ElenaO

Programming in a software company. That's what I studied for.

I see where you are coming from. I think the way to deal with this is to keep exercising, but at the same time doing actualization and spirituality work. I had (and pretty much still have) very similar thoughts. That's why at some point I stopped doing things one by one. Right now I am pretty much lost (an existential crisis?). If you have time and desire to exercise it's a shame not to do it. Imagine how many people hate exercising and if you don't then hey, you are the lucky one. Keeping your body fit and in a good shape can only help on the path to self actualization. Of course, if you later decide that there are more important things to focus on, then sure, just drop the exercise altogether. But if you are able and willing to do it now, it's just silly not to do it. Whatever the motivation behind it. Just be mindful of it.

@Serotoninluv You cannot lose the self before you have a very strong ego. Leo talked about it, and in the book "The road less traveled" Scott Peck talks about the fact that you have to possess something before giving it up.

I guess it depends on the country you are in. Here, in Finland, the insurance companies work pretty well. I've had cases in my past where insurance paid off 10x times its original price.

@Michael569 I am wondering if this has to do with judging yourself if you do anything similar. I have no problem with people putting tons of makeup. I actually don't care. It just looks funny to me sometimes.

@Emerald I find this comment really valuable for me personally. I see a lot of features described above in myself, unfortunately. By no means my "symptoms" are as strong as in your husband's case, but I do share some of it. I was raised in a rather good family. Of course, not without problems, but not even close to the degree that your husband had to endure. However, I notice that I've also set some very rigid standards (waking up early, getting things done, etc.) and if I don't manage to fulfil that what I've set, I become anxious and very annoyed. Angry, even. It's not very fun to be around me at those times. This has improved over time, but it's still rather serious. I admire your patience and loyalty!

Doesn't soy raise the estrogen levels? I think in the book "Whole 30" they talk about it specifically. And that's the reason you are not supposed to eat soy products while on this/Paleo diet.

I actually thought that it's great that you posted about it. It seems like you understand your problem quite well. Or at least you see "what's wrong". So you are afraid of "hurting" some other human being. Why so? How could/would you hurt her? Do you mean that you are afraid you might cheat on her yourself? Or what else? In fact, you cannot influence how another person feels. If you relationship doesn't work, so be it. Life is not all rainbows and butterflies. Not everything works as we desire always.

I tend to overeat on dry fruit. Also, they are addictive. It's basically candy, but in a bit healthier form. I would skip the dry fruit altogether from the diet if possible.

Hey, This might sound like a little of a too naive question. However. I will ask anyway. Because I am frustrated and stuck. I have this super hot guy at work. Whom I obviously really like. Besides, just recently he has started showing some real interest. We went couple of times for lunches alone, just the two of us. He also interacts with me quite some during the day, even though we work in different teams. Anyway, I am interested and he is (my guess) interested. However, neither of us actually moves this further. I feel frustrated, because I don't honestly know how to solve this. I usually get asked out by guys and really rarely do take initiative in my own hands. That doesn't mean I don't try to work at the relationship itself, but I think the guy should be the one really asking me out. Especially, since (I think, I am quite sure I am showing enough signs) he sees that I like him. Any suggestions on how to get past this?

I love that you are honest here. And I agree that I didn't have the balls to ask him out. I also realize that I don't actually want a relationship with him. Or at least not at that point. I figured it out after I wrote it. I really do not know him to decide on that so early. I can say that I've failed. I would have to get enough courage to ask him out and maybe I am just way too comfortable with the way things are. Good points there and I do appreciate your opinion.

I think you are supposed to choose those based on what would make you feel happy/fulfilled/proud of yourself. For example, if you take a pair "adventure" and "science", which of these two would bring you more joy in life? Is it studying/researching something or diving into adventurous journeys? Which of these two would you choose?

I keep getting sore throats every month. Sometimes even more often than that. It's very annoying, and it takes at least 5 days to recover fully. I wonder if anyone has had to deal with this? Is there some way to stop this cycle? Btw, yes, I do eat a lot of vegetables and fruits, so I should be getting more than enough of Vitamin C.

I mean that it doesn't feel natural and I would feel like I am pushing it. Besides, maybe we aren't that close yet, after all. That's why it does feel weird to ask him out. Maybe it does feel same to him.

Yes, maybe this discussion got too far. I am kind of disappointed that I've even started it. People assume you are some kind of idiot.

There's almost no women coworkers here I work in IT. There's another really young girl. And she's no competition. Pretty sure.

I am in no way acting cold and distant

@Key Elements You are so totally right! I do feel exactly that I am trying to become someone I want to marry Well, the more I talk to my colleague, the more I like him. Problem is I have expectations, whereas I should just go with the flow and not force or control the outcome. Thank you so much for support. Being honest I was a bit disappointed that I started this thread, because people around are just harsh. Now I realize how I may sound when I am harsh in my comments towards others

Yes, I agree. I'll just continue having a good time. I guess my ego tries to arrive at a solution. That's why there's this tension inside of me. I want it to be resolved already! On the other hand, I don't want to take this direct approach. It just feels weird. I feel intuitively this is not right. Even though most of the people here are suggesting specifically that.

Make up my mind about what? now I am missing the point here.

Could try that. And yes, I know no one can promise anything. It seems everyone here thinks that I was born yesterday. It seems so simple to all of you. And I agree, it's not anything out of this world. But, honestly, I do feel like I do not know what to do.

Not really. I don't like overcomplicating things. The reason I haven't replied to your comment is because it sounded a bit silly. The chances that we live somewhere close are small. Meeting, let alone dating, is just out of question.

Maybe. I could just go with the flow and see how things turn out. It's just that there's some tension, I feel.

I think the reason this doesn't happen has nothing to do with how we spent time. As I mentioned we've been alone during lunches already. However, there was no direct suggestion neither from me nor from him about what we actually want. So I think asking him out isn't even needed. As we've kind of "been out". Maybe he's not that into me, after all.

Hm, I could consider this. However, I would have to get super frustrated with the situation to get this out of me.