DoubleYou

Artists suffer because they are slowly becoming aware of the fact that their little ego doesnt have the capabilities to create the art they can so clearly envision. The journey of a succesful artist is the journey towards ego death. And then art is just created out of love. Its the hero's journey. The greatest art requires the greatest sacrifice. You see, looking at it from a non-dual perspective... life is art. In the same way life is created out of itself, so is art. Completely groundless. So of course an artist will suffer. Any artist that realises this, knows that to create his best art, he has to become groundless himself. How? Dissolve completely. The thing is, most artists (that take art this serious) have no idea about this. They'll just keep fighting an ego for the entirety of their lifes. Unable to express that masterpiece that they know is with them all the time. The plot twist in the end of course, is that this journey itself was the greatest of art. Gods search for himself. Were all artists. And the best artist is no artist at all. So... im not sure If that is a good way to motivate you haha. But you specifically mentioned the words "great artist." This is what Ive encountered. Great art isnt an easy thing. But then again, our culture doesnt even recognise great art most of the time. Do it for the sake of doing it.

Enlightenment transcends all -isms. Ideas and beliefs are not set in stone. It's an interesting thing nowadays, you get sucked into one of two polarisations in politics without even being aware that you are slowly starting to change your beliefs to whatever your "team" is preaching. That's the real trap of modern politics. And an easy one to fall for. You're again just identifying with thought but on a larger scale. I don't think it's an easy jump straight from conservatism to enlightenment though. Gotta pass that green stage somehow.

@Max_V Whenever there's an underlying motive to do something because of a lack of something else... It's egoic. An authentic desire to be healthy is simply that. A desire to be healthy. No motive needed. It's egoic when you do it so that you may look good and therefor up your self-image. It's a subtle thing to become aware of. But just remember, when a desire doesn't have a motive. It's authentic. You simply want to do it for the sake of doing it. Because you love doing it. The ego is the identification with thought. Authenticity is letting go of identity altogether. What will you be doing without a thought telling you what to do? That's where authenticity comes in. But you can't define it. Nor identify with it. Every moment it's totally new and original.

One of the most important books of our time.

Damn it. Now I have to beat this. Thanks a lot @stevegan928 Great analysis though!

The only intention needed is an open mind. Sure, journal about it. And have a clear vision as to why you are taking the substance. This is something you can do before hand. This will help clear your mind to set you off in the right direction. But once youve taken the substance... Let go of all intentions and let the trip be the guide. You came in prepared though, and that will pay off. You'll see.

No need to rethink anything. That's the old paradigm trying to make sense of it again. Who will you be when life is totally spontaneous? When it just moves by itself. Will you still be playing the piano? Lets find out. See, you dont have to mentally prepare for these things anymore. There's a chance to be free of that now. The paradoxical thing is, when you connect with this authentic part of you, a newfound sense of purpose and direction will start to emerge. This transitional phase can definetely be a tricky one, but you can learn to trust it.

Weed is great for contemplation. Ive had some of my biggest insights / awakenings from smoking weed. Also, as someone that suffers from chronic pains, its a great tool to really "zoom in" to particular areas of the body. That's actually the main reason I do it. But usually theres also great insights had from simply observing the body. I will say though, its easy to get hooked on the stuff where it enters your life simply for recreational uses. Try to be wary of that. @LaucherJunge Also this. The high definetely comes with a low.

There's a lot of topics popping up lately with 'Do you believe in X?' or 'Do you believe in Z?' Why try to 'believe' in these things? If these things are true, than you will be able to experience the truth of it, from your own exploration and research. Now we're just entertaining ourselves with ideas. There's no value in us telling you that we believe in certain things or not. It's also a huge trap. If a lot of us say no, then you'll be easier susceptible to closing your mind on the subject altogether. The problem with karma is that everyone has a different idea about what it actually is. See, your definition has nothing to do with what I would consider karma. Could you tell me what you mean with 'wrong and right'? Define wrong. Define right.

Keep it up

All this time I was waiting for this kundalini awakening to happen... Turns out it happened years ago. Thanks for this post. It explains a huge part of my life that I always called my 'depression.' So much weird shit happened to me, I can't even begin to explain. My entire life felt like a deja-vu at times and the things I experienced at night freightened the hell out of me. Awakening happened much earlier than I thought. I never made a choice to pursue spirituality, that choice was made for me. Kundalini did its thing. It even started with a spontaneous release of energy. But yeah... that was well before I even knew about energies in the first place. All it did was create this immense fear, that I eventually had to work out. Which was all worth it. I'm far from done, though. @AleksM I have a question for you, I don't know if its related, (#1 briefly mentions it) but you seem to know a lot about these things. For the entirety of my life, at night (and sometimes during the day) when I close my eyes I see two colors, green and purple, as some kind of bright energies floating around. Ive never been able to explain it. They're not annoying me or anything, they've just always been there. I'm super curious. Do you know anything about this?

Isn't saying reality is a strange loop the exact same thing as saying you are a torus field?

It's just a part of the letting go. Not even the positive motivations will last when not coming from an authentic source. Maybe it's time to move on from your structured meditation/contemplation habits into a more intuitive one, where you simply meditate because you want to. Or contemplate because you really want to get to the bottom of this question you have, instead of doing it because that's what your schedule tells you to do. I think you're still on the path. But at some point even that has to be let go of. But that's all part of the path. You're embodying your freedom, which is indeed groundless. But that's a great place to be. Now you can find out what really moves you. Your signature says it all, really.

I'm watching it right now. So far it's really good. Thanks.

Arya Stark.

I don't have a wife, so maybe I'm asking the impossible... But can't she just turn down the volume a bit?

Apparently you can't use OneNote on Mac without having to upload to Microsoft's cloud service. I'm not a fan of that, so I found an alternative. It's also for iOS. As far as I can tell it does about the same as OneNote. I think I'm gonna try it.

I don't know if this song is about enlightenment. It's probably about a girl. But the words make so much sense to me. Awakening from the point of view of the mind: And while we're on it. This next one I think is about death. But it could very well be about enlightenment for that matter. @Be Yourself I'm really enjoying that!

That's the mystery! You can't know where it will lead to, because it's leading you to right now. And who knows what that brings? But that's the beauty of it. It's always fresh and new. Ask yourself the question. What would my life look like without me interfering all the time? What would happen then? The only way to find out, is to live it. Right now. I think that's the most interesting aspect of this work. What the hell does Awareness want anyway? What moves it? Become genuinely interested in that, and learn to trust it, by seeing it do what it does best. Being.

Mushrooms sure are something, aren't they? Man, I don't even know where to begin with this one. I hadn't tripped in over ten years and the reason for that is that those last couple of trips went horrible for me. I would even go as far and say those trips were the starting point of an eight year long depression that followed. Looking back. It has been worth every bit of struggle and I just wasn't able to grasp what those trips were trying to tell me. But I was young and unprepared. So... Ten years later. Here I am. Worked out most of my depression and have really been going places on a personal and spiritual level. I've been trying to face my fears lately and one of them was to return to the psychedelic experience and figure out what it was that scared me so damn much when I was younger. Only a fool would return to that source of depression right? And all by himself without a trip-sitter? So, that's what I did. Only on one condition: Be max-prepared. Do everything you can beforehand to help enhance the trip. I created a beautiful setting at home, I meditated all day, I've journaled about it. Why did I want to trip? What did I hope to find? And more of those questions. I also grew my own mexican mushrooms for the past couple of months. I've had them for a long time now but I kept postponing the actual trip. There was always something that made me not do it. I kept telling myself "wait until it feels right." But it never really did. So yesterday I said fuck it. Today is the day. Easier said than done. I spent the entire day preparing for the trip, but honestly, I was scared as hell. Really scared. I was also afraid that this fear I was feeling for the trip would grow even bigger during the trip. Nevertheless, I went through with it. I made a nice tea with 2g of dried shrooms. (I'm very sensitive to it, I don't need a lot) with some added mint and ginger and let it soak for a while. Then I decided to confront my ego first by taking a cold shower which I have been experimenting with. It pumped me up like it always does and so I drank the tea. (Which was pretty damn tasty, if I say so myself!) The interesting thing was that all this fear I've been accumulating for the entirety of the day was slowly fading away. With each sip I became more comfortable. I guess the biggest hurdle was just the fear of going through with it. And now I had no choice. I put on some music and started to dance a bit as suggested by Leo on his blog. This really helped setting the mood. Well, ten minutes later and there it was. I was quite surprised by this because I always used to eat mushrooms and that mostly took about an hour before it slowly started to do its thing. Not this time. Fifteen minutes in and I'm feeling this huge energy release at the bottom of my spine and I'm noticing myself dancing more and more intensely. It felt really good but at this point I'm still mostly worrying about the dosage and all that. There weren't even that many visuals yet and here I was already tripping my balls off, fifteen minutes in. As it got more and more intense I started to write down some notes for myself on some pieces of paper I put there beforehand. The first one was: "Take care of the music." I was noticing that the music was the most important piece of the setting. When a song came on that I didn't like, it instantly transformed the mood. So that's why I placed that piece of paper on the table to remind me to always take care of the music, because it will influence the trip the most. Also, in my last trip the reason for the bad trip was poor choice of songs so I really wanted to make sure that didn't happen this time. The next things I wrote were: "No words, just magic," and "Completely melt into it" (badly translated from Dutch) I had to keep reminding myself to go with whatever happened. I soon started to notice that the only thing a bad trip really is, is choosing thought over experience. So again and again I kept going back to 'being'. And in 'being' there was just this insane play of visuals and sound. The visuals became pretty intense at this point. I put down a lot of candles and colored lights so it was quite a sight to behold. I also came to really appreciate the preparations done before the trip. Even the smallest things like putting those papers there or cleaning the room really made a huge difference. My thoughts went like this: "Oh man, it would be great if I could actually draw someth... Oh wow! There's pieces of paper and a pencil! How convenient!" I had a lot of these moments. And I really advice anyone that goes tripping to think about all the small things you'll appreciate during your trip. It plays a huge part in creating a comfortable setting. Anyway, now for the juicy parts. Two hours in. I'm getting quite comfortable with what's happening and decide to smoke a joint. Because why not? I really underestimated this. The trip soon doubled in intensity and I had to lie down for a bit. But instead of lying down I was doing all of these spastic movements with my body. But I didn't mind. This was the reason I didn't want friends or a trip sitter with me. I just wanted to be able to express whatever I was feeling. At this point I really got trapped in monkey mind but it was all good. This was quite a crazy moment but it almost felt like thoughts and being were having some kind of battle. Almost like a rap battle. Thoughts would go crazy with concepts and 'being' would just simply show silence. And this went on and on and on. Until eventually thoughts became less violent and more accepting of the reality of being. Instead of constantly questioning it, it started to believe it. And started to ask questions about it. (So it could explain itself on this forum ) But 'being' kept on showing silence. Until at last there was an understanding and I became 100% silent. Awakening. I've had this kind of awakening before so I knew what I was looking for. You just need those thirty minutes of full blown suffering to get there. But it doesn't really feel like suffering all that much when you're aware of what's happening. The mind kept creating it, and I saw it do it. So let's just say, I became the observer of what I normally would've called a 'bad trip.' But it wasn't bad at all. It was liberating. I could literally see that what the mind was so scared of, wasn't scary at all. It was just 'being.' And even the mind is a part of that. At this point the most interesting thing of the trip happened. I remember a final thought 'It's all one...' Before it turned to full blown 'being'. 'Both' worlds merged and I suddenly stood up. Full of energy again. And I tell you this. I am in no way a dancer but for the next hour or so I danced like I've never danced before. In complete harmony with 'now'.' It was Yoga. What Yoga really is all about. Union. My arms and legs were moving like crazy. I've had issues with chronic pains for years now. Headaches, backaches, you name it. And it felt like I was rapidly shaking it all out of my body. One by one. Most of the time my movements were completely symmetric. It felt so great. And it probably looked great too. It all happened by itself. Man, even now when writing this, I get goosebumps. I can't believe what happened there. The only way I can describe it is that it was God showing off. Literally. But it was doing it through 'me'. As me. I was God all along. There is nothing else. It showed me the amazing things you can do when just 'being.' And I guess this was a lesson I had to learn. It went way beyond self-esteem. Whatever I choose to do. Making music, writing, dancing... I can do it. If I just do it. Cause if you just do it. You are being. And it completely empowers that which you are doing. But you just simply have to look at what's already there and be silent. It's hard to put this in words. But it showed me what any kind of creativity is about. It's already there. Just be it. I don't want to sound like some cheesy Nike commercial. But it's that simple. When I started contemplating this during the trip this was my thought process: "Holy shit, I'm actually dancing." "Yeah, insane right? And I'm not even a dancer." "Yeah I know. Of course not... I should... blablablabla" And so... I ended up not being a dancer. Only because my mind had that idea about 'me,' not being a dancer. But when I was dancing. I was a dancer. The mind is very, very powerful, it controls every aspect of life. But only by believing what it says. Don't underestimate it. All of this work is about exposing the mind. But the mind itself is the thing that exposes itself by showing itself to you. It's not an enemy. After that the trip slowly lost intensity but there was one interesting moment left. I decided to put on the music that made my last trip turn 'bad.' It's "A Saucerful of Secrets" by Pink Floyd. Which I accidentally left on my playlist on my last trip. Anyway. I thought to myself; If I can literally face my biggest fear right now. I don't have to be afraid ever again. And so I did. It instantly transformed the entire mood of the trip to something 'evil and scary.' After a minute I turned it off again. But really... Looking back. It was my biggest fear, and I faced it. And that felt good. But shaky. It showed me that there is still something I can learn from these trips. Why am I not able to endure a 'horror' trip? Why does the music need to be uplifting and happy for me to have a good trip? It's something I'd like to explore more sometime, because I think it's something that I do in everyday life as well. Avoid negatives. Anyway. That's about it for the interesting parts. Aside from that. It was all so damn intense and beautiful. I even made a picture with my phone to show my sober self how beautiful my room actually is. But yeah... It's just a lame picture of a candle and a plant. Looking back. I'm so happy I did this. It was a dumb idea. But the right thing to do. I faced some of my biggest fears and even faced reality itself. And that feels empowering. The one thing that really stuck with me, is how much of an intelligence there was at work during this trip. It constantly felt like there was an intelligent force communicating with me, through me, as me. And all it did was telling me to shut up. Each time in a new beautiful way. It uses infinity to show itself, and that's an inexhaustible creative force. And its all me. What great news. Also, as an ending note. I've had these three albums on repeat for the entirety of the trip. And I would really recommend these albums as background music to a trip because they were 99% responsible for the amazing atmosphere this trip had. I was in the same room for the full six hours but these songs made it feel new every-time. Tycho - Awake Tycho - Dive Tycho - Epoch During the come-up I listened to: Washed Out - Paracosm Thanks for reading! I'm looking forward to embody the lessons I've learned. I'll be sure to share whatever's next on this journey.

@username I think the point of 'do nothing' meditation is to even allow that daydreaming. A lot of times meditation becomes about resisting thought from happening. Do nothing is the exact opposite of that. Just let it go where it wants to go. What I've noticed is that after about 30 minutes of mind chatter I usually become calmer and it starts to slowly turn into a regular meditation. Yet approached from an angle of total allowance.

Exactly. But the act of meditating doesn't actually exist. Meditation is the absence of a meditator. That's what 'letting be' really means. I think that's the beauty of meditation. Even if it's an egoic decision to meditate, eventually that doesn't matter because 'being' takes over. Try to integrate ^this^ into your meditation practice. Being aware throughout the day and meditation are in essence the same thing. It's a good thing that those lines are fading. But it's because of your daily meditation that you are realising this now. That's how it's paying off.

Sadly, ever since 2008 they became illegal, except for truffles. You can still buy grow-kits. For "educational" purposes. I just ordered my first grow-kit online. Conveniently brought to me by the delivery guy. Haven't tripped in years tho. Looking forward to it.

I'd buy myself a house with a recording studio, somewhere in nature and devote my life to art and spirituality. First I'd work on my own art, just for the sake of it, and after all that I'll try to help talented people work on their projects. That's all I need for the rest of my days. I'd like to think I would use the rest of the money to help out others. But I wouldn't just waste it away like that. Maybe start a foundation or something.

You're focussing on all the negatives. It's gonna be a lot of fun actually. You'll see Honestly though, if it were me doing my first trip, I'd probably just use this trip to get get comfortable with the thing. Enjoy it. And then return for a second trip to dive deep with meditation/inquiry. But you'll know what to do when it happens.