Afternoon guys, I'm looking for a path to try
I'm over 30 and I believe psychedelics are the only way out of my situation (maybe if I spend years on meditation I also could, but I have no idea)
When I say apathetic is that I just don't feel like doing anything. (I expand a bit more in the points below)
I could tell you all kinds of theory but I'll get to the facts to see if what I'm thinking makes sense:
I was abused from 10-15
That seemed to disconnect me from my emotions.
Only the extreme ones are detectable (death of a love one)
But it doesn't stay with me while I've seen close people cry and feel sad for a dog that died over 10 years ago or my grandma who died 9 years ago
I don't feel like doing anything, just the monkey brain stuff (eating bad foods, play video games, etc)
Sex is not included. I feel like I'd love to have sex, but the experiences broke something in me (or disconnected)
I've tried therapy and it doesn't work because most therapist are sheeps that don't look beyond what they were taught, they cannot handle people who think deeply about stuff (at least my experience)
I did psilocybin and I cried a lot when I had my eyes closed. As soon as I opened them it was back to being apathetic. My eyes acted like a switch on my emotions.
I feel they helped, but just one round wasn't enough
I'd love to try psychedelics at a high frequency (without getting into dangerous zone) and I was wondering if I could do it myself, or moving to South America or somewhere in Asia where I could do assisted therapy at a sustainable price range (I earn minimum wage and being in Europe makes it harder or probably impossible)
I'm just looking for ideas from people who have a more open mind
Thanks for your time.
