Salvijus

I'm sure some benefit is there, otherwise you wouldn't have persisted so long.

Interesting post and nice insight. Usually masculine minds are not capable of love. Masculine minds have strong sense of self-importence. And love is the opposite of it. Masculine minds hate love. If you look at devotion through logic you'll see It's actually pure slavery. But if you experience even once that how some body called it "kissed from within" then you just go mad. Logic means nothing anymore. That's why there are more female followers with a guru. Because masculine minds just can't stand feeling inferior. When they sit with a master their alpha male masculinity just crubles and they feel like worthless and they usually run away that's why masculine logical minded people can't digest devotion and love because if you do, all your masculinity will go away. You'll feel like a total fool. Interesting stuff. No suggestions, just radom throughts that came up from reading your post ?

I think you should make a clear distinction what is existencial and what is psychological. In this case your feeling of someone behind you was psychological so... It's not okey. And medications are not okey in a long run also. There're ways to ground yourself so much that what is real and psychological is absolutely clear. Mind will not be flying into all kinds of imaginations, it will be stable and balanced the way it should. I think you would benefit from yoga immensely.

Nice I had/have the same thing. Sometimes waves of devotion and love happen to me for no reason then i think how to feel like this everyday I dont know the answer however But your intention is nice ?

Nothing ever happens unless you give importence to it

That video was the most beautiful thing i saw for a long time ? Jai all enlightened beings ??? Thank you for that video (irony) ?

Nice Been there, there's a really nice isha teacher there

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@Chi_ I would and actually i even got the permission to go there. Only problem is I have a very annoying health issue that im dealing with for like 9months now so.. I can really push mysel too much or i will crack :D. But i will go there next year definitely.

@Chi_ why you don't go for sadhanapada?

Children don't belong to you. They are not your legacy.

Go for sadhanapada, they like young people like you very much. And they are very supportive and welcoming to every one who want to stay in the ashram and do spiritual sadhana. Plus you did IE so it's already a big step.

Self-sacrifise? Devotion? Helping others?

@Shiva :D:Ddddd

Putting things that are dear to you on a pedestal is not a bad thing, despite what everybody else tells you... When soneone asked krishna's advise on women he sayed, "every time i see a women that means something to me, I create an altar for her, what she choses to become is up to her."

"-Sadhguru all this is fine but what is the take away? -There is no take away." Inside joke

Choose the teacher that you think is the most competent and trustworthy then

Nice fashion for piece You can just look for clothes in 100% cotton somewhere on the internet. It feels extremely good If you want like sadhguru then type in dhoti, kurta, shawl.

"It's not about being right, It's about being appropriate and relevant to the situation." We're all guilty here of the same thing to some digree.

When it comes to dissolving karma vippasana is indeed a good practice. I don't know any other practice capable of doing this execpt sadhguru. People are underrestimating vippasana a lot.

A month long or longer pilgrimage without socializing. Socializing is the first escape for ego to run away from facing its inner demons and also It's a distraction to focus inward.