Dragallur

Lets do another Self-Inquiry here: Who am I? Who is asking? I have come through this couple of times already. Who did? I know, this was just a though of "me" doing it. Who knows? Its the same again. Who says so? A thought. I am not a thought. Who are you? I am not even speaking for the true I, I guess. I want to say that I know that these are all just thoughts. I have already uncovered that they are false. Did you? Yup. When? Ah, couple of days ago, I know where are you going. That is just a thought. I know. Do you? I think so. Thought, thinking that it is false as any other thought but still not taking it very personally. This "I" that is talking all the time is not true I. It knows it. "I" know it. Thoughts have to be false because reality is true and they are not representing reality. If they are not representing reality (using language) they have to be false and even non existing. This sentence as well as the last one does not have any place in reality. But they are here. Yeah, but their meaning is not true. And the "fact" that they are not true is false too. It is just an infinite loop of non existing thoughts. Ach.. Who wrote this? "I" did. I do not exist. The I that eats, writes, drinks, learns, speaks etc. is not true. It is just a thought. Says a thought. Damn. I am trying to get enlightened. Yup. Though this "I" that is trying to get enlightened does not even exist according to the paragraph above. Oh, I guess that when paragraph says it, it must be true. I can not get enlightened? Yes. You can not. Probably. This whole thing is staying on some kind of logic, mental construct. And mental construct is saying that all mental constructs are false. I guess it would help if I just stopped writing for a while, because thoughts can not get me anywhere. Because "I" am trying to get somewhere. And I do not exist. Yup here I am. Sitting still here. Writing this sentence. Though it is not me doing it. Well in a way yes but the thought "I" can not be controlled I guess anyway. There is noone to control anything. Crap. I am just stucked in some shit. At least it feels to me. I would love some kind of process. "I" needs process, I needs this and I needs that and I is not happy about this and I really hates that, I would rather do something else and I... does not exist. Fingers just write these words. Thoughts just appear. But all of this is lie. Still I am writing it. I am not. Damn. There is noone to be enlightened yet here I am... not. All of my belongings, all of my memories, all of my personality, all of my beliefs, all of my attributes, all of my relationships, all of the things I hate, all of the things I love.. none of that matters, I do not matter and it does not matter. It is completely ok because none of it really exists. Yet here I am thinking about it. See........ here comes the thought that I do not exist. Over and over. See........ here comes the thought that I am not getting anywhere. Who thinks all this? So deep in the shit. I am seeking answer and I know I can not give it to myself like this. I feel like a jumping rat that is in a maze (which is just a circle) and bumping into boxes titled: paradox, DO NOT ENTER infinite amount of thoughts. What? Why am I even writing this? Who is writing this? Its interesting how I do not believe in free will, I think that I do not exist, I think I can not get enlightened and I think that I need to surrender yet here, in this fight, all of these things are just burdens. They do not matter. Thats it. Do not carry anything. Do not carry anything. What is left when I leave all the stuff behind (+ emotions, I forgot them )? What is left??? I want to say that I know the answer. I want to say "nothing", I want to say that it does not even closely describe the state because there are no words left to describe it. Here we are again, concetrate on "I" and it will melt away with all the thoughts it came with. And the "I" will do it itself. This is called a real planned suicide and there is one bonus, you die while being alive. Also, note that this is a lie. Now the rat ran few circles and found herself on the same place, little bit dizzy but nowhere. It makes sense, where would you go in the circle? Now the rat was watching some of the stuff on one of the boxes and completely forgot about the maze. Here it is again. What do I suggest it to do? Leave her intentions, leave her body, leave all the rat memories and escape. Escape from the maze. Wow, what a lie to tell the rat. Cool, self inquiry poem: Who am I? What am I? Am I, I? Am I? Lie. Wow I really like this. Who likes this? Who listens to the music in background? Who sits on a chair? Who is writing this? Who is reading this? Who just stopped for a moment? Who was just looking around the maze? Why do I feel I exist in the first place? Because others told me so. They learned me all this thinking. Called me a name. Told me that I am the body. Told me that I experience all of this stuff around. I am trying to debunk this. Though I know that I can not do it from inside (in a sense). I have to get outside of here. Outside of this lie. Who does this? It is just a egoic desire though without egoic desire people do not get enlightened. It is part of the journey. It is necessary at some point but you can leave it behind as well as everything else once it brings no good. The time has come to release the burden. Who releases the burden? Noone? Does the burden releases itself? Maybe. Who does not know? This feels like the end for today. Dragallur

23rd day: Meditation 60 minutes. As usual. Self-inquiry 60 minutes. I think that I got back where I started in the good sense. The sessions with lot of writing were good, but these were only thoughts and I was trying to persuade myself of my nonexistence in a weird way. Lucid dreaming Uhh, after two nights of no dreams I got 1 dream today. Good. I am trying to stick to the schedule of going to bed and waking up. Physics Today nothing. Damn. Negatives No physics. I did not do Khan Academy for few days. When I am in class and they learn the start of calculus I help some of the kids around which is pretty fun. Also I can really check my understanding. I got the basis very well. I really know what is going on there which is nice! Positives Really fastly recovered from short time depression. Cool. Wednesday is great day for doing lot of stuff. Dragallur

@quantum Great job with your enlightenment work! I really like to keep track up with your journey! Thanks for sharing these things I was too thinking about longer meditation session, the max I did was something like 75 minutes of do-nothing, not very different from normal sessions.

21st day: Meditation 60 minutes of do-nothing. Had to break up few times because I did it in school but there was basically no other option since otherwise I would not do it at all. Self-inquiry 60 minutes of crappy self-inquiry. Little bit of awareness but I did it with other things and it was not useful. Monday is full as hell. Lucid dreaming Well, 0 dreams and I know that I forgot something like 3 or so. I went to bed at 21:30 as promised and woke up at 6:00! Cool. Physics Did some practical stuff with my host brother and it was very cool. I think I finally start to understand the currents that we build. That was like 90 minutes or so. Negatives Not much really. Today was good, except my dream recall and self-inquiry but I guess Monday is going to be like this. Positives I was on the physics thing which is cool and also I was on parkour for the first time! It was amazing. So fun, also I am extremely weak.. will have to work on that. Anyway these two things and the fact I want to go to sleep at 21:30 makes Monday really killer day. Dragallur

18th day: Meditation First time ever 60 minutes straight of SDS! I moved hands and so on but I made it finally. Painful, if the house started to burn at the moment I ended I would just lie there. This was brutal. Self-inquiry 120 minutes of straight self-inquiry. Interesting I want to expand my insights a bit but its really late so I will do it another time. Basically my mind is really fucked up with the fact that it can not do anything to get enlightened. Lucid dreaming Again woke up in the night! Two long and cool dreams! Definitely will try to keep with strict schedule for sleep and waking up though today it is late, I was participating on some talk. Physics Ahh, nope, nothing today. I am really starting to like the idea of The Grand Project I mentioned earlier. I will probably check out some things on how possible is to create such an online business. Negatives Not aware enough when discussing some opinions. Positives Really worked on doing self-inquiry when doing other things, cool! Happy otherwise. 50 minutes of yoga! For some time I wanted to cite a quotes from my most favorite band (Insomnium).. I listen to melodic death metal Here is first one: "To impart elegance all living Experience the grandeur in giving Felicity found in commitment Tranquillity in mere being" -Insomnium (Against The Stream) Dragallur

17th day: Meditation 60 minutes SDS. 43 minutes of no-lotus and 17 of kneeling. Thats good! Self-inquiry 120 minutes. I do not know what is the next step? There is none probably. I did not write lot today. I was more just sitting and being aware. How I would love to have some kind of process! Lucid dreaming 3 dreams! I woke up in the night and had cool one. Again for some reason woke up at 7:00 AM but I was so tired that I stayed until 7:45 or so. No alarms in the night anymore. Physics Cool, whole new chapter in calculus and I was creating my own Solar System which was cool! Negatives Some procrastination but I managed to self-inquiry it and did not get involved in the games! Positives Happy with being Dragallur

@Dodoster I know what you mean. I think it will come by itself. Now it happens to me more and more often that I inquiry throughout the day and that should be something we aim for I guess but when you have separate time for it you can are really concentrated on it and it can clear out quite few things.

16th day: Meditation 30+30 minutes of SDS. Quite ok, nothing new going here. Today I did 20 minutes of mindfulness! Yay, cool! Self-inquiry 130 minutes of writing and contemplating. Wow. This is getting deep. I think I realized that there is nothing for me to do. I can not do anything to reach enlightenment, how fucked up is that? I think I do not exist in Reality. "I" is just thought, just a concept, false concept that has no place in reality. Who experiences it? Nobody does, things just happen. Listened to Mooji, I know well what he is talking about but it does not help me at all. Nothing does. Shit. Lucid dreaming 1 cool dream + 1 random. Woke up at 7:00 AM for some reason instead of 6:00 AM, thats ok. Physics Wow, I said that I will be done soon but I just found that there is immense amount of stuff to cover! Not a problem Negatives Played Monopoly with my sister. I understand well why only awareness alone is curative. I felt pretty bad. I lost but also what is important I "wasted" something like 3 hours when I wanted to do self-inquiry. (See the paradoxes around?) From bigger perspective it was not a problem but not something I want to do again. Positives Went out for Frisbee at least. Had good mood otherwise. Really moving a lot everyday (ha, another paradox). I feel pretty motivated towards lucid dreaming! I finally understand "completely" what 100% responsibility means. Dragallur

@Mr Lenny Well I started self-inquiry after almost 4 months of meditation and I think it was quite good move. Everyday I added 1 minute and after two months I had 1 hour each day. If you feel like you have enough time and motivation for it. Just start, you will see how hard it is. The thing is that you need to concetrate on something but it should not be a problem if you are interested in Truth. Sometimes I feel like meditation is much harder for me sometimes its self-inquiry. Try it, nothing wrong can come out of it. I do not thnk it is valid to say something like 9 months before you will be able to start. Sure, after 9 months it might me more intense than when you start now but if you start now, by the time you will have 9 months of mediation you might be in big step towards enlightenment.

@Mr Lenny I think it will pass. You can try to break up your meditation. Eg. if you do for one hour you can try for few days just 30+30 minutes and see how it feels. Once it is ok just jump back in the bus. This happened to me too. I really screwed up some of my meditation sessions but now its alright. It just passed. You can also try different technique for a month or so but I think you will be back on track soon. Read some stuff about benefits of meditation and get yourself motivated to do it. Try to do it in the best time possible (for me its easiest in the morning). Hope it helps.

Oh sorry, I think I misunderstood.. are you meditating already? If not start with meditation. Keep it for month or so and if you fell REALLY confident follow up with self-inquiry. You do not want to start too many things at the same time.

@Mr Lenny If you think that enlightenment is the thing, go for it now. Start today, work up your way to 1 hour for example but keep meditating.

15th day: Meditation Sorry for not posting yesterday. Actually no, I wont apologize, it does not matter anyways. I did 60 (26+34) of meditation. Yesterday I did 60 too and also it was full SDS which was today too but in train which was kind of easy. Self-Inquiry Yesterday and today, great. Today I did 131 minutes and about 90 were without break. I wrote about 4 pages of complete shit, and I felt like even worse shit after it. Right after the end of the session I was having dinner. Oh my, the people, they do not exist. I was so much fucking out. I did not talk much for some time because I was so amazed by what the hell we are doing here with our lives. This is crazy. Lucid dreaming No dreams, yesterday 2. Going to rewamp my system. I will try to go to sleep regurarly exactly at the same time 21:30 and wake up exactly at 6:00 which is 8 hours 30 minutes. Maybe I will change it once I try it. I need to rebuild my basics in lucid dreaming. Physics Oh, I completely forgot about this one. Yesterday I did some chain rule. Cool, derivatives are going to be finished quite soon! Negatives Little of procrastination. Most of today I was in interesting type of museum where I actually did physics too in a way. (That is not negative of course). Also I skipped yoga though I planned it for a long time. Tomorrow since I wake up so soon I will have lot of time to do it! Positives I really have to praise this new type of self-inquiry. This really helps a lot. Otherwise I had to encounter some pretty interesting things like argument with my host-sister where I knew she is wrong by basic of human etique and she is using stupid arguments but I was still able to let go. Nothing like stupid arguments exist and etique is just a construct it does not matter, there was no right or wrong here. Challenge Nothing done basically, what did I thought when starting this "challenge"? I have an amazing idea. Lets call it: The Grand Project. The Grand Project This is idea of creating site, lets call it School of Astronomy where astronomy is stored. About planets? Everything, all news, all missions.. everything! Keplers laws, thousands of examples, or physics and math behind it, and how to learn astronomy, how to star gaze how to create your own telescope. Wow, this is going to be cool. One day. Dragallur

14th day: Meditation 60 minutes. Two shots on SDS. 28 and 32 right after each other but in different position. (No-lotus and then on knees) Self-inquiry 40 + 80 minutes. The 80 minutes were writing on computer. Deep as shit. It is very powerful I feel very concentrated when I do it. Lucid dreaming Screwed FILD because I fell asleep. At the same time I had 4 dreams in the morning, great! Physics Product rule finished, started quotient rule. Negatives Lot of procrastination. Used awareness little bit. Positives Feeling fine with stuff, turned the games in better experience and analyzing emotions at least. Also the Self-I was really cool. I totally fucked up the idea of myself. Definitely will continue next day! Challenge Huh, at least I was for walk, otherwise no yoga, no reading, no german, have to be honest huh? Tommorow I will have more time, the question is if it helps me. Dragallur

Oh ok, anyway as @bazera said. The biggest pitfall that he fell into was that he just did not watch the whole video. I get that it sounds strange "merging with lamp"... but Leo does not say that the angels really exist. I think he acknowledges that these are just hallucinations but very real ones. And he says that you should not cling that they will just pass. I think it is important for people to know about these things before it starts to happen to them and let go when it is the case. Let go, as Naked Reality says.

"If it would not feel good it would be irrelevant (enlightenment)" - I highly disagree on this one. Enlightenment is not about feeling good, it is about knowing what the Truth is. Irrelevant to what? So is he seeking enlightenment just to feel good?

Cool! See you

13th day: Meditation SDS broken into two parts because of lunch. Otherwise quite ok. I moved kind of often but only hands or so. The important part are legs that start to hurt I guess and these just stay as long as possible. Self-inquiry Extremely good, Wrote it on computer again. About 75 minutes or so. Lucid dreaming No dreams today! I went to sleep very late because I was in cinema so that explains. FILD did not work, will report tomorrow, got cool idea. Physics Wrote nice post on blog about Blue Origin and SpaceX! Lot of studying very fun. Negatives Used awareness alone is curative on game. Not so bad quite ok actually. Positives Good, I am quite happy, helped people around Challenge Learned some German but no yoga or books. Sucked today, and I have reasons, but I they do not give me less responsibility for it Dragallur

Thanks I thought about it since I have read the first Jed McKenna's book.. will check out how other people around do it. You are right it was very concentrated when I wrote it.

@quantum The list is amazing. This I would call top quality life when 10/10!

My Self-Inquiry: (Now I am self-inquiring so there is going to be lot of mess below) Who is self-inquiring? I am. Who is I? I. That does not bring us closer to the answer. Us? Me. I. Not body. Yup. Not mind.... hmm yup I guess so. Who guesses? I do. It is a thought that appears on the screen. Yes. Who answered? Who asked? I did. Does it mean that I asks itself what it is? Yeah. But it would mean that I is capable of asking. Is that a problem? That would also mean taht it has thoughts and that it has mind but it was just stated that I is not mind. Oh damn. So? Thought asks what is I, better? What is it than, does thought know? I do not know. Wow, who does not know? Sorry, my mistake. Whos mistake? Mine... I mean.. uhh what am I trying to do here? Yup, what are you trying to do here? Enlightenment? Who is trying to get enlightened. I do. Man, that was a thought. Can not I be a thought? Maybe if you write yourself without this capital "I" but rather i. You have not answered the question. Who are you reffering to?, who was asking question. You did, I heard you, in my head. LOL, who am I then?.. I hell good question, whos is this head anyway? Maybe it belongs to thought. Crap. Why? Thought disappear, see the thought was not here until I started to think about it. You just screwed. Yeah I know. Who knows that? Cmon, this was my role. Whos again? I am not thought. Who am I? I is a thought. I feel like writing thrilling story. Who feels like that? I do. Those are thoughts and thoughts disappear while I still exist. What? How do I know that I exist if I do not know who am I? Who does not know? A thought, thought is trying to figure this out. Shit. Asnwering with another thought, again and again. Who is aware of this? I am is just a thought. I do not know. Uhh, I was already through this, ouch, damn, what should I do. Do I need to do anything? I still think that I am I. This is stupid. Who thinks that? I....... Who is aware of this I? No answer? I am waiting for an answer. Who is waiting? A thought, but then it disappears. Thoughts disappear and another thought acknowledges it but then it disappears, like this one. I already know that thoughts would not exist without externall stimuli. Lets prove it again. I do self-inquiry because I listened to Leos videos. I write here because I was taught how to write on keyboard and how to read. (This one is strange) I think about my home in Czech Republic because I lived there for a long time. I judge people because of what I see. (And based on other thoughts of course) I think that some things are healthy based on their taste and what I have heard from others. I think that I am <my real name> because people call me like that. I think that stuff belongs to me because somebody told me what I own and what has to happen for you to own something. Guess this is enough. I noticed that there was lot of "I". lol Ok I am trolling ups.. This is not getting anywhere. Who thinks that it should get anywhere? Thoughts change, experience changes... who actually thinks that I do not change or that I exist at all? A thought? I think that I do not change because I can recall that "being" felt the same week ago, two weeks, month, I even tested this one. But who thinks this? "I thought" does not change. It still has (roughly) the same spelling and the same tone since it is ME who is saying it. Me? Really? DIdnt you learn anything? Who is to learn anything? I learn whole my life. No.. Dragallur is learning, I could substitute the name for anything else and it would not change anything about me. (Wat?) Dragallur is just a label. Everyones name is just a label that has nothing to do with the real self whatever it is. It has nothing to do with reality, it is not true because reality is true and the name does not describe reality. What describes reality? Not thoughts, those are based on language and language is just labels. Though I experience reality, or not? Who experiences reality? My eyes? Whos eyes? These eyes see stuff and I call it reality. I call it reality. I call it reality. I call it reality. I call it reality. Have you noticed some kind of pattern here? I did. Who is laughing? Oooo, smily little face, because it is me who is laughing, my face is laughing. (Actually IRL I have just a small smile). Who is laughing? I believe something. But it is just a thought. And thought is just a label, completely arbitrary, it serves the mind to think about stuff around. Who is writing all of this? The person behind computer. Human being. Who thinks that? Not only I but also everybody else around me. Where do we know this from? Other people told us. We could all be deceived about the most fundamental thing. It already occured to ME that these words are just being typed out, no one really typing them. Though I feel like I control my fingers. I stopped for a moment before this sentence for example. Just a thought. Thoughts also arise, then they vanish. Let this document be MY proof, all of them are based on the I that is doing stuff, thinking stuff. But it is just another thought. Ha! And it rises up so often that it is just continous stream of I. As movie is continous stream of pictures. Love this analogy I love this analogy. Sorry for not finishing sentences. I apologize for not finishing sentences. It is so clear. I am a thought. --> Means I am not a thought though thought thinks that it is thought. What was this? Those are just thoughts. Do I exist, truly, really, without false thoughts? The only thing I can say, is that I do not know. Thats.. well.. mind boggling, guess that is why mind cannot get through this. But that I exactly what it is trying to do with this exact sentence. WITH THIS Who would even control my thoughts. I? Thoughts controlling thoughts? To whom does it seem, not true? To a thought, like this one and another. Lets examine why thoughts are not true. True means representing the reality, that is what science is trying to do. Represent reality truly (though after doing this stuff I guess that it does not do the best job ever). Do thoughts represent reality truly? What would it mean? I need something that I am sure of being true and compare it to thoughts. But everything that comes through mind is somewhat converted into thought. But as I said, thoughts are made up of language. I could not think without language. Language is just word. When you point to thing and say it is apple, you will bring lot of stuff with it. Apples are red, juicy, sweet. Red color, that is also something we point at "This is red". But blind person has no idea what red is. Also if I learn my kids that they call red the stuff we normally say it is green nothing would happen. It is just a label. We could switch from green to red and red to green and after few years of work everybody would call the stuff "the right way" again. Language and thoughts are just tools. Tools for communicating what we see. If we call something by a label we bring lot of thoughts with it that add story to the object but the object does not clearly store the information. It is just in our thoughts. Thoughts are not true because they are made of language and language is just labels that does not matter and can not ever describe reality truly. "I thought" is not true, it is just a label and maybe the wrongest one. The important thing is.. everything that I wrote is not true. It is just a bullshit, all of it. It is trying to comprehend reality through labels and trying to uncover these labels with just other labels. It is labels all the way down. That is what we do. We label things. Look around, really do it RIGHT NOW. Look around. Stop on something random and say to yourself what it is! It is not that. It is not even something else. The whole idea of objects is simply false. We create some arbitrary borders for things to exist so that we can live our lives happily. But what are we actually living. Going to school, going to work, going to eat something. We do all of this and at the same time screwing reality that is around us with our labels and thoughts. Even this paragraph is false even though it could seem that it is providing the answer. It is fundamentally false trying to fight its way out using language, again. That what I do. Use language I use language but this I that I call I is just as false as the language. Even saying that it is false is false and it does not make the next fucking word any more truthful. What then does? We go in our lives. Caring about all this shit. Just in the community of humans. It does not matter if you die really. It really matters only to people. Because they have their self-image which are constructed on thoughts and these thoughts on other thoughts and other layers of lies. And more lies. We go and think about money, sex, self-development. Thinking that it matters, but it is all lie. All just build up lie. And this whole giantic lie sits on the biggest lie, the lie of I. Such a small letter. I Thats it. Lies. Lies. Lies. Lies. Lies. Lies. We are going through are stupid lifes, and then we die. Our lifes are made up of complete shit and then we die. I am lie. I am lie. The people that I think about as my family. Those are just piles of walking thoughts, piles of walking lies. Friends too. Teachers also. Reader also. Sorry reader. Funny, lie is apologizing. I guess this was all just bullshit. All just lie. I have nothing to say. Who am I again? Dragallur (I read it once after myself and corrected only some spelling mistakes otherwise everything is the same as when I was self-inquiring. Hope someone could give me comment on this, but I do not know if someone will have the time to read at least part of it. It took me about an hour to write it and I stopped sometimes for a minute or so.)

What the hell? This should go in the joke section immediately (Thanks, this one was great!)

11th day: Meditation 60 minutes. Today only 36 were SDS. My right leg right under knee hurts from the running yesterday Self-inquiry 65+60=125 minutes. Cool. Nothing really happened and I realised that I wont be able to keep up this pace when school starts again. Lucid dreaming I had two dreams in my memory but than forgot one so only one short dream today. Nothing to worry about. Physics Did lot of derivatives. Topic: Basic differentiation finally finished, now some harder stuff is coming and then integrals! Also found some interesting stuff about Blue Origin and SpaceX, probably going to write about in on my blog later. Negatives After lunch I have been extremely lazy for maybe an hour. Otherwise the day was fine except that I said I will join some garden work tommorow. This is not a problem itself, I know that it will be worth it even that right now I am not so happy about it. It is just the feelings that come with it I am not so happy about. Also I felt like the people could let me be for a whole day. I do not like very much when somebody asks how are the computer games going (not the case today) or what you are doing this whole time, sitting infront of computer?.. Of course I know that this is only my problem. If I need to solve this I will tell them that I meditate and that it is not true though I am kind of dodging to talk with people about this stuff. Nobody here really knows that I am doing self-actualization. (Actually I am for one year on exchange in Germany, just for you guys to know). I feel like I would really like to help people around me but I know that their reactions would be.. well. Actually my host-mother asked me once about how is it that I am always so relaxed. I mentioned self-actualization and that I (HERE I almost manipulated you with the word "try") do not worry about petty things. I think that this is generally true. When I am around people I could sometimes laugh at their problems.. on the other hand everybody has their own problems and I can not judge the seriousness of their situation, thats nice, I can keep with that so that I do not become some kind of moralizator. That day I also mentioned meditation but they did not catch on this thema. Not that it worries me. Positives As I mentioned, my right leg hurts so I wont be running for some time. At least I did yoga today for 52 minutes and listened to last Leos video during that time for the second time. Challenge Yoga done. Little bit of German learned. No challenge though and no reading. Dragallur

Lucid dreaming special: Today I will share with you my lucid dreaming story. Basically about 2 years back I heard about lucid dreaming from my friend. He did not ever practice it though but I really liked the idea. Soon after that I teached basics to new friend and we were in it together. It took me about 1 month to get the first lucid dream and it was long in matter of seconds. Right now I am not even sure if it was not dream about lucid dream. I did not really care about my dream recall and after about 2 or 3 months I quit. For year and half I did not think about it at all. Then little bit less than a month after I started meditating I started to keep a journal. As of today I have almost 200 dreams under my belt which is something like 0.96 dreams per night. I have also 8 lucid dreams in total (not counting the first period 2 years ago). SInce I already have lot of data I have learned quite lot from it. Basically for these 200 days I am keeping huge statistics of how many dreams I got, how much I have slept, when did I woke up at night. It is quite large right now and I can draw conclusions better and better. There are certain hours where I get much more dreams. Also if you are on this journey do not forget about dream recall. I have been fighting with it a lot and none of the six books (that I read about lucid dreaming) have ever brought me a final solution, which does not need to happen to you.. my friend without much of an effort has 6-8 dreams per night and dreams that take up 2 word pages! Anyway I find this statistics as my lifesaver, (dreamsaver) otherwise I bet I would still be on the start. RIght now I am trying FILD technique which you can easily look up on the internet. In couple of minutes I will post the summary of today.

10th day: Meditation 60 minutes only. 44 minutes (which is my record) I did SDS in no-lotus position with back to wall. The rest I was sitting on my knees, quite cool. And remember, never ask a person to do something after their SDS session Self-inquiry 60+40 minutes. All done in SDS though I moved a lot but tried to maintain general position. The second time for the 40 minutes it was quite intense. I really inquired all the stuff around me and me and it was quite cool. Want to expand this part definitely. My goals, see down.. Lucid dreaming Nice night, 3 dreams. All written down even before breakfast as planned! Good job. Next time I could write into diary directly instead of phone to save some time. Physics Good job too. I did some calculus and generally some practice on Khan Academy. I am really looking forward to finish the part of calculus I need and jump on physics again! Negatives Not really though I had for a moment during Self-I frustration moment and in the first part I was not really concentrated. Also today I have spent a lot of time doing other stuff, I helped with cooking for almost 2 hours or so, which is not a problem because thats quiet useful anyway. Tommorow I need to go sooner to sleep and also I will try out FILD again. Positives Nice day. I feel very satisfied. Minor distractions like this forum but I think I did my best today. Will work on that. Otherwise I did not rush things at least I guess so I did not keep myself stupidly busy but I just did stuff and it was fun! Holiday challenge SInce I have holiday I wanted to do some small challenge for myself though I do not have the rules yet so much. I have until 17th of October. I want to run everyday, do yoga, read more because I simply skipped this one for a long time, more self-inquiry meaning some kind of long session once in a while. I run 5.36 kilometers today with the tempo of 5:44 which is ok though nothing exceptionall. Deep time plans I want to have 1 hour in average of self-i when I hit one year of meditation (1.3.2017). That should not be so hard, I have 2403 minutes less than that, (that is less than 2 days straight). The harder version I want to do is to have 365 hours of self-i when I hit year of meditation. The thing is that I started self-i on the first of July which is something totally different. Let me calculate this: 123.3 minutes every day. Wow that is not something I do right now I will think about this more but it would be nice if I somehow boosted it, will see what I like to do! Dragallur PS: hopefully tommorow I will share with you some of my special lucid dreaming boosts and my journey so far and who the hell I am actually.