Sabth

Will people get boring after the beauty phase had passed? Like after you have known the beauty, now what? What?. Sometimes I wonder ,: what is the purpose of life? As I watch outside my window , the calm greenery. The moving clouds. Ants.. huh? . *The concert had finished* Time flies.

I really wanna go to Taeyeon's concert tomorrow. Because the venue hold only 3200 seat and so it would means I can see Taeyeon closer. In a smaller group. But, I don't have money, and couldn't buy my own flight ticket so I could only ask my mom for it. But she wouldn't allow me to go. So yeah. It would be good if I could go tomorrow (it's only 2hours flight) and I could buy the ticket tonight. If I had work for a long time my decision wouldn't be on her. Or if I could ask some friend (but I wouldn't). Waiting for the next concert? It's going to be in 3-4years again.

Out of the many faces that I've judged, there aren't many good looking people.

Both my sisters dated someone who's way taller than her. I don't wanna be pro creating short child. But if I somehow have felt comfortable with someone short is it worth it? Or there's many more taller guys in this world? I want someone who's taller than me. Can I just let this one person go? Though there's nobody else like him. But my future, would be with shorties.. It doesn't matter. I think. If it was him. But then my children would not be good looking or pretty. Who knows. It's not like I will consider the replies in this post either way. I won't. I'm just bored..

4:11PM 07202023

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I've already done 16% [with a lot of rest]& already felt exhausted. Maybe it will take days.

I no longer like to be here..

It took me 1 hour 10 mins to finish 10. So it would took me over 10hours to finish 100.

Will something/a miracle happened if I were to read x 100 times? Because I'm bored, I will try to do this .let's see what happen.

I always hold back. There are many people that I miss..

Why hardware? Lol. Architecture..

Studio design even though I'm not good at it.

Maybe if I have a car I can look for work. The weather are nice today.

Making me feel like I wanna contact my high school friend..

Today I saw that all trees had bear fruits. If I were to go to Egypt ,I must cried a lot. And again , the threatening continue. As I escape from taking the med today.

I have an IQ of 140. Back then . During high school. Now idk. But I'm still not working now.. I have taken this test before. Measuring your openmindedness, conscientiousness, extraversion, agreeableness & neuroticism back in 2015. And the person who tested me says I'm different from the majority of the other students (in that uni) mostly they scored low in agreeableness and I scored high in it. I also scored relatively high in neuroticism. Extraversion vs introversion = 60/100 Agreeableness vs antagonism = 58/100 Conscientiousness vs lack of direction = 64/100 Neuroticism vs emotional stability = 65/100 Openness vs closedness to experience = 84/100 And there are several other tests.

Adventurous and dangerous. I saw a hiking video. And it seems very dangerous.

Twenty three years ago, my mom was 35 and she brings us all to Egypt. And we had a trip to all of Egypt. I wanna go back to Egypt.

I may want to live in my own place because there was a thief in the house. .

I'm seriously considering suicide now. My life had turns meaningless. My life had been put to a stop. I couldn't even have last december and have my last year of being twenty six. I couldn't experience Christmas last year and celebrate the new year like literally everyone else. My life was put to a stop. Without my will. I want to die peacefully. There's nothings much left in my life.

I have an old book, a really old book called, (I forgot it's name).

Because I'm bored I watch this a few days ago :

I regret not being successful in my education so I could at least help myself. And have a career and be safe. (But one of the reason I couldn't complete my education was because I couldn't drive. It's hard. Not having a car And not being able to drive while being at a university far away from home..)

If my parents die then I'd be really left with nothing. No one to drive me anywhere . I couldn't be doing anything. I was left with no skill. I couldn't drive. Or hv a work of my own Back then when I was younger my mom was scared of my independence. She's scared if I could drive. Or have work. It's one of her biggest fears. And shed rather had me not knowing a lot of things. She' likes me being independent on her. She feared me of driving way too fast when I'm not even such a person. So I never drive. When my older sister drive everywhere.. I'm the third daughter. When everyone else when they comes through the age they would have been independent. Could drive. And I couldn't. Why couldn't I be like everyone else? She would teache her other children driving but me. She would asked my dad. To teache me. And she would never.. And I'm not used to it. Even now. I don't like to be reached by my dad. Even now, as an older person. Now my brother who are seven years younger than me had already start to know how to drive. Around. And I still was learning. The old me. The old 27ywar old mw. I think I just need my own small car to practice. And then I will muster driving.