Sabth

I don't know what I'm thinking.

How can I do a work that would pay me $15/hour , 8hours a day, seven days a week?

How can I further my studies? Without any help or contact with my parents. I just wake up very late, sleep a lot and not doing anything. I hope I wake up to do something but there's nothing to do. Earlier this morning , I wake up to pray and then eat, then sleep again. Feeling bad. I just thought that I wanna start studying again. Even though I'm getting older. (I woke up at 5AM & pray and I woke up at 10am and eat. Then I woke up at 3pm. What should I do? )

What old world? Prophets? Ancient Egyptians? Medieval?

We're not in conflict or something. But just I just have nothing to do~

I don't have that much money~ I think I'm just gonna be an Artist this month.

Right now, I have the tools for me to create art but I'm not motivated to do art. Now. Idk about my parents. My father focus on his work and my mom are just there doing nothing. She cooks for em and do groceries. Idk. How can I make use of October and November so that I could have fun in December. (Travelling? ) There was a trip going to Mount Kk this October but the cost was about 1.4k/300$ This is something that I wanna do. But there's also a local mountain which is free. But there's no group doing that trip. I would have to find my own group/people.

I wanna skate every morning. Or jog. But there s nobody to bring me (to those places). And I couldn't drive. And I don't have a car. I wanna be a pro skater.

@Understander I have told them way before this , but nothing changes. *6PM I pray and eat again.

I love the sun light.. the evening sunlight. It can be seen from this room. But not the morning sunlight. It's from the other room. I've changed the room.. It's 5:05PM right now. And my room is dark so I went to this room, my older room.

I want to further my study. But at a new place, for a new experience. (Though I don't know if I could do well , because my language is not that good .. )

My enneagram used to be 9w8 or 8w9 .

It's easy to choose, but hard to create.

I blame on you jk. I blame myself if anything. I mean, like a real heaven. As described in the holy scriptures.

Then, can you create, a human being without going through childhood. Like instantly an adult.

I really love just taking a shower and wear a perfume and just chill. But I am also bored. I really wanna go to Egypt.

There's so much that I can do. Imagined , that I never go out, without the assistance of others. How can I find work? Relying on my phone. It's hard to look for work except only through my phone. I can do babysitter. I want to do photography and videographer. But I don't have a camera to start with. Unlike before. So idk. I'm thinking of selling my arts, but it's so hard to start even one. It's something that I have drive for and confidence when I was young. And after it was all stolen I feel more discouraged to start one. Right now I'm only asking everything from my mom. For money, to buy me everything, or to upgrade my PC. I want to stop this as soon as possible and be financially independent. I want to do a lot of things too.

I keep on dreaming of continuing my studies. It keeps on appearing in my dreams. Many times. Sometimes I wonder if I should do the same thing all over again. Just the fact that someone is giving me a task, it feels so complete. And perfect.

Reflect Know Hear Understand

He is worshipped by humans but He Himself does not worship.

He don't need nobody to be with him (like a wife, or children) but He has a lot of creations. Creations are lower than Him. He can discarded it whenever He wants. In Power. It can not exist and He will still exist.

God is alone but he creates a lot of angels and humans and other creations. To worship Him. He don't need nobody.

And my artworks? I put it in a luggage and it has been there for years and when I'm back after being forcefully put in a mental hospital, all of it was gone. And in the luggage, it was messy mixed with other things. Who do you think did that? I was, after the pandemic I distanced my sister and would refused a handshake from my father and everyone else. Basically, we had a home quarantine where everybody had their own separate room. But then one day, my mom wasn't home (in another state) my sister was in her in laws. It was just me and my father. There was a guest coming and I was annoyed by it. I dislike the guest. He's coming from another state and somehow I could hear their every conversation through another room (my room) from the living room. I was not accepting of the guest. Especially when he said he was from another area. Out of annoyance, I want them to go back. So I was burning a cloth (a towel) and bring it in the kitchen. But my ceiling are really high and I've played with fire before burning things. I did that with the intention that they would go home. But fast forward I remembered them holding my hands. I spit a lot to their faces in disgust. The guest guy and my father. And at one point , the guys mother too are holding me. They are evil.

I completed this game : for the first time I completed all 10.

I need a lot of money. I'm afraid that by the time that I got all those money , I would be too old to enjoy those things I wanna do. So I want it as fast as possible. As next year I may not be able to enjoy it as much (or even at all) than this year when I was younger. So idk. I wanna do a lot. But it's too much of money and I wanna do everything this year. So idk. Maybe a lot of these things I no longer enjoy as I get older. I need about 23-24.5k $. So I don't know. By the time I got these money I would no longer enjoy these things I wanna do ~?