Paradoxed

This is all true. Shrooms feel much safer to do than LSD regularly. Not to mention the different in how long the experience lasts. There is inherently something dangerous about doing psychs so I doubt you could call them healthy. in a physical way they are generally pretty safe if not abused. Mental health is different and would depend on the individual to determine whether psychedelics are healthy for them. Regularly doing low doses could be beneficial to your mental health. It could also be a bad habit. One time I did LSD and was thinking so hard I literally felt like I broke something in my brain. I didn't feel right for a little bit after that and I stopped doing LSD for awhile. I've tripped since then after giving it some time and it was a good experience. I tend to stick to pretty low doses of LSD nowadays.

It sounds like your ego is coming back and reinforcing itself over time. It could be ego backlash. Stop second guessing yourself. Deep down you know that you need to make music. This is life or death here. You seem depressed, not a sense that you are sad, but maybe you are stuck knowing you need to be doing something and not doing it. Once you get the ball rolling and the momentum going with creative endeavors you will naturally start vibrating at a higher level and you can embody your higher self in this waking life. You have to ride motivation like a wave, and be disciplined enough to have a healthy routine and spiritual practice. If your meditation practice isn't bringing you to some deep truths, that's okay, stop wanting it and forcing it. Your desire to awaken is a trap. Forgive yourself for not having that innate spiritual understanding you think you want. Stop trying to understand and convince yourself of some deep truth on a conceptual level. Just start trying to flow with life intuitively so you can prove to yourself the deepest truths about yourself. You might have to fight for this. You were meant to be making music, your deeper self feels it, and you are not doing it. I would definitely consider tripping again if you haven't in awhile but tripping on psychedelics isn't always the answer. There were a couple times i stopped tripping and I felt similar, until I tripped again- and realize it was my ego causing a fear of my deeper self, and the deeper truths that psychedelics revealed.

@Keryo Koffa I love you too friend. You are such an insightful person and I love reading your posts. Sometimes this forum could use a little more love and gratitude! I also feel incredibly grateful for Leo, Actualized.org, and the community here.

@Wisebaxter It sounds like you chose to live differently than others. That being said smoking weed isn't at odds with anything you mentioned inherently unless it effects you that way. Plenty of people who smoke weed are successful. It's obviously not a productivity drug, more of a creative drug if anything. Smoking weed is not at odds with success or the things you mentioned. You need to imagine a reality with those things if you really want them, and work towards getting them. It may be that you don't really want those things. Like it would be a huge shame if you didn't have a house and kids because you couldn't stop smoking weed or whatever. It is possible but I just don't buy it. You sound similar to me where I compare myself to others but I chose a completely different path in life. You are narrating your own life right now. You definitely do not need to smoke weed to be creative so stop telling yourself that. You don't need weed at all. You like weed and justify it by saying it helps you be creative. It sounds like you just need to sit with yourself a little more to determine whether this habit has been a problem for you. I will say, you would save quite a bit of money by quitting if money is a problem. Those types of habits are less harmful if you have money to blow.

Very good. Do more than a microdose- enough to feel it a bit and notice the effects. And maybe don't microdose every day.

Yeah dude, its definitely really hard to change your framework and belief system. Or it isn't hard at all and the only reason it feels difficult is because you tell yourself it is difficult. If you genuinely believe weed helps you, why are you going about wanting to change that? Your time on Earth is short and its more important that you enjoy your life than creating some false problem about weed. That is the ego-mind game you are playing looking for problems. If you had some particular financial goal you could justify quitting weed to save money. Or if you had a health concern then you could justify stopping for that. If you looked for reasons to quit you could find them. But it seems as if there is no real problem as you are still maintaining creativity and productivity. Any addiction or habit could be a problem in a sense. But you are addicted to many things in this life including entertaining yourself with thoughts. Desire doesn't stop. This is your domain so don't beat yourself up. You imagined weed so that you could smoke it!

Do what makes you happy, it ultimately doesn't matter what Leo thinks about hobbies if they fulfill you. You have an intuitiveness about your nature that nobody else will understand, and your path is unique to you. So stop thinking so much about should's and shouldn'ts or what others think and start flowing and just do what feels right (you still have to watch out for traps and have discipline). But trust in yourself. If it feels like what you are supposed to do, and you don't do it, you could be jeopardizing your own progression. For example many hobbies turn into fulfilling lifelong careers.

Death is always framed as a bad thing when it really isn't.

You, the conceptual self, the human identity would cease existing, you as infinity and as God would continue eternally. If you woke up fully, the dream would end by definition, but that doesn't mean you would end, you would still be what you already are- God, just not dreaming anymore. Pure infinite love. So in that sense you could misunderstand me. Start identifying as infinity because you are eternal. But the "you" typing here on the computer here would stop. You, your body, the computer are all being imagined by you- which is not external from you, but is you. The great I Am. God is infinite. If you are aware you are imagining this realm, the dream still exists as you are still encompassed in the dream. That is what most people mean when they say they are awakened to the Truth- they are aware they are dreaming. If God were to fully wake up, he may decide to go back to sleep and imagine your life again. Or imagine himself somehow else. Upon physical death I believe everyone gets to experience a difficult barrier followed by bountiful love. Nobody ever truly dies, because you never truly existed. You are infinite and divine. But to be fully awake would mean the dream of who you are here stops. I am only trying to parse what I have experienced through ego death with psychedelics. I don't know anything. You can wake up fully while on psychedelics- physical reality will completely stop existing and the ego along with all false boundaries disappear as you stop imagining "reality". Eventually you decide to go back asleep because you like the dream and enjoy dreaming.

We gotcha. I don't think you could be in that state all the time. Maybe if you maintained a state of deep meditation for most hours a day. The high level of awareness is what you bring to your dream life. I have been in said state before on psychedelics. These heightened states are different than being awake while inside the dream. You can be aware of the dream while participating in it. In the state of consciousness you are speaking of there is no functioning in the dream. Whether you want to take psychedelics despite them not permanently waking you up is really only up to you. Personally I'd rather move back and forth than to be immersed in the dream. It doesn't ultimately matter.

Porn is like a drug. It can be harmful but it isn't inherently harmful. If you do it a lot it could become a bad habit and you can spiral out.

@shree I was just talking about regular DMT. When people talk about DMT they are just talking about NN-DMT. I wasn't talking about two separate drugs. I edited that post for clarity btw.

N,N-DMT is always different. You can achieve spiritual bliss but it's trickier. It can feel dark. Don't do it with too many expectations.

Do you mind elaborating? If we are living in a reality being imagined by consciousness or God, to truly awaken from the dream for good means something different than carrying a level of high awareness "awakened state" with you in your daily life on Earth (becoming construct aware of things like ego, awareness of self-bias, false dualities, end of beliefs, aware that you are in a dream, etc.) If God truly woke up in this sense, the dream would stop. It feels like there is a distinction to make between being "fully" awake and lucid dreaming (awakened state). Thinking you are fully awake seems highly self-deceptive to me. I am open to hearing other interpretations... @Leo Gura

People are really afraid of bothering others, so they try not to let their dog bother others too. You are judging them for that, but some people just hate dogs or are afraid so it makes sense. Second, dogs are amazing open and social creatures- sometimes more open than their human counterpart. So there is a bit of a misstep. Like "Oh no, its okay, I love dogs.." but the situation already happened and the closed off owner has ruined the interaction. Some dog owners bring a level of anxiety to every situation. Or they just aren't the best dog owners and didn't realize their dog's needs. They might be selfish somehow, and might not want to get wrapped into an interaction with you.

Psychedelics are good at breaking people out of their narrow-minded thinking and radically shifting someone's perspective. Shrooms at low doses can be amazing for people with mental health issues like depression or anxiety. But generally speaking, psychedelics alone are not going to keep you "awake" or even wake you up. You could get a million different misconceptions on what it even means to be "awake" from psychedelics. Do you really think you ever fully woke up? If you woke up fully, the dream would stop, everything you experience and could possible imagine experiencing would stop existing. You would cease. So stop thinking you have woken up at all from psychedelics.

There is an infinite amount of knowing and experiences you can have. It seems from reading your post you might be either chasing something, looking to get somewhere, or to understand something. There is nothing to obtain, nothing to learn, nothing to understand. This is a trap in spirituality. The magic happens before the conceptualizations. Just relax into your human experience and realize deep thought may not be helping you. It's very paradoxical.

Why does it have to permanent to be worth it?

I wrote a song on acid the other day. It came out really well. But it didn't feel like I came up with it- it felt more like I was remembering it from some deep place inside myself.

How would that change anything? Stop looking for others to reassure you.

So sorry for your loss, much love.

If you continue telling yourself you need weed, you will continue feeling like you need weed. What you believe is incredibly strong. Your manifesting a reality for yourself right now that makes it difficult to quit because you tell yourself you need it to be creative.

What about smoking weed Leo? My buddy used to try to peer pressure me into doing massive dabs.

Drinking makes you foolish. That's the point of drinking. The high turns you into a fool. Is drinking inherently foolish? Yes and no. Drinking is foolish unless you are bringing a level of awareness to it. If you know how to be safe and not go overboard is it that bad? Not really, its a social tool and a way to feel good. Do you go to UMD? I grew up in Maryland close to Baltimore.

So many deep insights at such an age. I dicked around with psychedelics in my teenage years and didn't manage to have a god realization until my late 20's. This video is also great at showing the Mom's (sober minded rational thinker) fear due to ignorance, and the wall she puts up between herself and new experiences, the close mindedness, judgement and worry that comes from essentially fearing the unknown for her son. Along with this, you get a sense that she does not really deeply know her own son. The programming and conditioning was so strong in that era, which is a huge shame, as she could learn a few things from her son when it comes to mental freedom. Then it shows a slightly disturbing video of nurses and doctors shuffling along a woman on LSD who clearly should not be in the hospital and who seems to be completely aware of her surroundings. Other things from this video: -The hippies on the street show no hint of the "horrors" in hospitals (implying LSD experience is horrifying and particularly bad compared to other drug OD's) -Hippies take up a lot space, and the streets "thrust" the hippies at the community, and hippies make their presence felt (implying hippies are generally a nuisance) -Hippies have taken over the community by superimposing their subculture and values upon it (lol) -Hippies are hypocrites because they act like they don't need money, but will still beg for money The TV news station then interviews a "hippie newspaper" called The Oracle. The gentleman describes life as making little sense- people are deeply unhappy, frustrated and uptight, driving in their metal boxes from job to job. He mentions how society and school teaches kids to learn to earn. This comes with an implication that earning more money for more material things is not important, and that society essentially is dictating what is important to an individual. He implies that children are conditioned to live in a world of should's and shouldn'ts. "They never had a chance to figure it out for themselves what they want to do." If an individual in society just follows the rules and does what they "should" do, there is often very little time for introspection and self reflection. "They don't teach you that life should be filled with joy and should not be a drag," implying that life could be joyful and euphoric if people were to stop trying to live up to the standards of others. He also mentions how kids in America, particularly middle class kids, feel alienated, as Mom and Dad go to work, kids go to school, and are constantly subject to one authority or another, not allowing them to think openly, and when they finally get the chance to interpret reality for themselves they start noticing there is "something else out there." I don't think much has changed in society since this video.