Beans

I only spoke about how I lost my entire family due to extreme religious views and how I felt terrified by exploring the self purpose videos, because I felt comfortable finding it my own way. Not that I’m completely throwing it off the table, but afraid. I said I was willing to listen to it, but if it didn’t connect with me. I wouldn’t continue. My family has never once said anything negative about you neither have they disrespected you. I was just telling you a story, about why I felt this way. And why I had such strong reservations about it. im not trying to play a game with you. Im just trying to get you to understand what’s holding me back. That trauma is still strongly effecting me, and I still have a lot of work to do. I don’t mean to come off so strongly Sometimes I’m completely oblivious to how I’m saying things. I don’t mean to anger you, I don’t mean to make it look like I’m disrespecting your craft, I don’t mean to make you feel unappreciated. im just in so much pain. and so much fear.

Messy hair or not I still think you’re beautiful

Maybe I do have a purpose

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZP82gBqGC/

I love Boze! She's the best when it comes to True Crime.

Leo be like:

Bye Mr.Fly have a good day!

thank you for your support im glad we can discuss about sometimes your support falls through, but im glad we got to open up about my frustrations with that. seeing you hold my sign and record me speaking up about the on going genocide in Palestine really made me feel happy. And mainly very supported I love you. Thank you for being here with me. Even if we’re butting. I’m glad we can get through it rather than being stuck into a cycle of endless arguments. i love you and appreciate you more than you’ll ever know.

Your support can feel superficial at times Let’s go to that protest now! WE WONT SURRENDER NEVER BACK DOWN NEVER WUT??? never give up 😞

The abusive place where no one knows you and no one has inflicted harm onto you. im not punishing you by being honest about how I felt.

what breaks my heart the most is this mental imagine of me in your own mind desperately trying to control you. and no matter how many times I try convincing you. It doesn’t matter. how is me asking for your support in a passion project of mine so terrible? You are my partner. I want to be able to lean on you. I shouldn’t have to beg for that. I’m more than willing to meet you half way, but when you dismiss me, and try to tell me to just go back to the store where a manager who severely would harass me it makes me feel unheard, and hurts. why would I ever want to go back to a place and see someone who has harmed me so severely.

i love you i love ur cute snoring lol

This is beautiful. Keep seeking this. Nurture your body and soul, because that spirit dwells inside you. It’s small and powerful. Though it needs you to nurture and keep the fire alive. My friend. Don’t give up. Life is difficult, but as someone who was also suicidal and depressed. I promise you. Life is worth while. And sometimes it gets worse before things get better. Wishing you the best

You were conditioned to think this way. calling people losers and “defeated” who feel suicidal and depressed is absolutely immoral. It’s like kicking an injured person down. if anything your a victim who was forced to retreat into this mindset. Perhaps to save yourself, from ending up in the same mindset of wanting to kill yourself. you should be building your brothers and sisters up. Not giving them a knife to finish the job. This is the mindset the elites/mega rich people who exploit you and your labor wants. For us to tear down each other. Remember it’s not left vs right it’s up vs down.

This isn’t a who has it worse Olympics. Pain is pain. No matter how it differs. When someone is suffering to the extent they want to kill themselves comments like this. Does the complete opposite of helping. It in fact can make it even more worse and push someone to kill themselves sooner. people want compassion and understanding. people just wanna feel heard.

‼️‼️💯💯 !!!! 100%

As someone who grew up with family members who had a lot more patience for them. I definitely had to say it. It’s important to call out, it’s important to point out, and bring awareness to the real issues of the underbelly world.

As a representative of Yimpa. I am legally obligated to in fact, state. We will not allow joy to pay TWO kidneys for a Butt Leo Tshirt. Main reasons to why not follows as is It Is not possible to sustain life without your kidneys. sincerely - Beans Yimpa Legal Representation Of Joy Yimpa Attorney Manager And Partner in crime 😼

I’ve been debating the same question for myself. I have extremely little patience when it comes down to sexual abuse, but still struggle actively advocating for myself without bursting into tears. now for the known pedophiles in my family they’re dead to me. And completely cut off in my eyes. for those who condone and excuse their cut off. which is partly why I have little to no relationship with my parents. And that doesn’t seem to bother them either. They never call, text or check up on me. So I don’t bother. I mean do I wish I did? Of course what child doesn’t want their parents love or support. Though when I opened up about my abuse to my mom she didn’t believe me, because I’ve never said anything until the death of my great grandfather. When I became a complete emotional wreck. I told my dad about it, and he didn’t do anything. still talks to those known pedophiles, still invites them over, etc. Though if I say I’m openly queer that’s the only time they will oppose and denounce me. Crazy how thats where they draw the line. I haven’t completely cut my parents off, but I’ve completely distance myself from them. And grey stone them when they’re misbehaving. sorry that you went through that as a survivor of sexual assault I can relate to your pain. today there was an incident where someone was listening to porn very loudly and it triggered the fuck out of me. I was mortified and disgusted. My cousin on my mom’s side use to trick me into playing hide and seek with my siblings and I just to lure me away, then hide us in a spot me not knowing what we’re doing I assumed we’re playing and when we’re alone they would assault me. I didn’t understand what was happening. I completely froze. Other incidents would be him showing me porn. And telling me to look, but I would always look away and feel disgusted and uncomfortable. today some random man was playing porn very loudly. and I was the only one who realized it until I asked @Yimpa if they heard it wasn’t until then they could. I was extremely shaken up and traumatized I reported it to someone and they were asking me where I was standing I showed them, but then the person asked me to walk down the hall to investigate, but that’s when I said no that I didn’t feel comfortable and that I feel unsafe. it wasn’t until I told @Yimpa that I wanted the car keys, because I had to get out of there asap. I felt really invalidated by the person who wanted me to investigate with them, because they didn’t take my concern seriously. And when I said I didn’t feel comfortable or safe they ignored that. I felt so alone and isolated. That I just broke down and sobbed.

I am God

It’s so funny because I actually do bite joy (Now that we’re living together. I do it gently, but sometimes slip up so I’ll kiss the spot to make up for it)

Alien love im sorry for being so grumpy last night. I was just feeling really frustrated and flustered. I’m just struggling with a lot mentally and I won’t have therapy this week since Saint Edward’s has spring break or something like that so I just have a lot on my mind and heart. Though I want you to know I do appreciate you, and everything you do for me. You were the only person who listened to me. You were the only person who cared, and you kept me company during some of the roughest moments in my life. When I felt so lonely and depressed. You were the only person I could run to. The only person who took me in when I was homeless. I care about you and love you so much. I just sometimes get so afraid. I’m so afraid of living the same life my relatives have lived. Im like hyper vigilant 24/7 and it fucking sucks so bad, because I feel like I can’t ever feel at peace. im obviously still really affected by the beginning of our relationship. And our couple’s therapist mentioned how if I just keep silent it begins building resentment. And I don’t want that. I don’t want to do that. I really want to just talk about it with her and you, because I feel like it’s taking such a big toll on me. Though I feel like the talk I was having with your sister. Triggered it just a little, but I knew it was something I was personally struggling with by myself. And that’s not to say I want to avoid triggering things. That’s not what I want at all. I want to feel everything authentically and not demonize the feeling. Just learn to acknowledge and accept for how it shows up. And I want to be able to patch that rough moment up. To put a bandaid on this, and to give it a kiss. My intention is not to pour lemon on it. Or to reopen the healed wound. I just need a little tender love and care. https://www.instagram.com/p/C8xlqvVp0tH/?igsh=OGlxYWljODN4Mmpz

Your ways of coping is very interesting

This is me

I’m so excited to begin working before just looking at the prices made it feel impossible