eskwire

It's easy to burn out on all of the Lego piece habits we are supposed to snap together: mindfulness practice, another meditation, affirmations, visualizations, and journaling. I probably forgot 5. I'm not keeping up. I want to get something out of eating instead of a trance that has caused my body a lot of damage. It's time to master mindful eating. And through practicing mindfulness while eating, master mindfulness. I'm eating anyway. At my heaviest, I weighed 248 lbs. I lost 93 lbs and gained back 30 in the last 9 years. Nutrition knowledge isn't lacking. I know way too much about food allergies and raw food and paleo and such and so forth at this point. Stopping when I don't need more food is the problem. Eating to escape reality is the problem. It's all mental. I won't add another 20 minute habit right now but I will be eating. If awareness alone is curative, then this should cure my struggles with eating shitty food. I had one experience of eating mindfully. The chicken fried steak I was craving, in the reality of eating it with awareness, turned into dog food garbage. It repulsed me. This is the mission. My goal is to mindfully eat at least one meal per day and use the instructions of 1. Noting 2. Labeling and 3. Savoring. All sensory types are represented while eating. Let's multi-task ironically by fucking paying attention.

@aurum Right, are relationships a danger or are relationships in a lame state of mind a danger? I probably should have posted this in the consciousness sub because I started considering this from that perspective. Celibacy is a path often recommended in that pursuit. Can it be said that people are in fulfilling relationships or healthy ones? Either way, it is a big decision. After considering it even for this brief time, my hat goes off to the people who chose it.

@Actualized Disciple I tried to explain the concept of no free will to my mom and her face was hilarious. She looked disgusted. ? I have always read self-help and psychology books. I never considered it a field or thought to call it personal development. Of course, now that I found Leo's guides, lists, and videos, I see it as a field and discipline. Nobody ever really took any of the advice I gave from reading such materials over the past 10 years. My best friend started a couple of books I recommended and put them down. She drinks quite a bit, so I linked her Leo's video on addiction. I was surprised she watched it, but she did. And she had a meltdown over how uncomfortable it made her and she got wasted. In summary, it's something of great interest to you, so you think about these concepts and what you've read. If you happen to say something helpful to someone when they need it, great. If they don't listen, who cares? You may have planted a seed that will sprout years later. Or maybe it went in one ear and out the other. Ask yourself why you want other people to take any of this seriously or join you for the ride. Why? Is it necessary?

This thread is interesting. Judging people for judging is still judging no? I think it's a matter of karma. Dude used a cheap ploy to lure in eyeballs from among Leo's viewers. Consequence is that people keep talking about Leo instead of listening to him. *shrug* Way the cookie crumbles.

@aryberry Negative emotions are caused by thoughts. If you are being mindful, then you're dropping the thoughts that are causing the emotion. So, the emotion goes, too. The point of mindfulness is to eventually be mindful always. Hence the happiness from it.

@Truth The mind and body are not separate. People discuss them this way out of convention. For example, you dicuss limiting beliefs as a problem of the body. Most people would call that the mind. But perhaps it is both. It is arguable that, if you get scared by the same thing a million times, you are wired to be scared of that thing. Reasons we don't change are in both. The ego does not wish to change. The body has been conditioned by habits. Awareness of what's happening in mind/body is key to change. Pay attention more and more. Over time, what the hold up is becomes clearer.

Be beautiful. All that matters. My phone won't untag you multiple times. A friend of mine once said, "You're brilliant and gorgeous, enjoy it." I couldn't because I'm such a heavy person. But I wish that levity on others. The unbearable lightness of being. It's nice if you're not scared! @Peace and Love@Peace and Love

@aryberry Accept it as it is. If you fight it neurotically, you'll suffer. Maybe restate everything you just said in positive terms. "Hey, guys. I am totally consumed by the levels of excellence that can be achieved in all things. It's my whole world. I am even mindful when I'm with friends and relating all of my life experiences to this self actualization process!" See? Seems fine now. Maybe watch the Perfectionism video because it sounds like you're being critical of being perfect. Levels upon levels. Like @brovakhiin said, the issue is the overuse of analysis. I find that when I analyze, I find issues. It's ostensibly the entire purpose of analysis. If you you want to just be, then watch these thoughts with non-judgment.

@Martin123 I study Public Health and it's been shown that US healthcare costs more, controlling for other variables, just cuz it costs more. We charge more for everything in healthcare. Fast food is cheap tho. USA! USA! USA!

David Hume. I don't relate to anyone; I don't know their internal world.

@Arielle @Martin123 This was in San Diego in the US. I didn't have insurance at the time, so it would have been around $100 per session for therapy. I found a life coach who offered packages of 25 minute calls weekly.

The philosophical underpinnings of accepting 100% responsibility for adapting and responding to that which you cannot control via that which you can control are rooted in Stoicism. Perhaps among other things, but that's a place to start. You will find that Stoicism provides many practices for this, including techniques such as "negative visualization." If you can imagine an extreme situation of not having control, Stoic philosopher Epictetus was a former slave.

@Michael Sneg My experience with a life coach was really just one of support. One thing I laugh about is, I remember her leading me through little mini meditations and asking me to describe the experience. She would always respond, "oooooooooo greeeeat awarenessssss." @Old Soul's advice is pretty solid. How far along are you? What are you hoping to get out of it? Will you possibly be more insightful than your coach at this point? I used it because, as expensive as it was, it was cheaper than therapy and I didn't want someone tossing pills at me. Like @Old Soul said, do it if you're really struggling or if you have the money no problem. If I had the money, I would do it just to stay on track and have someone ask me questions so as not to live in my own echo chamber.

"I commit to serving my intuition" from intuition video.

I soooo need a routine. This has been my WHITE WHALE because I've worked odd hours for myself and been in school with changing hours each day. Benji's schedule is solid. I used to write about his 13 Virtues a lot. How about, "I commit to _____ routine every day."

Whoa, really? I don't remember that at all. Amazing what sticks and what doesn't. Thanks!

@ajasatya Way to live! Thank you.

@ajasatya I've been meaning to ask you. What practices exactly do you do daily? Weekly? Are things more sporadic? What zen practices? It seems like you are in a good place.

Thank you for the input. Consistent yoga is definitely a wonderful thing. I haven't done it in so long, but it really makes you love your body. I've relaxed and started eating what I want, eating socially, and allowing people to cook for me. I have been doing this for the past 8 months or so and it has really negatively affected my health. My goal with mindful eating is to find the balance between eating *anything* and being *uptight* about nutrition. It is to find the healthy spot.

Day 1: Pear I dealt with a lot of baggage and had some breakthroughs yesterday. I will save that for the end. Notes: Eating mindfully is like meditating. It is a meditation, of course, but specifically: it is like putting a rock on grass. If the mind is consumed with thoughts and memories, those return when the mindfulness practice is over. That's ok. Anytime I get myself to focus, it's so appreciated. It is highly taxing to be so consumed by thoughts. Some people say they don't like pears because of the granular feeling of it. I take such delight in it. It's like, who put sand in my pear? That's MAGICAL. As I chomped pieces of the pear away, it looked like a modern art sculpture. It looked so cool, I felt like a subtractive artist . The shapes were satisfactory unto themselves without needing to look like something known to me. It was just shapes and it looked lovely. This felt good to me. I've been so bitter lately, I've stomped on the beautiful things in life like they didn't matter. What really didn't matter was something quite different, and I will try to explain that. I really got somewhere with the heartbreak last night. I wasn't holding onto him anymore -- I really don't want to see or talk to him ever again. I don't have a positive, infallible image of him in my mind. I asked myself, what am I holding onto? What am I scared of letting go? I am clinging to something that is causing this suffering. My intuition wrote down that I was holding onto the relationship meaning something. I needed the relationship to have meant something. I was scared to minimize its importance. Why? It is the unbearable lightness of being. It is unbearable for a mind that requires meaning. Eros fades. It is coincidental. It is no different than a car accident. Why was it that person? That person was there at that time doing something particular and many small events led up to that occurrence. It just happened. It was fun, it hurt, and it means nothing. Perhaps I suffer because I ascribe heavy meaning to many things. It's unnecessary. It's inaccurate. It drains myself and other people. I don't want to become a flake taking Instagram pictures all day, but there is a balance, and I have yet to strike it. Yesterday, I chanted for 30 minutes. I have an altar at my home and I've ignored it for months now. When I needed the practice the most, I walked away from it. Chanting changed everything. In my mind, there was an image of a crumpled up piece of paper with sharp edges opening to a flat sheet of paper drifting in the wind. I had been so closed minded and bitter. I didn't want anything to make me feel better. Now feeling good is very welcome. I'm open again. @Swede Thank you for your break-down of my post! Some loving-kindness meditations are probably in order. It's time to cultivate love again. You're right, I haven't made a true commitment to eating mindfully because my mind has been elsewhere. It is time to shut down the news unless I intend to do something politically proactive, and time to put my mind on what's in front of me, not behind me.

Day 0: It's time to start again. I've gone off track. Notes about getting off track: There is a sense that eating mindfully takes more time than not eating mindfully. Is this an excuse? I procrastinate. "I don't want to do that now, I'll do it at my next meal." The next meal doesn't come. I avoid focus like it's painful, when I know it's quite enjoyable. Why? I have felt a lot of anger lately. This makes me want to avoid eating mindfully, probably because eating unconsciously has been my coping mechanism for so long...I'm leaning on it still. I'm so angry and I've been trying to journal it out. I've been doing Byron Katie work on my angry thoughts and writing letters (that go unsent, of course!) to people who are the objects of the anger. Part of it is that I'm eating foods that I have allergic sensitivities to. I've known for years that eating certain foods increases my irritability. I've tested this on myself many times. It's not really up for debate anymore. I've gone back to these foods and the consequences are evident. I need to commit to myself not to keep doing this. While I don't focus on my food, I have been watching for changes in mood, fatigue, etc after eating. I commit to avoiding foods that produce a low-grade allergic reaction so that I do not overwhelm my mental state with additional irritability. I'm at a low point in a life cycle right now. I'm at the bottom of things. I got my heart broken after a difficult and tension-filled relationship and that was good for me. It shattered a belief I had about needing a relationship. It shattered ideas I had about what "love" looks like, and the function it serves. It shattered my ideas about how I needed to act in a relationship. I've learned a lot about boundaries, communication, and self-respect. I'm also almost done with my Master's degree and waiting to find out if I will start a dream job. I'm at the end of things that used to excite me and sitting in purgatory about the next step. I feel like I'm just waiting for the cycle to begin the incline. This is probably why I'm angry. I feel powerless and like I have nothing to show for anything. It's embarrassing to say, but I've also been obsessively angry about Donald Trump. I live in Trump territory in the US and, when I look around at work or the store or anywhere, I see people who voted for him. I feel like I'm walking among enemies. I feel psycho. I feel hateful. I need to surrender.

@Juan Cruz Giusto Firstly, that's AWESOME. Way to get it done. First few habits take up 1.5 hours. Long but hardly sucking up your whole life. Cold shower is the same time as hot shower no? I haven't done that technique. Journaling and reading at night...I would consider that (as well as meditation) your time to relax. My advice would be...don't go off how it feels, but actually track where your time is going for a week. You may find that you're doing your school work in an inefficient way and it's taking much longer than it should. Or perhaps you have high expectations about how much time should be spent with friends. Question your beliefs about friends. I am starting to wonder if once a week for a couple hours isn't enough. Being social can be a big, unnecessary. distraction. Godspeed.

Np. I have a total lady boner for a good spreadsheet. Lmk if there are any bugs; I'll follow this thread.

Are you interested in Mindfulness? Have you been trying different Mindfulness techniques (including meditation), but you're not sure if you are making progress? Are you pretty sure you're making progress, but you're not sure what your sticking points are? Where you're not really changing in the practice? Long story short... During research for my degree, I found the Kentucky Inventory of Mindfulness Skills. This is a questionnaire that helps you see where you're at. Attached, you will find a copy of it. If you look at it, you'll see that scoring is kind of a pain in the ass because you have to "reverse" a lot of the scores. I made an Excel spreadsheet that does all of this questionnaire scoring work for you! It will also track your % change over time. Mindfulness Tracking Questionnaire.xlsx You don't need to look at the original questionnaire, you can just use the Excel file. The spreadsheet has 4 different sheets so you can assess yourself 4 times (maybe quarterly over the course of a year!). It also has a Totals sheet at the end to look at % change. You can use the filters at the tops of the columns to look only at certain types of questions, if you want. I am going to set up a reminder in my calendar to re-take the assessment 4 times over the course of a year. I will also note observations made after the assessment -- like, after taking the assessment once, I noticed, WHOA, I'm often OFTEN judgmental and didn't even really consider that part of mindfulness (for some reason). This is not only helpful for tracking your progress, but it is also helpful for remembering all the different parts of life mindfulness encapsulates. Hope it helps someone! KIMS.pdf

@5thPablo My pleasure, it was fun.