Elisabeth

Um... I don't know, ask an artist? 3-4 hours a day actually put into creative work + another few hours a day put into learning theory, and the marketing and connecting activities needed to actually make a living out of it ... maybe it's enough? Anyway, congratulations on doing the work. Seems really breakthrough, although you're not yet there to jump ship. I confirm that relatedness, and the quantity focus, are problems in academia. I'll be likely leaving because of the same factors. With the autonomy, well, no one says you have to actually stay in Russia. Not that you get independent easily elsewhere, 'cause financing, but you are not under some constant supervision ... if you can convince someone to fund you (which, unfortunately, is an exercise in manipulation), you do your research without governments examining you too closely.

Mind sharing where you're from? (My tip: Poland?)

... or Teal Swans "completion process"... yeah, holotropic breathing def. not necessary

If you're an overthinker an worrier like me, do your meditation, or a guided relaxation, right before sleep. Anything that relaxes you and/or helps stop the habitual thinking patterns. The body will get soft and the mind will not interfere, than you can sleep much faster.

Maybe Sedona method done correctly also does the trick. I don't know, I haven't had much success with it. As far as I understand it, 'feeling' the emotion would be what you do in the first step of the Sedona method, before you ask the questions to release it. Yet the feeling is done for a relatively brief period of time. If the emotion is deep and complicated, you're not gonna catch it in it's entirety. The 'release' questions can be used to get away from it. (At least that was my impression.) If you do mindfulness of feelings, your goal is not to change the emotion. You just watch it. When attention is directed to it, the feeling will often grow and reveal other facets. Or, just persist. One could also use conscious breathing into the part of the body where the emotion resides. One could imagine surrendering and diving directly into the pain or feeling. So there's a wealth of techniques which are more on the 'just feel it' than on the 'release it' side (though I agree there's a fine line at best). It can be overwhelming. But your capacity to tolerate discomfort, your sensitivity and your understanding of yourself grows. Again, maybe Sedona is doing the trick for you or Dan.

You don't need to dedicate yourself for years right from the get go. Just try it, give it a month perhaps, twenty worksheets or whatever and see if it helps. If it does, do more. If, at some point, you feel like you're no longer making progress with it, you pick up some other technique. It's quite possible that the process - ANY PROCESS - can only take you so far. Did you know you can actually get stuck with meditation? The Buddhists will tell their monks to go teach meditation instead if they stop making progress. Seriously. No one technique is perfect for everyone. When you see people saying some technique is perfect, it's because they found a technique that's perfect for THEM at THAT TIME.

@Erlend K It's not his method. I agree that advertising like 'paradise' is shit, but don't shoot the messenger. I'm just learning Byron Katie's method. It's just a very good process for dropping judgement (and imho the single most effective tool for uncovering your psychological projection), and as you go deeper, for self-inquiry. It doesn't contradict Buddhist or Jogic teachings, in fact, it seems to me like the perfect tool to actualize them. When Leo say's "question everything", well, here's a method how to do that effectively. Look her up on youtube (also for @d0ornokey ), and as you see her lead people to profound discoveries, think about how you fool yourself. @moon777light Teal Swan has in fact recommended Byron Katie's Work for questioning your thoughts in some video's I'm right now getting familiar with both teachers. They're great.

I also don't think you're a beginner. You've been doing these practices for a while, and you know tons of theory. You know why you're into it. I thought about the title of the thread before I read the rest, and this is what I came up with: It depends on what problem the beginner is trying to solve in the first place. Yet, to a somewhat depressed and anxious beginner (which I certainly was/am), I'd recommend this: Taking a 90 min yoga class once a weak, where they actually teach body awareness and relaxation. Crucial skills. If they then can start their day with a sun salutation, perfect. Meditation, either mindfulness (there are all these great westernized programs), or "do nothing", or a calming breathing exercise. 10 min. could be done either during the day (i.e. as a break from work), or right before sleep. I certainly recommend a do nothing (if that's calming) or a guided relaxation/meditation/visualization exercise right before sleep, because it stops the rumination and you sleep better. It's also crucial to be able to get in touch with one's emotion and accept them with (self-)compassion. I wonder what the perfect method to teach this is - I like Tara Brach's RAIN, it adds back the element of gentle compassionate investigation, which is absent from the mindfulness practice with some people. Journalling about feelings is just great. Or, a therapist can help with that. A gratitude journal (for depression specifically). To reframe depressing and anxiety-producing thoughts, I might suggest Byron Katie's Work - although she mentions enlightenment from time to time, which really is not for the beginner Anyway, that's the practices that were actually reachable for me and helped in the beginner stage (except for the last one, I'm just learning that now). For someone who's already more willing to accept his emotions, I may suggest the Wim Hof breathing. I might suggest a tantra course that also helped me greatly O:), or getting in touch with sexuality otherwise. So with you, I see you made a similar selection I think what may be missing in your foundation is the element of acceptance and self-compassion (unless that's what the sedonna method does for you, I don't know, it hasn't really worked for me). You seem terrified of your emotions and need to 'manage' them - while the goal is to feel them and not lose awareness. You could also wary your meditation practice - I'm actually not convinced that mindfulness is best for everyone. See if do nothing is more managable for you, do pranajama before meditation, or similar. I also think you might want to find a yoga or zen teacher, or an informed therapist, to whom you can actually speak about your enlightenment experiences, who can get to know you and offer some guidance.

I have no idea of the frequency of his actual practice ... but he's had the training with Grof early 90's I believe, so he's been teaching it now for like 25 years. He must have gone through a number of these seminars prior and during the training.

Yeah, Leo is likely wrong on the physiology, and he could as well admitt to it. Leo is sometimes wrong even on basic facts (esp. numbers, which he tends to grossly overestimate.) I don't think it's a good enough argument against the technique, or against following Leo. It's an argument against following Leo (or anyone) blindly, for sure. The hollotropic breathwork facilitator I spoke to (70y old and in a great physical and mental shape) did mention that HB could lead to similar physiological effect like being 5000m above sea (forgive me if I don't remember the number), so they know. He said you're there for only a few minutes so it's basically safe (but he also asked thoroughly about our health conditions). The thing that bothers me about Leo's modification of the technique is, that he urges people to breathe continuously through a whole 90 min session and basically push through any discomfort. I think with HB you have 3 hours, but it's generally ok to make pauses and just savour what's going on, dance if you get the urge etc.. Listen to your body, people! They're also able to help you with the trauma that may surface via bodywork and do not recommend doing it all by yourself. But I guess it's a matter of beliefs whether you hand out powerful and risky techniques to everyone, or whether you discourage them.

Kind of. I wouldn't say I've done deep consciousness work, but I've done work on my emotions, and I've come to realize that not only physics is just a model, but it describes just a tiny fraction of reality. An important one, sure. But the subjective inner world became much more interesting to me (hope this time no one comes in to beat me for still believing in "objective reality" ). So when I was seeking to understand the universe through physics, when I was seeking meaning and stability in it, that was... incomplete at best. I still love the beauty of the physical theories though.

I'm seeing a pattern

Registering for programs (or even just purchasing products) = buying a sense of belonging. Lol, that can be so true.

I agree with the post above that you may be overexerting your willpower. Are you implementing all these habits at once? Have you tried going one by one? Another idea is that maybe, these are just withdrawal symptoms to be overcome. If you quit junk food - you wouldn't feel good immediately (I believe, I didn't manage ;)).

"Toxic" is a pretty strong word for someone who has a traditional worldview. Also notice how the fact that you're bothered by her judgement points to your own insecurities to your chosen path. So, as an alternative to moving across the continent, you could try questioning your thoughts. Here's a self-inquiry process I'm currently learning. It's especially great for issues like this. http://thework.com/en/do-work The idea is to drop unrealistic expectations and untrue stories your family. Then we can enjoy the aspects of your relationship that are enjoyable, and not overreact to those which aren't. Byron Katie has got plenty of videos on youtube, maybe you can relate to this one?

Could use non-verbal techniques. Art. Games. Leading people through the direct experience, somehow. Leo's words work extremely well for us conceptual people, but I get the feeling that there's so many people out there who won't listen or read about beauty or self-actualization, but they can tell a beautiful scenery and they will try to be their best self. What's your massege and who's your target audience?

Actually, although I didn't quite realize when reading, you did communicate exactly that. Well, maybe not the full extent, I don't know But a lot of people don't get me engaged when writing out their life purpose. You did. I don't think that's possible without the connectedness and authenticity.

@Torkys This is fascinating. Thank you so much. Please update us about your progress in actualizing your purpose.

It's not like all of them have been doing this for years. With Grof's technique, thousands of people have done a few 3 hour sessions. (Also, I believe you don't have to breath a straight 3 hours with no pause there.) But people have done Wim Hof breathing for years consistently. That's something like a 10 min session each day. They are fine, I believe. My bf has done ~20 holotropic breatwork seminars over the course of the years. He's had some ego-death experiences. One of my good friends did ~8 sessions over the course of the last five months. She has therapeutical support from the facilitator. She's changing very noticeably, working on her addictions, dropping her defences and becoming more sensitive. She also has mild symptoms of a psychospiritual crisis, seeing auras, talking animals etc. (Leaving brain damage aside, the technique absolutely can destabilize your psyche.) Known contraindications are: cardiovascular problems, glaucoma, aneurysma, recent injuries, pregnancy, some kinds of epilepsy. (They won't let you take the seminar if you have this stuff.) Severe asthma, and severe mental illnesses can also be a problem.

No, it's really not. I repeat. Your boyfriend yelling at you for minutes in a row is just not ok. Pushing you against the wall is just the continuation of that disrespectful behavior. Leave, get more healthy yourself, and seek a healthier partner. Mind you, I'm not saying your bf is a bad person. He must be suffering with abandonment issues. Your relationship dynamics sounds really unhealthy. For the both of you. You have a value mismatch (porn), and you have psychological issues which exaggerate each other. With the behavior you do to protect yourself (ignoring him when he does something that's threatening to you), you push his buttons of feeling abandoned. Both you and him have an awful lot of work to do. Just leave! It's not your job to cure him, that's his job. It's your job to look after your own well being. Realize how you have stayed at the party for his sake, although you didn't like the environment there, and then got punished for it. What kept you from going home and watching a movie you like? There are plenty of men, who would accept your reasons for not participating in their guy-talk, or even just not engage in the topic because they know it makes you uncomfortable. Just leave. If you can't just leave, which is entirely possible since dysfunctional relationships still feed needs within us, just notice the dysfunction. Either way, seek professional help. You need to get healthier so that your fear of male aggression is not paralyzing to you. You need to learn to respect yourself enough to speak up in an assertive way when you feel uncomfortable. Watch some of Teal Swans relationship videos (maybe this one? she's got many of them, I don't know, which would be beneficial), if they appeal, but don't let it be a replacement for actually working on your particular issues with a therapist. You have worth, dignity, and value. Please look after yourself.

I tried Wim Hof breathing method for a few weeks. Seems to be a lighter version of the exercise. Wim Hof holds a few world-records in stuff like being immersed in ice-cold water for an hour. He's also promoting deep breathing for healing (the physical body as well as the emotional). Watch the mini class or other videos you can find. The difference is, for beginners at least, he's not recommending 30+min sessions, but simply 3x30-40 breaths with holds inbetween every morning (followed by a cold shower.) So that's what I did. This is my experience: 30-40 breaths is enough to make me dizzy and my nose tingling. On holding my breath in between the session, the mind got very peaceful. On the first few trials I got into extatic emotional states. Later it wasn's so pronounced. The exercise certainly facilitates emotional release, not just in the moment but also later. During the days, issues came up. There's also this build up - after two weeks of consistent practice, I actually felt like I was in an emotional whirlwind, and had to take a break for a few days to calm down. You have to spend the energy which has been stirred up somehow. So, exercising more and taking those cold showers makes sense. A surprising effect is, I think I got better with my visual imagination. I did it for about a month (with said break), then I fell off track. I'm bad in keeping habits, but this is a good habit. I'll try to pick it up again. (I'm also looking forward to trying the holotropic breathwork seminar.) Bottom line is, you can also do the breathing for a short time but every day, it's gonna have effects. (As usual, Leo is hardcore with his routines, which is ok, but you do have more gradual options.) The second message is, if you're worried about the health effects, there are actually people who have practiced the Wim Hof method for quite a while and there's research on them.

Um... Do you DO vipassana? Have you got a habit going? IMHO it's foolish to go without learning the technique prior and knowing if it suits - I've made that mistake myself, look up my thread. I handled the retreat just fine, except I left on day two If you're emotionally inhibited, my research says that you would benefit from dynamic techniques which let you express yourself - osho dynamic meditation would be characteristic, but it's also more simply free dancing, some breathing techniques, bodywork/bioenergetics, artetherapy, some shamanic rituals ... there's a broad range of possibilities. But I'm not saying don't do vipassana. Actually, those approaches should complement each other greatly. I don't think there's any problem with your age, or maturity, I'm just not sure that a) vipassana is the single most beneficial tool for you, and b) you can handle it just diving in head first (that's what a retreat is). Good luck.

Also, one possible answer to this could be "become excellent". Than you'll eventually be the leading person in the field, not a lab technician. Is that what you want to do, or not?

Mostly wanna follow this thread. I'm in a pretty much similar place, except I've put a few more years into it. I'm thinking that polymers are rather practical. Would you be happy doing the work if it was in the private sector, and you knew that your company is doing the research for a good reason? Like, you know, polymers which are much more ecological, or polymers for space exploration, or (at least) polymers for stockings that don't break all the time You'd still hyperspecialize, obviously.