GeorgeLawson
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Posts posted by GeorgeLawson
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12 hours ago, Sukhpaal said:Hi guys, I have been wondering what to do about solving loneliness. For the past 4 or 5 years, I have always become depressed at certain times of the year because I felt this huge emptiness because I felt alone. I noticed it started happening when I got out of my last relationship and it just won't go away. Its become a big problem because it has been ruining my life satisfaction. I feel that I am being super needy but I do not know how to iron out these problems. I have been meditating for 6 months and this feeling just will not go away. Any tips guys? Thanks.
Edit: I always find ways to stay inside my home. I always fear going out. I am assuming that is part of the problem?
I'm quite glad you brought this up, because loneliness has been one of my biggest life challenges so far. As an introvert, I like to spend a lot of time on my own; meditating, reading, writing, playing music, etc. But I find that if I spend too much time on my own then I can fall into loneliness and depression, because there are other people I need to fill this 'emptiness' as you put it. This is why I have also struggled with neediness in my relationships.
That said, I would insist that you don't feel in any way ashamed of this emptiness. It's actually a very spiritual thing that has been referred to by spiritual traditions as the 'void.' This is why meditation is hell sometimes, because it's just you and yourself, naked and open to reality and nothingness. If you stick with that though you can reach a breakthrough where you transcend the need to 'belong' - this either happens or it doesn't.
Like Leo said though, don't use meditation to avoid real-world interaction. It's not a substitute for socialising but it can allow you the solitude you need to purge the neediness that comes from surrounding yourself with company all the time. In solitude you choose to be alone, but in loneliness you resist it.
In summary, it's about striking the right solitude-company balance for you. Some people will naturally thrive spending their lives in the company of others, whilst other people, (myself included), will cultivate a creative existence out of our desire to be alone. Whichever way we switch our dials though, it seems that we all need both when push comes to shove.
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Here's one that's been bugging me over the past few years - There are so many different areas of personal development to focus on in life, and yet there's only so much time in your life to focus on them. I feel my learning about personal development is scattered because there are so many different areas to focus on, and they all overlap and interact with each other: Learning, Self-Actualisation, Life Purpose, Health, Relationships, Spirituality, Meditation, Mindfulness, Being, Finance, Career, Fitness, Nutrition, Productivity, Creativity, Philosophy, Science, Psychology, History... the list goes on...
I've developed a habit of creating folders on my laptop so can store and make sense of the information from these different life areas, but this has constantly been changing as I'm unsure what to focus on. I don't want to dogmatically insist that there are such and such number of areas in your life and these you must focus on and drill, but instead find a way to create balance within this very complex journey of being alive.
What about you? What are the main areas you choose to focus on in life? It may well be different for different people...
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1 minute ago, Hristi said:@Corte @GeorgeLawson My parents are just like yours. They don't know that I've joined the forum or that I'm trying to do something. They have no clue about personal development and stuff like that. Like George Lawson said, they are stuck in unconscious patterns and don't have the drive. I notice these mistakes-or flaws let's say in their behavior(e.g. my father lacks the discipline to work out and to diet) and try to fix them in my life, in other words to not have them. I will probably talk to them after I do some more research and I will have to prepare like a text or a speech because I don't think that they will understand me fully.
Haha I'm not about delivering a speech, although you could try it! Yeah i love my Mum and Dad but they're very lazy and would certainly rather slob out in front of the tv most evenings than meditate.
I think the best thing we can do is become self-actualised ourselves then when other people see the results in our lives they'll naturally want to learn more and try it for themselves.
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Try Jen Hilman's videos, nice and simple to follow:
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21 minutes ago, Corte said:Sounds like you are taking all the right steps! There is a ton of great advice here. All of this will help you to live a much more meaningful life WAY earlier than most people can. It is so worth it.
Just out of curiosity, do you bring any thing of this topic up with your parent(s)? Do they support you or just sort of let you do your own thing? Mine are pretty closed-minded about this, so I usually keep my progress to myself, unfortunately.
That's a really interesting question and one I've had running through my mind a lot recently. I think the case with my parents is that they love me and only want the best for me but are stuck in various unconscious patterns (like most people) and so don't have the drive to pursue self-actualisation themselves.
I'm completely fine with that because I just get on with my own personal development and tell them about it if they're interested. My advice would not be to pressure your family to join you on your self-actualisation journey, however tempting it may be!
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Pursuing Enlightenment is the most advanced, difficult stage of psychological development so I wouldn't recommend starting there. You can, and some people do, but like people here have said you want to take baby steps by starting with things like productivity, relationships and life purpose.
If you find your consciousness expanding then let it, but don't force it. I'm 21 and have an active interest in spirituality (reading up on it, etc.) but I know its not something I'll want to seriously pursue until I'm about 30 because I want to work on my life purpose first. Having a daily meditation habit though is really useful for things like concentration and general happiness, health and well-being.
I'd really recommend you watch Leo's video on advice for young people:
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What I'm about to share with you is very personal and something I've only recently had the courage to talk about and even admit to myself:
I suffer really badly from sexual performance anxiety and as such most of my attempts to have sex with girls have failed bar one (which wasn't even that pleasurable because I was so anxious about keeping it up).
I saw a video on youtube recently which gave me a little assurance that this is a commonly shared issue. It's based around what it's author calls 'The Basic Instinct Formula' and has a lot to do with the limiting beliefs our culture instills in us about the sexual roles of men and women. I would urge you to watch this video and let me know if you have any insights regarding sexual performance anxiety.
Many thanks,
George
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On 2/20/2016 at 11:25 PM, Spacious said:Embrace exactly where you are because these experiences are highlighting where the ego requires dismantling.
Pining for certainty of an afterlife is a great place to begin sitting with the discomfort because that is the fear of death begging to be confronted.
Face this and many other challenges after will seem easier.
Recognise also that the events that surround us are outside of our control. The notion of being engulfed is a conceptualisation. Recognise this fiction and any other anxiety about manipulation, magic or group think.
Perhaps the issue with being converted comes from some assumptions about the fictional identity. My first impression suggest that "your" previous experience may have led to the adoption of group habits meaning the fear of its repetition is manifesting.
Continue to acknowledge what is a conceptualisation and the events will fall exactly as they are supposed to fall.
Thanks, that's really useful
Yeah my ego has gone through an existential crisis over this whole 'meaning of life' thing and keeps lashing out at enlightenment as being 'too nihilistic.' But I guess with radical open-mindedness you're able to see that nihilism is an egoic attitude in itself.
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I've been on anti-depressents for over a year now and have forgotten what it was like not to be on them as they have had a very positive effect on my psychology (in other words, I finally feel normal again).
My current understanding is that my depression is genetically caused (my Mum's side of the family has low serotonin levels) and my fluoxitine tablets restore my serotonin imbalance. It has also been environmentally influenced of course by teenage anxiety and lack of self-esteem which I've been working on ever since.
However, I would like to stop taking them one day (against the advice of my Mum) and rely on more therapeutic practices like mindfulness and meditation to keep me more stable, yet am very concerned about how easy this process is going to be.
Any advice on this would be much appreciated.
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On 3/14/2016 at 10:12 AM, Consept said:It does exist I think, but the usual form it takes is the guy initially likes the girl when he first meets but he messes up in some way, either taking to long to make his intentions clear, not having much game or being to nice in a friendship way without any kind of flirting or signs to the girl.
Attraction for girls can in most cases have an expiry date, a girl will automatically reject you if she feels you have rejected her (she can think this just by you not being clear). So if this is happens your only option as a guy is the friendship aspect which doesn't mean it's completely off the table to get with her but it's not really in your hands anymore.
So best thing to do is make your intentions clear from the start (not gonna go into how to do this but read up on game etc) if she rejects you then you know where you stand and maybe you may have the chance to be friends with her or not, I would choose not personally but either way you know what's going on. If she likes you then that's all good and go from there. The confusion just comes in your intentions if you're not sure then don't expect her to be
How exactly would you define 'game?' Is this just the sexual intention of a man or is there more to it?
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16 hours ago, Neill Bolton said:myth and utter stupidity. created to place guilt on women for "not accepting" a guy. grow up and move on with your life.
I never said the friend zone applied to heterosexual men alone. It could apply any gender of any sexuality.
You could argue its a guilt trip, but its probably more accurate to say that the label is an attempt the clarify the differences between Friendship and an Intimate Relationship.
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Here's something I've received conflicting opinions on my whole life and want to find out if its a real social phenomenon or just something invented by sexually frustrated men (not me of course!
): 'The Friend Zone' is where one person A in the relationship desires a romantic, intimate relationship from person B, whilst Person B treats their relationship as a Friendship and nothing more.
If this situation ever happens, is this zone more likely due to the fact that Person B doesn't know about Person A's intimate intention (in which case Person A needs to be clearer about it and make a move), or that Person B fully knows Person A's intimate intention but doesn't share the same desire and so politely conceals their avoidance (in which case Person A needs to change their intention).
As a 21 year-old heterosexual guy, this subtle interplay of intentions and mixed signals has been a minefield in my quest for intimacy with women. I am therefore in dire need of advice...
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2 hours ago, abrakamowse said:That's what I always thought, imagine the ancient people which didn't know about psychology, or anything of the new sciences. They call the ego "devil", because that's how it feels sometimes, hehehe... we want to do correct thing and we end doing a different thing. Crazy.
:-)
That's what's really strange about the human mind. We get caught up in these mind games where we perceive the ego as the devil but that gets us no closer to enlightenment because that in itself is a judgment...
I think John Lennon got it accurately when he said that 'God is a concept by which we measure our pain'
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On 3/4/2016 at 11:59 AM, abrakamowse said:There's only one creator that wasn't created, he always existed. Now we see him as separated entities, but that is false. It's a trap of the ego, or evil, whatever you gonna call it.
The ego is trying to steal the place of God, making us identify with him and not with who we really are. The "I AM".
You're probably right to be honest!
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On 2/29/2016 at 10:58 PM, Makis said:It is the creation that created the universe. The creator and creation are one and the same thing.
In that case what created the creator of the creation? You simply arrive at a series of infinite creators which lead to nothing.
I'm not sure I agree with you either that creator and creation are one and the same thing - If I painted a painting I wouldn't call myself 'The Painting' but 'The Painter.' Indeed, the Painting may resemble some aspects of my personality, as the universe resembles God's, but I am not it.
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@Franek Dear Franek, thanks for responding
On 2/26/2016 at 6:19 AM, Franek said:@GeorgeLawson Dear George,
I would even say the Objective Morality Argument and the Perfect Design Theory are two sides of one coin. As I understand it, the Perfect Design Theory states the universe abides by predefined laws which enable us to exist, and would they be just slightly off, the universe would not have evolved intelligent life. Humans have no power over these laws and we are just at their mercy. In other way, we are completely dependent on whatever has made those laws the way they are.
Similarly, the objective morality argument means, there is a certain way of living that works better than others. Again, even if we wanted to, we cannot decide our morality, simply because there other types do not work. And it is in a way like a law of the universe- you can't do anything about that.
I agree with you on this. It appears we have now understood that morality could have evolved, simply, by a kind of natural selection. But the question arises is: why should we survive? what's the point?
I see three main ways one could answer that question:
1. The purpose is in our goal. If we decide to evolve ourselves further, understand the universe better, expand our species throughout the universe, to progress, that will be the reason we want to survive. Like you mentioned, the question is: how do you measure progress? And I believe that is exactly the core of the problem. People measure it in different ways, they have different values which results in different moralities.
2. The universe has no purpose. Just because we can ask "what is the purpose of the universe" doesn't mean it has to have one. The question "why?" might be a feature of the human language used to understand humans (humans generally do things for a purpose. Generally
). But it might not make sense to ask that question of the universe.
3. The purpose of the universe is and will be beyond our understanding. It might be within the reach of the supernatural being we were talking about, but just like there is a cosmic speed limit (speed of light) there might be a understanding limit. Nevertheless, I still think it is worth trying to get as close to that limit as possible
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ANYWAY, going back to the original question: Who created the universe? I have no idea who, or if there needs to be such a being. But I am sure thinking about is fun.
@GeorgeLawson I wanted to ask you: What do you believe is the purpose of living? Do you believe there is something like this?
Yes, the Objective Morality and Perfect Design arguments dovetail into each other to produce the major argument for God's existence; Purpose.
You say that 'People have different values which result in different moralities' but how do you distinguish between these moralities. By comparing two things you measure them by a standard which lies outside the things themselves.
You're right in saying that 'The Universe Could Have no Purpose.' That is the hypothesis at the core of Atheist belief. But as C.S Lewis says; 'Atheism turns out to be too simple. If the whole universe has no meaning, we should never have found out that it has no meaning.' If our intellectual capacities mean nothing, then they would never be able to construct this theory.
It makes sense when you see that if God created the universe, then he also created our power to reason. As C.S Lewis says again; 'He is the source from which all your reasoning power comes… arguing against the very power that makes you able to argue at all is like cutting off the branch you are sitting on.’
You're right in assuming that our understanding is limited. But if it is, then do we not need an Omniscient power more than anything to guide us?
I believe there does need to be such a being as God, because without a being there is no purpose. It is pure nihilism and we may as well kill ourselves. But you're right. Thinking about it is bloody exciting isn't it?
So what do I believe is the purpose of living? I have to preface this by saying that I have been searching my whole life and come across many dead ends, but after 21 years on this earth I think I have reached a definitive answer:
The Purpose of Life is to live it as God intended us to do so. He gave us free will so that we not just be a world of robots, but live joyous, exciting lives full of diversity. And you know what's great? He all made us differently, with different abilities. Me, for example, my individual purpose is to be a Writer and Performer as that's what I'm good at whilst someone else might make a great Scientist or Chef. God gifted you with a unique ability and it is your responsibility to cultivate it. And yes, free will also means we choose sin. We can choose to follow the Devil, because the Devil is real. He puts up all these barriers to prevent us from pursuing our true, authentic selves and distracting us with short-lived, low-consciousness desires like sex and money. But all that is only temporary and a distraction from the true purpose I've just been describing.
I suppose having mentioned C.S Lewis quite a lot I should post up another of the doodles from his Apologetics Writings; they are ideal persuaders for the half-convinced. But remember - belief is a choice.
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Thank you Franek
I agree - we cannot be rationally sure of something that is supernatural, which is probably why humans have been debating the God argument for thousands of years.
For much of my life I came from the agnostic point of view, which is to say that it is impossible to know whether God exists or not.
What pushed me over into the Theist camp recently was mostly the Objective Morality theory. I understand you should be critical of everything you read, but there's something C.S Lewis touches upon in his book 'Mere Christianity' that has a ring of truth to it.
Of course this debate is about God, not religion (so let's not stray from the path as I'm weary it is forbidden to discuss religion on the actualized forum!)
Yes, the Experiental Argument is probably the weakest (hence why I put it last!) Your hotel music theory illustrates that beautifully.
But let's return to the Objective Morality Argument, as this, along with the Perfect Design Theory is one of the strongest cards in the Theist's hand: It's interesting you should mention Natural Selection, as that's one of the strongest cards in the Atheist's hand. As Leo did in his video 'Good vs Evil,' he described how a pack of lions in the wild survived together peacefully and therefore didn't require a moral code to live by. Their respect for each other was 'natural' because selfishness would hinder their evolution as a pack.
But then you ask well; why survive and evolve at all if there is no core purpose to the universe? Science does a wonderful job of explaining how natural morality might help survival, but it skirts the fundamental qualitative question; why?
Plus, I'd question whether a pack of lions are supposedly 'peaceful.' They survive as a pack, but the males fight and kill each other for power. If this murderous power struggle happened amongst humans, which indeed it has many times in the past, it would be frowned upon by society as most countries have laws against murder for private gain.
Therefore, what sets humans apart from other animals is their power to reason. This empirically verifiable fact can go two ways; either it:
1) Hinders our progress by creating dogmatic and religious thinking, giving cause to ask; why evolve such a mental ability in the first place?
2) It progresses humanity. This word 'progress' is important because if we are to say that something is 'progressing' then we must measure it against a standard. For example, a common argument is that Germany, as a nation has progressed since the rise and fall of the Nazi Party. Has it become a morally 'better' nation? If so, then you are back to admitting that morality is objective.
I hope I didn't waffle on too long there! Please let me know your opinion
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I currently believe in God (by this 'God' I'm referring to a Supernatural Deity that exists independent of time and space) based on the following evidence:
-The Anthropic Cosmological Principle: The laws of the universe seem to have been framed in such a way that stars and planets will form and life can emerge. Many constants of nature appear to be very finely tuned for this, and the odds against this happening by chance are astronomical.
-Objective Morality: If the universe was completely purposeless, then there would no grounds for morality. For example; we could murder our neighbour and steal their money for power. We could enforce our own rules on the world so they could justify our own selfish desires. So where does our cause for selflessness come from? C.S Lewis' explanation provides a clue to the truth that our sense of right and wrong is not subjective, but objective and independent of human beings:
-Ontological Argument: It is possible to imagine a perfect being. Such a being could not be perfect unless its essence included existence. Therefore a perfect being must exist.
-Causal: Something cannot originate from nothing without supernatural intervention, so everything must have a cause. It is impossible to continue backwards to infinity with causes, therefore there must have been a first cause which was not conditioned by any other cause. That cause must be God, or the Creator of this Creation.
-Experiental: A very large number of people claim to have a personal relationship with God.
To avoid confusion as I conclude, I'm not describing a bearded man in the sky wearing sandals. I'm referring to an eternal spiritual entity.
Of course this is merely my humble opinion, and I would encourage you to deconstruct it if you have compelling evidence to the contrary!
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On 2/22/2016 at 8:34 PM, Eddie_the_Eggplant said:Currently reading it. Have you read "The Ethical Slut"?
No. Is it good?
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I've recently found myself in friendships and even romantic interests with people from my universities' Christian Union in Bournemouth. They are lovely people, but I get the impression that either they are trying to convert me, very slowly and subtly, or I am just paranoid that they will.
With my now year-long studying and investigation into Spiritual Enlightenment, this has been tormenting my ego. My ego wants there to be a God because it provides a band-aid over the truth of not-knowing, though I know deep down that the fundamental nature of our existence simply can't be answered rationally.
How do I respond to my Christian friends when they try to work their Jesus magic on me without offending them too much? More importantly, are there any techniques or exercises you know of which keep your consciousness awake and prevent it from being engulfed by the tide of dogma?
The only thing i've really found solace in in order to help with this issue so far is completing the exercises in Peter Ralston's The Book of Not Knowing. Nevertheless, I would be hugely grateful for any suggestions and advice as this seems to be one of my most pressing challenges at present.
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On 2/6/2016 at 8:46 AM, Ayla said:I also think that this is why most enlightened people on the planet right now have become THAT after intense suffering and pain. They have been stripped off all illusion and reached a point where they had nothing left to lose. Right there, in that present moment, they realized their own freedom. They realized that they cannot die because everything they saw as death before, didn't manage to kill them. Now this realization can come with deep searching also, from an inner calling that every human being has. It's just that some have it deeper at one point in their life, others are not yet ready.
In my own case, within one year, I have been systematically stripped off every little thing that used to bring me comfort and/or distract me. I can tell you that it didn't feel good.... first lost my partner. then my job. then all my friends. then all my savings. then my parents.... at one point, I came to think that someone or something wanted me dead lol - pain was simply excruciating ! I actually ended up on my 5th floor window ready to jump.
That was exactly the first glimpse into enlightenment: I saw my body crushed, the ambulances, the funeral, the pain... and then the peace. THE realization was that - that peace was already there without me jumping
I had access to it right that moment.
Do I regret any of it? NO! It brought me into a space that is forever joy and trust. There are no more problems, there is no more striving, no more fear.. no more doing, no more stories, no more drama... I can see them as happenings but they have no impact on me. Maybe a heavy rain is not what you'd prefer, but .. you watch it pass, and you adjust to it and you continue your life
Nobody needs to arrive at chaos. It can be had with introspection, as Leo says, with profound self honesty, and a thirst for TRUTH that nothing can keep you away from
This is an inspirational story. Thanks for sharing
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On 2/13/2016 at 9:56 AM, David1 said:I didn't read the book, but it seems logical. Humans lived for tens of thousands of years in small groups. A man probably didn't even know if a child was his or not. They had to think in terms of 'our' children.
That seems consistent with the Tribal/Purple stage of psychological evolution (Clare Graves Model) of humankind where you had to sacrifice yourself for the group. It's then easy to understand how religious attitudes towards sex in the sense of monogamy came about during the Dogmatic/Blue stage in Graves' model.
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On 2/12/2016 at 10:18 PM, Black Flag said:I usually spend around £30 although it varies depending on I need. When it comes to food I feel I shouldn't skimp, the food is turning into my body after all.
I am British and I usually shop at Sainsburys too! What a coincidence.
You're right about £30 being the ideal budget. I went to Sainsburys the other day and it costs me £25 in total, and that was just the basics!
I don't know the exchange rate for other world currencies out there but it seems the equivalent of roughly 30 British Pounds is the ideal amount to spend on weekly groceries.
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"Each morning we are born again. What we do today is what matters most." - Buddha
in Personal Development -- [Main]
Posted
I agree; it's great to a general, big picture of understanding of everything and then specialise and prioritise certain subjects you choose to be most important.