Sabth

I wanna skate every morning. Or jog. But there s nobody to bring me (to those places). And I couldn't drive. And I don't have a car. I wanna be a pro skater.

@Understander I have told them way before this , but nothing changes. *6PM I pray and eat again.

I love the sun light.. the evening sunlight. It can be seen from this room. But not the morning sunlight. It's from the other room. I've changed the room.. It's 5:05PM right now. And my room is dark so I went to this room, my older room.

I want to further my study. But at a new place, for a new experience. (Though I don't know if I could do well , because my language is not that good .. )

My enneagram used to be 9w8 or 8w9 .

It's easy to choose, but hard to create.

I blame on you jk. I blame myself if anything. I mean, like a real heaven. As described in the holy scriptures.

Then, can you create, a human being without going through childhood. Like instantly an adult.

I really love just taking a shower and wear a perfume and just chill. But I am also bored. I really wanna go to Egypt.

There's so much that I can do. Imagined , that I never go out, without the assistance of others. How can I find work? Relying on my phone. It's hard to look for work except only through my phone. I can do babysitter. I want to do photography and videographer. But I don't have a camera to start with. Unlike before. So idk. I'm thinking of selling my arts, but it's so hard to start even one. It's something that I have drive for and confidence when I was young. And after it was all stolen I feel more discouraged to start one. Right now I'm only asking everything from my mom. For money, to buy me everything, or to upgrade my PC. I want to stop this as soon as possible and be financially independent. I want to do a lot of things too.

I keep on dreaming of continuing my studies. It keeps on appearing in my dreams. Many times. Sometimes I wonder if I should do the same thing all over again. Just the fact that someone is giving me a task, it feels so complete. And perfect.

Reflect Know Hear Understand

He is worshipped by humans but He Himself does not worship.

He don't need nobody to be with him (like a wife, or children) but He has a lot of creations. Creations are lower than Him. He can discarded it whenever He wants. In Power. It can not exist and He will still exist.

God is alone but he creates a lot of angels and humans and other creations. To worship Him. He don't need nobody.

And my artworks? I put it in a luggage and it has been there for years and when I'm back after being forcefully put in a mental hospital, all of it was gone. And in the luggage, it was messy mixed with other things. Who do you think did that? I was, after the pandemic I distanced my sister and would refused a handshake from my father and everyone else. Basically, we had a home quarantine where everybody had their own separate room. But then one day, my mom wasn't home (in another state) my sister was in her in laws. It was just me and my father. There was a guest coming and I was annoyed by it. I dislike the guest. He's coming from another state and somehow I could hear their every conversation through another room (my room) from the living room. I was not accepting of the guest. Especially when he said he was from another area. Out of annoyance, I want them to go back. So I was burning a cloth (a towel) and bring it in the kitchen. But my ceiling are really high and I've played with fire before burning things. I did that with the intention that they would go home. But fast forward I remembered them holding my hands. I spit a lot to their faces in disgust. The guest guy and my father. And at one point , the guys mother too are holding me. They are evil.

I completed this game : for the first time I completed all 10.

I need a lot of money. I'm afraid that by the time that I got all those money , I would be too old to enjoy those things I wanna do. So I want it as fast as possible. As next year I may not be able to enjoy it as much (or even at all) than this year when I was younger. So idk. I wanna do a lot. But it's too much of money and I wanna do everything this year. So idk. Maybe a lot of these things I no longer enjoy as I get older. I need about 23-24.5k $. So I don't know. By the time I got these money I would no longer enjoy these things I wanna do ~?

I just wish I can do my things quietly. And see how much I made doing all those. While I'm thinking of all the works that I can do, investment would be a good thing.

I don't even know where to play my skates. I've always imagined , if I have a car I can just pick up my skates and went somewhere skating. Right now, I don't have anyone to bring me to skate. So it was not put to good use. I haven't played it for long. The condition aren't as good as when I first bought it too. So I can't really resell it either. It was actually quite big . Fit me but just heavy. A little heavy. I used to be able to handle it well. Even going down hill. But now I have a lot of fears. I want to wear safety gears. Check out powerslidemegacruiser's listings on #Carousell https://carousell.app.link/ipcCsdoRqDb This link is back then, I wanna sell it because of the size and I want to buy the smaller size. But didn't. It wasn't successful. I even already had someone who wants to buy it. But it just won't do. I can't remember why. Now this skates are no longer available. I remember back then there was a time when they sell it a lot. With different sizes and was even cheaper than what I bought. But I didn't change it. So it wasn't successful. I love this skate too much that now I don't want to sell it. Only if there's the same thing in a smaller size available in store. Only then. I will sell this. After I tried the sizes.

Because that is the RIGHT path. There's nothing that it can go wrong with. Math is right. Unlike creative work and design. Which can go wrong in many ways. Should I consider a degree in math or accountancy? I used to get 100 back then in school/A+. Math is easy (with practice) while add math is a little harder. Can I just do this and have a career in this? My life would be totally sober doing math.

I feel like I am wasting my time. I am still not adulting. I still couldn't drive and not learn driving. Even though I have free time. But I am not practicing. Time is running out. There's nobody to teach me driving. Because there is no need for me to go anywhere. I will continue be like this till whenever. I think I want my own car. And so I can learn driving by myself. Everyday. If I took a degree I would be a 30year old who have a degree. If I don't then my mind would be empty. Not knowledgeable. I will increase in age. While being empty. My time is running out. I also want to spend time with my parents. I want to travel. A lot. But now I'm stuck.

I'm into film making and videography :)?

He's working with a tourism industry and have been to a lot of places. All over the world. (Europe & Asia) Even the middle East, he had gone to way more country than me. Maybe it's the perks of being a guy. But he also works in tourism industry. I feel behind. Cuz I'm not working. And he has travelled a lot. How can I do better? I don't even have a career. Is it because I'm a female? Or because I didn't complete my degree?

I'm not really wanna go this tourism route. I'm just saying that it was my brother's thing/path.