eskwire

As someone who also lives deep in the woods and sees a lot of dysfunction...they may be correlated. The rural dreamtopia is a myth. Lots of religious band-aids, small town bullshit, PTSD, and drug culture. Edit: I really gotta move soon.

@bazera "You will see every relationship for the next 10 years as a total waste of time when it's all over, so don't bother. Oh and meditate."

He is literally the *only person* who is certified and covered under your plan?

This was such a cool and specific way to put it. I was really stressed today about work. I thought everything was spiralling into chaos. I confronted my to-do list, ticked a couple things off, cleaned out my purse, and smiled as my mind felt cleared up! Thank you for sharing this insight. Love it.

Sure. Message whenever you need an ear.

@OnceMore Pain happens in life. Who are you to never have to taste it? ? It will pass, if you let it. Let it flow through you and on its way. It sounds like you don't feel well and you're lonely. This hurts. It also sounds like you are resisting it with memories, analysis, and self-punishment. So, my advice is to feel the pain. You don't have to pretend you're so wise that it doesn't hurt. Or that you're so horrible you deserve to hold onto it. Don't resist; let it flow through you. And watch your thoughts with dispassion. They aren't true. They're just thoughts. For example, I get caught up in memories a lot and they drain me. Someone I miss, some injustice, etc. With meditatiom practice, I just see it happening and say to myself "memory" and that sober observation snaps me back to reality. Good luck. ❤

@Arkandeus -Pretty sure I deciphered which voice was my intuition today! And I'm gonna follow it! -Less resistance to everything. I resisted a lot. -More relaxed, less wound up. -Feeling things with my hands more. -Sitting in truth. So, less analysis of why this or that happened and what it means about how I am and how I need to be different. Sometimes, I can just sit silently in the truth of the situation as it is, with infinite variables I know nothing about, so shhhh. -I like dogs more. ?

@username I'm sorry it's taking so long to move past this, but I understand. I take much longer than other people to heal from heartbreak. You did not have a relationship with this girl, it seems, so write down what thoughts you have attached to her. For example... "I need to be with her..." "She rejected me because..." "I only feel happy with her..." Ask yourself if these thoughts are really true. Dig in there and come up with alternative thoughts. They are probably more true than what you are thinking now. The person who made you feel so happy and erotically ignited is gone. Now, the human with the same name and social security number makes you feel horrible and doesn't want to hang out. You are attached to an experience, not a person. Imagine being in love with someone and getting married. After you get married, that person acts differently - and you act differently - and you don't even feel love for each other anymore - it's more like hatred. People who want to "go back to the way it was" are experiencing the same thing you are, except you aren't married with a bunch of baggage. They lost the experience of first feeling erotic love. Eros always fades. And people, especially young people, are going to run around hurting each other in the name of having fun. I recommend reading Bryon Katie's book I Need Your Love - Is That True?: How to Stop Seeking Love, Approval, and Appreciation and Start Finding Them Instead. You can also start working through these questions by going to thework.com and looking at what questions you should be asking yourself about those thoughts you listed (you listed them, right?) I'm so sorry you're hurting. I still hurt every day over my last heartbreak and I had one previously in my life that took me a couple of years to get over. Now, when I think of him, I just chuckle because he turned out so douchey and started wearing Hawaiian shirts like he's some big party animal, but he's not, he's a nerd. Anyway. You will feel differently later. I promise.

@LRyan Hey, buddy! Therapy is a trip. It's amazing how stupid and how wonderful it can be. To start, I live in rural Arkansas in the US. That's very backwoods - very anti-new-agey. My therapist here is the one who told me about Leo. One therapist I had in San Diego tried to get me to read The Secret and another one there put me on pills soooooo...don't limit yourself by saying, "There is no better therapist in my area." You really have no way of knowing until you walk in the door. Location is meaningless. Keep shopping. If nothing else, you might find one who believes in the same kind of technique but doesn't believe in shoving it down your throat. Second, please tell your therapist he's hurting you and that you firmly believe your improvements have been in spite of him, not because of him. There is zero reason to try to make your therapist like you or feel comfortable. They are supposed to be objective and you are supposed to tell them the truth - the whole truth - and nothing but the truth. If you offend his sensibilities, so what? Now, I have read that exposure therapy is helpful for PTSD and not for issues like childhood slights. What I've read could just be wrong, though, and your shrink might be wrong. I don't know what your PTSD is from, but taking warfare as an example - warriors in other eras didn't take Prozac and repeat the events dozens of times. This is the accepted clinical methodology of our time. That means nothing. Also, you don't need to worry about Karma in the future because the fallout from not telling him the truth is already happening to you. You subconsciously know that you aren't being true to yourself by lying to him. That hurts your self-esteem. Also, it sounds like you're still being subjected to something you don't want because you're lying. Boom. Karma. Just because you're on the receiving end of therapy doesn't mean you're crazy. To quote Kramer, you may be so sane, you blow his mind. Good luck to you! Don't give up and don't limit yourself. You can turn this into a learning experience for everyone. <3

I listened to the videos by @Emerald Wilkins on the shadow and shadow work, and I see life as this goofy ballet now. It's as if we run away from ourselves, only to meet ourselves time and time again in the corrective effort to embrace ourselves. It's like a joke we play on ourselves. We create a spider to fear, but because we fear it, some prankster keeps putting it in our bed. If we didn't fear it, the prankster would stop caring. And, of course, it reminds me of the Joy Division song.

They explain it so well and I was thirsty for help with that. ? @Emerald Wilkins

I was called "fat white bitch" in Spanish as a child so it could be worse. ? Hats off to you for budgeting like that! I am so loose with my money and it's clear that I could be doing so much more with it if I didn't waste it.

@Lai Yes, you're very pretty. I want your cheeks. I can't really tell what's going on or how it's happening from your pictures. What involvement did you have with kids? Were you teaching them? Where did you stay or whom did you stay with? Did you just leave with a certain amount of money and then plan as you went? And lastly, what were you looking for? ?

@Lynnel I recommend going with some structure. For example, my largest travel experience was through a study abroad program. Through that program, I traveled around southern Mexico meeting with politically and socially active groups, and had an internship with the state coucil for HIV/AIDS prevention. Through these connections, we did bizarre and awesome stuff. Like, we stayed with a group of Quakers in Mexico City for a few days. We picked coffee beans at a farming co-op in the moutains. We also had to give up our passports to meet with Zapatistas at one of their communes. I knew a little bit of the language beforehand, but came back nearly fluent. The structure really opened doors and made the trip more than just dragging yourself from restaurant to bar to sight-seeing location. We did plenty of that, too. I'm not certain what other kind of structure you could look for outside of a school setting, but surely there is something. People travel and teach English to get immersed somewhere for a while. I don't have pictures readily available to share, but I'll never forget all the graffiti and murals. One house close to where I stayed had a mural of the Gorillaz on an entire side. A HOUSE. When I flew back into the US, I cried my eyes out when I looked at the gray/beige buildings against the overcast sky. I still don't understand why we go out of our way to be so boring and depressing.

Yes, I already meditate and added the concentration practice. I'm just not sure why you are mentioning it here. Learning more about the shadow was helpful and liberating.

Pardon?

@username It's conditional in the sense that people feel love when they are in eros and are erotically attracted, or they feel love toward someone who gave them a kind gift, or they feel love toward a child who made them proud. But so many of us would say we love people who have made us miserable, who disappoint us, and who take from us. We say we love them. I think that the unenlightened, including myself, speak to their higher selves this way. They love through commitment, though the constant feeling of love is not there. They know it could be, but they know they just don't feel that way: due to egoic conditions. So, yes and no. The feeling is not 100% there 100% of the time for the unenlightened, but the moral sense of love's value can be.

@Kriz I had a depressive episode that I snapped out of about 6 weeks ago and realized, "Holy shit, I need to finish school! I have a final project!!" I made myself produce one page per day for my final paper and did it for 30 consecutive days. I'm getting my Master's degree too and wondering if I'll even use the thing. I somewhat regret it. But, I used this 30 day challenge as personal development homework to face my procrastination demon. It was a great experience that really pulled my self-esteem out of the gutter. Highly recommend something similar.

True. When I see Facebook on other people's devices now, I think, "Ugh, I used to use this shit?" Same thing when I stopped watching tv for a few years. When I witnessed a commercial at someone else's house, it was like being transported into a dystopian future and I was appalled. The more aware you are, you more you will want the healthy and be disgusted by the unhealthy. It's really a miracle of kindness from the universe.

The only social media I had was FB and I deactivated that a couple weeks after the US election. My need for validation has diminished. I find myself slightly more open to criticism and able to take advice. Think of it as a hamburger. We need some degree of social acceptance like we need to eat. But we need much less than we realize. It's satisfying to have some family and a couple of friends. Just like it's satisfying to have something to eat. But you don't need hundreds of "friends" telling you every picture you post is so cute so hot so interesting omg. Just like you don't need a hamburger with avocado and bbq sauce and onion rings and bacon and cheese and an egg. Some shit is too much. It's unhealthy and never satisfying. Does the person who eats that monstrous burger say, "Ok! That was super satisfying. Salad for the rest of my life." No. Instead, salad (all he ever really needed) sounds distasteful and undesirable. He'll want that burger. Cut back on the attention burgers somehow or get rid of it altogether.

Not quite. Healthcare was unaffordable and greasing palms happened long before the ACA. But it's hard to come up with 3 examples of things, I know. ?

What are we talking about with "energy problems"? Like a gross aura or hypothyroidism?

This is probably not the sub to put this. My brother needs a kidney transplant. My parents and I will test for the best match, but the probability that it will come from me has been hanging on my mind. I feel like I have to or I'm a gigantic asshole (belief). My brother and I are very close now, mostly through personal development. We are both into it. The undercurrent is... He was cruel to me for most of my life. He just started being civil 2 years ago. He called me a fat, ugly moron most days growing up, during my formative years. This continued into my adulthood. Big brothers are supposed to toughen you up, but he was so cruel, I always thought he made me weaker by cutting to my core daily. If it is the case, I will give him my kidney, but I am angry about it because I know he would not have done the same for me. He refused to hug me goodbye when I left for college because he said it didn't matter that I was leaving. I know....expectations about the behaviors of others, forgiveness, understanding how his suffering spilled onto me... I know it, but don't feel it.

Thank all of you for sharing your thoughts. You seem to have a lot of love, and also boundaries. This is exemplary of the self-actualized life. The theme is that I need to talk to my brother. He loves me very much and I also love him. We should be able to talk. I don't know if I will be the donor, but this incident has made it clear that we need to have a conversation. If not just for the kidney, for the potential of connection. Again, thank you all for helping me through this by listening to me. Often, sunlight is the best disinfectant. There is sunlight on old issues now and that is a great opportunity. My heart was recently broken and I've been very bitter. But I can feel a new little heart, ready to grow. Thank you all. ❤

@Venus I live in the Bible Belt and have also noticed this. Not being able to see their insides is a big part of it. In Christian circles, secrecy is key. People pretend they don't drink, they aren't gay, and they aren't angry. It's part of the culture to be easy-going and forgiving. When I see their 5 divorces and junky houses, I wonder about their mental state. Seems like a lot of repression. The advice I've received about how to deal with problems from these people is to repress issues. "Don't complain, be grateful, forgiveness is just a decision." Their outlook is toward peace, but the methods to get there are so overly simplistic. They think they just decide to be peaceful because they have free will. And, in a way, they do decide to be peaceful because that's what they decide to project and enforce. That's my take on it, anyway. I found myself bewildered by this earlier, too.