Sabth

I had 140 IQ while in school and the latest one on this forum (idk if that test can be counted on or not , it's seems too simple.) I got 116 for the first time and 127 for the second.

Yk, of course , I do not like , ruining what we've already built.

You know , my imagination can be about just anything. (I don't usually believe that it's just imagination. But today.. it's kinda.. ) I dream, that my grandma, is driving furiously into the lawn. Being a grandma. She's driving alone. And there was a gathering. She was furious (?). Idk. And there are people in that gathering , whom, made me feel not safe. Like a random guy, it reminds me of last year. Like they are purposefully wanna ruined my mental health. Like saying I'm crazy. I think those guys are checking on me. I don't even know them. But they seems evil and had bad intention. He talk as if he wants to ruin me mentally. Saying I'm crazy. And I saw a girl. A x girl. (I try not to mention any race because it might attract them.) But I saw this girl. At first she was demonized by other people. Like girls went to her shop and demonized her. Until she closed her pharmacy. And later I saw those girls are regretting it. That there is no more that pharmacy. They were in front of her closed shop weeping. And it's closed. This reminds me of last year/the year before. I wonder if it was her. There was a pretty girl only slightly younger than me who are in there too. (There were four younger people including me . )

I sleep early in the night and wake up at two am. These days it had been like that. And I like it as I'm not rushing into the day. And I don't sleep after until night. And it seems like I need less sleep when I sleep like this.

It has been thirteen years since I've met my babies. And now , they are fifteen years old..

There was , a monkey who can't take no for an answer. It was so scary. Idk why I got all these dreams. And something saddening is happening in my dream. Like the last moment when my step grandma was about to die. In real life, I didn't witness it. So she was never dead. In this dream, I saw her last moments. There was a camera , attached to monitor her. By a neighbour. It's 24/7. And she told me & my mom, that my grandma is gone. This is so sad. For real, usually she was always alive in my dream. I never seen her death. And this monkey was weird too. As if it was entitled to me. It has to be put to sleep. Anesthesia. Only then it would stop. Before this, I was chased by a bear in the wild (there was monkeys and bear but the bear chase me. Not monkey.) but today, it was a monkey. I don't know. Idk what I did wrong. Maybe it is cutting my family off. I don't like it. I don't like to be only talking with x. It's not my usual. And I don't like the fact that there is no barriers between us like my mom or my sisters or anyone elses. I hate everything. But they have betrayed me. I had no one really. I thought I wanna go to x. Maybe there could be someone . It's open 24/7. And maybe I can find my safety there. But I didn't. I'm thinking of walking at night. Even though it's night. You know , now I guess those around you are the version of police in your own world. Acting like the eyes. And when nobody is doing it , your world is meant to be doomed. Like I was responsible to be the eyes too. Read : police. But that's a low thing to do. And I'm a coward. Like when I see that my parents or my siblings no longer practicing the religion. Corruption. Doing as they wishes. Using their religion whenever it fits them. And discarded it whenever it benefits them. It's the battle of the strongest. Like these people, they're fake. Or maybe , "smart"? Well, to their advantages. Like what can I do? Tear it apart? I do have burned something before. But I'm weak. My father too is weak. And my mom is damn. I do not like making anything sad. What did I do? Even if my life is saved I do not like what I have experienced. They had to put this monkey to sleep. For being aggressive. When this monkey wakes up in the train, it no longer aggressive. It is as if it just woke up from sleep. And I didn't like it. This shouldn't happened. And it was brought away from me. Why would a monkey be mad with me in the first place? This shouldn't have happened. It's a tough stuff. Why can't I always be protected? Like the veils of those around me? They keep me safe.... And what is with the monkey? I miss the time when I only dream of my friends and my lovers and those around me whom I know in real life and those I look up to. Like feeling normal. Like normal. Like my waking life and my dream are on the same page? Like nothing too weird is happening in my dream ? Why can't it be like that? I don't wanna change my reality.

Well, my timing was wrong.

I thought I could forget (about it). But no. It wasn't better..

I dream about making a big deal out of where I'm currently at. Maybe moving out is not the best option/decision. (I hv always wanted to move back into my original room though it is no longer ideal) But wasn't allowed to. I am in a strange situation. If I have a lot of money I wanna renovate my room. (My original room) Idk. It was bad. But really bad. My situation that I've chosen myself now.

3:28AM

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I can't even do things that are not against my religion.

Do you think in the end people only think about x ?

Well, Idk. I got a weird dream. Or maybe , weird is just something I would say to something I can't explain. In this dream, I saw a girl in an industry. She was treated badly by an older male acquaintance. Or a male that works in her industry too. He was mighty, or wanna feel superior. He treated female badly. And constantly wanna exert "power". Making himself seems "powerful" . Or he would do things that will make him "higher" or in a higher position. And I saw her with this girl topless and he throws curses /vulgar languages to her. Dissing Her body. And then later , a lot of girls did something to her to clear the energies away. Like literally, even to her shadow. Like the place that he was assaulted , she was in another place standing, and the spot she stands earlier , these girls are pouring water like bottles of water on that . And I guess she was fine? Idk. And I saw these people pouring water on it. And then, I talk to this kid. Or this boy, who appeared to be this girl's younger brother. Later, he was selling his sister. I scold him. I said I don't sell my younger brother. ~ so idk. Idk what this dream was about. Idk~~ And then , even way before this , we're about to see something, and I wear.. like double socks. Idk what's wrong with it or me. But it wasn't good. It keeps falling out . We're about to went somewhere. And there was a time when I told someone to reserve the seat for me. Then I walk quickly. To the bathroom. It might steal a show. I don't know. Idk where I am or what I'm doing exactly. Before that, I was on the other side. Then I went out through the other side. Going through people. And went outside. Went to the bathroom. And went even more outside. And idk. But it seems like the end of the road. And I tried to go back inside. But this time , it was all male. And I wasn't allowed inside. They wouldn't allowed me. At first, they tried to help me. But upon realizing that I'm a female they do not allowed me to enter it was an all male area. But I only had one goal and that is to went inside and go to the other side. Yk. I've been walking for a while. And so I disregarded them and just went inside. I climbed a fourth floor or the fifth floor. I don't know. Idk what I'm doing exactly but I just wanna reach my destination.. but I went through these obstacles, like a man tryin to stop me and idk what happened next. Guess it was that kid. Of course , I am not allowed to enter a male only area. But I'm only, passing by I guess? (Idk) I do wanna have like the most thoroughful turn. To me those guys are just someone who would stop me. They aren't the destination or have any importance. It's like a cell. A male cell. So they don't allow me in. But I wanna go through not staying there it just happen to be on my way. Idk. I wanna go to the first place I started. And I guess even before this , I was playing the bicycle outside with my brother (and his wife? Idk) but there is more than me like three people. I think. And there are three types of bicycle . In reality, here, I have only played it once with the fam on the road. Nothing more. And in this dream , I seems to have trouble riding it. Idk. I was never bad at riding a bicycle. The other time when I do ride a 🚲 is during my childhood. My father teach me like in the neighbourhood. Like only me and my father. I can't remember if my brother was there too. And I never had problems riding a bike. So these dreams , makes me feel uncomfortable. As it is something that I never felt. And I was never harassed by a guy before. Or me , going against them. Like not giving a f. Idk. Apart from my father who harassed me , I was never treated badly by any guy. 🌷 Even more so I should have made the police report as earlier as possible. You know like before things gets worser. Idk. Maybe cuz there is no action. And I shouldn't have talked to my brother. Or change any energy. The same way that I would talk to my mom or sibs. It should be NO ONE. Especially those who are related. In other words , everyone in the house. Should have done it earlier. Yk, they might be in a lower level than me. Like my younger bro. He might be troublesome. Like his standards are low and he was repressed a lot (by my mom) growing up . Like she wouldn't allow him many things while I got pretty much everything I wanted for being a daughter. Idk I think it makes him what he is now . Idk. I don't like it. Like he would buy a second hand things for himself and for others. But I wouldn't. I would never. I would never buy someone's second hands. But he would. And told me to. And he always act as if he knows more than me. When he didn't. And my mom would submit to this guy. Just so because he's a guy. But he ain't wiser than me. Idk about (being) better (than me) but I as someone older I know or understand things better. No matter how. I guess. Idk. I don't wanna mention or have anything to do with him anymore. Like he ain't know better than me , back then. Like when we're about to buy a new computer my mom would ask me to ask his opinion. When I can ask many others who are more of an expert in it. Like people who are actually doing the things that I do. And he would buy my younger brother a second hand camera. (?) Like I would never allowed that for my bro. But well, maybe I lost. Well I can't stop them. So, my bro did buy it. . He isn't good. I would be f'ed up. Using his brand, I lost my footage. I should followed my eldest sister. Because when I followed my second sister it doesn't last long. But hers are more expensive and I didn't know better. Of course if something is more expensive it would be better. And my mom didn't spent on me that much? Idk. But I opt for a not too expensive thing back then. And it didn't last forever. It got the same problem as my second sister. Idk. And eventually stopped working. Intuition is the best guide. I guess. At times like this I won't be wrong. I can be influenced so I make stupid decision too. Especially when I'm weak. 🕊️ You know, when someone forced you to wear white when you would never wear white. Little things that I hate. Or maybe it was for good. Idk. Maybe not.

I do not like connecting my friends to my other friends. That's the only reason back then that held me off of social media. I could have made like a two or three accounts now that I think about it. Idk. And I regret it a little bit. Because I could have seen my timeline throughout the years if I had one. And something that is shared won't be lost. Now, I just think that , it's really good if you only follow really high quality profile. Other than that, it can make you sick. I don't have social media back then only YouTube. YouTube takes a lot of effort to make so anything in it are higher effort higher quality things (back then, only? I guess) others are like

There had been many time when x in my country had been caught red handed. I think my intuition can be trusted. Like sometimes you just feel disgusted with something without knowing why. And it turns out it wasn't good. Idk. I think I will avoid something that I don't feel good with. Idk..

My cousins appeared in my dream a lot these few days, and I do not like it. If I had ditch my mom it would means her family too. And them having access to me? I don't like it. Anyway, my oldest sister , a few days ago, sent me a cake. And in the past, she is the ones who ignored me . Too. When I told in the group that I've been robbed.. but they ignored me. So I don't accept her cake or messages. Once it's done it's done . You can't mistreat me once and expect me to be good in other times. It's done. So I wouldn't eat her things too the same way that I wouldn't eat my mom's friends cake. It could even be like a bribery. I wouldn't take it. But anyway, yesterday, I feel like I am already being passed to some other. I don't like it. I mean, in my dream, it was other people. Not the same people who always appeared in my dreams. It used to be pretty consistent. Idk. Like my circle.. it felt like we are close together. But now,. Idk. You got these lower cousins in your dream. Disturbing you. Or before this, it would have been a little normal. But I have let them go/throw them away even before they mistreated me. They are my mom's family and they are related , so it's all of em. Four suspect , five six seven eight. And my oldest sister and youngest bro even though they are not here , my sister ditched me in the WhatsApp group. She didn't care. When I said my things had been stolen. My youngest , he's with her. Somewhere far away. He's under her care. So I won't be too serious with him but , I'm prepared on having him be on the person I'm against. Too. And let's see who is the thief.

They wouldn’t even let me have my phone. For over a month. 45days? And when I’m back it was all stolen.

I feel so lame..

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But it was them who killed me. While hoping for a good relationship. Of course , you wouldn't get it.

I felt like it's too bad or hard to cut myself off from my fam because we have built so much things together. It was hard. I don't wanna lose my connection. It felt really weird. Really really weird.

Not only that I am not rich but I've been robbed .. xx

I can't stand this anymore.

This is not ai. This is me with a crocodile back in 2017 .