Vladimir

I want to share something from direct experience that I’m still integrating and working on fully understanding. This isn’t about physical death, not the end of the body, but something that can happen within life itself. I’ve experienced two very different states of being. And I don’t mean slightly better or worse moods... I mean something much more fundamental. In one state, everything was collapsed: I couldn’t rest, even for a moment Sleep was either impossible or filled with intense nightmares There was constant fear and paranoia My perception felt distorted, even ordinary sounds felt threatening I felt completely disconnected from myself and from others There was no sense of love, joy, or peace at all I fell into destructive habits and couldn’t function in any stable way It felt like being trapped in a condition where everything was tense, hostile, and fragmented. I couldn't stop the negative steam of thoughts, negative inner talk I hated myself and everything And I remained in that state for a long time. In contrast, where I am now: I can rest and sleep normally I feel at peace with myself I feel calm and grounded I am deeply in touch with my feelings and my sense of self I can process my emotions and alchemized the suffering into love and joy I feel joy, self-respect, and compassion toward others I feel connected, to people and to life itself I’m creative, productive, and engaged with what I’m doing My mind and imagination works great My dreams are good My life is full of meaning and purpose I love myself and the entire world There’s a sense of coherence, grace and ease What stands out to me is that the difference between these two states doesn’t feel like “better vs worse.” It feels more like: being alive vs being dead one state feels like Life - openness, connection, joy, peace - what I would call love the other feels like something closer to “death” - contraction, fear, disconnection, suffering Also, it doesn’t seem like people are simply “alive” or “dead” in this sense. It feels more like a spectrum. At any given moment, a person can be more open or more contracted, more connected or more disconnected, more dead or alive moving somewhere between those two poles. What’s interesting is that people already describe their experience this way naturally: “I feel alive.” "She is full of light" “There’s a light in her eyes.” These two statements pointing to the connection between Life and Light - makes a lot of sense given that Sun Light is the source of all life on Earth. There are many other examples... And these two: “I feel dead inside.” "His light went out." “Dark night of the soul." Pointing to the connection between death and darkness or absence of light. The more I look at it, the more it seems like this isn’t abstract. It’s something that’s happening all the time: People are moving on the spectrum of Life and Death - states of consciousness.

I appreciate your words and your questions. Those parts of my journey feel personal, so I’d rather not go into detail here. What I can do is answer poetically: I suffered for the sake of Love. Love is the force that got me through.

I choose wisdom from direct experience and embodied Truth.

What is Spirituality to you? To me Spirituality is - wisdom gained through direct experience and integrated in consensual reality. Sounds smart I know, that's because I am.

I’m pointing to what actually happened in direct experience, which I was clearly aware of. It didn’t come across as a subtle shift or something that could be reduced to a perspective. It felt like a state where everything lost its structure, and then something entirely different came back online, much more open and alive. So even if those distinctions don’t hold at a certain level, the contrast itself was very clear. That’s the part I’m trying to understand better.

@Elliott I get the perspective you’re pointing to with the scale of the universe. At the same time, I don’t see that as removing responsibility. Even if we’re part of something much larger, how someone lives and acts still matters, because small patterns and decisions have real effects over time. On the point about control, I don’t think it’s as simple as either full control or none at all. We might not control everything, but there’s still a level of participation in how we respond, what patterns we reinforce, and how we show up. If that gets dismissed too quickly, it can turn into a kind of disengagement from the practical level of life. The part I’m questioning is when the “bigger picture” stays at the level of understanding. Seeing yourself as a tiny piece of something vast can be true in one sense, but if it doesn’t translate into how you actually live, it stays conceptual. What I’m interested in is whether insight becomes embodied, whether it shows up consistently in behavior, perception, and the way someone relates to others and their environment. That’s what I mean by integration. Not just seeing something, but actually living it.

That’s a good question. When I say “integration,” I'm talking about how the experience actually becomes part of how I live. For me it shows up in simple but real ways: learning to listen to and honor my body breathwork and being more conscious of how I breathe spending time in nature, swimming, nature walks or just being present with the environment journaling and reflecting on what I’m going through choosing awareness in areas of my life that are asking for attention paying attention to dreams working on things that feel aligned with my life moving my body in a more conscious way being more intentional about who I spend time with and the environment I’m in And also in how I respond to life itself. Situations that used to trigger me don’t hit the same way anymore, or I can stay present with them instead of reacting automatically. That’s one of the clearest signs for me that something has actually been integrated. So it’s less about the experience itself, and more about whether it actually changes how I relate to life afterwards.

I'm definitely exploring spirituality through my own direct experience. What I’ve noticed so far is that the experiences that feel the most “spiritual” also tend to have a very real impact on how I live, relate to myself, and relate to others. It’s less about trying to define it, and more about noticing that whatever this is, spirituality is not disconnected from life in practice.

I see what you're saying about spirituality being something infinite and beyond concepts at an Absolute level. At the same time, I don't see it as completely separate from how someone actually lives. Because even if the experience itself is beyond explanation, it still affects a person's life and expresses itself. Like, if nothing at all changes in how a person relates to themselves or to life after something “spiritual,” then there is nothing that distinguishes it from just any other experience. So for me, the integration part isn’t about reducing spirituality to concepts, but more about how it shows up in reality. Otherwise it starts to feel like something that’s completely disconnected from life, and I’m not sure what its significance would be then. How do you see that? Does it have any expression in how someone lives, or is it completely separate for you?

I think I get what you’re pointing to with spirituality being something directly experienced and not really capturable in concepts. How do you see the role of integration after the experience though? Because even if the experience itself is beyond explanation, it still seems like something changes in how a person lives or understands things afterwards. Would you say that stays completely separate from knowledge and wisdom, or do you see some connection there? Also when you describe it as infinite, do you mean that in the sense that it can’t be fully grasped or contained?

I think I get what you’re pointing to... about awareness involving both subject and object and how those distinctions start to collapse. At that level it makes sense that life and death wouldn’t really be separate things in any absolute way. What stood out to me though wasn’t so much the conceptual side of it, but how radically different those states felt in direct experience. It didn’t feel like two aspects of the same thing in that moment. It felt like a complete shift in the quality of being. Like going from something closed, fragmented and hostile to something open, coherent and alive. So even if at a deeper level those distinctions collapse, experientially the difference felt very real and very absolute. I’m curious how that lines up with your experience. Have you ever gone through something that felt like that kind of total shift?

I see what you’re pointing to, especially around becoming more independent over time and not getting as entangled. At the same time, what I’ve been noticing isn’t just about attachment or needing people, but how subtle patterns seem to get reinforced just by being in certain environments over time. Even without trying to impress anyone or relying on people, there still seems to be a kind of “drift” back into familiar ways of being. That’s what made me question whether it’s only about maturity and independence, or if there are other factors at play that we don’t usually account for.

I spent about 10 years working with plant medicines, and something about “integration” never fully made sense to me. Not because I wasn’t doing the work. I had all the practices like meditation, yoga, journaling, contemplation, tai chi, qi gong, movement, breathwork. I was consistent with them. But whatever I touched in ceremony didn’t stabilize in a lasting way. It would feel clear for a few days, sometimes longer, and then gradually fade as I returned to my normal environment. At some point I started questioning whether the issue was really a lack of discipline, or something else. Recently I spent time in Pucallpa, in a much quieter setting in the Amazon, and the shift was subtle but noticeable. Nothing dramatic happened. It was more that certain forms of interference weren’t there anymore. Less noise, less stimulation, less social pressure, less distractions, fewer unconscious patterns being constantly reinforced. And what I had previously been trying to “integrate” started to feel more natural, almost like it didn’t require the same level of effort. That made me reconsider something: Maybe integration isn’t primarily about adding more practices, but about removing what continuously pulls you back. Most of the focus I’ve seen is on the ceremony itself (psychedelic trips). Much less attention is given to the environment people return to afterwards. I’m curious how others here have experienced this. Did integration come more from what you were doing, or from the environment you were in?

Good point about people being a big part of the environment. All kinds of relational dynamics and expectations that build up over time... At the same time, I’m not sure it’s always as simple as just not letting things “hook” you, because a lot of that seems to happen below the level of conscious choice. That’s part of what made me question how much of this is willpower or maturity, vs how much is shaped by what we’re continuously exposed to. Still trying to understand where that line actually is.

I’m realizing something else as I sit with this... A lot of people say integration should “work anywhere,” even in stressful or chaotic environments. But I’m starting to question whether that’s actually true, or just an ideal that sounds right. If someone has genuinely stabilized something deeply, does environment stop mattering? Or does it still play a role in ways we tend to underestimate?

Today is the second day that I have moved to La Jolla Cove, I moved here, to my favorite place in San Diego on the night of August 29, 2025. I packed only the necessities - some canned food, extra clothes, towel, swimming shorts. I don't have a tent, a sleeping bag or a yoga mat so I just sleep on my towel. I found a nice place under a tree in a shade, luckily the nights in San Diego are warm these days, but I still get cold at night and I end up covering myself with a towel and sleep on the grass. Today, as I was swimming through the cave and then enjoying the beauty of the fabulous views, laying on the rocks, my body beaming with sweet joy, these words came to me -- "I am not homeless, I am home." The short story is -- after coming out of a first 18 month Hell, I was in Paradise for two years. I moved to Peru in the last 5 months of those two years to continue healing and learning from Mother Ayahuasca and to deepen my dieta ( shamanic shipibo dieta ). I was at a center called AyaMadre where I have been before for about 4 and a half months, so Maestra Estella knew my story. Towards the end of those 5 months, the last two weeks or so I moved to another center called Marosa. On one night, I drank a large dose of Ayahuasca, and during that ceremony -- a vision appeared which stood out from the rest, so I simply looked at it -- and when I did, I was immediately sent back into a state of Hell, very similar to what I have been experiencing for those 18 months. I reconnected with that trauma and ended up in the Hell of separation for the second time. So I began repeating the same cycle again -- drinking alcohol and smoking cigarettes out of despair, pain, shame, fear, guilt and absolute hopelessness. This time the second Hell lasted about 13 months. About 5 months of this time I was homeless, and staying in a literal ditch. One day, on March 15, 2025, I found a ring with an Eye of Horus and two ankhs on each side near the ditch where I have been staying and it gave me hope that the second salvation is still possible for me -- so I gathered all of my strength and came back into a recovery program. It has now been 3 and a half months since I found the ring and came out of the ditch and about two months since I started recovering. Akua, the recovery program that I attended, for 2 and a half months was covering the rent of the sober living apartment bedroom where I have been living through CA Covered insurance. I had to switch to Medical because CA Covered was asking to pay, and so I had to move out of the apartment. So I packed my things in a small rolling luggage back and a backpack, stored the rest with the apartments and moved to La Jolla Cove, and that is where I have been living for the last two days. I have an EBT card which I can buy food with but it ran out and the next deposit comes in on the 4th of September -- I have 3 cans of tuna left and some peanut butter and $8 dollars total. It would be good to have some money for bus rides, I have enrolled in another mental rehabilitation program called The Healing Oaks and I made an appointment with the therapist on September 3rd. The bus ride there and back will cost $10, which I don't have. I would also like to have some cash so I can afford to go to events at Trilogy Sanctuary so that I can meet spiritually mature and conscious people and begin to build my community. I have been looking for a job and applying everywhere but it's difficult for two reasons: first, I have worked for myself my entire life -- making money online and from my Clever Techie YouTube channel, which currently has over 100k subscribers but only making about $90 per month from Patreon because I haven't uploaded any videos in over two years because I lost interest and was fully devotional to my spiritual path. And second -- I am still very much in the transitional phase of recovering from the second Hell so I feel like a day job would be strenuous. It would be nice to afford bus rides, events at Trilogy, extra money for healthy food, and a small camping propane stove cooker to make tea and cheap meals like rice and boiled eggs. I also would like a sleeping bag to be warm and comfortable at night. If you or anybody you know can spare anything, I would gladly accept, even if it's just $1, I could use anything at this time and I would very much appreciate it. My Venmo is -- @BrillanteWolf My Zelle is -- brillante.wolf@gmail.com 🐺🙏❤️🌎☀️🌱🌊

Hero of Might and Magic The cards are speaking in a royal sort of way. Time to play a new kind of game. Knight, magician, lover and king. In every moment I only win. I come to this world from another dimension. Every step a strategic intention. I'm a hero of might and magic. Shamanic martial arts is my chosen profession. True love and liberation of humanity is my inspiration. Golden gate's of paradise and a legion of archangels. Prepare yourself for illumination. And open yourself up for salvation. JHS

What is on my mind and what do I want to express in writing at this time? Listen to your body, listen to amrita, ask yourself where is your intuition and what is it telling you. My body is telling me that it is time to sleep, good night.

I am being guided and called to begin tapping into my creative source of expression and share about my life journey. I want to let it flow without over thinking and I am feeling resistance and blockages as I type these words. My body and mind are in the process of healing, recalibrating, rebalancing after another year of pure chaos. I have been tapping into the sweet sensation in my throat that I started feeling a couple of weeks ago which I learned to be "amrita" -- nectar of immortality, I am learning to navigate all of my actions from the place of this sweet source. Speaking the words is especially joyful when I focus my conscious attention on this sweetness and speak from that place, I have never experienced this before. It's also healing my pain when I sing, it's restoring and strengthening my faith and hope and it's opening up the channel of divine creativity.

I am calling in financial abundance by attracting it -- knowing that I am worthy of infinite abundance, knowing that I am worthy of financial compensation/assistance at this in-between phase of my awakening. I will be in a very high demand soon. Love is the highest currency.

July 17, 2025 Dreams: "From This Moment On, Everything Good Begins" Tonight I was feeling very heavy energy surfacing and went to sleep early, around 8:00pm, I had a dream that felt like a spiritual reset — a sacred contract spoken out loud, confirmed by my soul brothers. In the dream, I was with Samson Love (a real-life friend), Roma (my brother), and a few others. We had just overcome a challenge involving police — some sort of authority or test — and through teamwork, integrity, and unity, we passed. We made it through. Then we stood in a circle, held hands, and declared an affirmation again and again — both in Russian and English: "С этого момента начинается всё самое хорошее." ( A more accurate translation is: "From this moment on, all the best things begin." ) "From this moment on, everything good begins." ( That is the way we said it in English in a dream ) We all believed it. We all felt it. It wasn’t just words — it was a soul vow, a line in the sand. This dream feels like an echo of a deeper truth: I’ve passed through immense darkness, and now I am stepping into the good. Into trust, into divine timing, into the brotherhood of light. The Universe is saying: You are ready. July 17, 2025 Messages, Signs and Symbols for today: Angel Numbers that showed up today in 3D: 111, 222, 333, 444, 777 Instagram: Instagram refresh @ 4:44pm solarphoenix444: Galactic Reiki offer reel with Archangels, solar-phoenix.net -- for distance healing services Numbers: 9999, 9999, 9999 Instagram refresh @ 11:11pm: soulbaby555: 4:44 on her timer "shine baby shineeee" "positive news incoming..." "you're about to experience a burst of positive energy" Numbers: 333, 444, 717 Zodiac: Cancer, Leo Sunflowers, Hummingbirds, Feathers, Hawks ( a Hawk was right in front of her car staring at her ) Accessories: silver key around her neck intuitivemo: (watched this video right after waking up from the dream) "They feel like you owe them something because you made it." "Karmic family" "Chosen One" Numbers: 144 Likes: 500 ( I put in 500th like ) grabthatmirror.io: Wheel of Fortune 144 - You were encoded for this moment 818 - The circle is complete, move forward 000 - the slate is clean Keywords: Lion's Gate, Alchemy, Miracles, Titan, Dove Numbers: 222, 1177, 147, 166, 606 Accessories: Turquoise shirt with white roses and butterflies healingwithbarb: "The Universe is aligning things in your favor", "Spiritual Justice", "The Final Piece of the Puzzle" "Not this time, they've been thru enough!" "God's chosen" "Straighten your crown" "What if it all works out" "A God/Goddess Unveiled" Numbers: 10:44, 144, 1010 Angels: Archangel Michael sophiegregoire_official: "TODAY'S ORACLE. This is sacred recalibration. Your nervous system is releasing all the weight it was carrying. Toxic chains, it's a no now. You have had enough, seen enough. New wisdom is integrating. Your physical life is catching up with soul. This takes a little bit of time. Be patient. Don't go back, define how you want to feel next and hold on... Life will respond based on what you ask. Magic is happening behind the scenes." ginganinjatarotig: "This is your redemption era!!!" "You will be redeemed 10 times more than you lost" Numbers: 222, 11:11 lionessencee: "If you were wondering if you passed the test, you did." ( direct link to a dream ) "Embrace the purge happening." ( I have been feeling a lot of heavy energy surfacing today, went to sleep early around 8:00pm, woke up around 10:30pm to record the dream ) "This is YOUR SEASON." "This is your chapter." bringeroflight333: "You're in a state of in-between. Not who you used to be but not fully who you're becoming yet either. It's normal to feel worry and doubt when the road feels uncertain and uncomfortable. "Alignment" Numbers: 1111 molly.the.gemini: "It's your comeback season" Numbers: 333 Likes: 777 ( I put in the 777th like ) clairvoy.ant369: The Eye of Horus card on purple background -- HEALER the_wisdom_of_the_shamans: "I am learning to love the sound of my feet walking away from things not meant for me." -A. G. onegroundedangel: "We're on it" "Share your message" 144godcode: "You are only as trapped as your fears want you believe. Now is the time to surrender that timeline of weakness so it can transform into your power. Be aware when your focus is trapping you under illusions. Know that they are surfacing to release this weekend so you can heal consiousmindvision: "No one really tells you how hard it is to rewire your mind to allow amazing things to happen after experiencing so much trauma and pain. Blessings exist, good people exist, and a softer life exists. Allow yourself to experience it." trusietelevised_: "Your words hold power!!" "Holy grail energy, you're on people's mind" Numbers: 333, 111, 222, 777 divineinspiration444: "With Mercury now in Retrograde motion, it's time to slow things down, and allow this energy period to work for you and not against you. Take as much time as you need to replenish, recharge, and reflect on how far you have come. The old is gone, so flip that script, turn that page, and prepare to be amazed. You're in alignment with all that is for your highest good. Beautiful soul, there is nothing to fear, only to Love." Numbers: 444 greengoddesstarot: "Cosmic Favor -- The universe is conspiring in your favor." "New Beginnings -- A new chapter is beginning: embrace the change." Oracle Messages: "111 - Make a wish, point of creation, new beginnings" "Believe in the impossible" -- Blue Moon "Release your resistance, flow like water." "Make time for self-care." "Great Big Love" "Two of Fire -- You've come into your own. New partnerships or contacts. Continue to move forward." "44 - Pleione - MOTHER OF THE SEA, Goddess, "I surrender to the boundless, creative flow of the ocean." "Empress - Your spirit is strong and noble. Wear it like a crown of glory." "Acceptance -- Everything happens for a reason", "The Empress" "You're in the middle of the greatest transformation mentally, physically, and spiritually. You will make it through." "This is going to be one of the best years of my life. On all levels. In every way. I feel it. I believe it. I trust it'll happen for me. It's my turn to win." -- thirdeye_intuitions "Third Eye Chakra -- Pineal Perspective" Timing Messages: "144 - I was encoded for this moment." "Divine Timing never misses." "I am where I am meant to be." "There is no need to hurry or force things to happen. Everything is occurring in perfect timing." -- Oonagh, Easy Does It" "You're right on time for your next chapter. All the prior chapters prepared you for this moment even though this is a page you've never seen before. Trust the process. You're ready." "222 -- One day you will understand why your timing was actually perfect and why things had to happen exactly the way they did: to protect you, guide you, and redirect you to where you were always meant to be. Trust the process of your path, evolution, and growth -- it's all divine timing." --katetheangelmedium

"Divine Timing never misses" --I am exactly where I should be. Song: Where I'm Meant to Be - Eric Rivero

I'm back. 🐺🙏❤️

The Best Investment While having my first 5g heroic dose magic mushroom trip, sitting on a computer chair in a dark closet, in my studio apartment in La Mesa, on March 21, 2017, I felt like I was going to die, and one of the things that came up for me was, my big safe full of gold and silver bar and coin savings, worth approximately $500,000, including off-shore physical silver investments I had at the time. I felt disappointed, that I wouldn't have the chance to spend that money, as I felt detachment and letting go of what was important to me at that time. I also felt like Scrooge McDuck who has been greedily sitting on a stash of wealth. And here I am in the jungle of Iquitos, Peru, 7 years later, with $2,142.02 remaining in my bank account, at the time of this writing, with the only source of income being about $150 a month coming in from my Clever Techie YouTube channel. What happened is, I have fully devoted all of my time and energy to my spiritual journey for these last 7 years, working with psychedelics, self understanding and development. My journey, during these 7 years, has been absolutely epic and heroic, and it also cost me about $500,000. The good news about my financial situation this time is that I don't have any bills, I have paid to stay here at AyaMadre for one year, and my first house is in the process of being built here. Even better news this time, is that I have won the Holy Grail and I know the Truth. I know that the entire Universe is helping me manifest the Truth that I know. I know that all the wealth of the world is mine, I know that the entire Universe is mine, I know that all the praise, love and glory is mine forever. I now have infinite wealth, the most precious wealth being spiritual - love, life, Truth, salvation, immortality. I now have infinite abundance. How is that for a return on investment?