Infinite Tsukuyomi

Definitely no one reason why dating has collapsed. The collapse is a symptom of even deeper problems. As a gay man I've also come to the conclusion that most guys are undateable. Definitely not just a woman problem, but everyone is contributing to the mess in some way. I had a good guy but let him go. Fearful avoidant attachment style is a mother. He was hardcore anxious preoccupied. No one thinks they are a part of the problem, and as such the dating pool is filled with undateable people.

On the same note as what Elliot is saying. See if you can scale down sewing or exercise into something niche. Perhaps exercise regimens for certain disabilities. Also your life purpose might itself be more subtle than sewing or exercise. You may also unconsciously resist moving into your life purpose precisely because the mind thinks it needs to be grandiose and commercialized. Not everyone contemplating life purpose is too small, some minds are too over the top, at least in how it will impact the world. Bullshitting is what makes a human a human. We can take shit and make beautiful things.

I use Dr. Jen toothpaste. Has nanohydroxyapatite in it. Supposedly helps prevent more enamel from being destroyed on your teeth and maybe help create more of it. Many new toothpaste brands contain this ingredient that you order on amazon to try out.

1) Mindfulness with labeling 2) Neti Neti (usually after #1) 3) Balancing between sleep and waking 4) Holotropic Breathwork 5) Plain ol Jane meditation 6) I do some Kriya too

That's easy for us to say, not that many people want to experience Love for real.

Lol. And even when you go through all of that and are deep in it if you're a psychopath you go back for more. It's also difficult to put that toothpaste back into the tube anyway once it's out

What I see, is exactly what you would expect (only watched part 1 so far). The ego mind will always try to smuggle in its own survival via something else. When they said "humans have the 'potential'" I paused it and said "yea, you need to hold that potential higher than Truth to guarantee human survival" then unpaused and Leo mentioned potential lol I agree, that you have to be Truth psychopath. Once you've had even one deep awakening, you wonder if you really want any more of that, and then you go back for more! Even though it rips you apart. I was out with a friend one night, and I discussed my awakenings with him. He was invested but got a phone call. Before answering he said to me "just a minute, I want to hear more about your truth". I said "Okay, I don't have a truth though" lol These conversations can be powerful for those Leo is talking to, if they are interested in untangling what their mind is doing in real time. Truth is still considered to be some separate, far away fantasy for them. We're talking about the present moment not something else.

Are you awake?

I can't speak for others but I am a textbook neurodivergent person, ADHD I believe. I have reason to think I may be on the bipolar spectrum but I don't have a diagnosis. Highly intelligent, contemplative, non-comformist thinker, rebellious (especially mentally). It was only in my late 20s early 30s that I connected the dots. I was interested in Truth/God as a kid, from the very first time I asked my mother if she was going to die and if I was. I overcompensated, and quite well, to modern life and was a honor student and big picture thinker. My childhood and teenage Christianity was very performative, as a lot of my social life was. Would always be interested in videos about outer space, only because I was under the assumption that science would solve reality, what was at edge of the Universe and why is anything here at all. Found Morgue on Youtube and was introduced to conceptual infinity. That very moment I understood the consequences of Infinity and how it needed no cause. Then finally found actualized.org where my search for the Truth had actual fuel. At some point, I recognized that Leo's mind and my own have lots of similarities, and I can appreciate that his is truly amazing. With a mind like mine, I can't fathom not caring about Truth, even though the pursuit is extremely painful for me. At some point, I encountered the SHOCKING truth video, about enlightenment and realized how significant that discovery would be. Within one year of discovering him, I had adopted meditation and contemplation and had multiple NN DMT trips and 5-MeO; which led to experiences of no self as well the horror and amazement of Infinity. For a mind like mine actualized.org is a buffet. Mental sovereignty is important to me now though, and I realize this means less of watching and listening to him. As far as bias is concerned, if other minds don't care about Truth-seeking then there is almost nothing he can do.

I noticed you said this on instagram "To me, dance as an improvisation is very spiritual and meditative. I think dance in its purest form is actually meditation". Couldn't agree more and I can tell in the videos. I found out last year, that dancing caused 5-MeO reactivations for me. It can be so graceful, so free to become a puppet in a instant.

Just commit one person at a time. Don't worry about 30 women or 30 people. Your goal is one interaction. However it goes doesn't matter, renew the commitment to talk to only more person. Then just one more, like you're eating donuts.

The zipper forum post is a good one. When someone asks me about consciousness I usually go with "If I just reached out and ripped a whole in space-time or took my head off and throw it at you, that would be unacceptable to your mind but true nontheless". But then they want me to do it lol.

I remember Leo mentioning the thin walls in Japan, here's confirmation of that and apparently they do indeed spend lots of time cleaning over meditation. If you truly have ADHD, the cleaning can be a great way to get the mind to shut up at least. It seems like one of these monsteries might be a great way to discipline yourself into introspection perhaps, but less so for meditation retreat style work.

Salt is fine, best thing to do is to keep water intake high. I add a teaspoon of salt and Silica (monomethylsilanetriol) to a gallon of distilled water and that's what I drink. Water doesn't taste salty, but also not flat while hydrating better than water alone and making it taste like it came from a heavenly water fountain. I would say that low fluid/water intake is the real problem with most people consuming high amounts of salt.

I have already, see my post Death of control on a 16 minute car drive. Driving was occurring on it's own, as was anything at all. Also see my song, inspired by this first glimpse. "No one's at the wheel, I don't believe it".

I think this is a good example of requisite variety in one human, who used his creativity to deal with squatter problems.

Do what works. Some stuff works directly, other things indirectly. Meditation/spirituality is mostly indirect for money and pussy, so allocate only enough time for that to supplement your other efforts.

Some call it Love Some call it Truth It's all of Us All of it You Am I dreaming? This world, or maybe it's a zoo And who's seeing? Am I a spirit or a dude? All Pervader Infinite and the Finitude A Shape-Shifter My problems and the answers too Neurotica Obssessing over what to do Meaning-Maker Mind won't shut up in Solitude Runaway Chain Reaction No one's at the wheel I don't believe it But it's realer than real Beavers build dams The moon pulls the tide All thoughts do is spam And us humans, we lie I get it now, there's nothing above All of it's a show, a show about Love And because of my selfishness God looks like a hot ass mess Life in a Box Damned if I don't, Damned if I do Great Paradox A Questioner but there's no who Beyond Prayer Before the evidence and Proof Undertaker We all melt right back into You Some Call it Love Some call it Love.mp3

I figured I would finally share this. For years I had this very particular memory of the moment I remember becoming aware of being a little boy and a self. I forgot this memory for many years but it reappeared a few months ago. The scene is kitchen of the house I grew up in, I can see two doors, one leading to the basement and another the bathroom. Awareness is present, but it itself is nothing. Suddenly two little boys run into the frame and head quickly down the open door to the basement. The empty awareness zooms in on one of the boys as if it were to say "That one, that's me!". And ever since then I've been witnessing the story of that boy. I never mentioned this to anyone, as I had no way to describe it, and often forgot about except for random moments where I remembered. As I got older, and would remember, all I could think was "what was that?" In hindsight, now that I have had a quite a few awakenings, it was no self/no doer. Everything before that was simply disorganized memories such as my mother breaking my favorite red toy car, no continual sense of me-ness. I see myself as the ego was not yet completely established, the story wasn't stitching together or "making sense" until it did. That sense making process generated this coherent story. Share, if anyone else happens to remember a similar moment, perhaps where your sane, coherent and solid feeling of self and other began.

Because psychedelics primarily increase consciousness, since this happen to do this very important thing they can lead to realizations of God. If there was a sound effect that increased consciousness, if receiving a certain massage, or if smelling a certain scent increased it, then those too would be cheat codes. Just so happens, you could say, that psychedelics are the thing that does that.

Firstly, don't forget that you must deconstruct even Leo, this is what I'm seeing that is being missed with all the questions about what is better, what is worse, what's it going to take, goalposts moving. We're talking about Infinity, you have to try all kinds of shit. It's tempting to lean on him or on anything, the mind is very sneaky and is hiding from all the work whether it be trips or retreats. Secondly, keep the main thing the main thing. Pick something and use it until it drives you insane. The DMTs are crucial imo. "No self/no doer" alone, will motivate the hell out of you and the DMTs will either produce this outright, or if you're like me it will catch you off guard later on. I did a meditation retreat even after my 5-MeO, NN DMT and Psilocybin work. Frustration, boredom, laziness and procrastination are all TRICKS, of course you feel these. Of course, you're questioning what's effective and what isn't, who do you think supplies you with these questions? The fog of deception is so thick, you damn near have a heart attack when it clears. During the long sessions and retreats, I gain awareness around how my mind uses EVERYTHING to avoid dissolution. I combine mindfulness with labeling with neti neti and let EVERYTHING slip through. For those with ADHD (like me), I had to become a puppet. I danced until the "me" vanished. I surrendered control entirely and just let awareness do the work. And it did. More so than just laziness and avoidance of pain, that can be overcome when you're really after Truth. The mind doesn’t want to die. It will hold on to Leo, to his videos, to this forum, to that one juicy insight, even to the cushion your ass is sitting on. Jed McKenna style, Neti Neti, labeling experiences as they appear and setting every idea of God, Truth, Infinity and Love on fire as the appear is a must. Your mind will become conscious of "something" at some point, that will terrify it. Look back at it, you have triangulated Truth but do not wait for, or expect this moment. (easier said than done) In some sense, just doing psychedelics then running off into survival and hallucination makes no sense if you're serious about the work. Unless you have a closet full of 5-MeO or some other substance, why settle for the continual deception and unconsciousness of daily life? Might as well wear the mind out, the target of inquiry is available 24/7.

It wasn't until after an NN DMT trip that I had my experience of "no self/no doer" "uncontrolled chain reaction" awakening (two hours after it wore off actually). Then with 5 MeO DMT within just a few seconds it felt like as Leo said, I broke reality. So radical, so True that it's not possible to believe it. 5 MeO DMT will make quick work of what you're trying to do. It will also quickly put meditation and your other work into proper context. If you do end up going that route, really contemplate how much you want what's True beforehand. It seems like you do have genuine interest. After my 5 MeO trip I remember thinking "If people knew what they were trying to discover by meditating, they would probably stop". There is sort of a lower case a, awakening for your daily life as well. Look at your actions and situation, and see what counter-intuitive things you could do differently. Go belief hunting, multiple times a day, question something your mind said recently. Go identity hunting for identities like: virgin and broke and see what purpose they serve ("the mind has already said these things many times, why does it keep bringing it up?"). Avoid answering your own questions, leave space for non-verbal answers. Weed and counter logical/intuitive actions might be something you can do in the meantime for your regular personal development, until your 5-MeO DMT trip. Honestly low doses (micro to medium) of something like magic mushrooms is where the regular personal development can get a kick as well. Even after 5 MeO, I still notice things about my own personal problems that enlighten me.

@meta_male your wind canal description is spot on. Couldn't think of how to describe it in my post. I was able to avoid the headache but ending up a little sore, probably from the parachute deploying.

I went to this skydiving facility on three separate occasions, the first two times were thwarted by weather. So I ended up having to go through the anticipation of it a few times. Luckily 3rd times the charm. My mindset was to just keep moving through the process, once I'm in the air I'm committed and there's only one way down. I wanted to share insights I had after the experience and some of thoughts during it. The initial exit out of the plane was the most intense, the moment I realized how "crazy" I am and "what am I doing?" The drop is so intense it feels like I instantly got pulled into a video game world. I thought I was committed riding the plane up. True commitment was realized as I nosedived back to earth. Insights: "Truly living life is what I am most afraid of" This was put into crystal clear perspective for me. It's not these big moments like skydiving, it's all the little ways I avoid fear and commitment. Committing to someone in a relationship is just like that dive out of the plane, as are all commitments. It's understanding that you don't know what's going to happen and that there are more variables than you have control over. "Gravity is a symbol for limitation within Consciousness". Jumping out of the plane, in all its counter-intuitive glory is surrender. I can't control gravity. It's going to pull me down, I don't have wings and I can't fly. Skydiving is powerful because it's you vs. lack of control, of which the ego is deeply afraid. The amazingness of the experience is only possible because I am limited. I watched my skydive video back, and didn't notice myself anymore. I noticed in the video a more powerful force, something greater than me piloting this body. I wept as a thought floated through my mind "is that me?" "who is this man?" as if I hadn't just done it hours before. I was frightened by own actions, my own dedication. This dive deepened my self-love more than many experiences. Between meditation retreats, 5-MeO, skydiving and personal development I can say the work can be grueling, horrifying and depressing but also deeply freeing and illuminating. I just wanted to share this experience and also recommend it to anyone who needs that jolt or wake up call. It's a very powerful experience. I see tremendous value in using skydiving and things like it as another tool in your toolbox of development and awareness.

@How to be wise Bits and bits of fear come undone. I as an ego mind am very resilient, I have to keep on it to avoid getting to comfortable and safe.