StaraX

@theleelajoker Thank you for your reply! Yes, everything you described about your ex applies here 100%. Her biggest concern throughout our 2,5‑year relationship was “feeling like a burden.” Even when I said something completely unrelated to her, her mind would convince her that she was a burden and didn’t deserve anything good. To be honest, I sensed this trait even before were dating. And yes, It’s tough. To be honest, my only hope at this point is that she’s doing all right and won’t repeat the same mistakes: dating sociopaths or toxic people in general. Although that’s her life and her decision. My goal isn’t one of those "how to get your ex back" types of things. But it would definitely make me extremely sad if what I mentioned were to happen to her again. She is one of those "weak women" that Leo described in his blog a few years ago... Very easy to manipulate, etc. Are you still in contact with your ex?

Last week, my 2.5-year relationship with my girlfriend ended. According to her, the reason she wanted to end it is because of her anxious attachment style. She literally texted me: "I can no longer feel safe and attached, and it's not fair towards you... I need more time to handle all this, and maybe we can stay in contact once in a while if you want to." This is the fourth time she has mentioned ending the relationship, but the first two times were more like: "Do you want to break up?" and "We should take a break."The third time was more serious, she even printed out a physical A4 letter stating that our relationship was over. Yet, we continued seeing each other afterward, and now this fourth time feels like a 100% breakup from my point of view. The strange part is that just before this final breakup, she seemed fine, even happy, with our long-term plans from the past two years. We had talked about buying a house, getting married, and so on. After the third "breakup," she even said, "I won't do this again." We had sex just three days before she sent the breakup message. Before that, we were still planning a trip to Rome and talking about all the cool stuff we would do there. I'm trying to keep this post as short as possible, but it's worth mentioning that she has experienced a lot of trauma. She was sexually abused in her mid-teens and has been raped more than three times in the past. She also had a difficult childhood and is generally very anxious. I remember when we used to live together nine months ago and when if I said something like, "This Saturday, my best friend is coming from Belgium, so we’ll need to move our date," she would get extremely anxious, sometimes even to the point of panic. Just because of that one Saturday. She also would often ask me questions like "You're not gonna ever leave me, right?". Yesterday she texted me and wrote, "I've been crying all day. I wish things had been different," and a few hours later, "I hope you and your parents are doing well." Today, she also texted me but deleted the message before I could see what she was writing. I know that when it comes to women, what they say in the context of relationships often isn't true. From a guy’s perspective, analyzing this kind of behavior is quite difficult. That’s why I’d like to hear your perspective. Thanks!

It's not exactly like that. First of all, most men don't aim for 10s, as they are extremely rare and require so much value from a man. I think most guys would be more than happy with 8s. But even women who are 8s still require a lot of value from a man. I wouldn't compare mating and reproduction to wanting a Lamborghini because the latter doesn't even come close when it comes to the hierarchy of needs.

Being pragmatic is all about identifying the desired outcome and then implementing the most effective strategies and principles to achieve it. Happiness is a feeling that includes many components. But one thing is certain: if a man is unable to get laid for several years, happiness becomes nearly impossible. Obviously, one cannot be happy if their basic needs are not met. As for love, a woman will not love you until you have sex with her. From my point of view, the biggest struggle for most guys is not the maintenance phase aka maintaining the relationship. The biggest struggle is the attraction phase.

@theleelajoker If the goal is to get good with women and sleep with high-quality women on a regular basis, the most effective way to achieve that is through building a strong social circle and increasing your status. Status as well as being somewhat known or famous is the most efficient and optimal route to attracting high-quality women. Also, one thing women find extremely attractive is seeing other women attracted to you. You can host parties where you invite a lot of attractive women, and as the host and leader of the event, create an environment where other women naturally perceive you as desirable. Now, if you struggle with social anxiety or you're very introverted, focus on addressing that first. Once you're more socially comfortable, work on creating a large, vibrant social circle and positioning yourself as a high-status individual. It also helps if she sees you surrounded by other high-status people. I know Leo's advice is to go out every week and approach thousands of women over the course of two years. Personally, I don’t recommend that route, because most men can't handle the emotional toll that comes with constant rejection. Besides, high-quality women usually require significantly more value from you compared to average women. That’s why I believe building a strong social circle and focusing on status is the best way to be successful in dating as a guy.

@Lyubov I don't know whether you're a guy or a girl, but as a guy, I can say that when you're trying to get better with women and achieve your desired outcomes, the advice you give doesn't really work for the average guy. Improving with women as an average guy is extremely challenging and usually requires years of effort. Most guys simply can't handle the emotional pain that comes with the process. Saying things like "Just let it go" isn't very practical in this context.

@Leo Gura It's a bit like someone not knowing who Donald Trump is and seeing him in a single YouTube video where he talks calmly about politics — and then saying, "He makes some valid points." Tate and Trump might be obvious to you within 30 seconds — but that doesn't apply to everyone. After all, very few people knew the true character of Stalin before he ruled the USSR.

@Leo Gura Two weeks ago you posted a video in your blog where Sadie Khan and Orion Taraban discuss about mating and relationship. The title is "The Harsh Realities Of Mating". Of course we are talking about survival and survival rarely includes compasison & heart. What kinda baffled me was that how come you agreed with Sadie Khan? Usually the stuff she sais isn't accurate. As a matter of fact, many people consider her to be a grifter. You sense people's characters immediately as you say, how come you didn't sense here charatcter flaws? In that post you seemed to highly agree. No problem with that, but I'm assuming you wouldn't say "accurate insights here" if Andrew Tate or someone like him says that kind of stuff.

Except Palpatine is highly intelligent, strategic, and visionary. The way he executed his revenge was like a virus infiltrating a cell - step by step, investing years before taking any direct action.

@Princess Arabia I'd actually say that women have it a lot easier than men—not in life, but definitely in dating. The only time you could say men have it easier is for the top 20% of men in terms of value, meaning men with high social status or fame. But for the average guy, it's ridiculously hard to find a woman, let alone women who are 8s, 9s, or 10s. As a woman, you don't have to 'study' to get laid, whereas most men need to invest years to become good with women. Of course, none of this is the fault of women—they're not to blame—but there's no way in hell anyone could believe that women have it harder or that dating is equally challenging. In addition, women don't have a powerful hormone called testosterone that much, which dominates a man's psyche and creates several issues if sexual needs are not met. The biggest challenge for a woman is finding a quality guy who is above her and getting commitment from him. But again, it's foolish to claim that women have it equally hard just because they struggle to find a high-value guy. If men didn't have it harder, we wouldn't have seen the rise of incel ideology, black pill ideology, red pill ideology, Andrew Tate, etc., on this scale. Again, women are not to blame—just pointing out the reality of the situation.

Since the beginning of this year, I've had meetings with my psychiatrist about my mental health problems because I suspected I might have narcissism or a related personality disorder. My psychiatrist said I don't have NPD; she diagnosed me with OCD. The reason why I thought I might have NPD is because of the following reasons: - Everyday fantasizing about being famous and successful and through that revenge my enemies in the future - When not getting enough attention (for example at parties or events), I really get very frustrated and bitter - I have a huge desire to become famous; if I don't achieve fame, I'd rather not live. - I'm becoming very paranoid when I achieve success: I almost always think other people are getting jealous of my achievements and are therefore planning to harm me. This was one of the reasons why I was diagnosed with OCD. - When it comes to goal setting, a lot of time my approach is the following "it doesn't matter how to get your goals. The only thing that matters is to achieve them". - I wish I were better at manipulating people, and I constantly read books about how to do it. - I get very jealous when people I know achieve success, and I often plan to sabotage their progress in my mind. These are the traits that come to mind right now. However, in everyday life, I show empathy toward people, and I genuinely empathize with those who are less fortunate. For example, when my girlfriend told me about being sexually abused in the past, I cried several times for that alone. But when it comes to people who have great lives or have been lucky, I feel no empathy toward them. I also have now problems of maintaining healthy relationships with my family, girlfriend and my closest friends. So, what do you guys think? What is the root cause of my issues?

I haven't taken them for like six months because they did nothing for me. My mistake was thinking that Leo's words applied to everyone equally.

@Leo Gura But Leo, not too long ago you said something like, 'Trump will lose badly again,' and now you actually see a chance for him to win? Why the switch?

@NoSelfSelf Well, hopefully you now understand my message.

@NoSelfSelf In the name of equality, he or anyone else should broaden their perspective and criticize both parties. If manipulation concerns him so much, why wouldn't he care about women's manipulations? If manipulation is 'so anti-spiritual,' why doesn't he mention women's manipulations at the same time? I personally do not care about anyone's manipulations in the world of dating. It's just a survival strategy for people who want to get better with the opposite sex. Dude is very neurotic when it comes to PUA's manipulations.