Infinite Tsukuyomi

I remember Leo mentioning the thin walls in Japan, here's confirmation of that and apparently they do indeed spend lots of time cleaning over meditation. If you truly have ADHD, the cleaning can be a great way to get the mind to shut up at least. It seems like one of these monsteries might be a great way to discipline yourself into introspection perhaps, but less so for meditation retreat style work.

Salt is fine, best thing to do is to keep water intake high. I add a teaspoon of salt and Silica (monomethylsilanetriol) to a gallon of distilled water and that's what I drink. Water doesn't taste salty, but also not flat while hydrating better than water alone and making it taste like it came from a heavenly water fountain. I would say that low fluid/water intake is the real problem with most people consuming high amounts of salt.

I have already, see my post Death of control on a 16 minute car drive. Driving was occurring on it's own, as was anything at all. Also see my song, inspired by this first glimpse. "No one's at the wheel, I don't believe it".

I think this is a good example of requisite variety in one human, who used his creativity to deal with squatter problems.

Do what works. Some stuff works directly, other things indirectly. Meditation/spirituality is mostly indirect for money and pussy, so allocate only enough time for that to supplement your other efforts.

Some call it Love Some call it Truth It's all of Us All of it You Am I dreaming? This world, or maybe it's a zoo And who's seeing? Am I a spirit or a dude? All Pervader Infinite and the Finitude A Shape-Shifter My problems and the answers too Neurotica Obssessing over what to do Meaning-Maker Mind won't shut up in Solitude Runaway Chain Reaction No one's at the wheel I don't believe it But it's realer than real Beavers build dams The moon pulls the tide All thoughts do is spam And us humans, we lie I get it now, there's nothing above All of it's a show, a show about Love And because of my selfishness God looks like a hot ass mess Life in a Box Damned if I don't, Damned if I do Great Paradox A Questioner but there's no who Beyond Prayer Before the evidence and Proof Undertaker We all melt right back into You Some Call it Love Some call it Love.mp3

I figured I would finally share this. For years I had this very particular memory of the moment I remember becoming aware of being a little boy and a self. I forgot this memory for many years but it reappeared a few months ago. The scene is kitchen of the house I grew up in, I can see two doors, one leading to the basement and another the bathroom. Awareness is present, but it itself is nothing. Suddenly two little boys run into the frame and head quickly down the open door to the basement. The empty awareness zooms in on one of the boys as if it were to say "That one, that's me!". And ever since then I've been witnessing the story of that boy. I never mentioned this to anyone, as I had no way to describe it, and often forgot about except for random moments where I remembered. As I got older, and would remember, all I could think was "what was that?" In hindsight, now that I have had a quite a few awakenings, it was no self/no doer. Everything before that was simply disorganized memories such as my mother breaking my favorite red toy car, no continual sense of me-ness. I see myself as the ego was not yet completely established, the story wasn't stitching together or "making sense" until it did. That sense making process generated this coherent story. Share, if anyone else happens to remember a similar moment, perhaps where your sane, coherent and solid feeling of self and other began.

Because psychedelics primarily increase consciousness, since this happen to do this very important thing they can lead to realizations of God. If there was a sound effect that increased consciousness, if receiving a certain massage, or if smelling a certain scent increased it, then those too would be cheat codes. Just so happens, you could say, that psychedelics are the thing that does that.

Firstly, don't forget that you must deconstruct even Leo, this is what I'm seeing that is being missed with all the questions about what is better, what is worse, what's it going to take, goalposts moving. We're talking about Infinity, you have to try all kinds of shit. It's tempting to lean on him or on anything, the mind is very sneaky and is hiding from all the work whether it be trips or retreats. Secondly, keep the main thing the main thing. Pick something and use it until it drives you insane. The DMTs are crucial imo. "No self/no doer" alone, will motivate the hell out of you and the DMTs will either produce this outright, or if you're like me it will catch you off guard later on. I did a meditation retreat even after my 5-MeO, NN DMT and Psilocybin work. Frustration, boredom, laziness and procrastination are all TRICKS, of course you feel these. Of course, you're questioning what's effective and what isn't, who do you think supplies you with these questions? The fog of deception is so thick, you damn near have a heart attack when it clears. During the long sessions and retreats, I gain awareness around how my mind uses EVERYTHING to avoid dissolution. I combine mindfulness with labeling with neti neti and let EVERYTHING slip through. For those with ADHD (like me), I had to become a puppet. I danced until the "me" vanished. I surrendered control entirely and just let awareness do the work. And it did. More so than just laziness and avoidance of pain, that can be overcome when you're really after Truth. The mind doesn’t want to die. It will hold on to Leo, to his videos, to this forum, to that one juicy insight, even to the cushion your ass is sitting on. Jed McKenna style, Neti Neti, labeling experiences as they appear and setting every idea of God, Truth, Infinity and Love on fire as the appear is a must. Your mind will become conscious of "something" at some point, that will terrify it. Look back at it, you have triangulated Truth but do not wait for, or expect this moment. (easier said than done) In some sense, just doing psychedelics then running off into survival and hallucination makes no sense if you're serious about the work. Unless you have a closet full of 5-MeO or some other substance, why settle for the continual deception and unconsciousness of daily life? Might as well wear the mind out, the target of inquiry is available 24/7.

It wasn't until after an NN DMT trip that I had my experience of "no self/no doer" "uncontrolled chain reaction" awakening (two hours after it wore off actually). Then with 5 MeO DMT within just a few seconds it felt like as Leo said, I broke reality. So radical, so True that it's not possible to believe it. 5 MeO DMT will make quick work of what you're trying to do. It will also quickly put meditation and your other work into proper context. If you do end up going that route, really contemplate how much you want what's True beforehand. It seems like you do have genuine interest. After my 5 MeO trip I remember thinking "If people knew what they were trying to discover by meditating, they would probably stop". There is sort of a lower case a, awakening for your daily life as well. Look at your actions and situation, and see what counter-intuitive things you could do differently. Go belief hunting, multiple times a day, question something your mind said recently. Go identity hunting for identities like: virgin and broke and see what purpose they serve ("the mind has already said these things many times, why does it keep bringing it up?"). Avoid answering your own questions, leave space for non-verbal answers. Weed and counter logical/intuitive actions might be something you can do in the meantime for your regular personal development, until your 5-MeO DMT trip. Honestly low doses (micro to medium) of something like magic mushrooms is where the regular personal development can get a kick as well. Even after 5 MeO, I still notice things about my own personal problems that enlighten me.

@meta_male your wind canal description is spot on. Couldn't think of how to describe it in my post. I was able to avoid the headache but ending up a little sore, probably from the parachute deploying.

I went to this skydiving facility on three separate occasions, the first two times were thwarted by weather. So I ended up having to go through the anticipation of it a few times. Luckily 3rd times the charm. My mindset was to just keep moving through the process, once I'm in the air I'm committed and there's only one way down. I wanted to share insights I had after the experience and some of thoughts during it. The initial exit out of the plane was the most intense, the moment I realized how "crazy" I am and "what am I doing?" The drop is so intense it feels like I instantly got pulled into a video game world. I thought I was committed riding the plane up. True commitment was realized as I nosedived back to earth. Insights: "Truly living life is what I am most afraid of" This was put into crystal clear perspective for me. It's not these big moments like skydiving, it's all the little ways I avoid fear and commitment. Committing to someone in a relationship is just like that dive out of the plane, as are all commitments. It's understanding that you don't know what's going to happen and that there are more variables than you have control over. "Gravity is a symbol for limitation within Consciousness". Jumping out of the plane, in all its counter-intuitive glory is surrender. I can't control gravity. It's going to pull me down, I don't have wings and I can't fly. Skydiving is powerful because it's you vs. lack of control, of which the ego is deeply afraid. The amazingness of the experience is only possible because I am limited. I watched my skydive video back, and didn't notice myself anymore. I noticed in the video a more powerful force, something greater than me piloting this body. I wept as a thought floated through my mind "is that me?" "who is this man?" as if I hadn't just done it hours before. I was frightened by own actions, my own dedication. This dive deepened my self-love more than many experiences. Between meditation retreats, 5-MeO, skydiving and personal development I can say the work can be grueling, horrifying and depressing but also deeply freeing and illuminating. I just wanted to share this experience and also recommend it to anyone who needs that jolt or wake up call. It's a very powerful experience. I see tremendous value in using skydiving and things like it as another tool in your toolbox of development and awareness.

@How to be wise Bits and bits of fear come undone. I as an ego mind am very resilient, I have to keep on it to avoid getting to comfortable and safe.

@LastThursday I will look into the bungee jumping! Surrender is an unavoidable aspect of this work, so of course more of it will come in time for me. Nice photos, that's courage.

@MsNobody Wow your comments are very inspirational! I am also proud of you going pro. I imagine you all that have jumped multiple times have a different moment of fear and anticipation. Friends and family are as shocked as I am, I will do at least one more jump to motivate them if they need it and go with next time. My instructor was persuading me a bit to go pro and explained the program to me before I left. I am already trained as a zipline adventure guide and helped many people face that fear in the past. I am a creative person, so my work will likely be something different but going pro is not off the table.

This was very intriguing. I can tell the wide arsenal of techniques you use outside of boxing have paid you dividends, especially the extra sensory perception. That's an amazing fruit of your work.

Right on. It's a do it scared type of thing and having no control actually makes it easier. The battle is all the thoughts and feelings leading up to it. If you decide to jump as well, I look forward to debriefing you.

I call everything that can be know in form an "artifacts within consciousness". I like that you also discovered your inner self containing artifacts. Trauma, love, memories are all artifacts.

Instead of presenting the advanced view to them, try: -Asking them powerful questions -Putting them through a visualization

The excuse for ignorance is that it is preferable to growing intelligence and awareness. Both of which lead to greater understanding of the reality and world we live in. This understanding then creates suffering, anxiety and angst in the one that grows to understand. The avoidance of those feelings is why ignorance is so prevalent. Anything to be had that sits behind things like suffering and boredom will be avoided by most people. "Ignorance is bliss". You have to change when you know better and change means death to a part of you. Examples include: using less AI when you find out how much water is used to cool it, not eating meat when you see the conditions under which the animal is raised etc.

Very detailed and nuanced awakening, awakening can put so much into context. The part about spiritual work being done on the self if very insightful. The part about therapy as well, as someone who has done his fair share. Thank You, I look forward to your future reports.

A month and half ago I set up a modified meditation retreat for myself due to some time constraints and financial reasons at the time. I set it up with some rules to help keep it more focused. I went into the woods each day for seven days, except day four in order to: meditate (mindfulness with labeling, do nothing, strong determination), do concentration work, some contemplation and some breathwork. At the end of each day I returned home, I did not use the internet (or my computer for that matter) or engage with social media and phone distractions. I had two goals: to break out of my routine and unconsciousness and if the stars aligned an awakening at some point. I wanted to see what meditation could really do, 5-MeO in the past obviously exposed manual techniques to me. I meditated between 6-8 hours each day, day four I focused on contemplation and writing identities down and deconstructing them then meditated at the end of that day. The meditation did what I expected, frustrated me, bored me, made me want to quit etc. I was DONE by Day 7, I wanted the MMR to be over. Day 7, I began to feel a sensation right in the center of my forehead while meditating, a thought crossed my mind "what is this, chakra?", I chuckled as I'm not into new age so much and don't really know a whole bunch about it. I finally decided that it was a trick, my mind using whatever it could to distract me from the present moment. I'm still not sure if it is significant or not. At the end of Day 7, in my frustration from lack or results, I grab a 5mg THC edible and cut it up into four pieces. I had been using these really tiny (1.25mg). The night time came and I turned on music and started to dance. At one point, my moves start to get REALLY good, I'm in the zone. Then the moves get silly, but still good (I wish I had turned my webcam on to record, I didn't think to as my PC was still off from the retreat week). Then I sort of decide to just become a puppet. It started to feel as if I was being watched by something that wanted to kill me. I just upped the ante as I realized that, and surrendered into my dance even more. A few seconds after that, I started to become conscious of chaos before order. Heartrate shot up rather quickly, and a subtle "nope" in my thoughts. The same primordial chaos and horrifying Infiniteness I had experienced on 5-MeO months prior. Then I was consumed by it, Insanity wrecking me for a short duration, maybe 2-4 minutes. This is the second time, I have danced into an awakening. It don't get it on low doses of magic mushrooms, or on just weed, or with just dance, just meditation or anything in isolation. 1st Time. 2g Magic Mushrooms (trip ends and a few hours pass) >> tiny dose of THC (1.25mg) >> dance = awakening 2nd Time. 7 Days of meditation >> tiny does of THC >> dance = awakening I do have ADHD and am a very clever mind so my theory here, is that my mind is simply too evasive and creative to have a one hit wonder awakening (except with 5-MeO). My mind, despite my wishes not to desire or 'produce' an awakening (since I can't will it or make it happen), simply tries to control everything too much. The 1st time was obviously shocking, but now I have some evidence of a pattern. Perhaps if you are like me, and are very mental, dance or some dynamic body work might be useful for surrender. I want to add that this may not work if you haven't had your first 5-MeO experience, as I believe that it primed me for all this that has taken place since. Leo mentioned on his blog post that state>effort, and I think I demonstrated that with my work here. I was wanting to follow up and test this sequence a 3rd time, but decided to leave THC alone after learning more about the possibility of schizophrenia. Instead what I may try in the future, is dancing into surrender while using psychedelics. I was also contemplating on how my mind is perhaps slapping the label of "chaotic" on my awakenings. Since psychedelics reflect the inner world, the chaos I'm experiencing is perhaps my mind trying to make sense out of Infinity and labeling it instead of letting go more. It could also just be a reflection of my own chaotic daily ego chatter or disorganization in my daily life. I need more awakenings to see what's really happening there.

As a former tutor I can attest that teaching is great way to deeper your own progress. When people ask what's the secret to learning Spanish (which is what I was tutoring), the first thing I would say is, teach someone else while you're learning. I've decided to teach more online via youtube videos. Fear of blasphemy is ultimately stupid but when you believe you'll be punished by the Church or God himself I see why many don't. It's actually blasphemy to not teach, to not tell your own stories. My thing with Christians is always to challenge them to "write part 3" by which I mean what would your book say if it was in the bible. If everyone told their perspective, the Church would have a more robust and diverse understanding or reality. Of course, it will be very difficult to untangle the fear of hell, fear of blaspheming God, fear of ridicule and so on. Perhaps you can write a new book, The book of Santiago with new teachings that steer away from dogma and fear of God and into Love and Absolute Truth. As new generations continue to be born, they will seek an understanding of reality but won't be willing to use the bible to do so. That's how most progress is made, old close minded generations die off and new open minded ones are born. New scripture written by awakened people will be a soft place for them to land on.

Here I'm sharing some observations from my modified meditation retreat just over a month ago. The challenge itself was 7 days of 6-8 hours of: meditation, do nothing, self-inquiry, breathwork and concentration. On day 3, I sat down to focus on this statue of a duck. I set a timer for one hour and began the stare down. -I counted 48 distractions in just the first 10-20 minutes then I stopped counting, this isn't including everything that I didn't notice -About 30 minutes in, the background would briefly get grainy then resolve and repeat for a few minutes -The statue appeared to me to become different things: an astronaut, a rabid monkey, an old man and some others I can't remember now. -About 40 minutes in, the statue was sharp and everything else was noise. If I got distracted I could get back to that resolution in a couple seconds -The last 20 minutes was just more changes in the statue visually and the contrast from the background. At one point a squirrel ran between us and was in high definition I am excited to continue using statues, myself in the mirror or anything with eyes for an external concentration practice to supplement meditation. Prior to this (same day), I had meditated for two hours. All in all, it was definitely hard to pull off this modified meditation retreat but it caused all the things I was going for: boredom, frustration, some peace, various pain from sitting. I even wrote in my journal at the end of day 7 how horrible it was. After journaling, I decided to dance to undo my frustration. I was in a giving up mood, and decided to just surrender to the music. I thought "Just become a puppet I don't even care", and sure enough the annihilation sequence began about 5 minutes in, and I started to fade away into the primordial chaos I experienced on 5-MeO. Man, I forgot how terrifying it was, but I knew better than to resist. It was a brief glimpse back into Infinity. I got what I wanted but I want to stay with it longer. So grueling work followed by surrender in dance seem to be a recipe for Awakening for me. It might only now be possible BECAUSE of 5-MeO having shown me what was actually going here. Have yet to recreate it again, but I haven't done that much consciousness work since either.

I have completed books 1-4 of Neale Donald Walsch's Conversation with God as well as a separate entry called Home with God: In a life that never ends. For some background on me, I have been following actualized.org teachings for about a year and a half but I only joined the forum in the past few months. I have had four distinct awakenings, three of which I experienced what we call "death". In Home with God, God described three stages of death and to avoid spoiling the actual material, I will say that the stages 1 and 2 line up precisely with my direct experiences of death. The entirety of the five books I've finished so far have all surprised me as I was able to verify and confirm. These have my thumbs up if you want a written/verbal attempt at a description of the moment of death. It is not a replacement for having an awakening (in which you die) for yourself. The book is guided by 18 remembrances or facets about life and death told to Neale by God. What I like about Neale is that he isn't afraid to call out God (he does often struggle to understand that he himself is God though.) Going through the dialogues in any of these books are really helpful for getting a look at how little debates and language do at getting to what's True. Leo and other teachers/messengers have mentioned these over the years. So the material is never really new, but through repetition the teachings slowly start to form new mental pathways. God covers suicide, child death and near death experiences. Methods of having your own experience of it through meditation and other techniques you've heard of from various teachers God also mentions. Other than the identical experiences of the first two stages of death mentioned, is the mention of dance as one of the techniques. This is was interesting and a pleasant surprise to me, as I had two of my awakenings through dance. The first was after the effects of magic mushrooms had worn off and I began to dance. The second was after a 7 day modified meditation retreat I did, the night of the 7th day. The retreat itself ended around 4 or 5pm that day, and I went home frustrated, irritated after having tortured myself with boredom (do nothing work), concentration, self-inquiry, meditation and mindfulness. I used a very small amount of thc to calm myself down and then completely gave up trying to even have another awakening and started to dance. I allowed myself to be completely consumed the music until I suddenly noticed I was no longer controlling my movements. In a moment, I went "oh fuck" and then I slipped into the primordial chaos of Infinity/Insanity. It still shocks me how completely terrifying and amazing the experience is simultaneously. Dance may be a missing ingredient to your consciousness work if you already meditate, inquire etc. The trick/hack is to give up and surrender. Become a puppet to the formless God that you haven't realized yet. Home with God has a 5 out of 5 from me, I actually picked it up from the local library after having purchased the other titles. If you haven't begun the series I do recommend starting from book one of Conversations with God. Believe or not, I was listening to this from Youtube in the background while dancing https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RG2IK8oRZNA&t=13995s&ab_channel=GreenredProductions-RelaxingMusic Enjoy