Elisabeth

Unfortunately, I haven't read it, but I've heard good things about this book https://www.amazon.com/Playing-Fair-Nonmonogamy-Thorntree-Fundamentals/dp/1944934383 Have fun.

Unfortunately, I don't know. Maybe I'll try to contact the shaman to ask about the dosage. But the substance is smoked, so it also depends on how much you can inhale. One of the downsides of this setup.

I managed to meet my boyfriend today (a day after). He looks very soft and peaceful. Not shocked by the experience (likely not his first ego death). He described kinda vanishing and then slowly coming back to see a mind completely standing still. I asked if he was afraid of dying (as it seems to be common here), and he said no, but that he's been through that kind of experience earlier with holotropic breathwork. It nearly convinced me to just go, hehe, but as I am writing this I'm remembering that I'm in a completely different place then he is.

I hear you. It seems you can't really prepare for a breakthrough on 5-MeO anyway. But likely a careful path is my path. So you don't seem to have strong opinions, either about starting out with the psychedelic toad directly or about a shaman-guided ceremony. I'm thinking now I'll go do holotropic breathwork first, before psychedelics. It's legal and the process is more under conscious control. So if you're really eager, maybe you'll be first (unless I do do a last minute decision next time, as I feel big chunks of the fear melting away ) ... I'll be watching for your post!

Of course I did and I will. But his experience is not necessarily very relevant to mine. First, he's got 10 years of practice with holotropic breathwork and altered states of consciousness, I just don't. Second, he's a different personality type - very thrill-seeking. He'll tell me to go for it, but I also know he tends to ignore the risks.

Sending some best wishes your way. I agree with @Berjohansen that medication would probably help a great deal. I think of it as a crutch: It helps you function enough to actually make the steps you need to make for your own growth and healing. Not taking medication is a gamble with your life. What you hope for, and I'm not saying is impossible, is getting to know yourself better, gaining wisdom and transforming yourself through the suffering. What's likely to happen is unfortunately that you wast YEARS in inactivity and anhedonia, not really growing and suffering through life, missing out on the gradual step-by-step learning and growth that can be gained in more positive states of mind. If you're so strongly opposed to medication though - in the state you describe, where nothing matters anymore - I've got a vague feeling you might need to surrender to the inactivity. Like, completely let go, even of the desire to desire activity again... Think of it as a rest. If you've rested and nothing is changing, it might be time to get that prescription. It's the best technology we've got. I hope you can get better soon.

@Omario Well, did I make any sense? I'm actually very open to dialogue, since while I may have a few more years of experience, I for sure haven't solved all of the problem for myself. I also care how I give advice, because there's no point in writing down stuff that goes completely over people's head.

Point taken, I may be viewing the two as very connected when in reality maybe that's not the case for everyone. In fact, thinking about it, maybe there should be one more distinction. I'd say there is the broad umbrella of EQ that allows you to make sense of emotions. Then there is what I have called sensitivity which is the ability to feel emotion or get aware of them - if highly sensitive, you can discern even subtle emotion to great detail and nuance. And then there is what you've called oversensitivity and I would call it reactivity - which is having strong reactions to even slight stimuli. That's what you wanna get rid of, and I guess the point of my post should have been (had I made the distinction) not to lose sensitivity together with reactivity if possible. I'm aware of this effect. I call it "the spiral". It's true that you have to deal with those somehow. Have you got some tools already? Distracting yourself (shifting focus), relaxation, journaling, reframing your thoughts, humour, reaching out to people? Totally surrendering (paradoxical) to the loop that's going on? All of these work sometimes (sometimes nothing works, but hey, that's ok). I'm sure you have moments when you deal with a small snowball successfully. It's worth noticing those. You're naming something here - although it seems like a reaction happens totally on its own, it's not quite so. It's somehow YOU who's reacting, and if you catch the stimulus and the starting reaction right away, some amount of conscious control can be gained. As far as I understand, that's what vipassana is designed to teach you. With enough mindfulness you're able to catch the tiny gap between stimulus and reaction and insert a conscious decision whether to react or not. When you sit there in meditation and don't scratch your itches and observe your emotional reactions you get a bit of detachment. So have a formal meditation practice, but that's like the longterm project. More basic changes like getting good sleep and reducing sugar intake can produce significant changes sooner. Btw you chose your example from the social area, is that where the most problems lie? In your example it's obvious how beliefs come into play. The equation is something like: he denies me cigarettes = he doesn't like me = I'm a terrible person or nobody will ever like me. While if you believed that him having his own agenda (keeping cigarettes) is neither wrong nor saying anything about you, you wouldn't have the reaction. These shifts of mindset can be done - I've had a few in the last years just from reading a lot of the right stuff. So that's also something to pay attention to. I will strongly disagree. You don't have to shift to positive events per se, you could shift to something as neutral as your breath or body. There's always something that's less negative than your loop of low self-esteem. It's a skill to practice. It's true though that I had patches of depression where I had negative emotion present all day every day and, at that moment, it wasn't possible to feel anything positive. It's also true that I still can't drop anxiety when it comes to me. But the way out of my depression was mostly finding all these different mini-solutions which help me jump out of negative loops, and also what I wrote in my first post - follow passions, actively seek what gives you joy, practice gratitude and stillness. For many years that just meant actively planning events that I could look forward to - for me it was mostly meeting likeminded people, but whatever you have in your life that does give you joy, emphasize that . (If there's indeed nothing, go seek professional help asap.) I've written a lot. Just take what resonates or seems doable and feel free to disregard the rest.

Your sensitivity, although you now perceive it as a curse, can also be a great tool. People who aren't emotionally sensitive can't feel nuance. Layers and layers of relating and introspection stay hidden to them. I'm not sure how you arrived at the conclusion that it's sensitivity that's making you negative, can you elaborate? In my experience, while sensitivity can easily throw me out of my emotional baseline if I don't take care of myself (you don't want to interact with me if I'm hungry or didn't get sleep or didn't have me-time to calm down, hehe), it's something else that alters the baseline and determines if the place that I return to once I'm rested is positive or negative. If you're negative all the time, you have a very low baseline. Gotta do shadow work, but also focus on the positives, follow your passions, actively seek what gives you joy, practice gratitude and stillness. By all means, do exposure or whatever practice allows you do deal better with the negative emotions which come up as a reaction to your daily life. But also accept your sensitivity. Don't numb. Treat what it tells you as useful information, and be kind to yourself (self acceptance, self love). The very same traits that bring you down the most are just the dark side of you greatest strengths.

I think there's not that much wrong with mimicking the people you admire. I also think if you observe this in yourself you could study other teachers for a while. Concentrate only on what resonates/helps the most in any teaching you hear and disregard the rest.

You wrote it's your impact statement. I guess "intuitive thinking" is your zone of genius. Maybe something along the lines of "working with people" (preferably even more specific) could be seen as a domain of mastery. It's a real art to be cultivated. How about focusing on figuring out what authentically means for you at the moment and embodying it, so that you can be an example to those you're striving to lead?

Yes. Likely. I do not fit all of the traits - I don't have high social intuition, in groups I'm really clueless, also easily tricked by manipulation. But I'm really really sensitive to my own emotions, and I'm also easily overwhelmed both by loud and busy environments. Also sometimes I can sense really well what's going on with the person I'm in a relationship with. I've suppressed my emotional sensitivity when I was a child - I guess it was really too much to take so I disconnected. I had to rediscover that I'm this sensitive person in my early twenties when depression hit me hard. I'm still learning to use this trait to my advantage. I'm having to put up some strong boundaries, but when I do that, I can let my sensitivity unfold and the world is a much more interesting place.

I looks like you haven't chosen a domain of mastery. (PD books are ... well ... still very general.) Going to school is obviously not a small bet, since it isn't finished in a month or two. (Not saying don't do it.) You need to get more specific. How do you want to interact with people? Not a psychologist, but how about coach? Teacher? Yoga instructor? You get your small bets from there. What will you do to refine your intuition? How will you learn to guide people? If you're highly intuitive, do you also need to ground yourself periodically?

It need's 3+ such people , with healthy boundaries. (though not everyone has to be in love with everyone) This is still a very couple-centric perspective.

@Leo Gura I get the feeling that you've travelled quite a journey since you've shot your 2014-15 videos on relationships. I also see a lot of guys here on the forum emphasizing totally weird values when it comes to relationships, asking if they should behave this way or that way to be attractive "alpha males", vulnerability confused for weakness and all that stuff. It's understandable that young people have zero idea what true intimacy looks like. I didn't, either, and I'm sure I still have a long way to go. IMHO authenticity, balanced with respect and consideration, is the most important trait to good relationships. If I had to date again, I'd choose to pretend as little as possible even in the initial stages. Attraction (charisma) very much hinges on a man really trying to be his best self, for me at least. Confidence and a sense of direction are important, but they cannot and needn't be faked (although being a bit outgoing is important for the very first contacts). What's also important (to me) is respect and freedom, which involve accepting the other person's errors (as much as I accept my own) and understanding that they have their own personal journey. Can't change them. I strive to see them as they are instead - to discover the very stubbornness which I admire my partner for when he's working on his goals is the same trait that makes communication difficult at times. What constitutes a good relationship in your current understanding? Would you consider updating your dating advice and also talk about what comes after dating?

Have you tried physical activity instead of meditation? Go do a few pushups to get the excess energy out of your system, then try to concentrate?

I'm not sure I understand. Is it that you're so passionate about composition that you get into this creative state and then you have all these ideas about your art afterwards? Or is it just general "monkey mind"? If the first, maybe you need some kind of notebook where you can just drop your ideas real quick even if your session is "over", so that you can keep them but not focus on them longer than necessary at the moment. Also, maybe think about how long of a composing session you really need to do your best work. I can imagine some work is born over several days of intense focus with leaving aside pretty much everything else - had glimpses of this state with math, though not very often.

In case what you're looking for is a therapist, try checking out the spiritual emergence network webside.

@ValiantSalvatore My approach to polyamory is quite "secular" and I do have a lot of problems in my relationship, so I can't easily put myself forward as an example. I refer you to that polyamory forum for questions on what does and doesn't work in polyamory. I think you'll get better answers there. As for tantra, I encourage you to find a teacher that resonates and just try. I've only done introductory courses, and for me, these were a great opportunity to get comfortable with nudity, to set my boundaries straight and to improve my self-image, but also to try a lot of basic energy-work and meditation exercises - the teacher was very eclectic and not dogmatic at all. It was overall fun and beneficial, although some fears and dislikes also came out very strongly and had to be confronted. But I suspect there's great variety in the content and quality of courses. I haven't studied any theory nor did I go very deep - but I'd say if you're looking for references on a combination of both experience and self-control, tantra teachers should be able to help you.

Are you also comfortable teaching chess? Do you see promoting chess as a contribution to the world? For a few years, I was extremely happy playing go. There are professional players of that game, but as far as I understand most of them do their living by teaching, only a very few by playing. Picture yourself in a situation when studying and teaching chess is your occupation 4 days a week (and maybe sometimes you go to a tournament). Do you feel happy? Is your life meaningful? Also, you play for three years now, and that's not a short time. How much have you progressed? Are you rapidly going for the top in the amateur world? If not, consider using your analytical skills in another way.

I find this thread to be prejudice piled upon prejudice. @ValiantSalvatore First, you'd have to define your terms. There's an awful lot of approaches to nonmonogamy (and that's just a map done by someone with a polyamorous mindset and background). Two people doing seemingly the same thing for completely different reasons are not really doing the same thing. You could be covering up psychological issues by your sex addiction, or you could be actually having conscious sexual contact with responsibly chosen partners to illuminate your own issues and work on them. I can choose to be in an open relationship because I value the freedom to follow my impulses, and at the same time not follow my impulses. Both Buddhism and Tantra will aim at transcending your longings and attachments. But they choose fundamentally different methods: while the Buddhists will tell you to exercise self-control and not engage, but mindfully observe and let go of the attachment, tantra will encourage you to try whatever you long for (with consenting people obviously) but while at it mindfully observe - the attachment will be eventually transcended. I won't deny that I prefer the tantric approach before the ascetic one. It allows you to really understand yourself in that area and reclaims one of the most powerful forces within you (sexuality) to be used for self-improvement. (Btw. working with sexual energy is just one step on the tantric path to enlightment - important, but small.) Not saying there aren't more ascetic approaches which can do just that in some transformed way, though. Edit: Didn't see the last post before posting mine. Although it's quite idealistic, I'm sure some tantrics and some polyamorous people would share your vision.

Leo's got the bar set high on conceptual understanding. He wants to be able to provide great personalized advice to pretty much anyone. Those two goals clash a bit. Obviously, teachers have different strengths.

So I've had various problems with digestion (including flatulence and vomiting) for about three weeks now and it wouldn't clear up despite dietary changes so I decided to try the cleanse. I found the yogic technique rather easy to do, so I'm writing this to encourage people who might be a bit afraid to try. (Disclaimer: Obviously, I'm no expert.) It's supposed to get all of the undigested junk which got stuck inside out of your colon - so that's a very pragmatic thing to do. So the technique goes essentially like this: Perform in the morning on an empty stomach Prepare mildly warm salty water. (As far as I understand, the more salty, the faster the procedure, but anything saltier than the physiological solution will do - the salt should prevent effective absorption of water through osmosis.) Drink 1-2 glases of salty water and perform some special (but easy) exercises to help propagate the water through your digestive tract. Go to toalet afterwards, or whenever you need to. Rinse and repeat until only water with no bulk components comes out (in softer versions just do 4-6 rounds of drinking and exercise). The exercise should be a bit dynamic, but overall keep a comfortable relaxed pace. You can finish the practice by drinking non-salty warm water and throwing up (to help stop the effect of water just going through). Or just go to toilet a few more times. Take some rest lying on your back, then after 30-60 minutes take a meal. White rice with butter is recommended to cover the now vulnerable colons with some mucus. If you've been thorough with the clense, you'll be tired afterwards, so dedicate the day to rest Restart your diet slowly, avoid meat, dairy and sour foods at first You can find many descriptions of the full technique online, with varying depth - this is a nice one http://www.yogapoint.com/info/shankha_praksha.htm . Better read through a few of them just to be sure. I had a slightly more detailed one in my language and I also consulted someone who practices. Some texts say to only try this guided by an experienced teacher, but actually, I don't think there's much to do wrong. One might be put off by worries of whether you'll perform the asanas right, if the water is too hot or cold or salty enough etc., but I find none of it is extremely important. I did this in the morning, so I don't know about the long-term effect yet. So far I'm feeling really tired but really relaxed too, body and mind, and my stomach does seem better than it was, so I conclude this is probably a good idea every now and then. Additional tip: Your anus might be a little irritated by the salt, so consider washing it instead of wiping all the time and using a cream or oil Wish you a healthy digestion

@Epiphany_Inspired I suggest being as direct and factual as possible. I don't know if it's better to send a written message or request a conversation, just pick what suits you. Keep it along the lines of "For my own moral integrity, I need to tell you something serious. I've been in a relationship with this man for X years. There has been psychological and physical (?) violence (consider sharing the most serious stuff without details) and addiction issues throughout our relationship (consider specifying how long you've been subject to violent behaviour). Currently, I've got a no-contact order for him. I can show you recordings that the court accepted as evidence if you are interested. I don't recommend having a relationship with this man. Please talk to me should you have any further questions." Then give her time to digest the message and decide on her reaction. That way you've warned her without drama and your conscience is clean. If she listens or not is on her. I'm sure for some people this alone will be enough to run, other will request more information or brush it off and not listen. I wouldn't give her the evidence if she isn't asking for it. Might be more details than she wants to know, might be also too overwhelming. I'd consider mentioning resources or basic tips on how to leave a relationship with a potential abuser safely, if you know any. I think ghosting is preferred in these cases, but I'm no expert. But maybe not in the first message. Also don't forget to think about your own safety. This conversation should preferably stay secret from your ex, otherwise you're risking that he'll take out his anger on you despite the no-contact order. This is serious shit, so if you're unsure, talk to a specialist, I'm none.

Oh my god, I've been stuck in the same place for almost a year now. But maybe, just maybe I've figured it out. I read around on the forum today and intended to do this exercise but decided to get a bit of sleep before because I was really tired. Having the question in my head while tossing around in bed, I got back to the answer which led me to pick up science in the first place: MAKING DISCOVERIES (and communicating them). I didn't start to cry, but I got this inner glow of happiness. The last time when I felt light so strongly was, I think, when I learned the do nothing technique. This might be the answer ... or part of it. I have to see if it lasts. To boldly go where no man has gone before. I always liked star treck better than star wars