Agrande

Since so much of our life is just maintaining our own survival, it’s a surprise for many that people go 180 degrees in the opposite direction and choose to end it on their terms. In a way, it takes a lot of bravery and courage, but in high pressure survival situations, it looks like the better option. What if suicide is just an attempt at survival in another form? Is suicide truthful? Legit i’m ready to die. It is also said that many had flashes of enlightenment when deep in this mire of suicidality. if the answer isn’t physical death then what is the real answer? Wouldn’t physical death lead to death of ego too? my outer circumstances don’t exactly let me pursue the spiritual path to the max the way I want to. I’d rather be dead then to live as this fuck up also in a fucked up deluded environment around deluded people i’m so sick of the BS in me and around me that i’d rather take a leap into the unknown and kill myself. Dissolving all this BS nauseating noise, shit and impurity

I used to have a hate boner for (pseudo) non dualists because they just play word games and riddles while pretending to be a wiseass that has all the answers. I still have a distaste for it because there’s a level of pretentiousness that comes with its followers. I don’t like parroters. I feel like pseudo non dualism is just for losers trying to cope with their loserdom. “I still live in my mom’s basement but it doesn’t matter bro it’s all non dual bro!!!” Since many obsessed pseudo non dualists plagued this forum I took a massive long break to refresh my mind from the BS. Reading all the pseudo non dualism was straight up brain damaging and cringe. if i see another one i’m done forever lol. i think real nondualists would be yogis living in seclusion and spending the whole day meditating.

Good message but easier said than done tbh. If i were to live like how you described, I’d need a fundamental shift in perception/consciousness. Which then would shift my worldview and how I view pleasures and addictions yada yada i’ve been doing something similar by doing contemplation work on the true nature of this world/reality Buddhist style. Got pretty useful results. I am a lot more detached from sex, porn, unhealthy eating and other vices. It’s more cerebral to do contemplation work but once u do it enough, the realised truths sink deep into your mind and naturally, you become averse to degenerate activities which waste away one’s life and health

Interesting answers thanks guys

Nibbana has entered the chat You would’ve died happy in Buddha’s time period if Buddha personally guided you to become an arahant.

I coin a new term: nondual word play

I gotta first purify my intentions tbh. Gotta burn through all my karma and cravings till it’s exhausted. Acting upon it would be for me doing long solo retreats with 5meodmt and other psychedelics + meditations on the side

Banger quotable too true

Good advice for socialising tbh. Turned off my head and just got into like social flow states. It’s not very useful for philosophy/spirituality though imho. Damn u also reminded me of that time I was so INTP I was asking myself “what if im autistic what if im autistic?!” So much so I got an actual test and it came out negative. There’s so much struggle with neurodiverse people I used to think I was just “wired differently” but rlly i’m just more of a thinker i guess

From what i understood ur advocating for like some sort of balance of ego and my spiritual side but ngl i’m more extreme i wanna go balls to the wall with things. I’d wanna COMPLETELY eliminate it (cause i’m like that). Also no hard feelings involved we’re just discussing I’m sorry if I came across as rude to you

That puts into perspective my past experiences of like having weeks of pure silence after some kind of awakening. Had a deep feeling of I am and “holy shit I actually exist and everything else exists?” But im sure there’s something deeper i’m missing here. Even Leo himself said that nobody is near the high level to teach entirely overcoming self deception. self deception has it’s tentacles possibly everywhere tbh

I see but then high level buddhists would’ve been totally free from self deception. It can’t be said for certain that just stopping thought leads to freedom from self deception. Maybe partially but not fully. What if it’s meant to stop the CAUSES of thinking? The cause of thinking imo is the desire to know or to look for certainties. What is ontological self deception? Is it God’s desire to know/experience a certain limited form and to get lost/immersed in it? By ultimate solution I mean complete freedom from self deception including at the ontological level not even the level of thought. removal from the root level. My current understanding is that I would have to return to God’s purest state to end all of this. Before all the distortions, forms, limitations etc. default state before any form manifested into existence. just one ball of massive infinite potentiality or void Insane work needed for that though. Had glimpses maybe. I was in states before where I could think of something and it would happen. But then I couldn’t sustain it.

I don’t want to be a deluded ignoramus

Not about ego I’m just curious and bored of the typical human existence I just want to go beyond it all and discover what’s true. Novel, WTF things I would never have known before. Not knowing goes wayyyy beyond any of this stuff you’re talking about tbh

Oh God, please don’t make actualized.org a discord server what a shitshow that would be