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About not-a-faerie

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  1. Motivation is the balance between desire and resistance. if you want more motivation reduce resistance - meditation, self reflection, etc. something like "I'm not good enough to do it" or feeling fear or something. These are what resists doing. needs to be investigated.. what is it that stops you from doing the thing? if there is nothing, then all it takes is intent and the act will come. with resistance comes this idea that "motivation isn't enough" when really what's going on is "resistance is too much"
  2. thanks for sharing My 2024 main goal is to, uh, exist. and keep existing. yes...
  3. my brain is weird, but I thought this song was quite appropriate for this thread.
  4. all y'all who say reality is love are solipsists. love is one way reality can be... but are you that bum on the floor? no. you're not. you're limited to your youness, whether you believe you don't identify with it or not. "we are all one" is meaningless coming from the mouth of someone high off of self masturbation. enlightenment is not projecting your experience onto all that there is. Love is just another word for rapture, It's meaningless if you don't go out there and help the bum on the floor.
  5. I like to not think about certain things, pretending like if I'm it that situation it won't go like it for me.
  6. You know what's really interesting? Everyone in the leo gura community is on the internet.
  7. people ask me how to feel, I don't know how to respond. "I don't know," I say. putting things in words is powerful. understand emotions? maybe what you really want to understand is why you acted a certain way, because you want to change your actions in the future. Is it bad to think about the past and future?
  8. the symbolism is not the territory.
  9. I compete to feel powerful. I strive to be better, better is why I compete. Why better? why seek it? I just want to win. I guess I'm wired to be strong enough to.. well.. continue the legacy of my genes. but do I compete with that legacy in mind? no. I do it for the thrill of it. I do it because I want to feel strong. I want to feel better. I want to be above everyone who isn't good enough.
  10. my thought is, isn't here and now more important than coming up with ideas and beliefs? not very good source of this thought though, as I'm blinded by ideas and beliefs.
  11. Right now I just want to nap. I can't subsist by napping all day every day. Maybe you're right about the future. Would you recommend a meditation practice for someone who is stuck outside of the present moment? I used to meditate by mantra but haven't for nearly a year now. I don't know how society could function if no one thought about the future. But that's not my issue, is it?
  12. thanks. I guess I do spend time alone though, but it is trying to nap, and sometimes I don't nap I just lay in bed relaxed with wandering thoughts. It used to be so hard to do last year, but I'm in a better place now that my wandering thoughts aren't triggering my negative emotions. I wish I was more motivated to go on walks around the block.
  13. I've talked to different therapists and friends have been talky to as well. But it all seems like they don't really understand what I'm going through, maybe because I can't really talk about it fully without them asking me the same damn questions. The core issue, bluntly, is that I don't have any desire to live. that's where people get obsessed with the "do you have motivation? plans?" questions. I haven't been a danger to myself in over two years of course, so that's not the problem really - the problem is the complete lack of motivation and the complete lack of caring to work on myself, work in a job, exercise, meditate, anything. I used to be happy with these things before 2018 but ever since 2018 autumn, I've just lost all interest in the machinations of taking care of my life. I'd really appreciate any kind of advice. What I've heard so far is "get active, go outside" and "do affirmations, or maybe meditate or mindfulness" and there was dbt skill building and cbt as well, and meds which make my emotions good and have basically erased my suicidal ideations. none of these things will work for me though. Because I don't have a reason to care about my life. I can take time to be conscious and relaxed but it doesn't feel like something worth experiencing. I have things I do want to work on, but the thing is they're all things goaled at entertaining me, and not developing an actual appetite for life. Because I lack that appetite for life all these things seem pointless and uninteresting. I'd really like some advice on finding something that makes life worth livingsomething external. Unfortunately, developing your standard life purpose wouldn't work. I don't need a purpose, I need a reason. something like, having a family, except that's not a healthy solution to my situation, I need to not be dependant on a relationship unfortunately. As I understand it, most life purpose work is a "selfish" pursuit and not external from myself. If only game dev wasn't an oversatuated field, because if I felt like I could produce solo dev games that sell that would work, but because there's so much competition I just don't see it as a possible future. Someone did suggest volunteering, I guess. That's worth a try. so I'd like any advice that I haven't mentioned here. Something external to me, my pleasure and peace and selfish desires. It doesn't have to be a purpose, but I can't imagine what it could be. something to feel connected to even when sad or old or sick or alone. My therapist is on vacation until the second week of January...
  14. that's great! I want to be dong this a lot better than I am right now, myself
  15. is he coaching you? what I meant is his videos aren't a coach I gues. if he's YOUR coach, and you're asking him, sure, but that's not the case of the op's situation