Zenterus

They are, but its rare. My best friend is very good looking and a complete natural with women. Never had issues attracting them in his life from a young age. He respects the fact that I learned game the way I did and we often do discuss the various PUA concepts and mechanics but to him it is all unconscious (him being at the 1% of good looks doesnt hurt either). He also has an extensive history of using psychedelics and other mind altering substances. Like, to a high degree. I've done some stuff too, but never to the level that he had and definitely not recreationally. Every time I would take a substance, I would learn something deeper about myself and I would always share that with him but he never shared any deeper insights with me in return despite all his experiences. One day, out of curiosity, I asked him if he ever even had a deep insight from a psychedelic or other substance. He sat there for a few seconds and said, "Honestly dude.. no." Blew my mind. Can extroverted naturals have deep insights? Yes. Is it the norm? Hell no. I've seen that consistently in my life. Not to say they're dumb. They're smart in different ways. Just not the way introverted types tend to be.

The more I watch John the less I believe he is any good at pickup, to be honest. I used to give him the benefit of the doubt because he did have some solid advice regarding dealing with rejection, assuming attraction, dating funnels, pulling and dealing with objections etc But then you watch how he interacts with people and he violates every rule regarding attractive subcommunications. He is very reactive and giggly in set, constantly qualifies himself, he is pushy, needy and very unkempt (at least in a few years ago). I know @Leo Gura and others - namely the youtuber Playing with Fire - say that he does have some solid game but I really cannot picture it based on what I've seen of him so far.

Shieeet, I wont deny this lol

I hear you, but keep in mind that this is in the context of us having sex. I wasnt talking about having babies with these women in normal conversation, just when dirty talking. Things like: "You love how daddy fucks you, huh? I bet you're craving to feel daddy's warm cum dripping out of you, don't you baby." "Yes daddy, I want it!" "You want to have daddy's babies don't you. Say it!" "I want your babies, daddy!! I do!!" "What a good little slut you are." Etc etc Obviously I wouldn't be out having coffee with them and then talking about our future and children and all that. Context matters here.

@Leo Gura is actually right on this and if you think about it biologically it makes sense. Sex is evolutionarily meant for the purpose of procreation. So, from a biological perspective, when a woman decides that she wants to have sex with you, its the result of her primal brain deciding that you are a strong man and that she should have your baby. In fact, you dont even need to cum inside her. Often times just TALKING about having babies during sex can get your woman super wet and excited at the idea and eventually get her super attached to you. Try it with caution though. When I first learned about this, I went fucking crazy with it and used to do it to almost every girl - just talking about babies not actually cumming in her. Very often those women would develop very deep feelings for me and would result in us separating because now they were not happy with the fwb arrangement. But, if you're in a relationship with a woman (or want to be in one with that particular woman) then go crazy with it.

New Year's Resolutions are so corny, yet here is mine and I would like to hear yours. 2025 has been a crazy year for me. It's been a year marked by constant change, breaking of old habits, confusion, integration and contemplation. I've spent so many years of my life grinding hard for my dream to become a comic book artist only for me to quickly realize that it wasn't what I really wanted. I've spent almost 10 years of my life entrenched into the pickup artist world in which I've grown tremendously but also adopted a lot of negative habits, beliefs and weak behaviors that I'm now I'm fighting to unwire - which is funny since to become good at picking up women you have to develop strong qualities. Additionally, I've gone from being one of those over the top achievers whose morning routine consisted of cold showers, reading 5 pages of a book, meditation, journaling, setting intentions for the day, reading my actualized self's vision etc etc to being someone a lot more relaxed and at ease with my body. Beyond that, I moved to a new city, broke up with a woman who was my physical 10 in the process, grieved that 'situationship,' got a job in the new city and started working hard on changing my career into one that will hopefully provide a lot more financial stability, which will also require me making a lot of short term sacrifices so that I can invest as much of my time as possible into learning new skills and even a new language. It's been hectic, to say the least. Moving into the year 2026, I have a clear vision for the man I want to be. I've already talked about my career goals, so I won't touch on that. However, I will relay to you the character I want to embody. I want to be a man who is fully aligned with himself at the highest level. I want to be in tune with the man I am when the world around me is silent instead of running away from him. I want to face my inner emotional wounds further and do more work on forgiving the people in my life who have wronged me. I want to be more loving, through that process. It is a goal of mine to uphold my own standards and develop more self-respect. That isn't to say that I don't have respect for myself, I certainly do, but there're higher forms of that that I want to achieve. I want to become more aligned with my intuition, which would first require me to become even less needy of a person. I no longer wish to look at my social life from the lens of dating opportunities, but rather from the lens of self expression, filtering, sharing my love with others and making genuine connections in whatever form they may come. Again, I already embody all of the above, but I want to integrate them at even higher levels. As of late, I lack passion for life. There is this... numbness that comes with everyday existence. My intuition tells me to embrace that. While it may feel numbing at the moment, my higher self is telling me that learning how to love that empty feeling is the key to becoming the most powerful version of myself. That numbness is groundedness in disguise. Furthermore, I've felt this calling towards leadership for quite some time. Especially in the field of pickup. The last couple of years, I've met many men who are either just starting their pickup journey or have been in it for some time now and I've noticed a pattern of them looking up to me, somewhat. They ask for my advice and they seem to be really impressed with the ways in which I handle my interactions with women. Given as these men tend to have a lot of toxic behaviors and self-esteem issues, I see a great opportunity to leave a positive impact in that community of men. So far, I've taught some of them the importance of not lying to women, minimizing manipulation and opting for self-improvement instead and have helped them get to the root emotional wounds that really motivate them to pursue women the way that they do and I feel greatly fulfilled by this. Speaking of manipulation, I also want to achieve an even deeper form of authenticity and realness. To be able to speak from a place of indifference to any outcome is a big goal of mine. Here I am. Bare. Take it or leave it. I don't care. I've seen the same leadership effect in spirituality circles as well as people struggling with their mental health or general insecurity. I'm an extremely introspective person and I tend to deeply listen to people when they speak - which leads me to believe that I should've pursued a career in therapy or clinical psychology, but that boat has sailed - and that allows me to ask directed questions that seem to help the people around me grow for the better. People often look up to me and I want to lean more into that. I want to build a local community centered around that in order to help people but also connect with like-minded individuals who are serious about inner growth. Last but not least, I want to fall in love. I'm numb to casual sex, numb to the quantity of lustful conquests. They mean nothing to me anymore. I want one woman who I can connect with deeply and who I can grow together with. A woman who inspires me and challenges me while also brings the passion and beauty along that my heart yearns for. I am not a player, I am not a pickup artist. I, in fact, am not an artist at all. I am a man. Human. And that is all.

This is my life. I had to sit down and admit it to myself, last night. Women no longer excite me. 10 years of pickup has made me numb to them. I've recently began investing in a girl recently for a potential long term relationship. Although I've been super engaged with her, when the third date came around and we finally slept together, I was so underwhelmed by the whole experience. She tried to make it exciting for me but I just preferred chilling and cuddling over going multiple rounds and shit. Same with my work. I used to be super excited at the prospect if being a comic book artist. I pursued that with all my heart until it broke. I realized there's no future in that industry and, in fact, I've outgrown the solitude that comes with being an artist. I wanted something more. Creative, still, but more. I came up with an idea but for me to comfortably invest in it, I first have to make sure that I have a solid back up plan, a solid foundation. So now I'm taking various courses and preparing myself to do a Master's in marketing administration, not because im passionate about it but because it will provide me a good safety net to pursue my creative vision. However, this means that my passion is being postponed and it's numbing. I could take up some kind of cooking class or fun and new activity to keep the spark of life alive in my chest, but I have limited time: I work as a barista, I hit the gym, Im moving to a new apartment, soon will be learning a new language (cause I live in a foreign country that I dont speak the native language of), I also need time to be alone and contemplate, etc. So that leave little time for "just fun" other than hitting the club with my boys, or going on dates, or engaging with my sexual nature in whatever capacity. However, what I've come to see now, is that my passionless life is the main issue in my life right now. I edge as a way to feel something. When I engage with women whether sexually or socially, I'm devoid of any passion or excitement. I don't bring my most energetic self to my work, like how I used to do. I can't even get myself to sit down and read a book or watch a show. My workouts have lost their vigour. I'm on autopilot. From the outside though, I'm killing it: I have a goal, I'm working towards that goal, Im taking courses, learning a language, hitting them gym, i dress well, im confident with women and socially charismatic, etc. The only thing left to optimize in the physical domain is my finances, which I'm working on. And no, i am not depressed. The feeling I feel isnt really sadness or meaninglessness or anything like that. It's just... boredom. Perspetual, chronic boredom.

And it's my fault and that's okay. I proposed exclusivity too soon, before it felt truly aligned with me and instead of honoring it I went on to disrespect it with two other women. She doesn't know about that though. All she knows is that I eventually came to the conclusion that being exclusive with her after only 3 dates didn't feel right. It felt like I introduced the concept as a way to control her. As a way to hold exclusive sexual and emotional access to her, not because it felt like a natural progression of our relationship. The truth is, I didn't feel secure in that connection. She took hours, sometimes even a whole day to respond to my texts (although she was very enthusiastic when she did) and when I told her that I would miss her when she was going away for 2 weeks to visit her family, she responded with "I'll miss you too, I think?" And so, when I told her that we might be moving too fast and need to take a step back, she replied with "I appreciate your honesty but I'm gonna have to say no. Wish you all the best in this new year and let us let this go with nothing but positive feelings <3" Just like that. Gone. Poof. I didn't feel safe, yet as a man it is my fault for not leading the dynamic of the relationship properly and, instead, introducing exclusivity before it felt aligned and then, furthermore, disrespecting that exclusivity by having sex with 2 other women. What the absolute fuck, man? I never thought I'd be this type of man that treats women this way, especially one that I deeply care about. I always prided myself in being honest with women. I would tell friends of mine "Don't lie to women! It reinforces a scarcity mindset!" Yet look at me, now. Look at what I've done. .... Yet, I accept this moment of clarity with grace. I accept her decision wholeheartedly and I accept that I am flawed and might have more work to do than I initially thought. She's gone and I wish her nothing but the best. Edit: To clarify, she didnt leave because I proposed exclusivity. She left because 2 weeks after we became exclusive, I told her that I may have proposed it too soon and that we should take a step back and get to know each other without commitment first as its only been 3 dates. She wasn't having it and ended things

@Valach Thank you brother. Sex absolutely is a coping mechanism for me, one which I've been trying to change for a long time. I feel like it's the final monster in the way of my transformation to the man I'm mean to be in this new chapter of my life.

I did and I still believe that. But I am only human and I regress, make mistakes, fall into old habits, etc.

I understand all that. Normally, I would approach it that way but on our first date she let me know that she wanted something serious and if I would like that down the line which I concurred. I dont think me asking to be exclusive was a mistake. When I asked, she was like "of course we're gonna be exclusive. I don't share and I only deal with one man at a time." I have enough experience in the game to know that my mistake was more internal than external. I shouldn't have taken that step so early. Not so that the girl can seduce me or chase me into it, but so that I would feel alignment and integrity with that decision. The mistake was making a decision and then backpedaling on that decision. That's bad leadership. Moving forward, i take this lesson with me. Im not gonna go on a massive pickup rampage, though, that will be an overreaction, I feel. But I will keep going out, meeting new women and seeing where it all goes. I will make sure to interact with every and all women from a player frame and only switch to a mkre boyfriend vibe after i am ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN that I want to take that step with that specific woman, so that there are no regrets nor collateral damage. I appreciate everyone here who responded with empathy and understanding and emotional intelligence.

@theleelajoker Hey man/gyal I'm so thankful for your responses. I actually do feel like we were incompatible in some ways. She admitted to being an anxious avoidant, she was financially struggling voluntarily (all she had to do was get a new job), had an STD from a previous partner (nothing crazy) and wanted kids and marriage in the near future. Typing this out, I realize how insane that may sound but she was also a very solid woman in other ways. Im at a rnb, afrobeats, latin, hiphop type of club. Getting a lot of looks, so who knows what might come of this.

@theleelajoker We've been on only 3 dates and while the connection was strong, my intuition told me that suggesting being exclusive was coming from the wrong place (I suggested it). It was coming from a place of wanting her to be exclusive with me, yet I didn't feel like I've seen enough consistency and engagement from her to warrant being exclusive to her. This became apparent when I slept with 2 other women as I knew in my heart that being exclusive was a manipulative tactic rather than coming from genuine intention, which doesnt make what I did right btw. I knew I was taking a risk by taking back the exclusivity, since it is rare to move backwards in a relationship. But it just didnt feel right. Honestly, when I got the message from her that we were done, i didnt even feel hurt or anything. It felt.. relieving in a way. But I do mourn that connection the potential it had had I played it more solid and with more integruous intention. Again, thank you so much for your question, I need to vent this out. (Im typing this while in the club btw lol)

I feel like most of you are not fully comprehending what happened. She didnt leave because i suggested exclusivity and I was being needy. She left because we were exclusive and 2 weeks later I decided that we should undo the exclusivity because it felt like moving too fast. She wasnt down for that and she ended things.

@Joshe Thank you for your emotionally intelligent response.

@Hojo Thank you for your response but none of what you said relates to me. You don't know me nor her nor our dynamic like that to make all these assumptions. I will say that one thing you're right about is that I will learn from this experience and grow from it.

Bro, men are way more superficial than women are, what are you talking about? If a woman isn't physically attractive, the average man wont even look at her direction or even pay attention to her other attributes. Women will do that. You can be an ugly guy and have some weight on you yet if you have a solid personality and you are a man to the core then women will develop an attraction to you. Men have it so much easier when it comes to dating than women when you look at the dating world from a holistic perspective.

I personally dont like the idea of it. I feel like the moment you get married, as a man, the likelihood of you getting screwed increases dramatically. The beautiful thing about being in a relationship outside of marriage is that you're both free to leave without much of a hassle or legal/financial consequence. This makes it so that both parties, generally speaking, try their best to keep their partner happy and engaged in the relationship. However, once you sign the marriage contract, the incentive to work on your relationship goes down drastically because marriage provides a false safety net in the form of legal repercussions in case of a divorce. Thats how people end up in sexless marriages, getting nagged, putting on weight and becoming unattractive to their partners and, eventually, divorced. I understand that this is a very negative view on marriage according to some. But marriages have been on a massive decline for a reason. So, if anything, I find my perspective to be pretty close to the reality of the situation. You can make it work, but the numbers are against you.

Sounds good man. Again, its via tinder so no need to do too much flirting since the context already sets the tone for the date. Have fun on the date, man! Let us know how it goes.

Do what feels natural. I personally wouldn't hold her hand but if the girl gives you a very warm hug, you can go for it.

Alright, man. Before I say anything else, just know that this is just a learning experience. Don't get too emotionally invested in this. Have fun with it. But to address what you said here: Do not have her be your tour guide. I've done that before and ended up regretting it. You are the man, you lead. I don't care if it's your first time in the country. You still act as if you know what's best. Trust me dude, even though it doesn't make sense logically, this is what the girl wants on an emotional level. I suggest you do your research, find 2 spots nearby your house and ask her to meet you somewhere nearby and just be like "Hey, you like tea/beer/coffee/matcha? Cool, I just saw a cool spot on my way here, let's go check it out" and just lead. Now, as for keeping the conversation going, I would recommend to make a list of 5-10 things that interest you and 5-10 interesting questions that you could ask her. Conversation skills are a whole thing to talk about but a simple formula is 1] ask question, 2] she answers, 3] you give your thoughts on what she said or tease her based on the answer she gave and 4] share your own perspective on the topic. So, for example: You: What is the most adventurous thing that you've done recently? Her: I went bungee jumping! It was a lot of fun. You: Oh fuck yeah. I always wanted to do that. Not gonna lie, I thought for a second you would be the type that says 'oh, I once snuck out of detention' or something, so I'm glad you did something *actually* adventurous, haha. Her: Hahahah, what about you? You: Coming to Thailand is definitely up there.. etc etc --- Don't overthink it, though. If the girl likes you - which she clearly does if she's going on a date with you - she will carry some of the conversational load as well, so don't fall into the mindset that you need to entertain her. This is a two way street. As far as flirting goes, that is a biiiiig topic as well. The basic idea behind effective flirting is that you want to talk to her as if you're evaluating a future relationship with her either in the positive or negative. So, for example: Her: I looove to dance salsa! You: I knew there was something off about you.. Her: Whaat?! What do you mean? You: My mom told me to stay away from salsa girls, they're too dangerous That's an example of you playfully disqualifying her for dating. Here's a positive example: Her: [Talks about something she's very passionate about] You: Okay ... You need to stop talking to me with all this passion cause I'm gonna fall in love with you and I'm way too busy in my life for that shit. So slow down please. Her: hahahha -- I recommend that you come up with some flirtation lines of your own or just look some up online. I would honestly not worry too much about it though because this is a date from Tinder, so the girl already knows what's up. I would focus more on giving her very strong eye contact and glancing down at her lips every now and then when she speaks. Nothing fancy. Now, when it comes to escalation and motioning for her to sit closer and stuff.. fam, this ain't rocket science. Literally say "come over here, I don't bite" and tap the free space between you on the bench. Then put your arm around her and just keep talking as if nothing crazy is happening.

I typically just give her a hug and say "long time no see" as a little joke.

Awesome, man! Happy for you Ok, when it comes to dates, you have to be a man and lead. So, although you're just going for a walk, make sure you plan where you're going to walk and where you want to instant date. Unfortunately, leading is a huge topic that I just dont have the time to break down now, but I will say that you want to be decisive and have a lot of certainty in what you do. Pick a location to meet that's nearby your house. When you guys meet, tell her "lets walk this way" and lead her straight to a cafe, restaurant, bar, whatever. Dont do lunch btw. Do a beer or a tea or a coffee. Shit like that. There just vibe and have a good time getting to know her. I usually try to pull, but i wont confuse you with all the mechanics of that. Focus on having a pleasant date with her first. After your drink, take her somewhere else nearby your house, such as a bench or a park or whatever. Talk for a bit then motion for her to sit closer to you and put your arm around her shoulder. Keep talking, talking, talking. And then you can say something like.. "would it be terrible if we kissed right now?" No matter what she says, just slowly move in to kiss her - unless she responds with "yes," which in that case just say "i agree" with a smile and continue the conversation like normal. After that, talk a little bit more and tell her that you have somewhere to be later and end the date. This should last anywhere from 2 to 3 hours. Im trying my best not to overwhelm you and give you a very simple gameplan, but follow your intuition and most importantly, just have fun with it. It's not the end of the world if it doesnt go anywhere.

Bro, ignore @Looks. Literally every post he makes is empty garbage. @Leo Gura Please look into his post history. He might be worth a warning if not outright banning from the forum. @fopylo As for you, homie, keep doing your thing. Instant dates might be a bit too much for you at the current stage you're in, but if you want to give it a try, go for it. I will say that at a more advanced level.. instant dates are not efficient. They cost money and dont guarantee a date, plus they risk potentially lowering your value in daygame cause the girl might start perceiving you as someone who isnt doing much in his day to day life, hence why you have all this free time to spend with her, which she hasn't earned. I personally prefer sitting girls down on a bench for a few minutes to solidify the number and then bounce. Although, instant dates are useful if you plan on pulling the girl home after you solidify a connection. But then again, sitting on a bench can work just as well.

@Leo GuraI respect that, although I found that these types of openers rarely result in a normal solid interaction. But then again, everyone has their own style and strengths, so yours may be to make these types of openers work, while that may be my weakness, who knows. Do you still go out though? You say "my wings and I give each other.." in the present tense.