cle103

Past, future and present are one. Trauma is not in the past. Nothing happened to me in the past, where it is hard to reach. It happens right now. Mind and body are one. The body is not fucked up. It is but my mind. This is how I carry trauma - my mind - around. As both these things were realized, mind began to unravel. Body moved in ways unbeknownst to me since childhood. Sounds came to mind that I once made up. Scents came back. Visions. Over and over again. Trying to actively love what arises was not possible. Giving it space - however - brought sacred silence with it. But why am I doing this? But, but, but? Because of Truth. Not to get something „out of it“. Not to „produce“ good art. For Truth. As Truth and Love are indeed one. Silence. --- This is still a developing story.

Aubrey Marcus would be awesome. Pretty much the only one I listen to on the regular. Explores deep topics, the host has a lot of experience with the ol' plant medicines and it's a chill vibe: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0pS_0ejRBi4&ab_channel=AubreyMarcus

@BlackMaze It's kinda hard to think back exactly how I felt a year ago. However, I def. have more energy and am more relaxed day to day.

Preface The main reason I got into it was Covid. I've dabbled with breathing quite a lot before (mostly Holotropic) and did a bit of cold exposure (ending a couple showers cold). However the main reason was immune function. Additionally I was also looking for a morning spiritual practice. Before I tried meditation but the grogginess always got in the way. Kriya was better but it just didn't feel right to jump from Kriya right into the hustle and bustle of the work day. Benefits To be frank, I love how the breathing makes me feel. It's a slight high that carries through the day. It's really relaxing. I highly doubt it will make you enlightened but that's not the reason I started it. I wanted a practice that integrates into my morning routine and gets me energized. It's perfect for that. The cold showers are a lot of fun as well (I do full cold showers beginning to end in the morning and then a warm shower in the evenings). They wake you up for sure. Regarding immune function, it's only anecdotal: I usually catch 2-3 colds a year (pretty much have for my whole life). I got none since I started doing the method. The first symptom I always feel is a dry, itchy throat. I had this come on once or twice this year but it went away within hours and I did not get sick. Of course, this is not scientific in any way. And of course it could just have been me washing my hands more often. However I do feel it benefits my immune system substantially. Other than that my muscle recovery and connection to the cold have improved a lot as well. I'm fine without a jacket even in negative degrees and don't need gloves or long clothes for my runs. Downsides None that I have noticed. The quality of your results is of course dependent on the consciousness you bring to the practice. After a while it gets easy to coast through the breathing and not get anything out of it. That's a bit of a trap. There are spiritual benefits (emotional releases and minor no self states when doing more rounds) but they are minor in comparison to a full holotropic session (then again it's 25 mins compared to an hour+). --- That's it. If you have questions, feel free to ask. I will most likely be continuing the method as it plugs so well into my workout and morning routine.

@BlackMaze Yes, they help for sure. I remained in the ice bath for a couple of minutes and submerged my head completely a couple times at the end. I did some breathing (maybe one round of Wim Hof) before and centered myself, that was pretty much all.

@BlackMaze I don't really train it, it's more a part of winter where I live. The cold effects me way less than usual. Other than that I took one ice bath at my parents house (I don't have a bath tub in my apartment). It was an interesting experience. I didn't find it much harder than cold showers, just different.

Here is a great example regarding the topics of diet and health. Notice how much he knows about and understands both "camps" as in Vegan and Keto. He does not take sides even though he has an opinion but focuses on principles and data in a super nuanced way. I also find it fascinating how reflected and nuanced his answers are to seemingly simplistic questions.

"The lengths we go to not think for ourselves are quite extraordinary." - Don’t know This trip had been long overdue. Been microdosing LSD for a while (biweekly mostly) and really enjoying the effects. Wanted to trip again ever since I got that batch but couldn’t. Plus I’m just paranoid when it comes to putting such substances into my body if I don’t know 110% their purity. It came so far that I measured 40 µg (I dissolved the tabs in 50/50 vodka and distilled water) and drank it before measuring the other 60 µg. When I started tripping full on there was a one handed clap of recognition for finally showing some faith. Vodka still tastes horrible though. Why do I need faith? Why do I need to leap before the net can appear? Because without Faith there could not be Grace. And without the duality of the two there could not be “life”. The bigger the leap, the bigger the reward. Though “reward” isn’t the right word, just couldn’t find a better one. Life doesn’t ask for anything. Nothing is hidden or was ever hidden. Though to come home fully there can’t be a body, a mind or a life to come back to. The ultimate leap of Life is death. Suicide. No, I don’t plan on ending my life in the slightest. Just reporting, it’s a trip report after all. Trip got deeper. In the waiting room. Broke through. Don’t like that phrase. Overused it myself lol. Was in this DMT-like dimension. Then in another one. All intertwined and shifting into each other. Intense. Shifted back into 4D then 3D then back to the Godhead. But no big Aha. More of a deep understanding. More Love. Okay. Wait, there was something valuable: Been almost anthropomorphizing substances. Mushrooms are like Lord of the Rings, LSD is more like Star Wars and DMT is the unethical love child of both of them… Doesn’t matter. All goes out the window. Burn it on the same pile as your maps and models. Same place. Know a bit more about creativity as well: All this analyzing and mopping ideas together of other people is whack. True inspiration is taken from Source directly. Though I "knew" that for a while as well. Even blabbed around about it to my friends. But was never really shown it until today. Always been inspired by Van Gogh. Had this instance in the trip where I merged into his consciousness. Couldn’t stay long though. Dude was crazy. Still inspiring. A lot, indeed. Trip showed me the pure magnitude of the creativity possible. With a flick of the imaginary finger, there are hundreds of perfect inspirations. Just need to stay tapped in. No, not the right phrase. Maybe alignment. No, not direct enough. Being. That's the one I've been looking for. Another practical thing I learned was about how I should be eating. Won’t share though. Don’t want to start a war. --- Trip was surprisingly sexual in many unsuspected ways as well. Spring time after all. One last thing about Truth though. Truth always had this kinda harsh, unforgiving vibe to it for me. Only going for that is not enough. Truth is held within Love. Cause who else could bear it? --- Life has an art to it. Tripping has an art to it as well. That wasn’t my best work by far but it felt good to get back in. Felt poetic, might delete later

@Leo Gura On further contemplation, there is still a duality between Truth and Love. I haven't realized their true relationship or oneness yet. Gonna follow up on that.

@Leo Gura Searching for Truth always led me to looking at things I had rather not seen or things I kept under. It's a direct confrontation which is not always pleasant. Though it's always balanced out by Love. Truth as an absolute is another matter. Might have put that a bit odd. Might need to investigate further.

@Myioko Thanks a lot, I'll check those out! Also, I reached out to an artist who is big on YouTube and def. makes good money from his craft. He studied in the same town as I live right now and he said that it was def. not worth it studying there. I'll look at some other schools to see if there are some that could really help.

Hey guys, I'm just gonna describe my situation briefly: I currently work in a job that I like. I've just gotten a promotion. My co-workers and boss are cool. I make my own hours and basically don't have meetings. However it's all gotten too much in the last months. Too many clients. Too many balls to juggle. Way too many demands on my cognitive focus. What I really want to do, is to become an artist. A couple months ago I thought that I could work on that after work and on the weekends. But that's gotten impossible, as I need these times to get my sanity back. I have savings (30k rainy day fund, about 30k in investments and 30k on my regular account plus some Crypto) so I'm not gonna go hungry if I quit. However, I'm still undecided. Usually I would take some Mushrooms and think about it properly but I'm just not in the headspace at all. Maybe this sounds whine-y. I don't know or care. I tried to toughen it out for 3 months now. I know what I want, but I don't know what I should do. Should I go to college to study art (I'm 23)? Should I try to work for an artist or just go for it and paint all day for a year? Or wait till the work gets less again. Of course I gotta figure it out myself but if you have some perspective, please share. Much Love

@UNZARI My job is mainly web design though I can do a bit of graphic design as well. I started as an intern, taught myself and then worked my way up.

@Myioko WOW! Thanks a lot for the in depth answer I've been doing it on and off my whole life. About a year ago I discovered that this is basically what I want to do with my life so I'm pretty clear on that front. Regarding schools: College is free in Germany and there's an art college in my city. I've reached out to someone who studied there (and is successful as an artist) and hope to get a reply. I'll try to find their curriculums... their website is ancient. Spending money on courses or classes outside school is no problem, it's more of a time thing. If you know any courses which are worth both money and time, feel free to share. I'd say that I'm pretty clear on that, however it may change. What I want to do is to combine aspects of nature with a clean, almost technical feeling (basically a form of visionary art). Along the lines of Hannah Yata: That's basically my job at the moment Web design is creative and enjoyable... working with clients... sometimes not so much. Again, thanks a lot for your reply! If you have more resources, please feel free to share

@Leo Gura I'll check out the different curriculums! Though I've been more of an oil/acrylic painter as of right now.

@Leo Gura Understood. I think, here's what I will do: 1. Keep working for another month and see how it develops. If the work keeps piling, I'll talk to my boss about solutions whilst looking for another job. 2. The real question that comes from that is, if I should go to college for art. It's free but I don't want to waste 3 years. I'll message some people that went to these schools if it's worth it. If not I'll enroll in some online classes whilst working. 3. I'll also reach out to some artists who actually make money about that.

@Leo Gura I made one sale in the past when I was 18 where I sold some stuff on eBay lol. And some relatives ask for comissions from time to time, but that's not an income stream. In current time I haven't tried to sell anything. I know how tough marketing and sales are, that's been my working environment for over three years.

@Leo Gura Got it! Tbh. I don't see how I could build another income stream through art whilst at this job. That would mean getting another one that is hopefully less demanding (or waiting for 5-6 months for the work to potentially slow down). Would you try fish for an easier job or stay where the money currently is? @Hello from Russia Interesting! That sounds good and congrats on that! I don't think I could go back to the same company as I would leave a pretty big hole as of right now haha. I'd have to search for another position which could take some time and may require relocation. Realistically speaking, I'd first need to develop my skillset further before making money through that means.

@Average Investor Thanks! Coaching would be an idea. Need to find someone who actually knows his shit and doesn't cost the world though. Will think about that. Regarding part time: I don't think that this would be possible in my current job at the current company. I don't know if any company offers my type of work part time (haven't seen it at least). But yes, that would be an idea.

@aurum Thanks for the reply! Last year I spent about 1.350 euros per month on average (I track my finances down to the euro). If I wanted, I could get that down to about 1.000-1.100. That would basically be rent, organic food and Leos Patreon lol Is it realistic that the work slows down? To be honest, I don't know. I worked about 6 hours per day in the summer but now is a different story. It fluctuates as is usual in an agency type setting. If had to guess, I'd say it gets worse before it gets better. And better might be in 5-6 months. I have a fair bit of natural talent but the talent isn't developed in a great way (due to time... it's a circle). I could also take online courses on bettering my art, but I don't know how that stacks up against in person mentorship/schooling.

@Girzo Thanks, that makes sense! Nothing sweeter than being NBOMed, Jeez. @Adodd Sure, that would be ideal (easier with Shrooms though). Hold my beer whilst go out and fetch me some fancy looking toads

@Leo Gura Got it! Do you recommend testing for anything else in general (beyond the substance specific tests like Ehrlich or Hofmann)?

Man, that's rough. Question for @Leo Gura and/or @Girzo: Do you guys test your substances specifically for Fentanyl? I've read it (or Carfentanil) can show up in LSD and powdered substances as well and that would be devastating.

Post mushroom headaches can suck but usually they pass after a day (at least for me). I'd bet it's similar with truffles. How did you consume them? If you get fresh product and make tea instead of eating them, it should be better next time, though headaches can still happen in my experience. Regarding remedies, I'd just give it time. Drink some lemon water and get a good nights sleep. That should do the trick.

@Javfly33 You can dissolve LSD in distilled water/alcohol that would make it "even" and easy to measure. Then you could plug it as well. But I don't know if either procedure works with 1cP LSD. Other than that they sell it in pill form but I'm sceptical about the purity, personally. @Loving Radiance Believe me, I was crying as well haha