Spiritual Warrior

Oh God. Do I need God? Who is God? I’ve never had God. Oh God. I don’t ever want to be alone. Maybe I should call my mom and say I’m moving home. I’m tired of saying bless this mess, but I’m too in love with Los Angeles. If I give up, I’ll regret it when I’m old. F***ing off and watching trashy TV. Spending all my twenties not believing anything. Oh God. Do I need God? Who is God? I’ve never had God. Oh God. I used to walk around downtown at night Start conversations with strangers when they’d ask me for a light I was smiling in the face of time I was a touch naive but it really felt sublime F***ing off at Starbucks. Cold brew coffee. Spending all my twenties not believing anything. Oh God. Do I need God? Who is God? I’ve never had God. Oh God.

Thank you for all the advice - lots of interesting and unique perspectives.

I think that this is the next puzzle piece for me. I want to open my body up more so that I can feel at ease in all situations and surrender myself to the experience. I find that my body will tense up a lot of times and I'll be unable to authentically act myself. The cause of the tension in my body is that I am afraid that I will say something incorrect or hurtful or stupid or embarrassing if I don't tense up my throat / stomach / shoulder areas. I have a list of things to work on, but any advice from you guys would be much appreciated. Also, if anyone else has a similar issue, might be useful to share your struggles / insights. Thank you in advance. Some ideas for how to deal: 1. Yoga - good for opening the body up 2. Read Peter Ralston's book Zen Body Being 3. Consciously let go of tension in the body during meditation practice 4. Affirmations / Visualizations : "I feel at ease in my own body", "I enjoy speaking freely and openly", "I am able to surrender my body to any and all experiences", Visualizing opening up to another person, visualizing speaking freely, saying whatever is on your mind, shmoozing with people, freely moving around the venue at work 5. Free talk exercise: Say random things for 5 minutes a day, practice having no filter

Captain Charisma

Spiritual Autolysis - Journal Entry #34 - Sun Jul 16th '23 - 9:57 AM Ben: God, I'm in love with this girl, and I don't know what to do about it. I can't get her out of my mind. I don't like this feeling. I don't like to be in love or to be infatuated by people. It is so distracting. They consume my thoughts, while I would like to be focusing on other things. I'm also scared of rejection, that I won't be enough for her, that I will find a way to screw it up, that she won't see me the same way. But I just want her to know that I like her exactly as she is. I think that she is an amazing, spectacular, beautiful person. How do I tell her this? Do I want to date her? Can I get her out of my head? I want to get her out but at the same time I don't because I love her. Ughhhhh... What is going on with this love thing, its so twisted.. What do you think of romantic relationships, should we pursue them or are they a waste of time and energy? God: Oh, my son.. It doesn't need to be twisted at all, you have twisted things up in your own mind. There is an energy field between the two of you. Right now, when you are together, this energy field is burning hot with love and compassion, playfulness and laughter. Explore this energy field and see where it leads... Ben: I'd like to explore this energy field, but I am scared. I'm afraid of where it will lead. And I've heard so much dating advice from all of these people telling me how to handle these situations and I just don't want to screw things up. God: Oh... I'm aware of some of these so-called "role models" that you have been receiving dating advice from over the years. Going out to bars and clubs with the sole intent of manipulating women into sleeping with you, there is no love in that, no real connection. All a woman really wants is a connection, a connection with a partner, and in an absolute sense, a connection with the divine. It is with a romantic partner that you humans can experience oneness and openness. That is how I feel about romantic relationships, it is the perfect playground to practice your love, loving something fully, with all of your life energy. And do not love someone only as a means to an end, like sex or attention or validation, to love someone fully, you need to be able to hold their wants and desires in as high of a regard as your own. This is true love, this is true empathy. And if this person wants to be with somebody other than you, if you truly love them, you will let them go and not feel any desire to manipulate them into staying with you. For you are not needy for their love. You love them so much that it does not matter if they are a part of your life in a physical sense, because love permeates all boundaries. It is in everything, everywhere. Ben: What if I don't want to love fully? What if I don't want to open up to another person. God: But you do my child. You long for this openness, you long to tell someone all of your secrets, deepest troubles and regrets, you long for the peace of mind that this will give you, to allow someone in to your life fully and openly, and to be accepted fully for it. To have all of the things about yourself that you deem as "ugly" be fully accepted and loved by another individual. That is what you are afraid of.. you don't feel as though you deserve this love.. That is what the issue is here. That is why you can't express yourself fully. You are scared of love. Ben: And how do you know that she will accept all of my warts and blemishes? How could you possibly know that she will not reject me? God: Because I accept you as you are, and I am Her. I see the beauty in everything about you, your empathetic nature, your anxiousness, your gentleness, your physique, your charm, your laziness, your devotion to truth, your entire life's journey. If I can see the beauty in your warts and blemishes, then so will she. There is nothing wrong with you my son, once you realize this, you will be able to open up your body more fully. The soul wants what the soul wants. And if the soul wants to engage in a loving communion with another individual, then your mind is going to have a difficult time sabotaging this desire over and over and over again, which is what you have been doing throughout most of your life by the way. Eventually, your mind will let go, let go in favor of love.

Transcending the Spiral - Journal Entry #5 - July 15th, '23 Alright, so three weeks after last post, I do feel as though I can start focusing on the next stage, stage orange. I am still working on integrating the big three from stage blue of course (hard work, discipline, and greater purpose) but I feel as though I have a good enough grasp on it that I can start to integrate some qualities of stage orange. Why would you like to integrate more of in stage orange? There's a lot, so strap yourself in: money, sex, luxury, physical appearance, personal freedom, independence, success, self-improvement, charisma, confidence, sexiness Money: I want an abundance of money coming in, not have to worry about it, be able to spend freely, being able to be generous Sex: I want sex. Lots of sex with beautiful people. Luxury: I want nice things, nice suits, nice clothes, a nice car, a nice house with a nice bar, a nice TV, a nice and luxurious life Physical appearance: I want my physique to stand out. I want to look like Christian Ronaldo. I want to be a very attractive young man, that girls swoon over. Freedom: I want to have the freedom to be able to do what I want, to go where I please, to say what I want, to hang out with who I want, to not care what others think about what I am doing. Independence: I don't want to need anybody to sustain me financially. I don't want to need anyone or anything to fulfill me. I want to be independent from outcome. I know what is right and I am going to do it. Success: success to me is making a lot of money, having a prestigious job that I like, and having a loving girlfriend and great friends. Self- improvement: I love improving myself towards my goals every day. Every day, working on something, striving for something, striving for more, not because I am in pain, but because the game of life and wanting more and more is fun. Try to enjoy this process and not make it filled with pain and suffering. Charisma: I want to be very charismatic, especially when talking with women. Joking around with people, being playful, having a good time, teasing people, being the center of attention, lifting the mood for everybody around me. Confidence: I want to have this inner, cool, confident and composed energy about me. Like yes, things will be difficult at times, but I can this and anything else that is thrown my way. Sexiness: I want to be sexy. I want to be seen as a sexual guy, a guy that is in touch with his sexuality, that knows what he wants and likes. That isn't creepy and is straight forward, that knows how to move his body and enjoy pleasure and give pleasure. There's a lot to crack into here. I'll have to journal about practical steps towards a achieving these things on the next post.

Spiritual Autolysis - Journal Entry #33 - Sat Jul 15th '23 - 12:45 PM Ben: God, how do I act like myself? God: Loosen up a little bit. I can feel the tension in your body from over here. I can feel your jaw clenching, your stomach tightening, your breathing shallow. Loosen up! You're not in the military or a secret service agent. Live a little.. Live a lot.. Do as you please... Say what you want... have fun with strangers.. You will be surprised at the reactions that you get when you are being playful and fun with them. The world is not as scary as you think. And if it gets scary, just know that I will be here to console you. All you have to do is ask and I will be right there, ready to soothe your cries. Ben: But why do I get so tight sometimes? Blocking my authentic self from shining it's loving heart to the world? God: Because you are scared. Remember, there are only two emotions in this life. Love and fear. Ben: But why? Why must there be fear? Why did you create a universe that has fear in it? Why can't it all be love? God: It is all love. That is the true nature of reality. Look around you, was the house that you are cuddled up in made of fear? Was the desk that you sitting at made by fear? No.. it was made out of love. Love of creation, love of shelter, love of warmth, love of love. Ben: But it could have been made out of fear... After all, didn't we start building shelters for ourselves out of fear of being eaten by other animals? God: Ahhh.. yes that is true. But know this, fear is not the opposite of love. In fact, there are no opposites in this world that you live in. Opposites are a figment of your imagination. As a matter of fact, what fear really is is a call for love. The fear of public speaking is a call for love, the fear of embarrassment is a call for love, the fear of rejection is a call for love, the fear that a loved one will pass away is a call for love, the fear of others disapproving of you is a call for love, the fear of dying is a call for love. Everything is grounded in love. Everything. It is a fundamental part of the universe. Each and every emotion can be tied back to love. Each and every catastrophe, mass murder, genocide, war, serial killer, rapist, it can all be tied back to love. It's just that certain actions benefit others and certain actions hurt others. And you are free to do as you wish.

The Book of Not Knowing by Peter Ralston

Spiritual Autolysis - Journal Entry #32 - Fri Jul 14th '23 - 9:57 AM Ben: God, why can't I love myself? God: Because you feel as though you are flawed. And that you have sinned and do not deserve forgiveness for those sins. When in fact, that is the furthest thing from the truth. Did you think that I am capable of creating perfect beings? You are perfect and imperfect all at once. That is the beauty of this thing that you call life. That is where the paradox lies. You are perfect and imperfect. Now if that is so, what does that mean to you.. What does that mean for your life? Ben: All it means is that I am going to suffer... Because I am always striving for perfection... And my culture has deemed certain things wrong or abnormal.. And if I don't fit into my societies' standards, then I will be labeled an outcast and I will be rejected and I will never be loved and never be truly happy. God: What is this nonsense about not being loved? Have I ever pulled my love away from you? Have I ever left your side, even for a minute? Ben: It feels like you do... God: I have always been there with you.. And always will be. The next time you question this, look up into the sky and say "Hello." Ben: God, what is it that I should do with my life? I have so many paths that I can take, but I don't know which one to take? I'm not happy in my life right now. I want to make changes to it, but I just don't know how. Can you help me? God: Reach into your heart and pull out what is right for you. It should not be difficult to find. And don't make your decision on what others will think about you. Remember, these are imperfect people's opinions, in an imperfect world, which is being filtered through your own imperfect mind. The decision that is right for you will fall right into your lap. Stop straining yourself, thinking so hard that your head is about to burst. Surrender to the experience that you call life, and things will fall into place. You know deep down what you want to do. And remember, this is what YOU want to do, not what you think society wants you to do. This is your journey, its time to take ownership of it.

Dele Alli is a professional football player in England. Here, he opens up about his struggles with addiction, trauma as a child, and mental health issues. The opening up about mental health in our culture has been a shift from stage orange to green. It is much more accepted nowadays to talk about our problems and struggles, not to keep them buried and hidden away from people. We all have issues and weaknesses and insecurities, it is okay and normal. Stage green embraces this.

Great share. I like how the two filmmakers are "huggers," very green-esque.

I'm sharing this music video in stage green because it shows male-on-male compassion, which is a rare thing nowadays. Clips are taken from the movie "Warrior." Fight scenes throughout are stage red/orange, end of the video is a metaphorical transcendence into green.

Parasites. The ultimate in selfishness; they negatively affect a host in order to survive. Unbeknownst to the host animal, the parasite infiltrates it's body, feeds off of it and then reproduces, all while being protected by the hosts body. Very sneaky and smart.

Is there a model like Spiral Dynamics but for the different stages of enlightenment? Thanks.

@Phil King @Carl-Richard thank you ?

Gen Zers may be destroying our attention spans with their tiktoks, but we have to admit that they do a great job of embodying stage green qualities. Some green characteristics that the show highlights: The "bachelorette" is pansexual, which means that she isn't attracted to a specific gender. This highlights openness, acceptance, and equality Men are not afraid to be feminine Contestants are loving, empathetic and intimate (lots of good eye contact) Everyone in the house gets along, there is a communal, heart-centered vibe The "bachelorette" says that she's spiritual but not religious Contests are teamwork driven (contrast this to the ABC show "The Bachelor," where all of the contests are every man for themselves) Lots of hugs and warm interactions Communication channels are strong, lots of bonding between contestants. People are checking in with each other, seeing how they feel, expressing emotions Diverse group of contestants These are generalizations of course, there are flashes of other stages, not everyone has integrated stage green.

I am in a similar boat my friend, although not as far along as you I don't think (I still have some stage blue that Id like to integrate.) I think option one is a great idea. Just focus on the things that you enjoy. Pursue the girls, pursue the money and the fame, pursue the luxury, all of the material desires. Like you said, eventually you will burn through that karma and you'll move onto the next thing. It's awesome that you meditate for so long every day, truly inspiring. But if you're not that into it or you find that you're mind is always off on other things, you may not be getting the spiritual gains that you would want. And you could be using that time to work on social skills or your business. Just a thought. I'm actually really glad you posted this because it gave me some clarity as to what I should be doing in my life. I've read a few books on Enlightenment and I'm really into it, I think it's amazing stuff and I know that I'll get there one day, but the reality is that I want the same things as you, I want the women, I want the money, I want the nice house, I want to be more charismatic, I want all of that. And I know that I've got to fulfill those desires first. We can't just skip over that and become enlightened. We've got to fulfill these cravings or they'll continue to nag us until they're addressed. I'm still going to research spirituality and contemplate because I find it so damn interesting, but the main priority is maximizing stage orange and working out some stage blue, mainly self discipline and hard work. I'm also curious if you have integrated stage green in your life yet?

Transcending the Spiral - Journal Entry #4: Alright so heres the deal with this, my ultimate goal is to use a systems thinking approach on my whole friend group to help them transcend the spiral. The reason that I am doing this is because 1. I love my friends and I want the best for them and 2. This will be a great small scale systems- approach experiment that I can learn from and maybe down the road I can use a systems approach to effect an even larger group of people, such as at a business, or as a self-help guru, or whatever I become when I mature. The issue is that I am finding it difficult to really spend time on thinking about how I am going to help my friends move up the spiral when I have so many issues that I need to iron out in my own life. (I have all of these lofty ideas, but I really do have a lot of practical issues.) I feel as though I need to spend time working on myself first and foremost before I can help anyone else. I've decided that I am all good on stage red. The only thing that I may need on red is setting better boundaries with people, and telling them when they have crossed a line or that I am upset with something that they did to me. (I don't even know if this even relates to the spiral, its kind of just a separate thing, but I feel I have a good grasp on it, and when a situation arises, I'm going to work on sticking up for myself.) I have a lot to work on in stage blue, so I am just going to focus on that right now.. What do you want to work on at stage blue? Stage blue: Hard work, discipline, greater purpose Hard work: I can be so damn lazy. I'll get into these funks in which I just don't do anything all day. I'll sit in my bed and jerk off or watch stupid videos all damn day. I want to get this bad habit out of my life. When I set my mind to something, I want to put in the work to finish it and get better at it. I want to put in the hard work to working out at the gym. I want to work hard at my job. Discipline: I want to say no to all of the bad habits that I have, my addiction to porn / ejaculating, my addiction to stimulation, my addiction to watching TV before bed, my addiction to junk food. I want to have the discipline to stop doing all of these things. When I see a pretty girl, I want to have the self- discipline to walk up to her and chat her up. I want to have the discipline to go out there and apply to jobs, lets say 5 different places every day from here on out. I want to have the discipline to know when to stop drinking alcohol or maybe stop drinking all together. I want to have the self discipline to stop smoking weed (I just don't see the benefit of it anymore, it is nothing but a distraction and it makes me lazy and tired) I want to have the self discipline to wake up at the same time every single weekday morning. Lets start with 8 am. I am going to wake up at 8 am every day next week and from here on out. Greater purpose: I want to have a greater purpose that I am working towards. I want a job at a restaurant, in which I can start building up some capital, work on my social skills, and work on my work ethic. I want to continue to develop my Youtube channel, this is going to be my purpose. I want to help people learn things that will help them move up the spiral. I want to lead by example to my peers, this is how you should live your life, this is how you should carry yourself. I want to be an inspiration to people. I know I said that I need to work on myself before I can help out my friends, but here are some notes as to what I would like to do with them. What is one issue with your friend group that needs to be addressed? Too much alcohol. My friends drink a lot. I'm talking 10+ drinks at some functions. Some of them drink very irresponsibly. Why are they drinking so much? I think that they are drinking so much because they don't have a higher vision to pursue. It doesn't matter that they are turning there brain to sludge for the night and the next day. There also usually isn't anything else to do, we don't have super stimulating, intellectual conversations and won't have any activity to do at a function, so we just drink. How can you get them to drink less? Host functions that are not centered around drinking alcohol. Have a game night. Maybe a murder mystery dinner, in which everyone is engaged and there is something to do. Invite them to yoga, if you can get them into yoga, this is how you can start to inspire them to start taking care of their bodies. Show them that you care about them. Give them some love, talk about love more often, give out more hugs, be more accepting and open to them. DO NOT try to manipulate any of them for your selfish interests. This is big. People pick up on this and then they think that it is okay to engage in that kind of behavior (this of course requires you to work on yourself). Cheer others on when playing basketball or soccer. Congratulate people on their success. Stop drinking yourself (this is also really big, if you can't stop then why should they?) All of these things that I mention are stage green. What I'm hoping is that if I can just get them all to embody green, it will move them out of the lower stages. Not sure if it is really that simple, but I guess we'll find out. What are some stage green activities that you can do with them? Meditate, yoga, take psychedelics, talk about our feelings, give more hugs, be more loving, be more empathetic, have more wholesome get togethers where everyone is involved (this is an issue sometimes because a lot of the times the girls and the guys are separated, and I'm not really sure how to entertain the girls), include EVERYONE in group messages - don't leave the girlfriends out of the loop

@Moksha Thank you

Any good self help books that are in the public domain? Thanks.

Personally, I'd get burnt out if I were to continue to work in the evening. I like to work all day, then after I eat dinner, the rest of the night is time for myself. I watch TV, get together with friends, play basketball or soccer, and sometimes I will read a self improvement book or come on this forum or watch a self help video. During the day its focused attention and in the evening its lenient, whatever I feel like doing.

You need to find the balance yourself. There isn't some objectively right or wrong way to do personal development or career work. Take a look at your priorities and what goals you have set for yourself and find the balance between work and relaxation time. You can find out yourself where that line is of being overworked and design your life around that. You won't know until you do some experimenting, maybe try working 40 hours in a week. Do you feel burnt out at the end of the week? Do you find that you are not as focused during meditation or while contemplating or reading a book? Then maybe dial it back to 30 hours or 20. Or maybe you're mind is able to handle a lot of work, then crank it up to 50 or 60. You'll find what works for you in time. Just let it flow, you'll figure out the right path for yourself.

Spiritual Autolysis - Journal Entry #31 - Tue Jun 20 '23 - 12:03 AM The Feminine and the Masculine The feminine is an energy field that every human being has within itself. This energy field embodies love and empathy and when triggered is able to flow effortlessly like a stream. The masculine is also an energy field that every human being has within itself. This energy field embodies confidence and assertiveness and when triggered is able to tackle mountains. We humans have both of these energy fields within ourselves. Being in contact with a feminine or masculine counterpart allows us to get intouch with this side of ourselves. This is why we cannot help but be infatuated by each other. We long for wholeness. And the only way to get it is by getting in touch with what we feel like we are missing in our lives. And for the masculine man, it is the feminine touch. For the feminine woman, it is the masculine presence. I want to feel the loving touch of a woman running her hands through my hair. I want to feel her warmth as she enters the room. I want to feel her judge free eyes staring into mine. I want to feel her warm body pressed against mine. I want to feel her soul. I want to pulsate her body with endless pleasure. I want to move mountains for her and my kids. I want to be the rock that she can lean, sit, or stand on. I want to help her up when she falls. I want to give her my soul. I want to embody self- love and love for all others. I want to make a real impact on the lives of my immediate circle and the world at large. I want to allow my emotions to flow effortlessly up and down my body like water. I want to live by a solid morale code, with integrity, hard work and discipline. I want to feel another person's pain just by looking into their eyes. I want to take on their pain is if it were mine. I want to surrender my body to my divine Mother. I want to create an impeccable life for my divine Father. I long for the masculine and the feminine to become intertwined, to become whole again. But until then, I trudge on.

Maturity is not farting in front of women. Maturity is pushing past the discomfort of a difficult task. Maturity is focusing on long term goals. Maturity is looking towards the future, 5, 10 years down the line. Maturity is being honest with people. Maturity is telling people that you care about them.. or telling them that they made you upset. Maturity is looking someone in the eyes. Maturity is being open about your insecurities and shortcomings. Maturity is putting yourself out there. Maturity is not criticizing others. Maturity is not drinking alcohol. Maturity is quitting porn. Maturity is dealing with difficult truths. Maturity is not letting other people tear you down. Maturity is not doing things for others approval. Maturity is caring about the world at large. Maturity is wisdom. Maturity is understanding that there are consequences to your actions. Maturity is working hard to achieve a goal. Maturity is staying focused. Maturity is not beating yourself up. Maturity is being on time. Maturity is working on your physique. Maturity is trying to understandings other people's points of view. Maturity is sticking to your guns. Maturity is finding a fine balance between sticking to your guns and understanding another's perspective. Maturity is making a difference or an impact to someone else's life. Maturity is getting things done on time, in a timely manner. Maturity is trying to do what is best for the entire group. Maturity is putting yourself on the line. Maturity is taking ownership for your screw ups. Maturity is taking ownership for your life. Maturity is giving things away, being charitable. Maturity is having an abundance mindset. Maturity is loving what you don't like. Maturity is doing what you don't want to do. Maturity is not manipulating others.

Immaturity is the denial that times change, things in your life change. Immaturity is the unacceptance of the changes that occur in a human beings life. It is the denial of the issues that you have in your life. It is the denial that the glory days of youth are over. It is the denial of real responsibility and work. Immaturity is manipulating other people. Immaturity is not taking responsibility for your lack of work ethic. Immaturity is the avoidance of truth. Immaturity is the avoidance of growing up and taking on responsibilities. Immaturity is lacking empathy for other people. Immaturity is the denial that things change. Immaturity is the lack of care for other people. Immaturity is the lack of drive to make an impact in your own life. Immaturity is the lack of thinking about the consequences of ones actions. Immaturity is not adding value to the world. Maturity is dealing with difficult truths. "The world doesn't care about what you might do if you put your mind to it. The world cares about what you actually did."