Sabth

I can't stand this anymore.

This is not ai. This is me with a crocodile back in 2017 .

Some drink smells like cigarette.

Yesterday, in the middle of the night, suddenly the lights turned off. It's blackout and a thunder followed through. And for the first time ever I sleep with the yellow lights off. And I think my eyes are seeing things. And I don't do anything to it. Usually I would be scared. But yesterday I was already sleeping. And my eyes are too tired that I just let it be black out. And I rest my eyes after a long time.

Who do you think is my enemies?

I HATED where I am now. I don’t meant to say that someone can take my pictures and then uploading it in social media. I hated it so much. Mo one can take my pictures. If anything , let it be from me. And I dream about copyrights. A smart and rich person know what’s theirs. Not being all over the places. I had always been a clean (& tidy) person even as a child. I keep all of my possessions very well. And I keep everything. I have things that are from my childhood until adulthood. The same way that it is , mentally. I never forget myself while others may do. Forget themselves or their younger self. Like leaving behind their past memories. I don’t. I could live my three year old self as if it was yesterday, back then. I had always been clean, & tidy. And I like aesthetic. I do not like junks. Or keeping it or buying it. If my sister’s /brother’s all had a diary, mine was the only one who is still in perfect/good conditions. Even after more than a decade. Because I am not a destroyer. And probably because of my good nature. I DONT KNOW. I KEEP THINGS AS IT IS. If I were to have a profession back then I would probably be an archaeologist or a conservationist. I hate the term destruction. But well, it might be my sins. That things happened the way it does.. *no. No one can take a picture of me. *i like to preserve things.

There was a travel luggage that I have scribbled on a lot in 2013, it had a lot of memories , that too was gone. But everyone's else's was still there. Only mine. I have written a lot of lovely things on it. Even though the luggage itself is not pretty but I like it. Because I have put my traces in it.

Who do you think is my enemy?

There had been a lot of time when I don't share my footage and then it was lost. Like when someone had asked you for it that's actually from god. I had a little regret. But maybe it was not meant to be shared anyway. (My pov.) Only the things that I shared on WhatsApp was left. A lot was gone . Idk. And I forgot my password a lot. If it wasn't stolen I would still be able to keep it. There are many things in my Samsung that are not in anywhere else. Including all of my artworks. I have took a picture of everything towards the end.

This is when I realized that a camera , or opening my covering for my front camera will actually keep me safe. Prior to this, I had always been conscious about privacy. And about not being seen. But this time,* December 10, 2022 I realized that keeping the camera on is what would keep me safe. I should probably have a lot of social media too. If I don't share it I will lose it. And on December 24th , I am all gone. *Idk , there are actually two dates on it. December 10 & February 7 2022.

I took this video in 2020 , when everything was still fine.

Look at all my books it had been destroyed.

I am very close to my mom and my fam and never felt like split up. No matter how far I am, I will always have connected with them. Through messages and always updating. That used to be it. But since about a month ago, I decided to cut my fam off because of something that happened. It was unusual to me. And it wasn't easy. I could have done it last year. January 2023. But I was too weak. Having lost everything. So I followed them. But this year, somehow, I think I'm back. Idk. And I'm stronger now. I have become myself back again. I don't know. Even though I've lost everything. But it's weird that they're trying to act as if everything was okay and that nothing happened. Tryin to be nice. When they have robbed me. (It wasn't "they" . It could be anything. One person? Maybe? I want it to be investigated. I have lived in such a way that I have suspected everyone "except maybe my parents?" Who was in the house while I'm gone. Which isn't my two other siblings. So whenever they are with me, deep in my heart I would be like , "this is the thief , this is the person who steal from me. " You can't act fake or as if you're close with me. Hate their fakery. Evil. But I still have yet to know. Who does it . My brother in law have complete access to this house too. And my parents aren't helping me when I bring it up. So I'm not with them either. Now, it wasn't me who choose this. It was them. I would never , feel like I want to en strange my relationship to my fam. But they choose this. So I have no other option but to do it. maybe , until it was settled. To think of going forward with my life without them isn't easy for me. (Or rather , my mom . Only) The rest can go to hell because we're already not close. And they dared steal my possessions so there is no forgiveness to it. I said there is no forgiveness to it. Cut their hands. Their family's hands. And it still wouldn't suffice. Burn in hell.

I dream of octopuses. Land octopus. It has been planted.

.

I had another dream. And this dream is more adventurous than the other. While it is not "really" good , I'm glad that I am with someone I know. But, with the exception of someone I know that I didn't like. Why is he with me? Why is he still in my dream? I do not like it at all. I wish I can disassociate and be the farthest away from him ever again. And before that I saw this guy and these people in the military. Idk. And I still dream of somewhat like a survival. Like some people are being sent in the sea. And it was close to land and there was a beach/ a lagoon. And one guy was so prepared that he had a tent as big as a real house. And was ready to assemble it somewhere. He had good energy/ spirit. And I saw others (Africans) that are a really good swimmers. I saw two guys who are too fast in swimming. And my dream was still somewhat scary looking. As if in danger. Idk. And I don't wanna hv anything to do with that guy anymore.

3:23AM I dream of a big giant cable on top of some building/a higher place. It's a scary thing. I remember myself being stuck around it. That I had to just be with it. Standing there. Somewhere dangerous. Before my aunt come for me. Idk. It had to do with Africa and middle east. Idk. It is like a cable car that is going through middle east in order to reach Africa. Idk. It's someone's way back home. And there are a few Africans. The place was weird. Walking close to it is where I'm at. Idk what it is. Probably a home that I've never been to. Idk. Idk what is with this dream . But it was hella (dangerous &) scary. It seems like I no longer dream of my usual dreams. Idk. 7 Oct I feel a little bit scared now. 5:35AM 6 Oct 2024 I am , the closest to my mom. I don't like to do this. But, There had been, many times over and over again these people had appeared in my dreams. Of course those whom are in my real life. But also those I've never met. A few days ago, I dream about this country. Actually. And today her friend gave me this from that place when I don't even know that she went there. And I bring this up because sometimes ago, those people in my dream, they too appeared in this place. We're here together . I have always stayed. This is a recurrent dream. But I can't explore. I'm stuck in that house. Idk if I ever write about that. (Dream). I might have forgotten the details. But they are all there. And we had conversations. We're always connected.

Idk.

I really gotta stop.

Of course, there won't be a solution to it.

I'm afraid that someone in my fam would die.

Only if you have a lot of money~

Who do you think my enemies are?

My family stole my things including my diaries. I'd rather not call them "my fam" ... Cuz it wasn't my parents . (But who knows ? It could be them (too) ). It was my siblings. My older sister and my younger brother. My first eldest sister and my youngest brother aren't home during that time. They live away from home. So it wasn't them. A sister whom I went to university together with and my youngest bro whom im closest to. So what should I do? It could be my dad. My mom , or them.

I still don't wanna talk to my mom actually.. My father bought me food and I still don't feel like eating my mom's cook yet.