Elisabeth

Ah, one more thing: You called your thread "career change" and "crisis". You don't have a career yet, aka a series of jobs in the same field, or a lonterm business aspiration. You just have something that you are trying out to make some money and see what you like and dislike about it. You may consider not calling this a crisis either. Leo says people who do business fail many times before they find their thing... So you're on track. You just had one idea that didn't work out. Don't think of your situation as a crisis, just a place of uncertainty.

I have zero business skills. So to me, if you can get a product up and running at 15, sound incredibly cool. You'll have money, and you'll know how business works. Plus you may practice some willpower, if there's grinding involved. To me, you do sound at least somewhat passionate - you tried, and you consider trying again. It's not like you're trying to do a thing that's been imposed on you by someone elses expectations. So I'd say go do it if you can, have a business next year. Would be incredible. The LP course, you can do it bit by bit. You can keep looking around if there's something more meaningful that you'd like to take up. Just set aside some time for it on a regular basis.

If that is relevant to any solution you might suggest (is it?), would it be ok to move to pm? loss, rejection, abandonment ... pain, sadness, grey creating ... hell yes or blank acceptance ... sure! acceptance of that particular pain? hell no (more pain)! unity ... blank, no emotional association. Or fear. intimacy, closeness ... hell yes I know you've read my story already. It's evolving slowly. Can it be dropped? Hm...

You know, that's rather hard to say. I've suggested loss, rejection ... abandonment perphaps... some kind of disconnection. They are not bound to trigger the sharp clear aspect of that emotion which I know as pure pain, but they are a huge trigger.

Not quite sure - leaning towards anxious, though not too bad. Been in (long, almost overlapping) relationships all of my adult life.

@Origins Who are you and what's your motivation, are you training to become a therapist? Anyway, try this. For the past ten years or so, I've been working with a pain in my chest (I don't remember feeling it previously in my life, but I don't remember any emotions from that time). I'm sure it's an emotion, but it's so localized it feels almost physical. It appears when I feel loss, rejection, but often without a recognizable trigger. When I feel into myself, most of the time it's there to some degree, and sometimes it's so present it clouds my ability to function or experience any other emotion. It's sometimes dissolved by sexual ecstasy, love, rare experiences of "light". Rarely, it can be let go of by de-focussing attention, but usually, I can't find a way to snap out of pain if it's intense. When I tried self-inquiry meditation, and to my surprise, at one point my usual "I" in my head dissolved, but an identification with the pain in my chest appeared. "I am pain." It decreases my quality of life severely by blocking joy and creativity, yet in some way, it's dear to me. There is resistance or more pain if I try to "let go of it". I think it may be a very young, pre-verbal part of myself.

Often whatever "awareness exercise" you naturally feel like doing is what can move you the most at the moment, because you will be doing it with the most passion. You feel like journaling, or meditation, or drawing, or climbing up a mountain? Start there. Journaling is definitely a great thing to do, if you feel the urge to write. I've done it semi-regularly for years, just to get some thoughts and feelings "out of the system", and it helped my self-awareness. You can't go beyond concepts, as you can with meditation, but you can sort out a lot of your daily hickups. If you have time, definitely do go for the life-purpose course as well. To choose a career, you need vision&experience. The course is about seeking a vision, the experience part, you'll have to do real-life What are you doing during your summer? If you're starting college, that will be a major change in your life, which will give you many opportunities for growth that you don't need to actively look for. You'll have to study more intensely, you'll socialize with new people, and if you're living away from your parents for the first time, you'll also have to learn how to cook and take care of yourself. During the exam period, maintaining healthy habits even under pressure is a major challenge. I'd say just make sure this is a path you want, and then just live through it - don't worry whether you're doing enough of "the work", because unless you are drowning your days in alcohol and porn, you are.

Dear everyone, I'm finishing phd, and I'm not continuing science, so I'm looking for a job. I've been offered data analysis work in a company, which is quite respected for doing pre-election voter surveys and other public polls, but also, they do media analysis (to see which demographics watches what media and when) and sell their results to marketing companies. This means I would do some kind of research with no control over how my results are being used to target advertising. Is that too bad? I've done the life-purpose course, and got something out of it - I'm now running a personal development and sharing group for students at my university, but that's far from becoming a career

Do you intend to finish your high school later? Whilst I can understand a university degree being optional, closing the door on that... when you have no idea... seems too soon. Go sort out your concentration issues, choose a high school and finish that! I say that, because unless it's some kind of sudden mental-health emergency (and even if it is), I don't believe quitting school is gonna help you improve concentration. It's actually sitting through your lectures and doing your best to be attentive, that helps you, providing the necessary practice. Being idle, sitting at home with your computer and wasting your time will make you sink deeper and deeper into your hole, whatever it is. Sorry for seeming a bit judgy, take it as an opinion from someone who's had 'concetration issues' throughout all of her university and phd studies... My concentration was always best in periods when I had the most schoolwork to do (measured by go-boardgame tournaments success ). And trust me, it was a hell of a lot easier when my time was structured by lectures. My phd required more self-motivation, and now I have to give up science, cause I was to unconcentrated/lazy to hit the bar. But whatever. If you can sit through 5 hours of practice in annimation and drawing techniques a day, or learn a language with similar intensity, go for that. If you can't? Please do yourself a favor, stop fooling yourself and go back to school.

What are your life circumstances? Are you still in high-school? Language-related careers could include translating (what I hear, doesn't usually pay so well on its own), simultaneous translation (a very different discipline, because you need to be very flexible), linguistics (with all the perils of trying to succeed in academia), diplomacy, international business relations, or simply using your language skills to work abroad or work for a foreign company. I don't know about animation. You could off course try to pursue a career in movie-making. Or, you could go on studying languages, and keep animation as a hobby on the side. Who knows, maybe you'll create a second phd comics and get famous. Here's a locally successful linguistic comics too https://www.knihydobrovsky.cz/kniha/opraski-sceski-historje-596035 . Watch the video about making small bets. What's the next small project you'd like to take up? Draw something? Or something language related?

Say you are happy and content. What do you want to do next? I suggest, you might want to create something. Start small. Draw a picture? (That's what I do now.)

@bejapuskas What's new?

Thanks for being back, Leo.

I've run into a situation where (I believe) my early developmental trauma was triggered. It's not the first time it has happened, although this time the intensity was dialed up. I found myself shaking and in a spasm (all the muscles in my back tensed so much they are still stiff a two days later, sympathetic nervous system overstimulated). It lasted quite some time. How do you help yourself get out of that exhausting state? (Simplicity is imperative, as you're deep in emotion and can't really think.)

There's a book called "designer relationships" which is supposed to be good, could read that. I don't think you know what you want from a relationship. You only know that you don't want marriage or kids (yet). Being honest with yourself and upfront with her is always the most ethical strategy.

@Michael569 Yeah, that should work for the second phase, more or less - very comprehensive. The crisis moment, I only had my sense of touch (inner and outer) and partial control of breath and movement. So slow breathing if possible. And the last resort is - pray for mercy.

I got a lot of resources around here. Links to spiritual teachers I wouldn't have known about, including Byron Katie and Anna Brown. And I got to talk to Michael about nutrition, I consider Benjapuskas a friend... couldn't have happened otherwise.

Don't decide based on Leo's video only. Go do that high-level research that you're invited to. See for yourself, whether it feels meaningful or not! (You don't say what year you're in, if you can connect it with your bachelor/master thesis, all the better.)

@Preety_India This is a terribly long flamy thread. I have no idea if you got your answers or not. If you wanna talk more in private, feel free to send me a pm, ok?

@Carl-Richard Amazing, thank you!

Thanks! I looked through the website briefly. Definitely a purposeful, out of the box initiative. Would you mind summing out some pointers to why you think it's beyond green? I'm not sure I can tell. I'm gonna definitely read his blog posts about support groups, that's of interest to me.

Let me try the different perspectives on PSYCHOTHERAPY. RED (culture): (not a thing) RED (individual in our society): "You tell me to go see a psychologist? When I was 16 I got drunk and hit that guy who provoked me real hard. The police had me talk to this nice lady. Didn't do shit for me. What I need is more money now, not someone to talk to." BLUE (culture): One of the roles of the priest is to provide support to people who err so that they can find the right path in their lives again. BLUE (individual in our society): "Therapists? Yeah, if you've got an illness you may need one. Not for me though. I confide in my priest and with god's support I can always make it. (OR) I'm a strong and stable man. I don't quite understand why people seek out therapists at all. (OR, the non-religious kind) A persons life stands on three pillars: His or her work for society, his or her family, his or her health. If any of your pillars are breaking down, you must endure and fix it. You can lean into your community and we will help, as long as you try to lead a propper life. Anyway, keeping your basis healthy prevents most of the problems that therapists are designed to solve." ORANGE (culture): Some people have problems and need therapy to get them fixed again. Kognitive-behavioral is the most evidenced-based approach, so let's fund that one and focus on short interventions (ugh, the UK system approach). ORANGE(individual in our society): Psychotherapy can be useful, but mostly for weak and ill people. I don't have time for that. And some people go for years and it doesn't help them. Their regurgiating their childhood and their traumas. Isn't it plain wrong to dwell on one's past too much? Are they amplifying their problems with that approach? They should let go and focus on the present and future. I'm attending a productivity workshop on monday though. Hope they have some real practical tips there. Anyway, if you have psychological problems, be responsible with your own health and see a doctor or a therapist. GREEN: Psychotherapy facilitates change. It's also one of the basic tools to know oneself, which is important, so basically everyone should go at some time in their lives, when they are motivated. We also need to make it widely acessible to people in trouble, including socially disadvantaged groups. But don't forget not everything is individual responsibility, we need to solve collective problems which lead to the ostracisation of these groops on the collective level, too! The choice of therapy style is very individual, and should be driven by the clients choice and inclinations. One of the main jobs of the therapist is to build a good relationship and accept the client as (s)he is, which creates an environment where trauma can be processed and the shadow is integrated. It's not the only tool in the toolbox for personal growth, but if trouble emerges with other methods, see a therapist. ?YELLOW?: Psychotherapy is a useful supportive tool for personal growth for motivated people, but may not be cost-effective. Where is its proper place? Can we do better?

Submissive fantasies can be indeed quite strong, totally capable of breaking up couples. It sounds though like you have a partner who's willing and able to engage in kink with you, just not to the extent your fantasy longs for. Given the difficulty in finding dominant women, if she is one and the relationship works otherwise, by all means stick to her. You know, intellectually, that fantasy is always unrealistic, right? It's, to some extent, a disillusion every submissive goes through. (But no worries, I'm not telling you to refrain from attempts on realization.) I'm convinced sexual fantasies are extermelly deep in the subconscious, talking first year of life or even intergenerational and transpersonal patterns. You wouldn't remember, and the experience leading to this preference might be a complex one. As you go on in getting to know yourself, they may change as a side-effect ... but no point in thinking this can be done on a forum or even through traditional talk therapy within any reasonable time-frame. My preferences are changing somewhat - though I didn't insist they would - after what, six years of intense discovery journey? However, you can absolutely influence what role sex has in your life - just by virtue of what you focus on. I suggest several things. I suggest you do pursue healthy realization. I suggest you negotiate with your partner. Some things, she can do for you, but some of them she can't. I suggest you join the local community and talk to a lot of experienced people (no, you're really not the only one in the world experiencing this). I suggest you realize that elaborate setting where you're locked up in the local dungeon the whole week (or whatever you're dreaming of) at least once. I suggest you go to tantra/"dark eros" seminars together to perhaps experience sexuality in a new way. I also suggest you negotiate about playing outside of the couple - be it within the community, or even finding a pro dom, if this is what can help you live through some part of your fantasies. (A pro dom will likely hold boundaries even if you fall in love, so consider it.) I suggest doing all of that with your best mindful presence. You must get in touch with the real boundaries of your body and psyche. This will underscore the difference between fantasy and reality, as well as satiate some of those needs. You may soon find out that real chastity belts are really uncomfortable I also suggest you shift your attention away from porn. This should help you give fantasy and sex a proper place in your life. It should not be that hard, if you find creative ways to pursue. Porn fades in comparison to reality. Good luck.

In addition to what Michael and others have been saying - if this is truly burnout, consider finding some psychological help. By all means do your contemplation, have the LP course etc. ... but right now you may not be in a place to feel your purpose. Leaving work aside, do you feel any joy and passion in your life, or not? If not, if your state is very bad, you must climb out of the depression hole first, which may require a lifestyle change (possibly including a long vacation or the job change) + therapeutic support.

Whatever he says about death, this meditation is absolutely top. Even if you are only able to follow the first 20minutes like me Give it a try.