Pretty In Blue

reply to Lila9: thanks for sharing your thoughts. I agree that one person cannot give everything to the other person. Your point about community is very interesting, even though I personally prefer something else, I still think even like having a support system in your family, friends, etc. is super important to achieve some sort of balance.

reply to Hojo: I totally get it..I had no intention ever to abuse anybody. What I want ultimately is to feel satisfied in the relationship and have a partner that is also satisfied. Cause how could I be happy if he was miserable? I am digging into this, cause I had partners who were not satisfied with me (even though I did everything "right") and I wondered if they themselves even knew where is the root of the problem. Yeah the abuse is totally a real thing, I see this a lot on social media, hurt people giving each other advice how to not get screwed over and in the end it ends up being shady and abusive towards the opposite sex.

reply to Hasson_Miah: Yeah that was my impression as well - about the countries you mentioned. Unfortunately, I never had a chance to see this type of marriages in real life. Basically, the fifty fifty is typical in western countries (I am from Central Europe, so that is the overall mentality here as well). Honestly, I never saw a fifty fifty relationship that would last longer than let's say 5, 10 years that would actually look like it is happy and fulfilling for both. At the very best scenario, they were giving vibes of semi frustrated roommates.

Reply to LordFall: I really like that you found out what you really want and you did not try to submit to the classic norms. I like the idea of collective business. It is great that you live in a place where alternative lifestyles are rather normal. I live in a place where that is not the norm and people tend to follow the structures more unanimously. So that is what has been always difficult for me to stand out and also maybe one of the driving reasons why I felt the need to discuss it here. However, it is not a good idea to try to find support, I just need to be certain myself in the kind of lifestyle I choose and not seek support in others..the more I will be sure about it, the less I will need others approval or whatever. "I would say use AI to flesh out and reverse engineer your dream lifestyle and go from there." - I absolutely love this! I would not think of this in a million years. Definitely will give this a fair shot. "Have you read through the female dating strategies subreddit?" - No I did not, thank you for the link. I will check it out, sounds awesome! "Also in general there are plenty of provider males out there. I am one of them and in general I get dopamine from giving money to a woman and people in general as long as they are appreciative of it." - this was actually one of the main reasons that I forgot to mention here that got me thinking about all of this. I knew something is off in my relationships and the proponents of this work are claiming that if you do not let the man provide/protect/be the man, he is not gonna love you, be fulfilled etc. I never needed money from a man. I am completely self sufficient and I take care of all my financial needs easily. The reason I got into this concept was that I wanted to improve my relationships so that I feel better in them and also the other person feels better. I wanted to study men and realize what do they actually want and need? If they have a need to provide and protect and I don't know about it and I am giving them something else, I can work on myself to do things differently. Ultimately, I want both of us feel good in the long-term.

Reply to something_else: thank you for pointing out my gut response. I did not think of it this way. About the appeal to nature fallacy - I get the points you mentioned and it makes total sense, but at the same time, not everything that is natural is ultimately bad. But sometimes what feels natural is good. For example - for me it feels natural to eat veggies. Should I stop? Or it feels natural to be heterosexual - so should I resent it and force myself into something else? I don't think so..Or for me it feels natural to be rather in my feminine than in more neutral state or in masculine..should I resent my feminine side and go into neutral or masculine state? I don't feel like it..But I appreciate your argument and I will definitely ponder it in other ways and how it relates to this topic. The marriage thing is tricky, cause if the woman ever wants to get married, then in the societal arrangement where man is typically the one who proposes, she can get stuck pretty easily waiting and waiting for a man to come around when he maybe did not have any plan to do so all along. I read about this as the "girlfriend trap" and that it could be easily avoided. "Outsourcing your love life strategy" - you kind of made a light bulb go off in my head with this statement. I did not think of it this way at all. Thank you so much, this is something I should probably learn and look into more, what is right for me by me and not by norms of someone else. Kind of like making my own recipe.. All in all, thank you for your time and effort writing me a detailed commentary, overall I find it super useful and valuable as food for thought.

To everyone - I did not mean to offend anybody. I was literally studying a concept out of desperation I guess. I am trying to explain it as best of my abilities, but apparently I am not doing a very good job. It seems everybody is strictly opposed this - do you please have any other suggestion? Anything to look into? Books etc.? I would greatly appreciate also books on sexual dynamics that you find useful. thank you all.

Hello NewKidOnTheBlock, I partially replied to this in my previous post (in my reply to something_else) - yeah that is the idea actually. What the woman brings is the intangible, the energy she is in while being with the man, making him feel good, respecting him, creating him a home, bringing and caring for children (if they have any), taking care of herself and her looks, appreciating him for what he does. And also working - I explained it above about the feminine work and also about the sex part. You know when you are doing things in life, when they are truly appreciated, it makes you feel great. Apparently, she says that men need this. That is the dynamic - one person is giving, the other person is receiving. If both are giving, and nobody is receiving with appreciation, that makes the giving not so fulfilling. I know there are forums and videos and channels on internet where people agree with this and then there are forums where people strongly disagree. I think it is very courageous from you to be saying that I "haven't been brought up well". Just because I asked a question in a forum? I said that I had many reservations towards this approach and that I was never in any other relationship than fifty fifty. So..if you have a suggestion what a healthy relationship dynamic should look like, I would love to hear that. But otherwise..I don't know what to say.

Hello something_else, thank you for your reply and input. I really appreciate you taking the time and replying to me on this. To clarify on what I meant (I am sorry maybe I am writing it all wrong, cause I feel like I am leaving a very negative impression here on her work based on the replies here) - she did not mean that the woman is just laying around all day doing nothing. That would not be something I would even consider. What she means is that the partners work together as a union, each of them is in their polarity (man is in his masculine and woman is in her feminine) and each of them is contributing with their individual gifts. She was saying that men are unhappy in fifty fifty relationships (and that they are ending up resenting the woman they are with), because they do not feel respected, appreciated and they don't feel like a man, living to their full potential. (I cannot comment on this, cause I am not a man, so I don't know what men need to feel fulfilled in a relationship). However she was saying that a true respect is not possible in a relationship where a woman si basically doing exactly the same thing as the man. But if he is securing her, taking care of her and providing, then she can respect him easily and appreciate him honestly. What the men is getting out of this - based on her explanation is that he feels useful, manly and fulfilled. He is fed with the feminine energy (this is what she was explaining as well that kind of disturbed me a bit - she was saying that the women is being depleted by having sex with the man, as he is recharging and refreshing himself through sex, while she is depleting herself - that is why she should be provided for, cause if she is charging up a man via sex, then she should get something back...?). I mean this feels off to me and if any of you have any resources on this sexual dynamics, I would be happy to educate myself further. Well the difference between level 1 and 3 should be in the consciousness and options - each of them is in their polarity and recognizing that in order for them to be fulfilled, they have to have a polarized relationship - it is not supposed to be fair, it is supposed to be in adherence to nature. Nobody is forced to do it, they have other options, but they decide to do, cause it makes them feel good. I mean the whole providing was normal in the past, so she is basically talking about how we evolved. And the level 3 is supposed to bring together two people who consciously know what makes them feel good and they acting according to it, even if it is not fifty fifty fair. The endless dating point - she says it is a bug because men allegedly know very fast if they want to marry a woman (historically people got married in arranged marriages where the person was vetted and they did not have three years to be dating and testing and verifying. There was mentioned in the videos that a lot of men basically knew that they are never gonna marry their longterm girlfriends and they were just dragging them on. I would never think this was possible, until I discussed this topic with several groups of women who told me that after years of having a boyfriend, they had to drag him to the altar (I mean he was not willing to do it on his own without a little or bigger push...). And Mina says that if you use rotational dating, the men usually propose very fast (because they know soon if they want you as a wife or not). Look I am not saying that this is a correct approach. This is what I studied as a concept, I never used it in practice. I do not have the feeling that anybody would be used in this case. I mean the man has to be aware of what is happening. I am simply asking questions here, because this is a forum and this was an idea and concept that is drastically different from what I ever studied on relationships. I want to thank you again for your thoughts. I find them super useful and your comment is exactly why I asked this question. I have many issues with this approach, but I wanted to discuss it.

Hello Hojo, thank you so much for your reaction! I completely understand where you are coming from and those were my concerns as well. I just want to explain some things from my post that I did not write too clearly - The idea was not that the woman dates around while the man is providing. The idea is that the woman goes on dates with multiple man to find out the one that is most compatible for her (and she supposes that men are actually doing the same thing - they are dating multiple women at once to find the right one - this is actually a whole concept of rotational dating - you are not physical with any of those people, you are getting to know them). After they choose each other, the presumption is that they enter a monogamous relationship. So I wanted to clarify this part. Also the reason behind man providing was that she can up level herself for him, so that her energy, beauty, body, everything is the best it could be for her husband. And so when she invests in her looks, that is something that he benefits from as well. (Although I get your point that this is speculative, I am just simply explaining the logic behind it). From the men side, she claims that a man is falling in love by providing and if he does not pour into the woman, he cannot ever love her fully, nor can he ever feel like a complete man (she said it is correlated to his hormonal system and that he is wired to give from his overflow and that is what brings him deep satisfaction). Also she said that a lot of men will claim they don't want this and that they want a fifty fifty, but once they try it, they enjoy it and she gave testimonies from her clients who switched from fifty fifty to man providing and their relationship quality improved overall (even sexually). So the example that you provided - a woman providing for a man - this also exists, but it doesn't function very well longterm, cause woman's body is not set up for such productivity and she inevitably burns out. The man is not falling in love and does not feel masculine and useful and is not satisfied at all. (Again, maybe you would disagree, I am just trying to explain the theory behind this). And also evolutionarily, this does not have any background, while a man providing for a woman has evolutionary background. Building generational wealth part - she was talking about this in connection that it is important for the woman to have her own outlet and be able to make money as well, cause it is very possible that once she comes back to work after having kids, or she launches some business or whatever, because she is not forced to make money (their livelihood is covered 100 % by the man), she is making money out of pleasure, which is the way women are supposed to work (according to her input) - because women have different hormones and bodies and they can achieve top results under different conditions. And so once the woman starts making money, that is the time they can put these money into investments and build the wealth (while the mans income is used to cover basic expenses). The whole idea is that the women's income is not needed, however it should come as the woman should also be capable and not useless in the real world like the woman from the level 1. The reason why I am talking about this in such detail is that I tried fifty fifty relationships (I never had any other type of relationship) and the man never fell in love with me, the relationship became boring no matter what we tried and it eventually faded away. After studying this, I also came to the conclusion that one thing is what men say and whole another thing is what men DO. So you saying that men hate it - I hear you, but at the same time, are they really satisfied in fifty fifty? All I see around me are miserable fifty fifty relationships. Nothing is polarized. So I honestly have no idea what to do. I want a relationship, but I have NO CLUE how to treat men anymore. I don't know what to do, cause I don't want to be miserable again, at the same time I don't want to force a man into anything, if they really do not want to provide, I get it, but is it possible that they actually like it but will not admit it? In my fifty fifty, I always felt like something is off, but could not put my finger on it.. And what is the best model you could strive for? Honestly I am sooo confused by all the contradictory advice on the internet..all I know is that nothing has been working for me and I want to try something different, but I am not sure what that could look like. Honestly, at this point I am so desperate that I am contemplating just forgetting this and take things as they are.. Anyway, thank you for your input, you actually confirmed what I already thought..so yeah I get it..I understand men don't want to be used My ultimate goal was to create a fulfilling relationship..that is all.. As I said above, I would be super grateful for any advice how should the well working relationship look like in practice. What is your model then?

Hello everyone, After an unsuccessful relationship, I have been single for the past couple of years. During that time, I was studying different viewpoints of relationships and I came across a YouTube channel "The Universe Guru" by Mina Irfan. This is a Pakistani immigrant living in US a she is putting forward this idea of 3 levels of relationships: 1. level - masculine man and feminine woman - the man is in complete control, woman is obedient and not in control of the finances, etc. 2. level - the 50:50 relationships - typical in western countries, either partner pays half or some percentage (not a strict half - depending on their income ratio), they sort of do half of household chores..basically the "fair" relationship, based on the information from her, this is the type of relationship that makes people miserable after a longer time and also it is the most sexless of all types 3. level - conscious relationship, the woman uses rotational dating and dates multiple men at once without being physical with them and once any man is interested in her, he asks her to marry him (this can happen very fast, even in a month or two). After his proposal, her family gets to meet him and vet him, he provides documents and bank statements that he is able to provide for his family and that he is decent and stuff. When she agrees to marry him, they get married and have sex after the marriage (she says this is important, as otherwise the man will just have casually sex with the woman, she will get emotionally attached to him and he will never marry her, or he will, but after a looong time and that this is very common in western countries - the endless dating without proposal. When in marriage, the man is consciously providing for the woman, paying all the basic needs from his money, woman has her own money (or they can have a shared account), but she is independent, however lets the man provide for her (she could easily take care of herself, but in order to keep the relationship polarized, she consciously puts herself in feminine energy when she is with the man and he is securing and protecting her fully). Her own money is then used for her beauty, self growth or investment or extra luxuries. In order for this kind of relationship to work properly, Mina claims that this couple should be married, so that they are in that together and can build their generational wealth together, that both the woman is secured (in case she stays at home for periods of time with children etc...so that is why the man needs to secure her financially by himself) and the man knows as well, that this is his wife and he is pouring his money into his family basically. My apologies for this wild explanation, but I hope you get the point. I got kind of stuck on this concept, because I am not from any kind of arabic culture or other culture that would practice this. There are some things I find extremely valuable, because to be honest, I HATE fifty fifty relationships, for some reason they make me feel like crap (and she actually touches on a lot of reasons why that is..). However, on the other hand the idea of marrying someone so fast seems very dangerous, as marriage is no guarantee of anything and divorce can be very painful, if you already built a life for yourself as well. I am very desperate lately, as I cannot seem to grasp this concept fully and I guess I am looking for some alternatives? Do you guys follow any YouTubers or influencers or have some books on this topic? Cause the idea of man providing seems to be pissing a lot of men off (in unrelated internet discussions that I have seen so far) and in my head the idea of men providing and keeping relationship polarized sounds great, but of course if the men don't like that, then I (as a woman) don't feel like pushing anybody into anything. I saw some male channels on instagram like Stephen Speaks (also on YT) or taylorlove.co on Instagram and others, but from what I have seen a lot of women follow them..in a book by David Deida - The way of superior man - nothing like this is mentioned. I remember that only like one sentence was "Man should take the financial responsibility" I am like huh?? can you be any more vague? what does it mean? Mina was also talking about how women being feminine feed the men with their energy and feminine women are basically building men up by having sex with them. That a man is truly self confident only after he has sex with a woman, because he is pulling that precious feminine energy from her and building himself up. She is saying that this is known in eastern cultures and they are protecting women by keeping the sex after marriage, so that both men and women get what they need (men gets that feminine energy through sex and women get that masculine providing). That a woman to be fully feminine needs to be rested (and work and educate herself for her pleasure or on her own terms, not from a desperate need for money - that is the man job) and that is the man who takes care of her and lets her rest to be radiant and fuel him. And that unmarried women lets themselves being used and they spent years building a man up while being his girlfriend and then the man leaves them for someone else and is already built a lot of money etc with the use of one woman, who does not get to benefit from that. Anyhow, sorry for my rant, but if there is anybody who can recommend to me any good concept on how to approach relationships or what is your views on dating with and without marriage, I would appreciate it so much. I want to clarify for myself what I really want and what is possible, before I start dating again.. Thank you very much in advance for your help.