everyone is misguided, that you didn't explain your main points very well. I, too, admit trouble with understanding.

So I'm just starting to touch this topic in my thoughts. I'm thinking about it observing the way feminism fails blatantly these days - pushing causes which are perhaps worthy, perhaps even succeding on the legal level but generating a massive backlash against itself. Society is obviously this giant increasingly global system, or rather a web of loosely connected web of systems. Society's global climate mirrors to a large extent the level of individuals in it, but it's almost like society has a psyche of it's own. Everything is interconnected and complex, you pust at one place and get a lot of unexpected consequences. Homeostasis is obviously at work so that each change is resisted. The individual seems almost powerless in the context of the whole. But really, now and then, changes start with one person or one idea. At other times, whole groups of people rise at once to push their cause and change the way things are done. Political revolutions, attempts to regulate the economy, ecology, human rights activism, promoting consciousness work, modernising education, all are attempts to change how society works. Every one of us has ideas where he'd rather see society function differently. And yes, one answer is "don't change society, change yourself", but on some level, that's not satisfactory enough and we'd rather go out and do stuff. But we can't achieve anything without systems thinking, without understanding, how it works. Hell, we usually can't even judge if our ideas are good or not. But then, maybe we think everything through in a yellow systems thinker kind of way but it's so nuanced that it's hard to convey our ideas to anybody. Hence, my question. What are your ideas about good and bad ways to change society? And what are the best books written on the topic?

Values are shaped by personality and life experiences, I guess that can't be helped. It seems what you are talking about is (at least in part) what Leo calls negative motivation - "I value simplicity, because I don't want to be overloaded". I think you can take them on as values, knowing that they may eventually drop out of the top ten as you develop further.

Yeah, I've noticed that too. I even think there are inherent biases to the course, as in the first section you've got statements like "Make passion your first priority!" (and afterwards we're asked about values), or musings about how creativity is important... so that you're much more likely to want to be an artist than an acountant. Yeah. Influences. Biases. Can't be helped. It's also not just "not everyone can be a pd teacher", but "not everyone can realize their life purpose at work", because you know, these mundane jobs have to be done too. It's basically "not everyone can be above average -- by definition". But don't worry. Not everyone finds personal development important. Not sure where that leaves us I guess ... just have the courage to be authentic even if it's contradicting what Leo sais

It's pretty clear that engineering is not what you want to be doing. So don't. I know first hand how guilt contributes to depression and anxiety. I didn't manage to finish my master theses in time and my parents started pressuring me that I'm lazy and that I have to find a job asap. Guess what ... instead of continuing in the slow but steady pace I had before, I did ZERO for two months, because they got me stressed out. It's real. Throw out the guilt for not doing the job your parents chose for you. It's your life and it's important that you choose. You're not in a state to do it anyway. Normally I'd tell you to find a job, but I doubt that's realistic now. You need recovery. Throw out the guilt for doing nothing right now. Depression sucks! It robs all life force. Give yourself some time. Are you living with your parents? It's unfortunate, but you might have to tell your parents how badly you're feeling. As part of my journey out of depression and confusion I did an intensive group program where you go every day and have group therapy, relaxation, do art- and other kinds of therapy. The program is similar to mental health hospitals, but they don't lock you up there, it's strictly voluntary. It's meant to get people more in touch with themselves, teach coping skills for relationships and initiate change. I get the feeling that maybe this could be a good environment for you right now, a part of conventional health-care that's actually useful. (Or, at least, it might be acceptable for both you and the people around who are supporting you and must be worried.) Unfortunately, my German language skills are lacking, so I can't give you specific tips.

@Ilya You're 19, are you just starting out on the studies?

Well, studying a subject you like is supposed to help you do a job that's less exchanging time for money but has also meaning to you. Doesn't sound like physics cuts it for you though. (Didn't cut it for me exactly either, I'm finished already but I feel there should be more bandwidth to my pursuits, kind of like you describe; but I must say that doing research on nanoelectronics is much much better than serving at mcdonalds, beware. ) Maybe you should first have a more tangible plan before you leave/change majors/find a job. What is it that you're gonna try? You could indeed find yourself at your parents' couch watching videos and sinking into laziness and depression if you don't. But you know, some people need to get totally lost before they find a direction, so don't take my opinion as an absolute.

What kind of a deal is that with the army? Did you want to go to the army? In case you do finish physics, do they have you do military research? Sounds scary I don't know about your values, but I would be conflicted on that point.

Thank you. I believe you're right. It's actually a point where I got stuck at the Life purpose course - having no idea what impact I want to have. I usually do NOT have the urge to actually go out and change things. My post was inspired by the #metoo campaign and our country's elections, which both, to my surprise, caught my interest and got me involved. I see this as a step forward for myself (being actually interested in what is happening around me instead of depressed and passive as I used to be in the past, or just introspective with no action taking as I tend to be today). It also had me thinking in this kind of general overview-like manner because I certainly don't want to go out there and cause more harm than good, hence I asked. (Edit: Maybe I'm actually more interested in intellectually understanding how it works, than actually doing it.) But I have yet to decide if there's a cause I want to take on.

Absolutely. Look, I've actually tried doing sexual stuff with guys whom I knew. I didn't have to go all the way to PIV to find the whole thing confusing and unfulfilling. (Unless when both of us could give it an extra spiritual dimension.) Besides, I'm dating a polyamorous man. I'm being judged anyway. If you'd ask about fear of diseases and pregnancy, that would be a more complicated question, if you'd ask about vulnerability, that's on spot here as I stated above. Anyway, I hope you've enjoyed this excursion into female (or at least my) psychology. What are your experiences with casual sex? Did you meet a lot of women who were up for fun?