Zenterus

Today I was reminded that the way I've been living is often devoid of true passion, urgency, and abundance. I know there is so much more life available to me than the one I've been settling for. One thing became painfully clear: what I'm missing isn't more achievements. It's community. I don't need hundreds of friends. I only need a small circle of people who truly know me and love me. Three, four, maybe five people who have my back and who I have theirs. People I can laugh with, create with, call when life is hard, and share ordinary moments with. I want to sit in the park together, have deep conversations, host dinners, make art, read books, travel, and simply enjoy being alive together. The reason I don't have that isn't because I'm incapable of it. It's because I'm afraid. Deep down, I'm afraid of letting people get close enough to reject me. I'm afraid that if they truly knew me, they would see me as deficient or not enough. That same fear is the reason I struggle with relationships. I protect myself by choosing certainty over vulnerability. I avoid the women I truly want because being rejected by someone I genuinely like feels too painful. Instead, I move toward situations where I don't have to risk my heart. But that isn't the life I want anymore. I'm here for such a short time. I'm already getting older. Even if I live a long, healthy life, my years of youth and physical freedom are limited. I don't have endless time to postpone living. Every year I spend hiding behind fear is a year I'll never get back. One day I will die. Maybe there is something after death. Maybe there isn't. But what I know for certain is that I am conscious right now. Somehow I woke up into this mysterious experience called life, and one day that experience will end. That realization isn't depressing. It's liberating. It means there is absolutely no reason to spend my one life playing small. My experience of life matters because it's the only one I will ever have. I don't want to live according to my parents' expectations, society's expectations, or anyone else's definition of success. I want to live in a way that feels deeply alive to me. I want to connect. I want to create. I want to love. I want to read books in the park simply because it brings me joy. I want to call friends instead of waiting for them to call me. I want to visit my brother just because I can. I want to make time for the people I love. I want to create art. I want to make videos where I simply sit in nature and share what I'm thinking. I don't want to hide behind perfection or scripts. I want to speak honestly about life, pain, growth, purpose, and love. I want to share my perspective because that's who I am. I'm a deep person, and I want to stop apologizing for that. I want to draw. I want to write. I want to read. I want to build my YouTube channel in a way that feels authentic to me. I want to express myself freely without worrying about whether I'm good enough. Worth has nothing to do with any of this. I don't need to earn permission to live. I'm already here. I'm already conscious. That is enough. Instead of constantly asking whether I'm worthy, I want to ask whether I'm truly living. I don't need to wait until I have the perfect career, the perfect apartment, or the perfect circumstances before I start living passionately. Yes, I'll continue studying. I'll work hard, I'll pursue a career that gives me financial freedom and purpose. I'll explore my educational options carefully. But none of that means I have to postpone living. I can still call a friend. I can still join dance classes. I can still start martial arts again. I can still create. I can still laugh. I can still love. I can still host dinners. I can still build the community I've always wanted. Eventually, I want my life to be centered around connection. I want to wake up every morning asking myself, "How can I bring value to someone's life today? How can I show more love today?" That's the life I want. Not one built on fear. Not one built on validation. One built on connection. Because connection requires vulnerability. If I want deep friendships, I have to let people know me. If I want real love, I have to risk rejection. If I want a meaningful life, I have to stop waiting. Life isn't happening later. Life is happening now. So I choose to live now. I choose to connect now. I choose to create now. I choose to love now. I choose to be fully myself. My time is limited. That isn't a reason to be afraid. It's the greatest reason to truly live.

@WonderSeeker What a beautiful response, brother! I will take everything you said to heart. I don't feel seriously traumatized by this, mostly just shook, but it did bring to my awareness all the ways that I sabotage myself from attracting an amazing woman to me. I will transform into a new man because if this, mark my words.

@Valach Your argument has no foundation. You went from using the pain that women feel from guys not texting them to now moralizing about the ethics and integrity behind flirting with a girl you're not attracted to, after your initial point fell flat. And yes, you might live in a city where there are many attractive women concentrated in a small area -- or you just have low standards -- but that's not most guy's situation. Additionally, not many guys have an hour to walk around and prowl the streets for girls. People have lives. There's nothing wrong with approaching a girl and flirting with her just for the sake of it. In fact, its win win, in my opinion. I cant tell you how many times I approached a woman and had her thank me for flattering her with my attention because she was having a bad day or whatever. Flirting with women is a skill that requires a lot of practise if you're a newbie. Applying your logic to the financial aspect would be like telling a man who has no skills or education not to apply to minimum wage jobs and only apply to the jobs he really wants (lawyer, doctor, etc). How's that gonna work out for him? You have to start somewhere. And this is not me attacking you btw, bro. But you're just wrong.

@Valach I disagree with your stance. If flirting and getting phone numbers was such a big deal to the women then the flake rate wouldn't be so high in daygame. By your logic, most numbers you get from daygame should convert into dates because the flirting and number exchange meant to much to the girl to the point that she's invested enough to be disappointed when you don't reach out. Anyone who has ever done any cold approaching ever knows this is false. Most numbers are flakes, even at an advanced level. A girl flakes because she doesnt care mucb about you or the interaction to see you again. Point. Blank. Period. A guy who is learning to be better with women should absolutely go flirt with all kinds of women and practise the skillset. You're greatly overestimating the fragility of women. They don't care as much as you think they do.

UPDATE This just happened. So, the crazy girl texted me from an alternative whatsapp number that I suspect belongs to a friend of hers -- which if true, means she lied about not having friends. The picture on the whatsapp number is of an Asian girl, so it can't be a family member. Anyway, here's the message [edited for anonymity]: "Hey its me, i just wanted to Tell you im in [home country] i Managed to stay Here for few weeks ill be back to [my city] when i get my Apartment and job. I just wanted to Tell you so you will Not worry and that you know. I miss you and i loved Every Minute we spend togheter thats why i wish you the best for your life your a Wunderful man. ❤️ thank you for the help you offerd an im Sorry for the trouble i brang. This all Gave me a lot of Pain but that motivates me to finally Work on my life. Thats all i wanted to say, keep going with your Channel and drawings you are Really Talented and i know youll be succesful soon. ❤️ i miss you really and im das that this all did end Like that but ill work on my life and you too be the baddest coolest which you Are already 🥰 take care of yourself and keep going im Proud how dar you have come already and you Should too. ❤️❤️" Awww. [Translation: "Fuckin bitch"] So she managed to get back home which already contradicts so many things she said to me, namely that she had no money and no friends or family that could financially help her or offer her a place to stay because she has nowhere to go even in her home country. Now it makes sense why she was so chill about the possibility of being homeless. Cause bitch was lying. Regardless, this is a huge relief for me. She's back home and I dont have to worry about her showing up at my house or stalking me or whatever. I blocked this new number as well and will be moving forward with the primary objective to make my life even more awesome, work further on my psychology so that I only attract high quality women who are not fucked and have the better discernment to filter out those that are. Lets hope this is the end of this chapter. Moving on. Thank you for reading.

@Miguel1 I appreciate your response, man. Before I answer your question, I doubt she will try to accuse me of anything considering her situation. She's clearly afraid of getting involved with the police in any way and if she were to try to frame me for anything, I have a shit ton of pictures of us and messages that clearly illustrate that she was an active participant in everything and, in some instances, also the primary initiator. Plus she was literally begging me to go back to her hotel room after the police visit, so yeah. Now, your question: Yeah, i definitely could have. The moment she opened up about her parents, I should have dug deeper. She revealed that to me on our first meet after I got her number. I wouldn't say that it was a reason for me to drop her completely, but definitely a sign that I need to take a step back and start interrogating her situation further, but I responded with massive empathy for her instead. Having that said, though, when I saw her on Friday -- the day before I made the main post -- she revealed the rest of the info, so I should have been thinking about bailing immediately after. Full honesty though, she was so pretty and I was on like 14 days of nofap so I wasn't thinking very clearly, which is still not a valid excuse my recklessly bonding with her further. Natasha's question was very insightful, though. I forwarded my answer to chatgpt and gemini and got those AI systems to identify any unhealthy paradigms, frames and behaviours by reading between the lines of what was stated and basing their findings on psychological literature and healthy dating theory etc. Then I had each AI cross examine the other's answers until I got a full and very accurate breakdown of my ways and how they might be pushing my perfect relationship away. Finally, I had them craft an action plan for me in order to tackle these problems head on. This experience might just be the beginning of a much more elevated chapter in my life.

@Natasha Tori Maru Beautiful question, thank you for asking. Some things off the top of my head: 1) Street Cold Approaching itself, in my current city at least, isn't something that a high quality woman is likely to be receptive to. A lot of the women who I've connected with on tbe street usually have a glaring flaw of some kind and it makes sense to think that a well rounded woman would want to meet her partner in a shared environment where she can get a robust sample of his personality over a longer period of time. Meeting and making friends in social environments (bars, clubs, meetup events, classes) seems to filter better. 2) Having that said, I have met some seemingly high quality women through cold approaching on the street in my city and what I noticed is that these women do require a lot of 'get to know you' over text which I'm often not interested in doing much. This, in turn, filters out women who would have been amazing to me had I taken the time to really connect with them over text and build a solid feeling of security for both parties and instead filters in the women who are immediately just down, for whatever reason. Not to say that if a woman is enthusiastic to meet up after a brief convo is low value, but it is more likely that a high quality woman will need a bit more effort than that. 3) To build up on the above point: The way I date is very instant gratification. I meet a girl and I try to move things along as quickly as possible. If I cant take her home right there and then, I'll do the bare minimum texting and try to invite her over (depending on the vibe), if not that then I'll do a date and try to move things forward from there. This way of operating doesnt leave me much room to ask "Hey, is this girl truly what I want in my life right now?" I mostly operate through autopilot and while I do ask a lot of screening questions, I do think I often need to take a step back without escalating and, quite frankly, rub one out so that I can contemplate whether I truly see myself being with her long term. That means going on a low investment date first without the intention of anything happening and simply getting to know the person, such as coffee, limonade, a walk, a picnic, or invite her along whenever I go to a museum or something. Doing this, will also attract more high quality women who wouldn't be receptive to my advances prematurely. 4) I need more hobbies. My life is very practical at the moment, but I should keep one day a week for socializing in a way that allows me to also engage with an activity I enjoy. I'm currently considering salsa classes. Additionally though, I've been wanting to create my own meetup event where I invite people to basically create art together and share vibes with each other, but havent gotten around to it yet. 5) When it comes to me, personally, as a being, I am attracted to women who are naturally very feminine and submissive to me. However, women who embody the above at the highest level, I noticed, are that way because they have certain problems in their life and are looking for a man to kinda save them. Now, that's not always toxic. My ex, for example, was an amazing woman who also really looked up to me for my strength, vision, ambition and strong boundaries, which she also wanted to embody more of. However, most of the time, these women are lacking something that they're outsourcing to a man to fulfill which is inherently unhealthy. 6) Because I'm not where I want to be in life, financially I subconsciously may feel undeserving of a high value woman who is fully put together. I sometimes notice that if a woman looks successful, I get intimidated by her and don't approach her because I think to myself that I'd have no value to her. I know this isn't true in practise, since a lot of those women care a lot more about a man's intrinsic qualities because they dont need a man's resources, but I seem to reject myself before giving it a chance. This may also be why I tend to date women that fit the mold I described in the above point because deep down those women give me a sense of security that I lack when dealing with a woman who is more in her power, even though logically I find those women better long term. 7) Lastly, I may also be afraid to lose my independence and freedom. A girlfriend requires higher maintenance than a casual fuckbuddy. She requires communication, dates, support, emotional availability, conflict resolution at times and I've been doing my thing for so long that it would feel like a sacrifice to be with her. Also, a high quality woman wants a man to be ambitious and constantly developing himself to be able to either provide for the relationship or at least see a future where she and him are a financial match. Now, I am a very ambitious and disciplined man, but sometimes I feel like having a woman by my side who is also invested in my future would add extra pressure on me to move along faster than I'm ready to, so there's that insecurity as well.

@Rishabh R Indeed, this is the path. When I got back into dating, I told myself that I would only deal with women who I see long-term potential with, even if it means that it might take meeting 1000s just to find 1 that qualifies. This whole situation is the universe's way of punishing me for not fully sticking to that, I guess.

@oOo Thank you for this advice. I will definitely take it to heart.

@Valach That sounds terrifying, man! I have a friend who was also falsely accused of stuff from his BPD ex and it left him with massive anxiety for years. @LordFall I used to meditate a lot but these days I'm so focused on what needs to be done in my life that I just don't have much time for these esoteric practises. As far as life goes, I'm currently pursuing a master's in Business/Marketing Administration, but need to complete a GMAT before I qualify, so studying for that keeps me very busy. Full transparency though, while I am content with my daily routine and sense of direction, I do not feel happy with my current job. I manage a private espresso bar and saving as much as I can for the master's I want to do next year, but it's a job that doesn't fulfill me at all and since I am not fluent in the local language, my options are limited with my current education (I hold a bachelors for Illustration and Animation Design, which I quickly learned wasn't helping me much in the job market). My current plan is to get the Master's, get a decent job, grind hard to get my local language levels up and start doing more creative work on the side, as that is my true passion in life.

@Valach I know, man. I don't feel insulted, just still in shock about the whole thing. Interestingly enough, I actually usually do treat virgins as red flags, since my experience has proven that virgin adult women tend to be absolute weirdos. This time, though, I thought it'd be different, I guess. We live and we learn.

@aurum Brother, I want to settle down! But I can't, for the life of me, meet a woman who I feel secure enough to do that with! I honestly feel like it's the city I'm in or something. I've never met so many deeply flawed people until I moved here about a year ago.

@LordFall I'm not sure if she had a mental disorder, but she definitely carries a lot of trauma from her childhood and has major abandonment issues. Crazy thing is that she looks super put together, feminine, sweet and absolutely gorgeous. But then again, if she looked like she eventually behaved then these kinds of people would never have victims. As far as the systems thing, I completely agree. If you want to be of most value to people, you have to have some form of status or power first. Let's hope there won't be a next time, but I definitely will keep my emotions on lock and ruthlessly let people like that fend for themselves rather than get dragged into their drama. Oh and not having any friends and family because everyone hates them is added on my "red flags" list.

@Ulax If by veteran you mean PTSD. Yes. @Hojo That was definitely an element, for sure. But this girl had literally no one, so she got super attached to me super quickly. @Artsy Amen. @Valach I appreciate the empathy, brother.

Hey brother! I totally get the discomfort that comes with going more indirect. It is something you can improve on with practise -- which is worth it cause it tends to yield better results long term -- but if thats not really your stylr, going direct is totally valid as well. In my humble opinion though, this opener will disqualify you from most really attractive girls (which i know thats your target demographic based on previous posts of yours). If you're gonna go direct, I suggest you come up with a more unique opener. Some examples are: "Hey [pause] I like your face ;)" "Excuse me.. I have to get going but I need to know: Who. Are. You??" [Mostly subcommunicated intention] "Hey you. You're fucking adorable, you know that? Who are you?" "You can't just walk past me looking like that." These are just quick examples off the top of my head. Obviously come up with your own that are congruent to you. But the "hey you're cute" opener is too overused, too generic, shows very little personality and lumps you up with all the other "chodes" that girls reject on a daily basis.

@Hojo I have never seen a single comment of yours that has been value giving, constructive, throught provoking or anything along those lines. You just come across as a blabbering troll, to be honest. If this is what "God consciousness" leads to, then no thanks.

@Ulax I'm totally with you when it comes to what you said about being in a catch-22. Advanced guys who have gone through the journey and came out with a strong frame and strong subcommunications often forget that they first had to go through the journey to get the reference experiences that eventually made that shift for them. I have a friend that I'm sort of "mentoring" unofficially. He's younger by 4-5 years, and he's been in the game for 3 years (compared to my 10). When I go out with him, I can clearly see all his low value behaviours, his neediness emanating from every pore of his body and how his behaviour massively emphasizes his low self esteem even though he studies game a lot (big fan of Julien, this guy). However, I often have to hold myself back from giving him advice such as what @Valach states above because it's just not useful to him. You can't skip steps on the journey. It's easy for us to speak about letting it go, trusting in yourself, having self esteem and a sense of love for yourself, but those are all lessons we learned *through* pick up and he has to go on his journey. So whenever I'm with this friend, I nudge him in the right direction by asking him super deep questions such as "Why are you in the game? Like, what are you hoping to truly get out of this? Is there a way to fulfill that need for yourself?" Or "Why did you approach her like that? Like, how are you perceiving yourself in comparison to the girl, that inspired that approach, you think?" And more such questions. But I also do give him technical advice too. Because, again, @Valach, @Miguel1 and I, probably have solid subcommunications because we internalized attractive behaviours through massive repetition and also positive reinforcement from the women. So, ignoring all that history and telling him to "just let go and be yourself" is unhelpful at best and condescending at worst. So yeah, I will check him on his subcommunications, I will let him know when he is being too polarizing and unrelatable, or too reactive, etc. You have to meet people where they're at.

"I want to pay for your future abortion." I literally said this multiple times in the past. Not as an opener though. "You look like a ghetto nerd." This is an opener. Very polarizing, especially during the day, so you have to know how to handle whatever challenge she throws at you and be able to reframe the opener as a positive rather than offensive. "Hey look.. i just want to be honest, I saw you checking me out and I just wanna let you know, I'm not looking for anything okay? But I am flattered and you're interesting so hi. But again, no expectation aight?" Delivered with a cheeky, playful smile. No matter how she pushes back, always maintain the frame that she was checking you out. Act as if her denying it is actually her being shy and not bold enough to own it.

@Miguel1 The more I learn about you the more I see that we're kindred spirits (no homo). I'm an ENFJ myself, actually. I personally dont feel like people here are attacking you. It seems to me that they're basically saying "just be yourself" in a way that comes across very socially uncalibrated lol. Remember, most people on this forum dont have the social reps that we have under our belts, so they lack real high quality social/dating experience and finesse. As far as the loneliness aspect is concerned, I would encourage you to contemplate what inner need is being fulfilled for you when you do socialize. What are you missing when you're alone? I suspect the root need is deeper than just not being lonely. If you can identify it/them, you can perhaps work on giving it to yourself. For example, for many years, the reason I was so addicted to women was because women provided a sense of adventure in my life that I needed. But when I started taking myself out on solo adventures, the desire to outsource that to a woman faded. If its intimacy that you crave, you can also give that to yourself. And i dont mean by fapping lol. Like real emotional intimacy with yourself, where you treat yourself as if you're your own best friend, where you listen and trust and show real love to yourself, like how someone who really loves you would. But first, you have to identify what the need underneath it all is.

@Miguel1 I only read the first page on this thread, so far and I'm in a very similar place as you but with a bit more clarity on the path forward. If you want to attract an aesthetically beautiful yet conscious woman, you cannot do it from the "game" paradigm. Game is designed to attract the most attractive women in large quantities, however, what you're looking for is quality, thus you must proceed differently. I'm at a stage, just like you, where social games are boring to me, sexual validation is meaningless and the promise of real intimacy with a quality woman is my only real motivation to date. But to attract such a woman, you cannot water yourself down for the masses. You can't play social games. You have to be so authentically polarizing and so niche and have such a strong "buyer frame", that you romantically alienate/disqualify 99.9% of women out there so that you only relate to women who share your values. Additionally, your lifestyle should be fully immersed in the types of social activities that are aligned with your values. So, if you want a deeply spiritual woman, she's probably not in the club. She might be at a creative workshop, or salsa class, or in the park reading a book. You have to zero in on a social life that maximizes your chances of running into this type of girl. But, another insight is you cannot go to these social events/gatherings with the intention of meeting women. It cannot work that way. You should be going to have genuine fun and because the lifestyle adds a nourishing element in your life. Make friends with the people you meet there, build a little tribe with you at the helm. That way, you're not only maximising your own social lifestyle from a fulfillment perspective but also increase the chances of either meeting your girl by chance or through someone within your tribe. I had the above insights when high as fuck on weed, contemplating my relationship to dating in the future and a voice, coming from deep in my subconscious, said the following: "Do what Zenterus does fully. Go to where Zenterus would go. And engage with people while they're there as Zenterus would, and it will all work out." But you have to accept that you will probably meet 200-300 women before you meet even just a few who only QUALIFY for you to get to know further. And even then, you might realise you're not compatible in some real way down the line. But if you accept that you're looking for something rare and exceptional, then the socializing to results ratio shouldn't be disheartening.

@LordFall I hate having to qualify myself but fuck it, seems like your inquiry is sincere so lets talk about it. Bro, I have 10 years of pickup experience. That includes social circle, cold approach and online dating. I don't know my exact body count, but it's definitely up there, and I've attracted GORGEOUS women of all kinds of archetypes (ice queens, local mini instagram celebrities, goth baddies, submissives, etc, of all ages and ethnicities). I could pull at least one new girl home a week if I cared to do so. And when I used to actively do social circle game, I wasnt attracting people who were interested in business or some other common interest. No. My entire social circle revolved around ME. I was the leader and everyone just wanted to spend time with me because I was providing the most value emotionally, confidence-wise, validation-wise, etc. I understand attraction VERY VERY well and I've gone through every phase in the journey -- such as the technical stage, the strategic stage, the hunting stage, the farming stage, the natural stage, the letting go stage etc. When I say the things that I say, I'm saying them from an experienced perspective. Im not some dude thats just sitting in this forum theorizing this stuff with you guys. The reason it took me so many years to quit PUA was because I was out here fucking, consistently, hot girls on a weekly/monthly basis and letting that type of dopamine source go was not an easy task. In fact, it would have been very easy if I wasn't getting anywhere with it. I'm not discrediting your strategies, dude. You misunderstand me. Clearly they work. But what I am saying is that your current journey isn't leading you towards optimizing your strategies and your approach further. The journey is leading you towards realizing that all this work is fucking pointless, all the optimizing is pointless, the strategies are pointless because what you're pursuing is actually yourself THROUGH the women and until you skip the middle man, you'll never be fully fulfilled nor at your most powerful. It's very common that when I go out, girls are constantly staring at me, or giving me signals to approach, or inviting me to hang out with them, or escalating on me because they can feel it in their bones that I dont give a single fuck. The hottest woman I ever dated was a Croatian/Dutch beauty that had celebrities pursuing her, yet I had her in my single bed, in a 9 square meter room, begging me to have sex with her while I wanted to continue watching the Venom movie on my laptop. This is the kind of power that you get as a man when you stop caring and you let this shit go. You become irresistable because your true natural state as a man is STRENGTH. The only thing robbing you of that is your neediness and lack of self connection. When you truly embody this, setting boundaries is easy, being charismatic is easy, leading is easy, expressing yourself sexually is easy, everything just flows. Once you get in touch with WHY you're truly doing what you're doing and you learn how to give that to yourself, the performance finally ends and everything you ever wanted starts to come to you in abundance. @LordFall will just do what he does and the right women and men will just naturally be there. No strategy, no optimization, no work needed. Just pure screening. The mindfuck aspect of this is that when you truly reach this level, you dont even care about girls anymore. But you might not be there yet and that's okay. I doubt I would be where Im at if I didnt go through the journey first.

Very interesting point around sex drive because I actually do feel less horny now than I did when i was deep in pickup. In fact, I know somebody who also used to be obsessed with PUA and transcended it years before me and he also mentioned that when a person is wounded, their body tricks itself into feeling more lustful than it actually is in order to motivate itself to go out and get the validation that the subconscious wound craves. In retrospect, I can totally see that being the case.

From your paradigm it sure sounds like cope. When a fish hears the bird can breathe outside of the water, it thinks its delusional until it evolves to be able to do so as well or bares witness to it.

@LordFall Brother, what I'm about to say is gonna come across as if I'm talking down on you when I'm really not -- there's a lot that i respect about you based on what you shared about your dating journey. However, I've been where you're mentally and while it is true that working on your looks does get you better initial attraction online and in-person -- getting a hair transplant, for example -- it actually hinders your power long term because you're building an identity that's fueled by how attractive you are to women, which is weak at its core. One of my biggest insights during my journey to transcend pickup was the fact that you cannot be at your most powerful as a man when you're valuing how attractive you are to women. The most powerful, attractive men are men who dont give a fuck and are, therefore, more unique, polarizing and cultivated as individuals because they cultivated their own personality according to THEIR values, interests, sense of humour, etc. This is what makes a leader. A man who is so unique, authentic and resolute in his being that some might think he is weird, or unrelatable, but others are completely mesmerized by him. You cannot be a man like that when caring about "how attractive you are" to women. Yes, work on yourself. Have basic hygiene. Groom yourself. Make some money so that you're not homeless, etc etc. Take care of the very basics, but after that, just cultivate the experience of YOU. You cannot do that while caring how women perceive you. This is the type of "game" you develop after you transcend the desire to game or attract women or have a strong desire for sex. It's the ultimate frame control. You're one of one. You do this right and your biggest problem will be that communities and people start forming around you to such an extend that it resembles a cult.

Doesnt matter. What matters is how you're basing what you should be based on what you think women want, which makes you inherently unattractive to them.