Afonso

There's so much things I do that are so pointless. Beliefs What matters my beliefs and if I'm right or wrong? Really, who cares? It's so stupid and pointless, arguing and fighting over who's right and wrong. Social Approval Again, who the fucking cares? Those who like me or don't, what does it matter to me? It seems so worthless to be checking for approval and dwelling on validation. Emptiness I notice this emptiness that's within me. No matter what I eat, what I do, what I read, my friends, acquisitions, habits... nothing will take this emptiness out of me. Or at least, it seems like it. It's naive to think that reading that book, having that kind of house, having that girlfriend, having that lifestyle will fix this inner issue of emptiness. Perfectionism and eating also relate to this. I feel the urge to eat when I feel empty and I've come to the realization that my tendency to be perfect and have anything in order stems from emptiness, not being totally fulfilled. And yet, when I get everything to be perfect, I still keep looking at the thing I'm working on, like something should be added. Life is meaningless. Yeah, I know it. So what? It's without meaning, but should that be bad?

I'm having difficulty articulating the question, but the issue is this: If I've been meditating and doing a lot of consciousness work, can I lose the "gains"? In other words, can I go to a state of consciousness that I was 8 months ago if meditation is stopped? Also, does smoking weed/hash once a while lower my consciousness in any definitive way?

Ken Wilber? He has written some pretty good books.

All kinds of emotions. And the emotions are not like SAD, HAPPY, ANGRY. They're more like a feeling of some experience in the past. They can have all sorts of inherent properties to them.

Since I've been meditating, I've had a lot of mental images/phenomena & emotions rising up. I know it's an emotion from the past because I can feel it and it feels from some time ago, or long ago. Usually, if I focus on the emotion I can see thoughts popping out related to an event (or a chunk of my life) that triggered the emotion (or where I felt it strongly). It's normal. Check Leo's video on The Dark Side Of Meditation. All... literally ALL your shit will come about sooner than you think

When you develop body awareness and start focusing your awareness on sensations, feelings and emotions that will happen. It happened with me and it's still with me... I'm your age.

Doesn't it bother you? All these dorky Indians on Youtube talking and talking and talking, yet they don't give you actual practices to realize Truth! Advice like "live with your heart", "know the Infinite". Yeah, they all sound great but what good use do they have? And then people smile and love these people for no apparent good reason. What the fuck? I'm angry.

Yet, I haven't found my self... this bastard keeps hidden. Where is this fucker Ahh man, everyone knows who they are and I'm just stuck with my fugitive self

Same thing happens to me now, and I enter in this sort of trance state. I occasionally say "I" in my head to notice my sense of self becoming stronger and therefore more visible. At sometimes I start hearing things in my head too ?

For anyone finding this process too thought-oriented or intellectual-oriented... Simple contemplate on I, Me or I am and notice what arises... I found that to be more direct. I feel my most intimate sense of self and focus on it, hoping it dissolves.

amazing

I don't feel like I did... Well, since then, I'm aware that I have no free will. Literally, I'm aware that I have no free will. But... well, shouldn't I have had a major insight? I don't think I'm there yet. In the book Mastering The Core Teachings Of The Buddha, Daniel says (about A&P) Doesn't match to my experience.

Do you suffer anymore?

I sit, tune into the stillness within and be present. If a thought or a sensation comes... I watch it and let it go...

Does not matter. Relinquish all control. Just be still. Open your eyes if that's what's natural to you... otherwise don't.

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I've been on intense meditation and Self-Inquiry, and I just became conscious that I'm hollow inside Afonso? WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU? WHO THE FUCK AM I? I HAVE NO CONTROL WHATSOEVER. WHO THE FUCK IS THIS? INSANITY IS KICKING IN.

I remember that I experienced this while on 5-MeO-DMT, but I didn't get a breakthrough

AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! EXTRAORDINARY

@Azrael Thanks. The more I meditate and Self-Inquiry the more I notice that I don't have control AND that I'm always at the same place (weird huh? do you also experience this?) This enlightenment thing is really pulling me towards it. I will spend the upcoming vacation meditating and inquirying ~6 hours per day and reading by night.

1) Is death irrelevant to you? 2) Can you clearly see that free will is an illusion? 3) You said you didn't quite understood what happened the morning you Woke Up. But isn't waking up supposed to be like an extraordinary shift in perspective, how could you not "get it"?

@Leo Gura After doing ~4 hours of Meditation, I did a 30 minute Self-Inquiry and I my mind exploded.......................... I got this huge energetic release PLUS huge huge pains in the top of the head.

I'm 17 man, doing a lot of consciousness work!

Mine is 60 minutes. I remember the first time I did 60 minutes, 5 months ago, it was literally torture. Now it's easy. I bet I can do 2 hours in a good day. What about you? What has been your longest meditation session? No pauses, no switching positions, just sitting throughout the whole session.

what happened?