JoshB

Im curious for those who have realized these directly what the awakening to them was like and how they have altered your direct experience. Your Will as Reality itself

I apologize totally got off topic

@Leo Gura I feel like a victim to my own imagination which is reality itself.

I also had an awakening that the entire internet is my imagination. I was so concious that anything I wanted to appear on my monitor would literally appear as Truth. I could open youtube and every video is exactly as Imagined in real time. ive had states where literally anything i imagined becomes Absolute Truth. But i cant sustain it and come back down to my everyday state. And its like im locked out of my own mind.

I was abused for years, told it was my fault, and my anger was shamed and met with more physical punishment and negative reception. Im emotionally exhausted just thinking about it

I worded that wrong I meant you are You absolutely are responsible for any and all of your anger and emotion. Its just hard to realize it when youre abused and I see it as justified There exists nothing but you so ultimately all anger must come from you

We're on the exact page, im saying see through the victim hood to your reaction is the challenge. Im not saying you are the source of the reaction or emotion.

Yes i can allude to what you guys are getting at im just trying to give the most radical example where anger would be justified

But maintaining the disillusionment of self while being abused isn't easy.

If you want to get technical there isn't anyone to get upset.

@No1Here2c @Natasha Tori Maru try getting abused for years yourself and when you start to get upset think to yourself oh yes I must be selfless this is all coming from ego This is easier to claim in theory not practice If I abuse you for years beating you and tell you hey mans its all just ego I would love to see that response

Even if you're abused physically for years?

Ofc that much is obvious and being painfully aware of the limits of what you know God is Life with a capital L that doesnt mean there are things as a human that can make that cant make it hell I dont want to improve my life its too exhausting i just want to stop dreaming entirely like none of this ever happened If I go all of this comes with me

@Leo Gura

I want to die but death or even the self isn't real so im left with this fucking reality with these meta self imposed limits where I have to deal with these impersonal unloving idiots

@Leo Gura look when im on dmt im completly god concious and any and all sense of other is gone. Its that these limited mediums are even imagined to be real in the first place. And I have to deal with them every day knowing I could be in infinite conciousness with none of it at all.

I reached states where I literally determined if others exist or not. But feel completely disregarded I dont feel valued by any spiritual teacher or by most people in general. I realized am I Love but I dont feel loved at all by anyone. And when I want to love someone because I realized I am them. It feels off putting because they dont care. Even my own family.

@Leo Gura i dont just know you exist. Ive been watching your channel since I was 15 now 25 thats 10 years. Ive tripped over 100 times now. I've watched over a 1000 hours of actualized. Ive meditated 2000 hours. And had God Realization at 19. I went insane for a brief period realizing solipsism but have since stabilized. If the average person entered my state they would go insane by how woke it is. I honestly have no one I can connect with with on the same level as me. And In a bigger sense I dont care but what bothers me is an impedance on my own conciousness being absolutely the highest Theres no one even typing on the otherside of this forum I feel more like a used condom then an enlightened being something impartial that is an after thought to these people around me. Not a divine infinitly concious / intelligent / loving Being

At least if I spent 10 years doing this myself I could be independent and learn how to do things for myself.

But im you so there literally wont be anyone to teach me. I just dont like that there is something more conciousness then me guiding me. It turns me off completely. If the process was just conciousness revealing itself to itself I would be more intrigued by that. Im getting tired off of following spiritual teachers I just want total sovereignty. Plus I dont like how you share how you are more awake then it makes me want to quit actualized.org entirely

The point im making is that I am Leo so why would I need Leo to teach me? Just realize I am him and he cant give me that because being is first order

I mean its paradoxical in a relative sense. Being is Absolute because it is One. What you just said is apart of the point I am making. I am you so why would I look to you for some guide to awaken instead of just realizing it all on myself?. There are states of conciousness where leo doesnt exist absolutely so why would I look to you to guide me.

This is where it kind of breaks down and becomes paradoxical. You guiding me to realize there never was a you guiding me It sounds like it imposes authority whilst denying it

I dont want to be guided i want to realize fully how im constructing you and how there isn't you outside of me thats more awake impeding on my sovereignty or authority

Even then I question if the highest states can be even mapped out or be guided too because its infinite, formless, and has no other. Any guide is fundamentally something one is imagining Can Actualized.org teach you how to deconstruct Actualized.org when we are the one constructing it in the first place