nufan

ok guys this true story is having a happy ending feeling ok and grounded now , looks like i was low on anti psychotics (i did it deliberately because i thought i was getting somewhere)(my case wasn't that bad!) too overwhelmed by this experience Ive been through (it was too much too fast) felt like i was expressing myself for the first time! anyway i needed to be heard (mostly documented) this topic is closed by me i don't know witch pill i took at the end ... the red one or blue one .. looks both, or my prescription thanks for been part of my healing happy xmas intergal... you also make my day .. just for today

yesterday never happened , experiencing fake now, thoughts or feelings are all part of script-predetermined, outside world is a projection, future is fixed even the feeling that you are enlighten is just an illusion, i am just the real-free puppet feeling happy!(in a puppet show-yes i know..i am still a jerk-could not resist that, sorry) in the prison of all prisons realisation is the tricky part.. lets move to the next chapter!!! if any!!! i want to play! can this dream be evolved? like nothing i have ever heard or imagined? another set, another show, another experience? heading into nothingness... is boring-(or is it?)(looks to me now) wow.. im such a puppet! -meant to give shows after all - and the inner child to play games (and Leo's videos.. spoiled it!-or maybe not-cant reach that far) (not too bright and wise to shift into nothingness or another "dimension")(skip the human part) i am so loser after all( and really feeling it) https://open.spotify.com/track/2aAV8orZctvbDvVJnMDlBR?si=431e68a7dc5c4ce6 feel like all i am doing right now is ...dancing with my inner child(looks like its female!) everything part of the drama! THE SHOW OF ALL SHOWS not a game for sure- that's how we(or rather-only me) experiencing it- felt it so so so so so so so so many times but not realising it! i am starting to enjoy watching only cats or stupid people performing like this.. she make my day... just for today! after a very long time.. i just need someone to give me a punch... all will be FIXED no ones coming! the smart ones .. just run to their fall lets keep the faith...so much drama for my mama

sorry , i just written something stupid here... i deleted it after Hojo is right

im more into this chick that popped into my youtube feed https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Mazg-izk30&t=592s yes i know... im such a jerk the truth is im starting to feel non human day by day ... enlightened, no one like me around, and there's no much left to do no desire for money,sex,entertainment,wealth,socialise,easy friends, (i was so loser, never had any of these anyway) just free and clear minded -clarity (that's all i need, nothing more nothing else) 10 years of suffering... was worth it ... so many things during that time was erased... without me ever noticing i cant help anyone live this experience because it is unique, designed by god and my inner child unless you find some next door neighbour that don't sleep at night ,bang their door 2-3 times a day-night , only when you try to sleep (like they know exactly your sleeping schedule) and suddenly disrupt you every night-day for 2-3 years, mess your brain, mess your sleep ... and after that something inside you relive this(bangs you) every night even when your neighbours left and other came..... and then imagine them play a role in the solipsistic game... among other projections that visit you and help you play all your fantasy or ego identities, relive hidden experiences of the subconscious, most of them without material existence, a very few with. and they knew everything about you, even your future,"reality" mind-role game that lasted 4 years- not every day- and not too unreal so i dont freak out) something like.. imagine yourself..full feeling a woman, speaking with a woman's voice,wanting to kill the male part of you!!(because of an imaginary abuse it experienced by him!).. talking to a god projection about it.. and then see yourself hanged! this lasted just 10-15min leaving your body and talk to a projection and then joining back in throwing down of the bookshelf a dvd titled "is there a creator(god)" and seeing it fall (i was non believer) and now i can remember only 5% of what i -or better my false self- or both experienced experiencing having feeling and leaving with different iq levels.. from total retard to quite smart the game itself .. with todays view.. was silly.. a main father figure , two girls,many neutral personalities, few kids (all of them quite smart)(they were telling me what i wanted to hear) different person for different self identity and imaginary one from my childhood to the present, my ego liked playing the spy and poker player everyone and everything played their role! with some of those roles identities i would be happy to leave for the rest of my life! but the game never stopped there. (during those days, i was felling that i am living in the matrix, like the movie- really hooked by that movie(the other was inseption)- now really hooked by dualism-solipsism and i wonder what's more to come!) ---- i was too dumb to get hooked by philosophy during this game i was extremely sleep deprived,with my neighbours banging their door constantly every 2 hours(the truth is something inside my mind made me feel this like it was real) ,torture is the right word (lose the part that make me reason and question, just play the game) anti psychotic drugs had no effect whatsoever and after this game stopped ,it took me another 2-3 years to get to this point today that's why everything is unreal, a construct... only me noticing after all these years past!.. when consciousness shifted that's why i don't need therapist unborntao .. i just need to face what i am experiencing my future is fixed.. have not experienced it yet.. and with suicide out of the way , maybe all this will have a happy ending god showed me His presence and i have to respect that.. too many thing , too fast happened after my awakening (looks like i got carried away) the whole mind state i am in(way different than anyone else) is what i need for the realisation part writing all of these is my grounding, not to be kicked out of this forum unborntao what a dream! what a show! what a game! fucking everywhere,anyone,anytime this is the real grounding i think .. eventually .. all comes down to... you want to experience this? experience it you want to die? just die and i the end i was saved by humans! (not quite i guess) what a drama! its fucking everywhere.. in me , in you (be the loser!, much more to learn in the end) that's the only way to quit the game! ok, and after all some of you will still say that i need grounding... i need the groundless ground! (really hooked by this!)(better search it in chatgpt and figure out what it really means) only if could feel it! imagine! and after some more thinking... guess i am just building a solid imagination(never had one) after a long time .... 1500 views.. that's impressive! i am really not making this shit up i guess most of you will grasp it as a Fery tail others like a shit show and the wise ones don't want to spoil it hello anyone watching? or i am way more stupid than i think i am lets have a vote.. what does the Audience say after a while... realised that (furthermore) that trying to fix my emotion is hardest part of all stop being a jerk is a good step... i am on to this

it looks im in the "save yourself .. save humanity show" everything unimaginably predetermined inside and out.. saved by others allready so the only ones left is the crazy one

thats the way ramasta9 having fun thanks for the smile

thanks for the love unborntao you made me smile saved my day .. just for today and after thinking for a while.... i guess i have to move on... the next episode might be better... maybe have a happy ending! game over - shows over and i last thing i would like to say to Leo... you are a great performer.. after Jesus and Buddha YOU GOT ME

ill say it one more time ... WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT SHOW THAT I AM EXPERIENCING? AND ITS FUCKING EVERYWHERE ANY TIME EVERYONE

thanks judy2 for your post thanks for being part of my dream, hope all the best for you,truly its nice to hear kind words in my case the awakening happened last .. after all i been through all those years(first lose the garbage and then) everything happened in the right moment and the right time maybe in your case , you weren't ready yet (only you can realise it when your ready) i guess in your case.. the feelings you experienced got you confused, you needed to have clarity first anyway ... just enjoy what was given to you, if you feel there are still mental issues left.. fight them to the end, play life (sorry i am too meshed up to read all your post in this forum, and look what's happening in your case) it looks like feelings are the deepest iluzion human experiences (including love, despite what everybody talks about in spirituality) (your inner child is love(i felt this in my dreams), not god) (big words i am telling...too stupid thing to do) i talked to chatgpt about this situation im in.. it said that all is part of my illness, that i need grounding and shamanic guidance and support(as ramasta9 quoted earlier) and many more ... same things i am about to hear from any therapist but i have the clarity needed now to realise that all those thing are part of the mind game! my dream has evolved!.. i feel more lucid day by day i have made the choice to respect myself ... not ChatGPT or any therapist with a iq 130 (getting there day by day-i need more wisdom)and gods help(by rewiring-reorganising my brain) ,i think i can manage things thanks again judy2 thanks god but i want out by the way ... god told me i am dead already... that's even more confusing! and made me feel what the word -suicide- feels like,(to protect me maybe) god wants to play.. i want out (where really?) and one last thing... all of this thinks i experienced can not be handled by normal human person.. the mind will collapse, break and lead to mendal ilness (as far as i can tell-there are exceptions) (all sorts of feeling arise out of no ware and confusion dictates- leads to breakdown) - i experience this myself for a brief moment.. god intervened by making a loud sound , and stopped me from total madness even now god stops my dreams turn psychotic.. by wakening me in the right time no sleep for me... haven't slept (resting sleep)for 10 years... thinks getting better after my awakening though god .. i surrender! (maybe one day all those things i am writing will look silly... and EVERYTHING will make sense.. in this dream?) i am sure everything will make sense one day.. thats the hope i have left! and hope dies last i hadn't any clue even what the word spirituality even means one month before my awakening! i guess what's left to do is fix me-god duality (i am deeply suffering about this) maybe peace is the right thing to do and after 20 min of thinking... realised that i have to kiss myself goodbye! what a fucking drama i am experiencing! gods call: save the drama for your mama

i have to write this... i am experiencing a fucking SHIT show (everywhere ,everyone,every-time) GOD .. HAVE MERCY ON ME .. GET ME OUT OF HERE! I SUFFERED ENOUGH ALREADY... PLEASE DON'T MAKE SUFFER MORE! feels like i am the king of the ridiculous,insignificants,farcicals,derisorys,sods,nonsensicals,clownishs, (best translation i can find) FEELS LIKE THE DREAM WILL COLLAPSE SOON and on top of that ... i was also quiet borderline person (all makes cense when your out) fucking disease... i have to give gratitude to my inner child .. played a big role in my life, its so powerful, god like, but still so immature to lead (i was been "controlled" by it for 20 years!-with my false-ego self agreeing(stupid loser), it was playing a role game.. that's why my mental illness was hidden underneath) thats why i played the solipsistic game i mentioned before .. burn the roles and identities, basic ly everything that deter my freedom i need to heal more, realise even more, mature more, in a solipsistic dream word! this is a MIND GAME i feel sorry for those still trapped and their dream was meant to keep them enslaved!

i guess this topic should be renamed ... cant do it myself so ...moderators.. change the name to something like .. awakening as a treatment of Psychosis .. or something .. choose anything you like or ... how stupidy can lead to Psychosis and god comes along and fixes things up (in my case) one more thought i like to express... why all of this is happening to me? just for cure? i need a easy answer i guess.. why me! i guess thats how god haves fun ok, ... god given me one self, one soul ,free from any identity, ...at what cost? if any! in the beginning of the solipsistic game, gods projections given me a hint... that in the end i am going to me meet some "people" and if i see then ill better run! they given me a song to listen.. the following .. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aV7VNhzFLOQ accurately reflected what was i about to experience.. my false self-ego self really liked this song anyway... there where so many things that happened to me... an experience beyond imagination god knew EVERYTHING about me... past.. future... even in my psychotic breaks in my dreams.. and i relieved those experiences.. in order to be fully erased from my subconscious even people i had contact played a role in this solipsistic game... never heard from them since i am alone.. me and god...and fully dreaming in a movie set where everything is predetermined what happens next? that's a another episode thanks for watching!

thanks jody2 for your post god in me does all the work now , he literally "rewired" my brain no therapist can help me any more!, i have nothing to say to my projection! my dissociation is a think of the past for me i take my meds although, it feels so nice to have clarity! it feels amazing! i do need some rest .. and is not up to me! i still don't know what's next to come! i feels so good that my insomnia doesn't bother me any more! i can explain how it feels to realise that everything EVERYTHING is gods projections to me , tv radio, news, people i am shocked

ok, everything makes sense now fully realized that my whole life was (and still is)a DIVINE PLAY , i guess god in me planned all, who else like things happened 20 year ago was deliberately planned to effect the present, it feels like life is a journey (not a pleasant one for me) thing change fast after my cure, ok, i had to feel HUMAN first i guess i suffered ALLOT (sleep deprivation , interrupted sleep for 15 years) that triggered a "divine game" "solipsistic game" (a game which i played my death many times) between me(my false senseof self) and god(there were many "actors" involved-gods projections), the goal was to erase my false identities of the past-present that was hunting me. that lead to my awakening and cleansing it may sound unbelivable, but its true! and after all i feel i am still suffering , if god wanted me dead it could easy have done it its not over yet... i still have "high awareness" dreams everytime (lituraly everytime) i sleep (all those 15 years) i dont know what comes next and one last thing.. although diagnosed with schizophrenia.. in my case it was not that bad! could fuction "normally" now i realise what this illness is, i was lost and loser in my life my awakening was not spiritual although, it felt real (still my feeling is effected by the illness-weak and fragile,)(nothing close to god realisation, infinite consciousness and stuff) and one last thing i want to share... i felt the truth,awareness and "nothing has structure" the shift of my consciousness liberated me for me is the first time i can express myself , thats why i am writing all that's all i guess for now