Afonso

5-MeO

Sitting down for 40 minutes without crawling my eyes out Going somewhere without my phone going to the gym, exercising idk

I've always had problems in the human realm ever since I was a child. My dad was always angry and I tried hard to please him and not make him upset. I was a big mamma's boy and was often seeking attention from her. Early in my childhood, I didn't get along with people. I either craved attention or got into fights and heated discussions with people. I never had a real friend. Whenever I had one, somehow I would mess things up or do something mean to him. I always got into trouble with people in school, extra-curricular activities, holidays activities, whatever. I spent thousands of hours alone, in the computer, since I was three years old. I used to spend lots of hours in "social" games where you are a little character and you can interact with other people. I was often rejected and got into trouble with the other players (I know it sounds silly). Basically, I never had successful, meaningful or enjoyable relationships with people for long periods of time. Nowadays, I spend most of my time alone. I'm not as violent or as trouble-making as I used to be. However, I still find that some patterns are deep rooted in my behavior with people. For example, I always have the impulse to seek attention. It's like this craving that fills my entire system. It reveals itself in telling a story about what I've done or accomplished, some silly joke, some comment or opinion. I'm extremely aware of it, even though it comes out spontaneously. I can't seem to really connect with people because I either crave too much attention and push them away, I can't make them comfortable, I lose interest or begin resenting them. It's really crazy how this happens (I don't know how it happens). In addition, I feel drained after longer than 30-min interactions (and I can sense that the other person feels like this too and we start losing interest in each other). Basically, I can't seem to form relationships with people. I have always ignored this issue, isolating myself in the computer, or being a lone-wolf but it eventually comes bite my in the ass, as Leo likes to say. The problem is, I'm not even certain what the problem really is. Sometimes I think it's attention seeking, other times lacking of social skills, other times trying too hard, other times not trying enough, other times being an introvert... Let me clarify that I'm not shy. I can interact with people pretty well and get along in social gatherings. But I have a really hard time making friends last or relationships that go somewhere. If you talked to me, you probably wouldn't expect me to have any social problems. I have hope that it's possible to make friendships and relationships stronger and more meaningful. I'm just unaware of how to develop myself to get there. I thought of immersing myself in social situations for, let's say, 1 whole month - interacting with people all day (maybe in a job or paid summer activities). Would this be a reasonable and worthy way of improving this aspect of my life? Should I expect the problem to evaporate with my meditation habit? What books or advice you guys have for me? Thanks.

@Venus I did two weeks on Living Consciously but then I got lazy and skipped. Changes don't happen that fast, because the actions you take will boost your self-esteem only little by little. If you make them part of your life, you can just keep boosting your self-esteem to higher and higher degrees, even though the progress is slow.

Since I've started meditating, I've become more and more aware of my thoughts. I have a thought pattern that is CONSTANTLY running on my mind. It just won't stop! Every time I check to see what my mind is up to, the following thought pattern emerges. Thoughts about making people laugh. Thoughts about being funny. Thoughts about cool things that I could do that would look awesome in other people's eyes. Thoughts about how future events can play so I'll be seen as awesome by other people. Thoughts about how old events could have played so that I didn't look like a fool. Thoughts about things I could say in future interactions and dates. Thoughts about what I shouldn't have said. Thoughts about what others will say to me. Thoughts about what I imagine others will think / thought. Thoughts about what someone thought or said that was about me. I'm so aware that 60% of my thoughts are of these types. I've already written everything I could on my journal, I know I have these thoughts and I'm aware of them. I've even done research to find out how to clear these thought storms. However, I'm struggling. I hope someone can give me any practical advice. I know that this "people-pleasing" mentality is hiding my authentic self. It sure doesn't feel like I want to please people. But I'm aware that my thoughts dictate my actions, and therefore, I'm actually seeking to please people and gain approval.

They're usually pretty quick. I'm not strict about it either. I doubt they take more than 3/4 minutes. The hardest part is jumping into cold water which is why I do it. To gain Will-Power and control over my mind. Also, my skin is very dry so, if the water is just a little warmer, my skin doesn't respond well.

I've set this challenge to an every-day thing. I started taking cold showers on the summer of last year and never stopped since then. I occasionally don't take cold showers if I'm sick or something.

Since I'm minor and I'm not currently able to travel, I cannot do any retreat at the moment. However, I'd like to invest some days to boost my meditation habit. What can I do? I was thinking of doing like 6 hours of SDS per day (divided in chunks of 60 to 90 minutes).

I did read The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem and it helped me a lot to boost it. I read it multiple times (excluding the last part of the book where it talks about external influences). Afterwards, I invented a 1-week program to help me integrate all the practices in my life. Basically, I focused on 1 practice each day and committed to be super conscious of how that practice runs my life. I would each day journal a lot about every event and how I succeeded/failed applying the learned principles. For example, you could write on Thursday (Personal Integrity) that you faked a smile and felt less authentic or that you didn't follow your values when you took a particular action. Other example could be that on Friday (Self-Acceptance) you avoided facing the mirror because you looked ugly or it could be that you felt bad about being sexually attracted to a teenage girl. You can have pages upon pages of these events and your thoughts on them. This way you'll integrate the practices much better and actually feel them working in your life. I also did all the Sentence-Completion exercises for each practice, all of them at one sitting, at the end of the corresponding day. The most important practice if you're a male is the Practice of Living Purposefully. This cannot be overstated. You will only be happy, pleased and satisfied if you are on your purpose and you're committed to something in life. You will find it very hard to have great Self-Esteem if you're not up to anything and just passively swinging across life. What happened to me before I realized this and took action on it, was that I felt a boost in Self Esteem when committing to programs on boosting Self-Esteem (partially because I felt that I finally was up to something that truly mattered). Also, I did not care much about the Practice of Living Purposefully until stumbling upon the book The Way Of The Superior Man (check it out, it's amazing). The last day of this mini-program is reserved for contemplation and thoughts about how you felt throughout the week and any new insights that you came across. I'm glad to have an opportunity to share this, so thank you.

I'm doing 30 minutes consistently and it fits well into my schedule. How different my results will be if I increase it to 60 min sessions?

I've always had a biting nail problem. I used to bite my nails till my fingers started bleeding. But recently, I have "shifted" this habit and changed the process. Now, I "twist" my nose. I want to stop this. I've been meditating for more than a month and I can't get rid of it! I feel I do it in a low-consciousness state, because when I'm fully present I don't do it. However, I want to eliminate this once and for all! Any suggestions?

Great, this was on the book I read The Sedona Method. Maybe it also helped fix my issue, though I'm not completely sure.

All my friends and family tell me that I'm much more calm and not alive as I used to be. Since I started personal development and meditating, I've become more relaxed throughout my day. Before, I used to get all pumped up and speak a lot, scream, dance, do a lot of stupid shit at school, make a lot of jokes, being all over the place. Now, I find myself to be more centered and less excited. Is this something to expect from Meditation and Shadow Work? It's not that I feel bad or sad, therefore I'm calmer. It's just that it's my normal state now.

I'm having quite odd experiences while meditating and I can only think of this place to share them. After lunch, I drank some coffee and went home to meditate. As I sat in my chair, I tried to focus my awareness on awareness itself, or what I currently feel it to be. After 10 minutes, my tongue started levitating and vibrating. My whole mouth opened and my tongue touched the roof of my mouth while vibrating. After that, my heart started beating faster and faster, stronger and stronger. I then saw a very realistic image with my eyes closed. It was the image of a green object being hold by a human hand. It was so vivid that I felt scared. I have never seen such clear picture in my mind. Then, I started seeing multiple images, so vivid and full of colors. They didn't represent anything in particular, as far as I can remember, but they were so realistic and vibrant. After that, I felt that I wasn't located in space. I felt like I was spinning, but I couldn't tell exactly where I was. I intellectually knew I was in my bedroom, but it didn't feel like it. It didn't even feel like I was behind the eyes like I usually feel myself to be. Then, I opened my eyes. I looked at the white wall in front of me and, in a couple of seconds, I was seeing geometric patterns colored with blue and purple. These patterns were composed of hexagons or pentagons. Then, my alarm went off (40 minutes), but I stayed a little longer just sitting there and doing nothing. I was so amazed, that I closed my eyes again and, indeed, I could see colorful and vivid images, like never before. The effect wore off a couple of minutes later. It is no longer present. My heart rate also went back to normal. What is happening? What is this?????? This just blows my mind. I would think of such stories as woo-woo a couple months ago. Probably not a big thing for guys that are doing this stuff for years, but I can't keep from showing my amazement.

The Secret. Maybe. When the time comes.

This is pretty cool. I had heard about Vision Boards before but now I'm inspired to make my own.

Yes, I've done 5-MeO twice, but didn't experience any high level of consciousness.

@Leo Gura Hey, here's my progress: I have now been meditating for 4 months and the habit persists. In my meditation sessions, I focus on tensions in the body and they usually dissolve. I've even boosted the time of the sessions to 40 minutes (was previously doing 30 minutes). What I notice again, is that whenever I'm bored or thinking about stuff, I put my hand in my nose and twist it. I can recall one meditation session where my arm literally lifted automatically and I put it back down just before it touched my nose. This same thing happened again, some days later, just after the session was over. The sensation gives some sort of pleasure which is hard to describe. It both feels good and uncomfortable. I do it over and over and over again. When I notice I'm doing it, I stop it. Sometimes I pussy out and do it a little longer because it gives me "spikes" of pleasure. I'm still stuck...

UPDATE This thoughts have disappeared or reduced in frequency once I started giving them less importance than I used to. Now, if any thought of this kind pops up in my mind, I just see it for what it is and shift my focus to something else. This way it doesn't bug me anymore. I noticed that by constantly speaking about it, I'd sort of attract these thoughts. I got these ideas from the books The Secret and Taming Your Gremlins

I've been brainwashed by self-help books and videos that it is possible to eliminate limiting beliefs and negative patterns of thinking. In fact, it sure feels like I've overcome some limiting beliefs I had about approaching girls and socializing. While reading the book The Confidence Gap, there's a paragraph which states that this idea is all non-sense. I'm left a bit skeptical and confused. I consider myself to have improved my patterns of thinking throughout my journey, but now I'm faced with some questions. If my old patterns of thinking didn't vanish, can they resurface at any time? What can I do to prevent this? Is it even preventable? If my negative core beliefs didn't change, what did?

That click-bait tho

I get confused when you say "Become deeply conscious of". What is this about?

After months of meditating, I somehow got pretty damn aware of the sensations in my body. I always feel squeezes or tingling sensations in my torso (normally on the chest, around the heart and solar plexus). For the past days I've entirely focused on these sensations while meditating. They seem to dissolve over time and new ones pop up in other place. Some times there are multiple sensations occurring at the same time, so I try to focus on just one at a time. This whole phenomena leads me to some questions: What are these sensations? Why do they dissolve and how? Why do these sensations become very intense when I'm experience fear, shame, or some other negative emotion? I did a little experiment and smoked a cigar yesterday. I couldn't feel any sensation that I'd otherwise have felt. I felt very relaxed and calm. After that, I started becoming aware of the sensations smoothly fading in and eventually, after an hour or so, reaching the intensity that I am now used to, when I'm normally relaxed.

Amazing. I'm very thankful for your explanations and telling your own experience. Just for your information, I've read the entire post. As to my insights on the experience, there's very little I can talk about, since I have just recently became aware of these sensations. I, too, can now inhale much more air than I was previously able to, and also a lot smoother. Back in the days, when I inhaled fully, my body used to contract a lot, making the process very difficult. Now, there's no contractions that I'm aware of. I can't put the difference into words, but I can try to put into a graph. Inhaling -> Lungs fully filled with air The whole issue of contractions just dissolved as I started becoming more aware of it, and always drawing some attention to my body in every moment of my day. I can say that I feel more energetic and calmer, although that can be the placebo effect talking. What I'm absolutely sure is that now I don't give myself to these bodily sensations. I remember, a year ago, before I got into this journey, when I felt deep tightness in my chest when I was heartbroken. I found myself wanting to go to sleep so that I wouldn't have to experience this pain. I didn't know better at the time. Now, when I'm in the middle of an argument, when I'm rejected by a girl or when I'm a target of humiliation, I can shine awareness on the sensations that come up. It's so powerful. For example, a tightness in my chest can appear when my beliefs are being threatened by someone. A tightness in my head can appear when I hear an annoying sound. My body can contract everything on the inside when I'm being humiliated and/or when seeing that girl that I like looking at me. It's so amazing, I get to see everything happening in the moment. Yet, since I don't give in to these contractions/sensations/feelings, I remain super calm. It's actually funny to see the body reacting and just accepting it, not reacting to its reaction. Because of this, I find myself a lot more confident when taking action. This is especially great for approaching girls. My last 3 or 4 meditations sessions have been about focusing on any present sensations. In the first minute or two, it can look like there are none of these sensations present. However, when I focus my attention on the torso and just focus on it, I can spot at least one sensation. Then, I focus and focus and focus on it till it increases in intensity. After a while, I can fully feel it and easily remain aware of it. Sometimes it dissolves, sometimes it is still there, even after the session is over (~30 min).

Yes, sometimes they are buzzing sensations.