Sabth

I am, at a very much sensitive phase in my life. Fragile (as I feel like I'm old) "the oldest I've ever been" and I was very active, and occupied, when I was younger. Five years ago. I could no longer go through my path. But something happened to me earlier this year and it has changed me or my outlook (I suddenly felt fresh again/it killed me) that I feel like I needed to start over again . (Having a university/a job to fill a routine) my mind was in need of (just like when you first entered university. );I am in need of that. I can't be empty. Otherwise I am on my steady path of going into my adulthood/retirement. I hv no issue. At all..mentally. I am on the right path. Gradual inclination into my adult life. (I was turning twenty six) . But, they took it away from. Me. By turning me into a mental hospital and took everything away from me and emptied me for over a month. In a matter of a month. So I don't celebrate the new year or Christmas last year. They truly took everything away from me cutting my contacts Took my phone, and when Im back all my things are lost. After a month. So it has killed me. All of the spiritual height that I've achieved. And I've felt that I needed to work when I was out. And my mind felt like it's active again. (I never lost my university mind) but it's been a while since then. (February last the past month. So now I'm getting used to not having a uni otherwise my mind was completely empty, couldn't be without it.) I don't know what kind of work I could do but there's definitely a lot of people who said I'm qualified but idk what it is! So idk what work should I do.? . ◼️in short, what I've written a few days ago; You won't be doing anything either way regardless *and your age will still be increasing. The process are just like having a degree and getting into your career and following that life path*Edit: there need to be something to be done. Regardless. (I can still choose my current lifestyle now but last month, it felt too empty.) I am not usually like this. It was after I've been forcefully put into ward earlier this year/last year. Christmas/new year. It kinda emptied my initial starting point. They take me away from everything and disconnect me. After that I've been feeling like I need a university or work . They disconnect me from my routine. (And everything else.) 041423 Edited.

What kind of work can I do without a university? // It has been a while since I've wrote all these.... I haven't think of the course I wanna take. Would it be too much if I change my direction completely and take/add a new thing? I just want to be filled up. My mind needs to be keep active. I think that's the reason before but, aren't I'm too old for it? Shouldn't I be working already? But I've never work in my life it would be my first attempt/working experience. Would I be ready /able to completely let go of my previous field? And add something new into my mind? // 457 I don't feel it as much as, say, last month. When I'm fresh out of h. Probably when someone mentioned it. And I feel so empty that (I feel like)my mind needs to be filled. I never want it or think about it last year or the years before. Never. 12:09 041023 Now I am just afraid to start a new one or a new x because it will just be taken away from me. I've lost my paintings and drawings and diaries and many more. Now I'm afraid of making a new one and the qualities wouldn't be as when I was , say, eighteen.... 431 041023 I think the biggest pro would be to filled up my mind Things that I think about, - I would spent less time with my family while they're getting older. - would I be as good as when I was younger, or will it be harder (for me to learn now that I'm older? I wonder if it would still be the same. Would it still be worth it?(instead of just start working) which I didn't know too. A month or so ago it's totally like this ; You won't be doing anything either way regardless. *Edit: there need to be something to be done. -pros - creating a healthy boundaries between you and your fam (back then.) Now I'm already getting used to it. You can only work after having a degree // This is what I've wrote on a paper and it is basically the same thing ; I've been having this thought and it leaves me anxious not doing or having any of those. My minds are empty. I probably haven't think of a course I'm taking or the things I'm pursuing if I were to go to a university. It is simply to filled up my mind. I don't know if I'm ready to change (course)/direction. and it is basically the same thing. 2. Aren't you're too old for that? (A university). I'm not a fresh high school graduate. I've had a long past.. 3. I want a fulfilling life where my mind is constantly working on complex stuff (&ideas). That's all I want. // If I were to remember back, it is to stay away from my family/create a healthy gap between me and my family (like how it usually are.). And I'm thinking of the future... I would still be increasing in age regardless. But without a degree. I wonder if it's even good to take a degree now or I could just start working. Is that possible? *This, would be the best time if I ever wanna pursue a degree; that is, nvm. 3. I can't live without thinking. 2:30AM April 11th , Even if I wanna work I didn't know how. I've never work and didn't know where and how to get started apart from having a degree first. That's all I know. Even if I wanted to , I didn't know how to look for one. I will delete this soon .. 5:23AM 13th April 2023 - Today : 2:06am 041623 I don't know anymore. I've already know what I'll do after university. I will just follow the path.

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Fire