KosmicGeng

When I was jacked a.f I had silent stalkers in these modern/zalando type clothings with coats following me in the supermarket, I was training to go for a small ultra 5k swimming, 10k running, 20k+ biking, I cared less for biking, as I could bike forever and just trained endurance swimming on the weekend and 1h+ cardio during the week, once or twice doing athlean x training it was brutal what I did. I looked so masculine and I generally have masculine features, I get these "save me request" at times from women, and I only sleept with two girls in total, they project so much b.s even of "God-Likeness" when you meditate which I did also at least 30 mins per day during that time, coming from a 1h practice with home retreats on the weekend meditating 8h+ depending on how I could endure it, I still had some issues facing death and depression of people around me, but had a lot of support from fellow gym members, athletes and the attention of healthy and succesful women, that also workout, and not simple "care for body" but actually had a value of health similar to mine felt good, they cared about a level of athleticness in order to be healthy and a healthy member and leader of society at that, for e.g one women in my study program I saw her often in the gym, and that was quite inspiring, as I pushed beyond 150kg+-200kg+ squats, training also mostly with my own bodyweight, but mostly with apps, as we did not have any fitness trainers, and I bought different types of programs. To move on to the stalker point, even when I stopped training and I am in online rooms studying for exams, as it helped me with accountability I had women send me messages of "Oh my god your jawline etc." even men and I thought these compliments are nice, but I actually yearn to study, and I'd rather game with a friend play leauge of legends or some other fun game for 30 minutes, instead of engaging in small talk about beauty of a man and my jawline, I had 20-30 LSD experiences under my belt contemplating beauty and deconstructing it, and I don't know it was weird, often modern women, with high cognitive abillity wanting strong masculine features, and a lot of arabic men, just complimenting my masculinity, it was odd I have never seen a white person do that besides in good jest, and to continue to go about ones day and work, and leave it at that, I enjoyed that more then the "save me attention we're now friends" I had one girl wanting me to evaluate her entire A.I & data science portfolio while I was just getting into it, and I thought what is the issue etc? But getting older having had high-status for e.g. last year I almost meet up with a super hot Opera singer from france, and being ethnic myself I don't really see myself ethnic I am half american & half german, and meet other more interesting "remixes" at least that is how Grok A.I calls me I find it funny, but not from a human to be called remix out of context. The attention alone can be quite "stalking" I disliked it almost dodging or training as I I would dribble in the super market the attention of women eye-balling your for fecundity unconsciously and reporudctive values, or the whole social gimmickery post-modernists play, the most enjoyable conversations just came from people that we're normal and conscious, say hallo have a nice day and being kind, being naturally charming, and not a lustful endorsed "luciferian" type of soul, what I call it, I still dig into the fun in terms of enjoying lust, but I see more of it's vice now after being in a relationship with a cheater, and that is the last quality I will most likely have, I experience the evolutionary pull, but I never did anything like this, and I saw how betrayl feels like and I don't do onto others what I don't want to be done to me, so I put everything away, but it was partially annoying, as I keep growing I held myself down, as I get so much fucking attention for success it is surreal, it makes me suicidal partially, as I actually care about mastery at time a bit to deeply, and people enjoy it putting me into the spotlight, but I don't enjoy the post-modern versions and vibe era, it's mostly about sex and enjoying life at this point. I actually did care about creating a conscious family and to have children, but it was impossible with my standards about health, and what I faced, now I will most likely focus more on career and spirituality and enjoying networking, but don't fall into the trap of this stage yellow-turqouise shadow of endless networking which causes an abortion to self-actualizing needs, and feeding useless events to maintain friendship and networks that are done due, I delete people now fairly quickly, as these patterns keep repeating themselves, I have women yearning to sing while they jump on my d*ck, I presume it's due to the prevalence of my BaZi chart being quite powerful in nature having famous people in the entertainment industry, it creates an odd dynamic, and I charted a lot of people gaining insight into core personalities and archetypes, mostly from people active in the sexual industry, as just taking normies says little about their dirty little bed secrets and at times normies are worse, and have more baggage then one can think of, but yes I had "quite stalkers" or "fan-girls" depending on how succesful I am, I am an absolute outliert by D.N.A and most often have to meet also absolute outliers by D.N.A for e.g my old physics professors in cs for machine learning, a lot of "fake outliers" just push themselves in the limelight, I am very much done with ahrimanic forces and luciferan souls. I look to get away and demanifest these type of people, they don't quite get what light is or white light and need to dance and move I move 2 steps and I get the entire principel, and people want me to make a career out of it, been asked for modeling etc. but it's not a healthy industry, and it's annoying to fit industry standards while I am more set to my own standards and defining my own style. I am pretty sure she deleted me off Tinder, to not get laid, but I can't expect much from a lunatic women, that got her vagina cut from the son of the police department, I still wonder how that happened, how can you make someone so pissed, he attacks your genitals, I've meet f*ed people and I know my dark side, but I never hurted someone like this, imo women should be more careful with their bodily behaviour at times, especially if they are jealous and this person was deeply jealous while I worked this out of me since I was 18, doing gratitude exercises but I see this ibliss consciousness at times, in women that are heart-centered and devotional, but a lot of impulses stem from envy also, it's odd I changed after contemplating more evolution and having to many "gamer" type friends and not the relationship material friends, most of my close "ex" best friends are married or in a happy relationship, I am completely different with re-married parents etc. the whole dynamic and experience becomes quite complicated as I see 2-3 outdated models, and did some self-actualizing practices, but a lot of it depends also on enviroment, I don't know eventually I just settle for hot & crazy again, or I find someone reasonable that is not in a health/relgious cult it's super annoying, I also pull my friends gf's and match them their desires and prospects not perfectly but according to their needs, but I get so little of it, but then date a larger pool of women it's odd. I disliked going out with players I saw to much abuse that is not very good for me, I can also turn ugly, and I am glad I did not turn full ugly, yet I am more happy I am part of a new family with more educated people, and I can finally enjoy some time with my mother, after she is in a new relationship with someone. I can't really expect something conscious of a women, if she is not willingly more open to integral courses and work, but I will just have to date & test more women, having been out with phd's etc. There are so many excuses for their behaviour etc. just opening the app one second, "feministic men hot a.f" just to go after post-modern promescuity or to enjoy some yin energy, I can also just dance at home and sing to chris brown or smth, that is gay enough, idk I am more hoping for a miracle, I get enough offers as soon as I do better, I would not care about game, but living in purpose more. It will be most likely easier to bag the hottie or the few conscious girls, but it's to much currently, I have to see I've had the strangest of experiences and coincidences, 19 year old spanish babe almost inviting me to family studying medicine etc. it's odd a.f for me,I attract close to everything possible, and there are still patterns and new patterns opening up, I don't even go out also just decent pictures, and they are not even masculine, I even attracted hot russian alternative health practicionars, that was also odd, but I am figuring more out with what I learned psychologically with daoism/bazi influences what type of women fit, as a lot of it depends on conditional happiness in a relationship, and I was already shooting for unconditional happiness etc. I am often happier without a relationship,. and I might just buy a dog or smth. else or a cat, anyhow it's no wonder we don't have any conscious families and this christian version of it, imo this liberal grooming from women to men, is just already out of date since the 1960's but women enjoy so much feminine energy, can't repress them, anyhow shameless endless post

All good it's self-serving reflections partially, I enjoy reading what you do, enjoy socialization man! I see very nice and chill things, I hope I can finally go out solo for a while and not be haunted by crazy ppl, and turn crazy. Or I hope I can solo travel at one point again that was just awesome seeing China alone.

Dude I hope they can fix my audible tomorrow IIRC I have 240 titles now that is insanity

I created and dovetailed more systems, but I presume many will just copy some stuff will just be impossible by the way I think, most can't follow I am very happy to be misunderstood in that regard, I will make another coffee, I can finally put some ideas to test and integrate them via cs & mathematics and some older principles that interested me also, I'd really like to get away from the academia hijacked neutrality of science and women, after having read pride & prejudice, I am solving real personal problems with A.I & prompts finally, that I'd be required to take notes and courses, and my whole insta is full of science of electronics etc. as a part of me resonates with that, it's mostly the Hurting Officer drive for creativity and I am still figuring that archetypal part out of me, as it's also quite spiritual and renounces pretty much everything for it's purpose or goal in the most extrem sense IIRC, but I have to get started on these systems, The human design audiobook also showed tremendous value I differ vehemently as my crown chakra is designed the book was in german so it does not turn to wu, and it recommended some credible sources "seemingly" from some german scientist linking dna with hexagrams etc. which is interesting to me, and one reason I also went into cs, with the current setup, I can produce engineering paper types of work using more natural language also, as I took some classes in NLP and was quite good, but the more difficult ones took a lot of times and I still have some issues with my high sex drive at times my body requires smth. I can't put my finger on in order to study. I am mostly happy observing relationships, and that I can rebuild the one with my mother as this was super important to me after two women in my family passed away, and I notice the serenity of life force in that despair, or the actual DAO of LEBEN and not SINN. Ideally tomorrow I will analyze my note-taking of my hand-written mindmaps to see if they align with what Justin Sung is teaching to fix some learning methods, I was an extremely good student till they somehow killed my imagination, and the techniques brought it back, especially in biology at times I get things about life, also having lived vegan doing retreats that are very deep, as you contemplate life very differently, now I am a second degree murder running on multiple trials.... how fun, proveking a 6'3 guy with ego and at times with atttiude, I can still laugh more about the issues I have with 9's in the enneagram or weird 7's recently after arriving here, but I actually wanted to write something positive about the 9's but I have to see I already am quite biased to what I prefer where, I just don't yearn to be around this ibliss type of consciousness or lucifer even with christ principle I might fuck your or find you attractive, but your as souless to me as it can get even ahriman has more soul to me, and I am stil llearning about these tendencies etc. Just ahri women in that sense is horrible manifestation of that type of entity, but more on that on a different day, I have to put in some work to do what I love to do, and tbh I would finally prefer just dating asian women, I can't really get along with westerners at a time. My uncle also did the same, so idk might be a smarter choice, more humaness for me, not just stoic, neutral, academic neutrality, while in reality love & holy spirit glocks work more away then Adolf did with the Jews... sorry my grandpa was named Adolf so I have to make some references and he looks like an asheknzie brown haired slender-snouted? jew, not snake holy fuck I hate animal terms at times, just turns on the ray-ray Rajas, ray-ray Rajas.... I wonder if that was an actual psychosis I had due to alcohol, but I am not touching this again, and with these authentic identiterians I am also a bit more wary, I almost entered mahasamadhi and technically I am already deleted, so idk what really to do, some coincidences idk what will happen and are quite serious. This was in my mails list: https://integrallife.com/experience/ken-wilber-timeline/?utm_source=Integral+Life+Newsletter&utm_campaign=ce6d84ca33-EMAIL_CAMPAIGN_2026_08_27_08_05&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_-ce6d84ca33-736494901&goal=0_de2cfb3770-ce6d84ca33-736494901&mc_cid=ce6d84ca33

That is a very enjoyable quality I had some women friends, where this occured or even within a relationship, and it's nice to be conscious and rest in a being state and let go of everything, instead of constantly being in doing mode, leading and acting out the YANG masculine force in order to go for progress etc. or any type of more heavnish type of experience in my experience, consciously leading for even a balanced man as I am balanced even according to Yin & Yang theory, is still a core desire for yang essence, the level of penetration if a guy is not completely yin, has to go to some type of direction or purpose, leading or not, some type of virtue has to be put to the "test" before it can be put to rest and more of a man of 0 can shine forth, but I am still also in the progress of developing that, especially also focusing on the core issue of love & compassion in a relationship, to me compassion comes easier than love, love I get very mystical & existential experiences, so idk if I even yearn for a relationship based on love that goes that deep, it's odd being the "tragic romantic" as 4 in the enneagram pulls in a different type of depth, but this is more a typology aware response, I did the original courses and found even more information, so idk how to handle the complexity of others at times anyhow I stop here.

I prefer an attuned system nowadays, I had fairly bad experiences with the ex solving problems constantly where they are none and it's more an issue of epistomolgy, worldviews and knowledge let alone intuition, self-awareness of typology cooperation is nice, but only part of duty in my experience, which is responsible but a huge part of social conformity, I yearned for a more conscious relationship, that includes also yogic sex etc. but I gave that away for free unknowingly, I will review the course I did from integral at one point, but I still see mostly the material value having more benefit thea an actual relationship, especially a shared vision and purpose, but I had mostly experiences with a women having children and just going about the social norm regardings this, a lot of lies and deceit, I wish there would be more quality women, when I was peaking to be more of a quality man, I just had fan girls and people even approach me on the street, asking if I was fame steadily making comparision to prominent people, hence I had some bad experience with what I see more now as "lucifer" types of women for lack of a better frame, being out for the nerdy, inquisitve, mystical and adventures guy, while hunting for blood, while I actually crave depth, also sexually and just someone who is patient, and does not overly go horny about my earning potential etc. It was super annoying not having excitement attuned to a level where the monkey mind does not go ape shit all-day, or dating more responsible women, but them lacking any feminity where I was just bored to death, I was meditating most likely on a date, and she had to pay and create the emotional/yin life force in order for me to notice anything, as I just stare and meditate into blankness consciously or unconsciously. I've had some negative observations with younger men my age group 3-4 years older mid-late twenties and early 30's that whole team paradigm, seemed super stage green, slightly peaking into tealish territory, when all the cognitive problems arised, that seemed obviously to me more spiritual and being oriented in nature, as stage yellow types of relationships seem like an attenuated form of warm cognitive love, based on mutuality instead of kinship in a team, as a cooperative system, that easily is hijacked into ethnocentric myopia of social conformity of, "give me children or you have no value, I will manipulate and deflate your value as a man, even with high fecundity etc." as the women can't see the man as something higher then just the provider role, let alone see the man takes part in multiple roles, I spoke with a psychologist about this studying and doing extensive classes after work, she could also not find a man properly, and just uses these surrogat objects of care to fill the cup of love and compassion which imo is fine, I see women doing that as perfectly normal and healthy, even parts of tealish development as they can pull themselves out of the reproductive perspective many more normis have including men, but IIRC power & conflict are normal, there has to be a tool or a set of tools to reconciliate and re-ignite for example a relationship itself, it's a lot of work, most of my knowledge/information come from Keith Witt, and Mastery IIRC where they speak about mastering relationships is one of the hardest thing to do, also including David Deidas book intimate communion, and some stuff I recently read, so I just up the bar more, I am amazed I even get attraction from hot girls that are intelligent, as I don't really see myself that way at times. I see myself more as intutive and mystical or cosmos oriented, where intelligence is more akin to life force itself etc. What bothered me about solving problems in a relationship it was mostly about conflict resolving not solving problems, it sounds so logical for a man at times, as if I'd be required to fix her or she me, most of my problems solve themselves intutively, idk was weird, but I am still fairly young, and did a lot of prep work, idk what will happen, I agree with most of what was said by @Natasha Tori Maru, but ultimately the constant action step taking, planning and working out solutions showed me so many loop holes the last time, I would've been happy if the ex I am speaking about would've done at least one integral course, or if there would be a higher degree of open-mindedness to solve problems, especially in a none-power oriented way, which includes transcending power all together but that was to advanced, it was ironic how the same person who is displayed to such a dynamic/polarity will unconsciously hook competition for you, that was an odd experience, but I am also quite comeptitive can't deny it was part of my shadow, I know myself to well in that regard, anyhow again my 2 cents, polarity is also normal and different from push&pull power games, that mostly involves envy, there are many emotions at play that can create a push & pull dynamic, but envy by far is the worst, or not recognizing and finding unmeet needs will just make the person feel not listend to, I hated this the most, I can listen excellently and meet others needs but vice-versa I have barely experienced that, and often I meet my own needs helping others also, which creates a dynamic where I easily feel taken for granted, but receiving help at times is also nice, I am learning more of that I denied a lot of help, I am more of a dominant person believe it or not.

That is the worst, I usually order very quickly so the waitress or waiter comes, or I ask quickly if she already choose etc. it's also a good conversation starter if she is more into food, and demonstrates your not social anxious, deciding quickly and calling the people/service politely, asking for suggestions of her imo is fine, but mostly you decide on a date etc. It's a bit different if it's a local and a hyper informed women, if she's been around and knows every place no planning or leading makes sense, just pure spontaneity I hated that on one date, she asked about golfing etc. and she even paid my drinks, but that date was horrible, I was testing mostly non-judgement and seeing if we match, the date was horrible she told me she was adopted right from the get go, I had no idea how to react, and just played calm, but I really did not like her looks, it was extremely conformist to some type of feminist I attract, I dislike this pattern currently entirely, even if there is a darker sexual polarity I can't get my head around it without integral theory, or a better grasp of development, but I've seen that turn sour in the last relationship, as she put 0 effort into improving it, but I was also to eager. Leading lowkey is fairly easy, even with powerful people most of the time, even with a bit of meditative practices, people appreciate any type of lead, even as service and that present itself often quite well, and shows social skills, charisma or the skill to enchant crowds and have some fun. Anyhow again my 2 cents, I enjoy sort of not being pinned to any comments and riffing on the principles I read and worked through 😮‍💨😵 Also just emoting with a girl is the worst, I wonder how some can even do that, I barely use emotes ever since I learned it's not going to work with a women, and being more stoic payed of, I already can talk and write a lot. With friends or in a friendly chat is fine, but gaming holy fucking shit, I had people go crazy about this, nuked the entire, just suggesting a place meeting, venturing from there to venues and leading to your place or second date etc. is fairly simple, if people enjoy each other.

I tried a conscious relationship, mostly feel due to habits, and I felt exhausted putting in most of the work in a "mongamous" relationship, what I learned mostly if her ego and self-esteem becomes inflated and there is not a single thing you can do about that, because she is to much in "fantasy and lala land" about her ideas/vision etc. of the relationship it's over there is just a lack of groundedness neccessary from man and women for the relationship to work, it depends on the individuals also entirely. You can easily let your women led, a bit and trust her intuition, but if she sets you up for competition and for flirts etc. I would disqualify her from being relationship material, I had the issue of two people playing the control game in the relationship, and also the game of letting go of control in order to gain control as a paradox, it was a match made in hell at this point, as I mostly stuck to my principels and values, and she just to behaviour as there was not a single facett that defined principles and values besides the frame of reproduction, I find it better from what I can recall from my memory that a women initiates the relationship, tells you I love you first etc. the whole frame of "Let's do this", "Let's go there", "We could check out this venue, let's go there" is simply leading at times also leading like a wolf or a pack of wolves, I've been there a bit, but I am also good at delegating etc. I did a section from Wilber to disambiguate power, which is often done by taking the frame of non-judgement in a transpersonal/transcendent form, which is also a powerful way to lead very quitely, like your the true alpha, or be all end all alpha & omega completed, as you run the show without running the show like an emporer, on rare occasions this happend to me, but this is just from going out and socialzing not actively doing game. The worst part is if she has a history of cheating or playing games with men, I get why I had a mother, and the difference of having had a step-mother that was silently abusive etc. this "alpha-women" dominant thing imo is a leftover from modernity, there is enough hostile stuff I could read to manipulate, but you can also "out alpha" such types of women, as it's the only thing they crave, generally I have an issue attracting dominante women, that want to be dominated at times, which makes the whole dynamic a show of wolves trying to lead each other, while I mull over principle and values, she goes over emotions and intuition, and I got exhausted and burned out planning things just being spotaneous the whole time did not work out entirely, as they craved this planning type of leadership, or how I call it now more of this "ahriman consciousness in christ principle" service properly oriented towards the "God-Likeness" or transpersonal experience socialization can bring, if done properly, but at times "Ahriman" ( I am still learning about this) coagulated and this just causes a massive spike in materalistic types of expression and interests, anyhow my 2 cents again, I mostly enjoy just sharing my perspective as I find my experience often very different even on this forum, but it's better then meeting a bunch of pseudo-alphas on online-dating advice, I usually have natural mojo, but kinda lost it after injury now I am just more chill refelecting with occasional anger

Alright more on the journal aspect, success, cars the middle east and the whole spectrum of financial abundance and freedom while having very little male support in my family, I don't really know what to think nearby is a rose parks students house dedicated to her historically, and it's quite luxurious for what I lived in the american barracs of the university of applied sciences i went to, as it was also rather new and did not have such a larger historical basis as the university was founded 1964 or 1962 I attended for the masters, and hence has a strong post-modern vibe, I some some older pictures and felt quite nostalgic listening endlessly to shinzen audiobooks, boomers revolting, hippies but just seeing humans on a grass landscape similar to how others see jesus on the mount of olives or song dynasty zen landscape pictures, just noticing the vast emptiness and non-duality of god, students yearning to see what is white light? What is causality in their sub-conscious collectively is often what I think, I have some tears in my eyes writting this.... I saw a father around the age of 38-45 approx. or eventually older in the grocery store with his child, and thought he might be a single dad and thought that type of responsibility could've hit me to recently just earlier, and a lot of people from the middle east with more children then the normal westerner, tbh. the climate at times was so weird, I felt as if they just cause the whole issue of populism just by not having enough diversity at times, the energy field is less threatening, but overall there is an underlying layer of history with modern and pre-modern consciousness, but mostly healthy modernity, which I enjoy, the ibliss type women I never know what type of country they come from, and I will not date such a person, or eventually have sex with this type of person 2 women, and the ex is enough when I can have sex for 20-30€ going out or so, and I never took that offer, I might still do it to experience it at least once, but there are decent girls that match me on online-dating plattforms just the effort at times is not worth it, but I do get attention from the occasional hotty, and also rich and affluent women, idk something about my is different, but most of this also has to be conscious, I still have to read some stuff and understand myself with the new information I found, and change some health habits, Also my deveopment and experience is all over the place, having certificates being pulled out right under reviews from google etc. having now a deeper experience of math, I might just if I take peace as a value, focus more of what is the immediate right action, and is still peaceful short-term & long-term benefit I have that type of vision for my chart. I see a really nice angle for my vision with the new esoteric information, as I could not buy some information prodcuts and I like the heros journey anyway as 7k my legend is supposed to be higher then most destinies to beginn with and a lot of competitiveness comes from that. Also with the tablet? I am a bit disappointed that the pen is so bad, I could try it again, but I am more efficient with the mouse, I should mix & match my needs more similar as with food and courses, and not stick stupidly to one project or task if it's to easy I still have an issue with the whole studying thing and doing things on my own, with the endless new influx of ideas, and the endless new development and tools of A.I at times the whole field seems redundant to me, as it keeps developing so fast, why even go crazy about a stupid piece of tech? I really enjoy also this type of music to get things done, and obsidian field it's not as laden with complexity as the spacewave channel leo recommended but I chime in there two for a while, but it makes odd sounds this is more stable and grounded: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zWqdkV39JcU&t=738s After testing and finding mistakes it's better to entirely dismiss the idea, I will not use a tablet whatsoever, until I find a decent screen and pen, this is a bit to cheap for the quality provided, it's still good, but I miss the percision, I can watch an anime in bed that is the best thing, but I started reading again in bed as sort of an absolute, maybe just getting older and wiser. But fundamentally from the courses I bought I can mix and match what I need and focus mostly on the basics then the higher end stuff the intermediary things are often a time waste for me I struggle either with the basic basics or with the advanced stuff most intermediary things resolve themselve through effort and endurance, it's not even patience to me. But yeah I will send the application briefly speak with a.i and go about the new ideas, I should shut it at times, but I am a bit like the buddah, I don't really have secrets but it would be good to keep some which I do I just simply can't express everything.

100 is an insane amount, I was exhausted after a while speaking to tons of people I hate it when everyone becomes interested in me and I put the attention on other people, as I tend to attract competition, but keep up the good work for the experience, I could do some day game and speak to some women at times, somehow I became very disinterested in game, after being critized in a relationship for self-pleasuring as it pulled me more to a spiritual experience, then the pure survival frame of having sex for stress etc. anyway again my 2 cents.

Unironically I find this comment very insightful, I kept my money for long, before this stupid break-up I really disliked the tendencies of families to be freaking abusive, while having tons of corruption, I still would made money from my investments if I would not have pulled everything out of the pool, anyhow I have to read some books and think for myself about this, I make odd experiences and a lot of good investors or people that have learned and failed want to help me, can't simply dismiss them, the worst part art the online scams and instagram influences about investment the entire game out of YouTube mostly imo YouTube is fine, but instagram and TikTok is hell for money advice, just posting anything or monetizing opens the flood gates for hellish type of influences.

Alright back to my journal, I had a couple of more contemplative thoughts, mostly about the middle east the issue of development and the issue of sex and addiction, as I notice a lot of women are heavily attracted to my body, and I had the ex being half turkish tell me that, I saw a girl similar to hear in this "ibliss" type of phenotypical expression, I call it subjectively long-black hair with glasses or just long black hair, white skin, showing of some skin and being quite revealingly permissive, I did not think first the ex was like that, but learning from the story shows me a completely different enviroment, then the more conscious christian versions of families that I see, and what we sort of upheld, with all of the product changes etc. and the market etc. but I will move eventually for the 4th time in 6 years, I will disgress and jump to the point of BaZi there is a placement in my chart called as auxillary star Sky Dog, they keep updating the website these are physicist that are interested in metaphysics which I find awesome, metaphysics although is unfavourable to me, but my energy is apparently abundant in fire even added with ++ and these are the best calculations and insight I have from the west including a science & computer science perspective with the hexagrams & binary code, causality of planets etc. but I take my real birth certificate not a local adjustment to the sun, as I see the heliocentric worldview of time adjusted to the sun, as geophysical object biased, what if we had more suns? What if we don't know even time that well, and time & space dimension is a completely different topics, but in 1-2 years more on quantum science, I am now stuck in this period and actually yearned to move more towards the quantum science of things, as I noticed this where most of the development I was seeking is headed, now I am in this transition period of being stuck, not practicing enough meditation to push myself to the point I yearned to push myself, but I thought today, I never had peace as a value, I should finally take peace as a value, and find a metaphysical good aspects to it, there are some issues to virtue itself reading the Yi-Ching book and the translation now makes more sense, I don't know why if it's just growth or the exposure to more academia imo mostly it's just the meditative, autodidactive growth, academia was very focused for me on producing results and survival, and I was fortunate to have business influences and professors with companies, so the lion as actually alive for them, and not some dead lion academics that are prone towards studying archaic topics, like I see "biasedely" Sagitarrius people ever since i contemplate via Jung the element of fire and the ex'es mother who was a Sagitarrius my uncle is also one, it's an odd relationship as it's a 180 degree opposition and I miss one video, I found some extensions to finally study my own thinking and work, just not my journals as of now, which is fine. Anyhow, somehow the range of the new headset setting is not allowing me to listen to my soundscape music and cook, so I have to be mindful and take it off, I dislike hearing neighbours when I cook, I often notice people who never wear headphones to protect themselves or turn on sounds to detune them from the enviroment, attune to heavily to it, and act like wild animals on signals of nature, especially without any consciousness practice and with a consciousness practice it just becomes obvious people do stuff, to survive or take the extra timing to do something that is against the law, anyhow after meeting the ex I am no better, this was the worst influence from this fire monkey shit, and these people have serious issues with spirituality from what I read, and I am very glad I followed Shinzen, and that I focus on being more clean as of now, generally speaking I am not using much social media, as I see a lot of status comparrision with cars, success and I am more of an experience poster, I don't really post my peaks, I share experiences and look to relate what is positive, some hot girl IIRC added me to her close friends for stories, but I don't really know what to do with the story middle eastern women, being hot but underdeveloped liking me then waking-up to the issues of the integral development I undertook, and just playing out the whole modern paradigm, it's so predictable at times, it makes me suicidal, as my body simply craves more depth with 1 or 2 more people, I actually considered dating a 9w1 person, which is pure insanity for me, but there is a gift in that type of loyality that is unmatched and it's not even a value, simply a sentiment of life shared, as leaving someone is and can simply be very abusive, and sharing ones life or LEBEN as in the TAO TE KING book I am reading they somehow translated it as that is already deeply spiritual. There are still qualms I had a carrer trajectory of 300k U.S dollar minimum after my masters as it was super technical and advanced for A.I, now I have no idea, as to how to go about it, I am still fairly strategic, but I also require experience, at times I have to many ideas to little execution, but I still focus on the reflective aspect the most, as it just does me well, I still have to fix healthhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh God my laptop almost died, more on this, I choose some values based on adventure again to fit with human design and the more esoteric knowledge I found, as I could not invest in the more scientific and causal factors within my family and medicine, I was simply not peaceful enough and I might consider peace for the first time as a value, to consider that and find some spiritual aspect in that, as it would be my right cross of incarnation and it already includes consciousness ironically, unironically I found more depth of information for a relatively cheap price it's okay considering what scams exist. There was an issue with Leo's blog post and the hippocampus I checked recently as I read a book on the brain etc. the information or rather memory for long-term potential has to be stored in the neocortex not hippocampus that is like a 80's bias imo, I had excellent professors in that area, but I am still doing my best to fix my learning and memory consolidation, I even bought a book on the hippocampus sigh... let me turn on some music and write more about what I actually wanted to write about, as a slice of life type of journal, rebuilding after rebuilding myself.

Just came back from the grocery store, I keep listening to the audibook of the Qaballah and I bought a bunch of more relgious books, in order to gain more knowledge and understand or rather get a deeper intuition about it, especially the intersection with tarot & history, and philosophy of these time periods or worldviews are interesting. I get to my stuff and write a small entry here, as I simply enjoy writting, I will tell the full story. I walked to the grocery store here, and I was suprised inside they had a lot and tons of offers, and somehow everyone is rebuilding, on the way there first I noticed a lot of negative vibes from the middle eastern people that live near by and some german guys fixing the door downstairs, as they steadily seems to be an issue with it people break it, it's only a small door, the appartments are nice, but the people are not very enjoyable imo, one neighbour so far is fine, and others also but they are not very careful with how they treat the building before I digress. I commited to not drinking alcohol, and saw a couple an old one, immediately drinking beer smiling to me and the first guy lighting a cig afterwards with some perfume, lighting a fresh one, I am still amazed how good the hypnosis worked, I have 0 interests, it's more how I allcoated my time, now moving back into the supermarket having a bunch of offers, I look mostly for cheap & healthy, stuff I could've purchased more, but I thought I will do a quick-review at home, as I kept listening the audiobook story of the Yiddish people once being part of high german language or Yiddish itself, my own dialect contains yiddish terms in german, and they spoke about the Rheinland, where I live now, and I generally get along better with jewish people, but there is a huge diversity of middle eastern people idk where they all come from, it's immense, I am mostly interested in the archetypal, gods type of work and some history not so much, they spoke about hassidic jews, (I can't access my audible on pc somehow I have to call them) and tha tthey had 7-8 children on average and re-bult themselves in New York, after hitler, death marches, "Reichsprogramnächte" (I am translating here), as well as some other events going back into the 13th century where they had a stronger stay inside of Germany, as I learn a lot from Shinzen and I heared him mention Qaballistic meditation and I somehow resonate with it and would like to learn more that is quite good and interesting as of now, mostly also the archetypal work and what is GOD in this type of relgion as the other stuff, at times is to spicy to consume imo in this area, they spoke about the Zohar, Serpahim, Gabrial and Michael, and some other archangels, I wanted to get in touch with and figure out what works for me here. I keep listening bought some socks cheaper ones of quality though as I need them, mine break and after the issue of the gaslighting of my aunt with all of the moral qualms it's a huge issue, but I enjoyed how scientifically informed I shop, and looking for some secrets about products and now doing my post-research, I buy my "candy section" or snack section but ever since I work out it's not much and most often the neccesity, there is other more important stuff I could buy, but I have to buy them on a volume, and I broke my car in the aftermath of the relationship, I was tired of bureaucracy without any type of explanation as to why, and these kafkaesque types of experiences, I enjoy them actually, with the saturnian transient and my saturn is positive from the calculation ernst wilhelm found, but at the sametime, Also eventually Leo's intuition about this one company where I felt repelled and I saw him somehow or perceived him snap was right, but I have to see how the company reacts, IIRC one guy had a Kanye and a Trump mask on to be this liberterian power horse, but I charted Yang Wood Horses and that type of ambition and what I write here TIAN TIAN TIAN TIAN TIAN TIAN energy is different it's pure ambition and the person realizing very early heaven is a real spiritual experience or "object" I noticed that fairly early as one of my best friends mother died, and I lend him all of my consoles and games of what I had in order for him to be distracted and he asked for it, I gave it to him happily, but I did not see everything back and was quite angry and became dismissive of death partially it now hit me several times after deaths within my family and vicnity and I massively broke down, and could not handle the realtiy anymore of just people leaving being dead and the pain and perception of everything changed, but there is just nothing I don't know how to feel but there is so much pain and sadness inside of me I just want to cry it out and call it healthy and not let others tell me "YOUR EMOTIONS ARE TO INTENSE", that day was very good and similar to a kriya experience, but fuck it was mentally painful to go through this agony of stomaching two deaths and realizing you will never see these people and you have never meet this person, but this person loved you your entire life, and the fucked version of history that is presented even within Tarot etc. but I have some good ressources etc.... I digress... to go back to my writting and journal entry, I considered what I do now, that I will have more money, not spending 10-20€ per month on alcohol or 30-40€on cigarettes as I can buy more healthy foods, but having being on peak health I am quite critical and I have to do some research largely brand research with LLM's some stuff your eyes can only find, some stuff you find with LLM's etc. so I can do a proper analysis. Let's leave it here, I will quickly take a break and write a second entry, to refresh my mind, I tested my tablet but the screen is not as good for note-taking and I have to test them tomorrow and sit a bit longer on my ressources and test them more thoroughly, I forgot how ressourceful I am but more to the issue of having a compassionate personality, I hope I can get my audible account back somehow I fix my tech legit with holy magic, just pure intuition of fixing stuff I have become very good at that, most stuf is not even written anymore on the instructions and I would require an electircal engineering degree to figure out what happens beyond bits & bytes etc. anyhow second entry coming drinking some camile tea to calm down.

Just kill them, I planted a cannabis plant once, for medical and entertainment purposes and it also had UV light, the device looks "killer" to me, I used neem oil and more natural remedies, but there was so much science and risk behind it, after taking a lecture briefly in medicinal biology for informatics I would just grill them with a light device also, eventually neem oil also just can kill them anyhow, eventually that is the more conscious choice, but it's still posion, I would actually use both unironically if it get's that bad, but I am also still an amateur in this Anyhow I don't recall everything, but I was a bit obsessed reading papers from nasa about air quality of plants, idk if neem oil would attack the plant at one point, neem oil would most likely still work and could even be less work intensive anyhow again my 2 cents

If this side question were answered clearly, would it help resolve the central issue—and would the person accept the implications? This I am convinced of is mostly true to me, I already tasted deep truth it's an issue my body craves it, and what happens in my enviroment, it's odd being surrounded by historical enemies and the issue of the subconscious, I already healed so much I wish at times I could get an oscar or smth. I stopped with most of the shadow work and simply reflect I set-up a prompt with workbooks to go through this, but I find so much new stuff, omfg I have to use it finally. Tomorrow I can setup my new internet finally, somehow the automation thing or my 55.5 Minervia archetype deity in my D.N.A that I somehow see the 5 generally in the enneagram as the "entity" of automation etc. without the creativity just the pure power/strength of getting to Omnisicence or God, as that is something that 5 has as "spiritual virtue" and I am a w5 anyhow I stop here.

I put the quotes into the terminal and ask some questions, it's insane what these new models can do for ones learning abillity, testing and integration, I called a couple of people today after making the commitment to not drink any alcohol whatsoever, as I was often asked for taste etc. and baited, the lawyer for the new thing where 10 police men showed up and almost shocked me, was hilarous testing reality, you can call it psychosis, but tbh I am also very manipulative to a core as an INFJ you naturally are and you should explore the dark side, it was absolutely stupid what I did and I could've died, but my father was in the military police there is a natural fearlesness, that was the stupidest thing I ever did, but I can understand and see their perspective more, the core issue what was triggering are these false accusations of thing I do, like moving boxes etc. idk some neighbours are even more mental, in psychatry I saw some serious cases of what it actually takes to be someone like this, even my mother is moving more quickly towards me and is ready to help, a lot of influence from leo i have to get out as my aunt also has this Yi-Chou thing and these people are highly manipulative, but also very sensetive and intelligent, at times if my observation is correct, they also lack the abillity to abstract and go about a bit more "dirty survival" but use from my POV even nastier tricks but that also just depends, anyhow I am a bit baffled by what happend the company I thought would like me the most was fairly neutral, eventually they are jealous of my extroverted abillity and just look for this mechnical lucifers, or fire monkeys or the "over-lords" but even that was weird, the other company was more open and they liked the town that I was in, more humbel and modest and professional without the issue of being a 10k+ company, and not seemingly hideous just professional without any strings attached, a bit shy where I am more domineering, but I am loyal to the core or even to the fault at times, it's very rare to find a person more honest than me, besides if you put me up with a liar, I had one of these in my friend groups steadily circumventing truth in order to look good, a bit of that swapped over, I mostly made it enchanting charm, I often admit my mistakes often, but I am not that type of "Leo seeking domineering or Lion seeking domineering quality", my mother is a tiger, and we're more active for the opportunity and joyous about it, it's imo a more intelligent type of survival, and it does not automatically mean I jump on every type of rat, imo if succesful tigers have a huge level of empathy and there are also these secret patterns in BaZi, but I have to get down towards more knowledge and eventually watch the video, make a discussion with a.i and create a quizz, I actually would just enjoy a game, but I am going out to buy some meat snacks etc. health I have to post-pone it's just not in the area whee the "elite" is and I forgot to call the doctor today, but I made so many phone calls etc. It's odd, it#s also annoying to be good at managing people, and besting oneself also makes that better, there was a nice quote in the Yi-Ching that I read beating others is "kraft" I use the german word here it makes more SINN, beating yourself our outgrowing yourself is true strength = Stärke. My brief contemplation with Leo's quote and a.i giving my own questions, answers and perspective, I am suprised I can recover so well, but some destiny work I did with Deepak was just fucking odd, I manifested exactly what was possible in this world, a pro-gaming family with options to potentially venture into A.I and I meet my old and most annoying friend the fire monkey... gosh oh and there is more but later to that, I am getting rid of her and these ox tendencies or Aleph tendencies. My contemplation with A.I

I tested some settings for solo-retreats and it seems fine to do it, I am mostly pulling myself out of actualized.org there is just an issue that imo will never be solved as time is of essence, as long as there is rare information I stick to it, but I block it if it get's weird and hostile again, this goes for me also.

I did not watch the video, a professors just posted something about these mac book/server thingies, on LinkedIn that they use the chines model Qwen? smth. I am not getting behind all of the latest tech news I am so bomarded by stuff curently, but the post was interesting, somehow they lack performance still IIRC about graphical units etc. so idk what will happen, if chinese and amiercan tech can unite imo world economy is largely saved, it really depends on the politics of war @Pudgey I checked the model a bit more I can use it for markdown files also, if this continues I definitely get behind some chinese tech, I liked Oppo phones etc in the past and generally enjoy a lot of their stuff, just the voice recognition and speaking to a model on a consumer level for me is missing from what I saw.

I stopped blocking the website, I presume my intetions are finally working out, studying more of the esoteric stuff, I downloaded an audibook yesterday as I got my phone back finally, on some meditation refreshers what they key distinctions are between schools & traditions, as I soft of wean off the conventional ways and include everything similar to a TOE, and reduce and break away what works does not work and did work, it is also a healing experience to dispell Leo, after understanding my own manfestation, and I am still on the fence of, can I use this for survival and good, or is it just as new agey at times as tarot that I am studying, I am making better decisions studying tarot, staying completely away from alcohol now, and the life choices I made, some issues are amplified by the issue of the nazification of tech, and some core intuitions and experiences I had here, but mostly I continue to use this site as long as I am doing something and making progress, there is still a level of maturity reached in order to entirely quit, and I've had my fair share of astrological truths and insights from having and doing these readings myself and building an intuition with it, as well as using these new A.I tools to simply work more efficiently and effectively with video summaries, quizzes etc. but I notice how from an advanced health perspective these tech tools sort of pull away the health that I experience, and that my heart frequency is sort of hijacked by all of the tech around me, it's still odd to the level of things, I am reading every night again, and found new ways to simple have more control, I also keep pulling positive spreads, and finally instead of training intuition writting some notes on core cards, and not only coincidences but learning the actual system to simple make better decisions, also the THOT tarot deck is super psychdelic I absolutely love the art and find it inspiring, the other decks have a bit more psychological and historical usage, but it will take some time I mostly see this as part of spirituality, but I am mostly focused on survival, and not a true meditative path that I was in more before, the situation with the ex put survival to much into the foreground and not True Spirituality, even with taints of enjoyments of survival, she could not meditate even 30 minute next to me, I was excited to go for 1h at least, I am back at 30 mins today, doing some healing 15 minutes and some other practice that I developed with all the audiobooks and knowledge I consumed. I am still in an odd situation, if anything negatively manifests for e.g people called the cops on me for being loud, while they are over-sensetive and tell them straight-up lies, I am to blunt and they make presumptions about things I never did like throwing around cartonage etc. This never happend to me till the break-up occured, I was the one who called the police as others were loud, when I meditated or studied and it was impossible, it's a very hideous character trait imo, I am healing daily from it as of now.

I stopped blocking the site, if I feel better and take action, the occasional post is good, but generally speaking I am only here for perspective. not really anymore the work of actualized.org and the information, I have to dispell some negative stuff I adopted through learning and following from leo etc.

Yes, people should value old money more and property, that imo is the whole Spiel with Trump & bitcoin It's mostly about balance, I faced some insights recently that showed me this, as people leached on me imo for having physical money, and people act very protectively around it, the point is I am not well-versed in ETF'S etc. but there are constantly new opportunities, and ya'll are underestimating the impact quantum informatics & quantum science will have in terms of investing and ROI's but I can't research the market, I flipped after the break-up and I got banned by a bank as they imo just acted weirdly, but I was in a weird state of psychosis, as I am facing generally a more complex scenario with a dual citizenship, and people even advise me to go rogue, but I don't prefer that anymore, I enjoy being more responsible, but at times idk wtf is going on if I am not getting the right information or can't dissect with a.i. These was from an audiobook, I originally did not yearn to mention, a I don't really have the best experience at times with actualized.org, but generally I was also interested in raw materials, the audiobook moved a bit more into quantum wealth, as I don't really know what new products they will produce, but if it will be hydrogen-cars and what bmw will do 2028 etc. there will be enough speculative movement etc. The audiobook was interesting and rather unknown from a women, but I also treat it as high risk, I am generally a high risk persona, so idk ultimately what will happen. I do require investing in some newspapers after speaking to some investors, but currently I am using free materials and a.i and many investors seem prone to use perplexity as a model, so idk how the market will decide based on consumers, I am less familiar with businesses now a bit more after working for a mircosoft implemented car auditing company, but tbh most of the benefits arre very novel sciences where "hard work" and not business and venture clienting is done etc. I wonder if the digitalization will be any good for the economy. Not currently on the market, Was pressured to early also to invest and there is just other stuff I saw, that interests me more with the market itself, where I don't express that opinion or I already did in a journal entry etc. anyhow

@Pudgey Alright, I unblocked actualized.org if there are some decent conversations, I can put my time in I unblock the site, I can only check briefly, I have a lot of stuff going, and I also require some breaks, I just sort of can give you my perspective after I've been to major companies that also worked on integrating their own A.I and creating their own LLM's fitting with Microsofts version of it, and sticking ot western business practices, even with a lot of chinese workers working on semi-conductors. I just wanted to test the GLM, but yesterday I matched Googles new Antigravity and Codex/Open A.I with Obsidian to work with Windows registry in order to just take better notes and organize myself better with obsidian, I don't know what drives the market more consumers or businesses, imo currently it will be the major business decisions and politics of the tech companies themselves, even if the models are better and cheaper, I don't see the western audiance besdies the tech enthusiasts using these models, as for my general purposes I would not know if I could link GLM (ZAI) with it, the whole point if you read Thick Face Black Heart from the booklist of Leo, the U.S should be aware of these copying strategies, and often they hire talent, idk a chinese friend of mine who works in A.I in deep learning as a senior researcher, also writes pro-nivida to some extend, I don't know his opinion as he is more mesmerized by the graphical quality of things, not computing power and seems more creativee to me, even if large businsses opt to these models, I am not convinced they serve general puposes of the consumer for e.g largely being used inside applications, as microsoft, with co-pilot for power point, word etc. and google itself as a web browser, or even OpenA.I licenses etc. (idk about Open A.I I use it the most) as most of them don't have a voice feature, let alone the power of the U.S tech billionairs idk what will happen, from audiobooks I consumed on the rise of eastern economics, a lot of western companies and democracy invested in them (I just got my phone back). I am also tired of paying for every model ChatGPT & Grok are enough also for entertainment purposes they seem better and Google makes most stuff free, imo they benefit mostly the economy not the users as of now. I don't know how the bubble will pop, or if the investments are just going to move to a different segment, which should be more logical or experienced based to what I personally experienced besides some stuff, I don't have that much anymore, but I made a decent amount of money, I don't think consumers will readily shift to chinese software, especially with the propaganda present, even if the models are cheaper and better, often times there is a user quality or HCI missing, a professor of mine also had a company teaching western psychology principles to chinese workers, as computer scientist/psychologist, so I never know how much the west, even the few millionairs who have their own companies and would be considered "economic middle class" and are not tech gians like google ( I write this with my own words and experience 2 let you know). I do see China advancing but mostly it's own position, most of the tech stuff, even if the bubble pops, the U.S IIRC has controlled banks forever and even in economics classes in high school advanced on a college level here in europe, they teacher steadily complained about these rating agencies, and a lot of western lifestyles does attract a decent amount of eastern "aliens" moving to countries like ger/usa eventually swe/norway/france etc. I don't know how european business will act, I saw microsoft recently in a headline taking refuge in China, and imo without China we're partially doomed in terms of what I also personally experienced, having worked and lived there and having a lot of positive experiences, but many especially older consumers/boomers will most likely never adapt, and even stick to their own "nature paradigm" which will just force the younger people to make the decision embrace the tech, be more artsy or go for nature in that sense, especially imo as chinese electronic markets/cars etc. /bikes etc. drones are most "superior" they also have to care about their local growth and talent. The whole point with these credit agencies (i never tracked this after high school, as I moved into cs not economics) is the U.S manipulates and rates it IIRC even here in europe forever and a lot of people will just buy apple, google phones, microsoft etc. it's relatively predicatable without the panic imo, I am personally more intersted how malaysa & china /singapor will grow and would like to invest, but I am in an odd predicament with this also, a lot of these in-house built systems even with advanced algorithms and western education, will not keep-up with the chinese efficiency let alone the sheer volume of people working and being interested in the field, but it also burns the risk of the scrutiny of the west etc, in the end most of this imo is still driven by the Ukranian/Russian conflict to have any clarity whatsoever, as a lot of drone a.i technology is most likely used there etc. Idk shit is crazy imo atm, the more deeper I got into it, I could only laugh manically how far A.I will go and if it will destroy humanity or not, I am not doomsday A.I I had to learn recently laughing is a type of mercy, anyhow I stop here.

Messed around with the timer, I don't know if it will be good, the better my infrastructure the better I can use this, but also the enviroment here did not do me any well, besides my own comments and journal for survival, I have to see. I installed some tech stuff, and put this website only as a blocker, as I wasted most of my time here and got some help, there are some things I fundamentally disagree with Leo, as he is more Tamas driven, lethargic and destructive karma, idk what to think the perspecitve is valueable, but some things are not as explained as deeply as I crave them, so I might as well ditch actualized.org completely and take what's there most value I found in the booklist, somehow leo does not have the best impact on me and the psychological spectrum thing at times is just not good for me, there is to much projection of dispositions, which is flatout biased and racist, for a long time idk how to deal with this really besides talking with different people not touched by this org

Not much time everything on block I can maximally be 1min on the site, still having some issues fixing most things, due to the negative influence of Leo's teaching and some ray ray parts that are obvious he is not rid of imo