Martin123

I got to a point where I am able to quit coping. most of the time im in flow state.

Hey there. This is going to be my self-actualization journal. I do not know what my posts will look like, sometimes perhaps random rants, sometimes structure, whatever comes. Background - before meditation a emotional awareness. 1995 - 2015 - damn was that a messed up and stupid household that I grew up in =D. Summer 2015 - up until that point, very low self-esteem. Depression, anxiety, codependency, low self-worth. No purpose. Inability to relate to others. No passion, or joy. Suicidal thoughts - never attempted. Fall 2015 - found actualized.org (Why am I depressed video I believe) - started meditation habit, Created vision, and got myself a reason to get out of bed. With my visions I literally created a fantasy land for my future self, which helped me to continue on with living. March 2016 - clear sense of purpose, daily meditation, sent out applications to universities in the UK, good social life, better sex-life. End of March 2016 - I literally started hearing voices in my head going "You're worthless". - first thoughts - Schizophrenia, hearing voices, I have gone insane After a while, I just realized it was my negative self-talk conflicted with my affirmations of "how wonderful I am". - started going to therapy - fixed the voices issue, but oh man, was that not the end Spiritual purification beginns - april/may 2016 - the pendulum of emotions swinging from: Sadness Despair Joy Laughter Depression Anger Fear Intense Anxiety Suicidal thoughts Peace Depersonalizations - a fucking lot =D Loads of crying As well as amazing feelings of emotional release. It was a frikin rollercoaster - during this period I tried to stay rather at home, not doing much, meditating, contemplating September 2016 - Spiritual purification far from over - Moving to Dundee to study in a university - at first socialize with lots of people, then just spend days in my dormroom releasing past trauma. Honestly It was not possible for me to socialize during periods of emotional distress. - End of November 2016 - enlightenment experience during SDS - purification tamed - I can relate to others now in a much healthier way I still go through periods of sadness and depression, but I have this sense of getting deeper and closer to my core self, which is nice. The only problem here: Exam stress - Trying to put together emotional catharsis and the demands of my university.

@Aamir King Just look at Leo's interview with Martin Ball. He is really not a religious person. Same with Eckhart Tolle, Sadghuru, etc. They're not religious, they just have a different way of conveying the "Truth". The core of every religion is "Truth". Therefore they speak in its language because it is the most convenient way to communicate it.

I had a deep realization yesterday of the illusory nature of time. I heard Allan Watts talk about it before "Time is a social institution" -here I have been able to understand it on a logical level. But yesterday I had a deep realization in myself. I never really realized how much of a "time slaves" we are, up until this point. It literally runs our whole day, it is as if an invisible clock was ever so urgently ticking. Tick-tock: Your death is approaching Tick-tock: You need to achieve your goals Tick-tock: Day is getting shorter Tick-tock: Sleep-time gonna be here soon Tick-tock: Your body is getting older and weaker ... And this is a complete illusion. There is no time at all. Not that time is relative or anything like that. It just simply isn't in existence. It is a totally human made-up phenomena. I realized that everything is just happening in an infinitely deep present moment, and this really added a lot of peace into my sense of reality. Reality is deep, infinitely deep, and this depth is in everything. In me, in you, in the keyboard I am typing on, in the screen I am looking into. There is only depth that has the capacity to absorb everything. COOL! <3

@Meta Morphoses Oh dude why you nitpick so hard =DD Did I say Im gonna miss all of my appointments now? Of course not! Of course I meant the flow state, which I have now been able to keep up consistantly for 24hours now. Time is a social institution. If you live in a society, you follow it. Other than that, you don't need time at all. You need time only when relating to others.

@Yellow So like.. once I didnt do it and I had the deepest experience ive ever had in my meditation habbit so far (prolly can call it enlightenment experience, or unconditional love of all) It kind of makes your mind go a liiittle crazier, so it can be benefitial in that sense, but it is not necessary (and messy, my shirt was soaked after 60minutes, I had eaten a pineapple just before that =DD).

@Heba Oh didn't know you wanted a freebie, my bad on that one. Truth be told, free certificates won't have much quality to them.

@Heba cmon man, google.com ? Do a little research yourself! x)

27 November 2016 Life is magical.

@Extreme Z7 Isn't it the case that there will always be newbies? For every newbie who advances to intermediate and advanced, there will be 3 new newbies who are confused.

@Bebop Dream. And an infinitely beautiful one at that! :-)

Sounds compulsive. I like Athene, he's smart, but I disagree with his views on enlightenment. edit: I think you can reach both, great efficiency and effectivity, while "your reward center being connected to being". Logic seems to me like a compulsive need to always maximize the outcome of everything. Also what puts me off is his arrogant tone. It is strange, he does talk about not identifying yourself with your story, but yet it seems he has glorified his ego in a way. Which makes sense because his aim is not ego-transcendence, so I guess that is completely fine. But yet can't help but notice that arrogant layer in his speech and it makes me wonder, whether there wouldn't be a better way of communicating his truths and views! :-)

Is it just an excuse for a spiritual arrogance and label for difficult children who are non-conformists because of the way their parents didn't attend to them when they needed? Or is it legit? What do you guys think?

@Beyond Words Have you thought about education? It seems you have a very broad interest in many fields and at the same time you are very creative. Creating a new educational system where there is more conscious effort put into "what you're teaching" would fit your statement and abilities imo.

Today I had a deep realization of timelessness. I heard Allan Watts talking about time being rather a social institution and I my logical mind agree with it. But today I realized that reality doesn't care about time. There is just the present moment that is infinitely deep, in which everything takes place. Freaky experience kinda. haha

@meditach Don't worry. The path of meditation is often unclear, often it seems like you are going backwards. But chill. Trust the process.

@meditach The trick is not getting lost in the ideas, but rather observing them. That's mindfulness. Concentration is a whole different thing. Check out Leo's videos on meditation (especially the guided one), that should give you a gist of what the goal of meditation should be! :-)

@Natura Sonoris Have you seen his rant against PUAs?

@meditach Concentration meditation is a good start, but the effects aren't too great. It is easier for building the habit, but once you've established it, I don't see a point in it. See it as two levels - concentration would be the newbie entrance point, mindfulness meditation would be the higher level. Once you are comfortable with doing 30minutes + with just mindfulness meditation, go for just that and ditch the old concentration meditation, it would only make matters go longer. It would basically become a form of resistance to the process of emotional catharsis.

@Azrael Indeed. I have never considered myself to be a truth-seeker, I tend to have fun on the middle grounds of spirituality with emotions, subconsciousness, relationships and metaphysics. Indigo is in this area, and I feel like I fall into that category. But I tend to shy away from it in fear of falling into an arrogant standpoint "I am different than everyone else, I am THE NONCONFORMIST, YOU ALL LOSERS CANT SEE THE WORD LIKE MHEEEE OH YOU PEASANTS! BOW!" =D. ... like the video on indigos from JP sears! =D.

Sup dudes. Do you think our western system is approaching an inevitable fail, and there will be an opportunity to create a new system from the ashes of the old one? Trump, Terrorism, Media, mainstream food, animal torture, nuclear energy booming, Putin, the passive hippies "spreading love all around" , individual suffering, underdeveloped educational system, oppression of children and other groups, suppressive culture and we could go for days... All of this just seems to create a lot of chaos and conflict. Do you think there is a huge fail ahead?

@WaveInTheOcean Oh. My vision includes loads of people dying, just because there are some lost cases who I cannot imagine rising to higher consciousness. (But of course there would be casualties, I could be among those). But in the end, as there will be a conflict that will create a lot of pain and death, a sort of chance for a utopian post apocalyptic world could happen.

@Pramit Oh ok, so your view is the "we are doomed". I disagree, but heck it's totally legit =D. I just choose to be optimistic.

@Epiphany_Inspired Oh there totally can be a catalyst from the outside. Look at what leo's doing. He's a catalyst for many.

@aurum The thing that won't go off my mind is Eckhart Tolle's views on it. He always talks about dissolving the ego fully, not coming back to it. When I think about it though, it would be hella difficult to live in a western world without being able to play a "game of ego".