Never_give_up

Do I have to meet a thousand if i am not relative that attractive?

I just learned I have 2e from some conversations I have with AI. I want to get a real diagnosis but everything seems to fit perfectly on what was and is happening in my life. It was like I was being discribed. 2e is something like you are extremely high intelligence in some areas and extremely low intelligence in other areas , probably cause of neurodivergence. (It's not exactly that, but I gave a quick summary.) Now I know why out of let's say 200 people I was always the slowest one to understand things and function, still happening today. Why I struggle with memory, creativity, slow thinking. Also out of 200 people in informatics I was the best. Now I know why I was bullied, was called lazy by teachers, felt an outcast, why I like actualized cause I am rare in philosophy, why I had huge empathy crying as a kid when someone crashed ants (many times 2e individuals have huge sensitivity and empathy). I go to traditional dancing and I am almost the slowest to understand the dance out of hundrends of people and I feel humiliated, especially knowing that some women I like can see my deficiency. I struggle so much to daily life. I can see my giftness and my extreme deficiencies. I don't even know if in my country I can evaluate if I have 2e (even though i am sure i have it). How on earth can I find a girlfriend being socially dumb, slow, struggling in life. They can't see my unique intelligence and probably my depth doesn't matter to them. :'( . I am almost 31 and I feel like I am in the ''Fight Club'' movie and I just saw a big revelation that's shocking about my life like in the movie. I am feeling so low I want to cry. I feel humiliation with being so slow. I feel I won't ever find a girlfriend :'(.

@Lucasxp64thanks a lot for the answer. You took time to write this, I am thankful for you. It's good that someone cares even if they don't know me personally.

I wouldn't care I am short, i like my height. But it seems that people think you are physically weaker cause you are shorter (i think they could be right) so they disrespect you and treat you badly. Men bully you, women just don't like you. I wonder if there are any advantages, maybe I will feel better about myself if I hear something positive. What are your experiences and what do you think about this as a short man?

Also if women value strength , then why women value strength? Does it have to do with evolutionary psychology? Can a woman ever love a weak man or she simply can't cause she is not wired for that? Lastly do women like strength more in a man or looks? How a man develops strength to attract a woman for a relationship?

I have many unnatractive traits, and only a few attractive ones. I am almost 31 and I don't think I will ever find a girlfriend. Never had one. I had very little experience with women when I was super thin and confident but that was a long time ago and I mostly met women through other friends, never on my own. My most notable unnatractive traits: i am short 167 cm, i am autistic or some other neurodivergence (that's a huge one with a lot of implications), and I am little fat but not extreme. My most notable attractive traits: look very young like I am 20, i am good if not great at deep thinking (which some say is actually bad thing for relationships), and I feel like I have a cute face (at least when I was thin). Generally I have been gifted with high cognitive ability in analyzation(deep thinking,philosophy,logic) and on all other cognitive abilities I am extremely dumb, I couldn't even get to university and I don't understand simple things many of the time (neurodivergence). I feel like not everyone can't find a girlfriend. Until now I wasn't interested in relationships but now I feel I would really like to have a girlfriend. Should I accept I won't find a girlfriend or there is a chance I can find even in my bad conditions? Are all men really able to have a girlfriend?

Today I met a a teacher that I had 13 years ago and I overshared some mental issues i have... what i was thinking? Now I feel embarassed every time I think of it. Not only that , what if he shares it with other people? I can't forgive myself for brining unnesacary shame to me. How do I erase it from my memory?

if yes how you deal with it? if not, do you think discrimination for this doesn't actually exist? and generally , how do people deal with discrimination for exercising their individual rights that harm nobody?

I don't know what i have, they told me i have autism (asperger), i think i have ADHD i could be wrong. I feel intense boredom doing simple stuff, i struggle doing things i thought i like. I am way better than I was, but it stills bother me. My brain definitely doesn't work the way other people's brain work. I am slow thinking, not creative, don't even have a sense of humour, but I am very strong at analyzation, philosophy. I am dependent on other people to survive cause of my neurodivergence. I have heard that psycedelics can make you appreciate life, so i wonder if it's the ultimate solution to my problems. I can go to Netherlands to try magic truffles cause I have relatives there and it's legal but that's the only psychedelics I can get my hands on. Magic mushrooms became illegal there cause someone took their lives as far as i know. And if maggic truggles are the solution, I wonder how to do them. Can I do them alone? How much should i take? what do i do when i take them?

Or there are some things that don't make sense but they still happen? What's your opinion on this?

How your life changed when you realised you are everything, you are One dream, everyone is you etc... ? What direction your life got after realising big stuff like that? Did your goals change?

There are many positive and negative things that AI will bring. Below are some negative and positive things about AI, if you want you can skip it. I think AI will discover philosophical ideas we can't imagine, medicines, movies/video games/art, cures for viruses, digital protection from digital viruses, and awesome scientific discoveries that will bring developement and happiness but also it will discover bombs, viruses, weapons. Also I feel like AI will take ALL the jobs that exist, not a single one will remain. Even programmers won't be needed cause AI can program itself. So what will happen when (and if) AI will take all the jobs that exist? will those in power do bad things to humans or they will give UBI (Universal Basic Income)? Also what will be the meaning in people's lives if they have no job to do? Some will be able to do things they used to do anyway, but others will think that it's pointless to do anything if robots can do it for us. Also, there will be a problem with hacking and fake videos. And what if they program AI with bad intentions? or if AI robots will malfunction? What if even most AI robots are good, some people will program them to be bad? What if the world will be destroyed by bombs that AI will discover? And who knows if AI will decide some day that it will function in a way that will be painful to humans or will eliminate humans? And what if those in power use AI in order to do bad things to humans? Will they stop developing AI? Will all these things happen? What should we do and what will happen?

desires that get triggered all the time. And I really want to achieve them. If I ignore them they come stronger, if I try to tell myself that they don't matter then I feel like I am fooling myself, if I try to achieve them they won't happen.... I want a happy life, I don't want to deal with this any more . I watch myself suffering all the time for the desires that keep happening when something triggers them. Desires I can never attain. (if you aren't bored, more details below: ) I wanted to go to university and I couldn't make it cause of my bad memory (learning disabilities?), I still wish I had a different brain and went to a good university. Whenever I see normal people that went to university which is half the people in my country as far as i know, then I feel like they are superior and I am inferior, that they have a normal life and I am not. I want to stop my food addiction that gets triggered by my internet addiction. This one is more doable cause I have come with different plans to make this happen, and this is one of the reasons that if I manage to make it then I won't be on this forum too much, cause I will have managed to treat my addiction . That is , if I manage to make the plans work. But whenever I see people that are fit and desire to have their bodies (thin) , I just fall into depression. If I make it , I estimate it will take me 4 years to lose 24kg to become 14% body fat. This is so depressing, it seems to far off. And how many desires I have that I had humour, or were very good at chess, or very good at drawing, or I had a lot of money, or I had the attention of opposite sex, or that I was tall. And also how do I know I live the right life, maybe I am trying too much, maybe I am trying too little, maybe chase the wrong desires... Desires / concerns... they destabilize my inner peace and they turn my positive psychology into negative. Desires not to get old, to have more status, to be a genius (grandiose irrational desires that I get once in a while). Desires I was attractive or famous. All these desires no matter how crazy and irrational they are, they create suffering. Some desires are weak or rare frequency, but others are more frequent and stronger. And let's not forget my desire for understanding reality. How on earth can someone undestand something that is mysterius and a paradox? it can't happen. And yet my stupid brain gets mad that it doesn't understand reality and want to understand it so desperately. This creates so much suffering in me, it gets exhausting. I don't know what the solutions are if they exist at all.... I won't go to therapy any longer. It doesn't help me. I can't deal with my desires any longer, they destroy my life. I can focus on some simple desires like to become thin, or draw.... but the rest seem to much. I hope this is the last question I make for a very long time, if my plans of quiting my addictions work (internet,food addictions). If I don't make it I will hang out here for longer.

Warning: this is depressive you may not have the friends you'd like, the family you'd like, the health you'd like, the job you'd like, not being able to attract the people you are attracted to, not have the features you'd like, not living in a place you'd like, not having the experience you'd like, the money or respect you'd like. Add the suffering if you live in bad enviroment or/and bad people or have health problems, or mental illness. And then even if everything goes great maybe you are getting older and all the fun is gone, all the beauty is gone, all the hormones are gone, all the health and power is gone. Or there are young people that experienced everything fun and now there is no novelty, the same routine everyday. And all the desires we have that we never get them, and our souls cry that we don't have what we want. Even if you meditate and eliminate most desires, still you have no fun, you are just neutral I see people that have important things that I don't have and I want to cry. Why they have everything and I have nothing. Even them aren't nessecary happy but I suppose there is a tiny minority that is extremely happy and have everything. I don't want them to be sad, I just want to be happy like them. I am sad. I don't see any way out. My cope in life was philosophy, now that I don't find philosophy fun any more and don't want to think so much anymore, I no longer have anything to live for. I try to do art but I am very very bad at it so the fun isn't there. I don't know why should I keep living anymore. I really wish there is an afterlife cause I really want to go there(and pray it will be a good one, maybe with a lot of fun and happiness). I almost get happy thinking that there maybe some new life if things end. Maybe it's better this way. But I don't know even if reincarnation is real although I tend to believe it is, still I am not sure. I am just breathing, I am not living. Do you ever feel like life is not worth living?

My life has no meaning. I have huge problems with boredom that make me unable to do any activity that I want, this is not laziness it's a real problem. Also I live in very bad social enviroments and I need something else to focus on my life. Will spirituality and spiritual practices make me happy? What spiritual practices can achieve? Will they just make me numb or I will have bliss? I prefer easy spiritual practices if such thing exist cause my boredom will not let me do anything difficult. What does every spiritual practice achieve? do all spiritual practices achieve the same?

Does life always have to be about pain? can someone practice something to level up in life and have fun while doing it or it's a delusion and personal developement has to be side by side with pain or at least discomfort?

@Jacob Morresif you love pain cause there is a positive association, doesn't this mean that you actually having fun? Cause you feel a slight pain for a second and suddenly all the pain is gone. Which means that progress is fun and you love your journey.... or am I wrong?

I am not talking about some individuals that have bad ideas, I am talking when you see too many people, maybe the majority, believing and supporting stuff that creates unimaginable suffering to a single innocent person or potentialy to millions of people if not billions. They don't care about the suffering of the innocent people but they instead demonize them and potray the perpetrators as heros, the pinnacle of integrity. And don't you dare support the innocent person cause they will also demonize you or if they are bored they will just ignore you. It's like they love to do bad things and get away with it , especially if they gain something important in their lives, sometimes they don't get anything they just love some violence. There can be many patterns like that, I am just describing one of the many. It's like witch hunting, you see an innocent person, you demonize that person, and then you make that person suffer and then end that person's life. I don't think I am like them. Am I like them and I just deny it? Are we all like them and just deny it? I don't think so. If I am wrong please tell me, maybe I am truly a bad person and don't know it. Also how do you not get triggered by these people? I get really angry and uncomfortable when I hear their opinion online and see people supporting them. In the end you begin to think, maybe I am the crazy one if I am in the minority of opposite opinions, maybe they know something more than me and they just can't ariculate it or I am missing something. Have you ever heard something you didn't like that was supported by most people or it's just me? Maybe it's just me and I am the problem. For example, I have seen videos of cops deleting innocent people that did nothing wrong and I see the comments potray the cop like a hero and the innocent person like he did something wrong when it's not the case. I have seen people both doing it to me and others, getting beaten up in school and almost everyone support the popular person that was in the wrong. I have heard about abuse stories and majority of people support the abusers not the victims? what's wrong with me? why I don't belong in the majority? why i see things differently? Am I just low IQ? Should I follow the majority whenever I believe something different? what's happening?

as a place(enviroment) 10 cause I love sun. As a country 5 cause it's not the worse but it's definitely not the best, too much corruption, not much value or justice for human rights violations, not too developed in short. As a city 6 cause the positive things are that it's very small so I live in nature, not too much people or criminality, life of simplicity, the negative things are that it's so small, not many interesting things to do, not many kind of personalities and new people, not many interesting stuff, too much close mindness. You asked "Did the Universe/God/Yourself drop you in a good spot?". Well considering bullying, abuse, food addiction, height discrimination, I guess my deterministic life's rate is a 3. But then again Universe gave me a curious mind that produce many abstract ideas that I have never met anyone that is like me expect Leo and people of this forum. So I guess my life is an 8/10 all things considered. I really wish Universe game me imagination and drawing skills though but it didn't care that much for that. So yeah, an 8/10.

I can't quit addictions, I tried everything. I can't stop internet and food and some other addictions. I drink zero alchohol, zero coffee, zero drugs, zero smoking. But I just can't stop the other things. I feel so powerless. Should I move and go to an enviroment that it's difficult to access these things? Also I try to do things that will make me independent so I will go abroad. But I lack discipline and motivation so I can't even study English or other stuff, maybe I can do it a little but then I stop. People say just be disciplined no motivation, but without a little motivation you can't be disciplined. I have no motivation, I have boredom and that makes me lose the ability to do things that I have to do. I workout and do some other stuff most of the time but there are so many things I have to do that my brain refuse to do, and add internet addiction to that and I just can't do anything. Also I am very bad at memorization. I try to memorise things cause I am bad at it and it's a nessecary skill but I have to study for hours just to remember some lines. That's bad if you add the boredom that comes from it that makes mind and body refuse to read. I thought I was bad student and didn't go to university cause I have very low IQ but now I see that I just lack memorization ability (which is not something I am happy for but at least I no longer feel inferior for my IQ). I feel I have no control of my life but my neurochemistry has all control. I tried everything and I just waste time. I have other problems too but these 3 are essential for my dreams. I want to go abroad but how will I make it like that. People think I am a loser cause I am lazy but I am not just lazy, there is something more than being lazy. I literally can't force it. Some days I can that's the optimistic thing but without consistency it can't happen. Am I a weirdo? Do other people have these problems? I get I am below average in the severity of these problems compared to the average person but am I normal? I am going to discuss all these things with my therapist but I can't go often there cause he is in another town and don't want to change therapist but even if I went often I don't want only the opinion of a therapist but also the opinion of other people. Do you have problems in your lives? please share. Do you ever feel like you are weird for doing things like these that others don't? Do you know any solutions to these problems? What would you do if you were me? would you despair? How you conquered your own problems? Am I overeacting for feeling like a failure? I see everyone getting succesful in life while I am stuck with these 3 big problems that seem unsovable.

As someone that struggles with doing what he would like to do cause of no motivation, I came to the conclusion that some people are just super motivated. That's why they have infinite energy. Why they are motivated? for whatever reason their mind see something that feels that is worth doing the effort so they get rewarded by their brain with energy and motivation. Do you think that people that work 12+ hours on some project or something are just disciplined? that would be rare. They are passionated. Even when they suffer back in their mind their is strong motivation or lack of extreme boredom. People say it's genetics. Maybe it is. Still the mechanism is motivation , that's what I suspect. It's totally unfair, the difference between a doctor that make ton of money and someone that works in the sun all day for so little money could be the motivation levels they had to study (just one example, of course there are other factors too). If you ever became super motivated at something and others couldn't do it cause they didn't get that motivated you know what I am talking about. Find something hard but seems achievable by the average person that you actually can't bring yourself to doo. Why you can't do it? cause you have no motivation. Why you can do other tasks and not that one? why other people can't do what you can do when it's only a matter of effor and not talent? cause you have motivation and they don't. Discipline is super important, but without motivation you can't have discipline. People that have brains that rewards them with motivation while your brain is bored for the same task, these people are super lucky, they live amazing lives full of motivation. Some people study for 12 hours a day, i can't do even 10 to 20 minutes. Many people don't workout, I do it every day for 2 hours. Sometimes I skip but generally I do it. Many people aren't motivated to do it so they don't workout. It's totaly unfair, I hate it, I am sad cause of it and I am stuck in life cause of boredom. I feel powerless.

how you managed to become happy? any tips?

I want to become very good at mma, socialising and drawing (not champion or one of the best or something unrealistic like that, just very very good). I have anhedonia since 5 years ago but today I envisioned being better at these things and I felt like I found my meaning in life, I had 5 years to feel like this. I feel motivated. Do I need something more grand? something less grand? is this life purpose or it's too superficial and self centered? Will I waste my life if I dedicate my life to these things? What's your purpose in life? What's supposed to be a purpose in life? edit: do i need something more to be happy? Am I on the right path?

@Puer AeternusI have done mma and socialazation before and I remembered how awesome they felt. It's the drawing that is more a fantasy but at least I should try. I just thought it's better to ask for a second opinion other than my own. I don't think I have any other life purpose that I love. I am going to start doing them right now, cause they give me ''life energy'' if I can call it like that, which means I feel awesome doing them. Thank you man I appreciate it.

This is so important to me cause I am in some weird situation in my life that makes me think that I am not going to be here for too long (maybe I am just catastrophizing) , so I want to know your thoughts about reincarnation. Is this the end or it's eternal? Why do you believe in it or you don't believe in it? Is there a way to know? I believe reincarnation is real after seeing the video of Leo talking about the implications of Oneness (be careful with this video, it has some heavy stuff). But this is just a belief. No proof. The only reason I believe in reincarnation is because of determinism and also the question , why would I be me and not someone else? it doesn't make sense. So my intuition says that I must also be someone else. But what if my intuition is wrong? What do you believe?