Sabth

2017

What's that? ~~

I currently don't have anything to put on the education section because it's university. What university would look good on portfolio?

Honestly I don't even see my life past next year. I could imagine myself if I work this year until next year for one year and could have made $23k ,by the time I was 28 it would be too late already to do the things I wanna do. I don't see myself in 10/20 years at all. At most next year. I really don't know.

This is my linkedin : https://www.linkedin.com/me?trk=p_mwlite_feed_updates-secondary_nav Basically it has zero information.. but wouldn't it be too no privacy if I shared everything? Anyone could type up my name and see my education. I don't think I have what it takes to work most jobs...

I needed someone to bring me to these place and show me how it works

I dreamed that my fam went into a small borrowed car. Idk why I got bad dreams consecutively last night. Maybe it was the guest that are comin.

Huh? Idk why I got all these dreams. Things that I do differently, ; a new shampoo, a guest coming over and sleep at our house. I also eat my mom's cook. Yesterday. And I changed my bed setting.

I sleep again and wake up to another nightmare. 4:50AM I am running away in a building. Locking every floor to the outside, there is my father outside. And it was night. In a darkly building. Then I go up, while locking every floor that I went to. At the second uppermost building, there is my brother and my mom. I wish I wouldn't see them. It is actually a university building. I wish I can pass through without my bro looking at me. But then he saw me. And I went to a place/room which my mom happen to went to. We're together..in the end. She closed the room door. There was several other people. It seems like a postgraduate students room. Quite messy. And we make a dish like a cracker together. It seems disgusting because there's 3 hands making it. Just tossing something in it with bare hands. Then I woke up.

What do you think, would make me win? Against my family and against everyone. who wants me trapped?

Fuh. Night dream~

I wanna run away from home and achieve financial independence. But in that dream , it was worse. I want "freedom". I saw everyone was laughing at me (my father). Or my mom. Unabling me to go. I was just scared for my life. Trying to convince the card person. That I was fighting for my life. The dream ended up with me trying to (fake a) laugh as hard as my mom was before. Then she got angry. Which initially was her laughing now she's laughing . As I was doing it harder. In a fake way. But I won. Pretending to laugh. I don't know what was before that. It was so sad. I was in a place. Trapped. With another few guys. Idk exactly what happened. I can't seem to remember. But it was distressing. And I was running away for my life.

2:06AM I dreamed that I was running away from my fam. It was so sad. And at the end I was caught. I was even crossing the sea. Which has many people in it, including my first sister & her husband, which are looking for me. I was almost got caught. Then I went to my bank. My university bank? To retrieve my card, which there, everyone was there. It was so sad. Before that I was somewhere. Idk why I got this dream. I was just trapped.

I can literally walk up to a McDonald which is only 1.4km from my home early morning and ask for work (it's open 24hours) But I prefer to stay at home doing nothing. I can literally start creating arts I have bought many art things months ago but never started. I just love doing nothing. It's not something that I wanna do.

I need some motivation to do art. Or should I not?

I can only walk if I wanna go out. Early morning. Not considering the dogs that are around. I do wish to have more social circles if I were to work or go to a university again. But I didn't. So, idk. I'm thinking of traveling, hiking, or anything (making a video) but I don't have money. I'm not gonna sell my PC as I needed it. I want to work so that I could buy a camera and a drone. And a new laptop for travel. But yeah~

Just bought these things. My messy room.

Why did this delivery guy woke me up early in the morning, only to sent the package hours later? I am in my deep sleep.. I just woke up for nothin.

I'm really doing nothing. I wake up, shower, just on my phone. Lying around. Etc. That's doing nothing. Open up the window.

There will be a cabin crew interview this weekend. Shall I not go?

Do I have what it takes to be a cabin crew? I was invited for an interview this 8 October. Should I go?

I have two certificate that reflects my years of studies. But both are gone. Or idk where it is. One had been like that for long. The other was stolen/getting rid off by others/someone while I was gone last year/earlier this year. Everything else was there except a few items including this. I put it together with my precious self portrait painting. I have yet to make a police report. I wonder if I can go back to my school & university to have it reprinted. I wonder . If they could do that? Can they do that?

It feels like all my school years and training had been come to waste because I'm not doing anything . Either. I don't have a supporting parents either. They don't care. And not doing anything. I have wanted to changed my course/university since I was 22.

.

No, I'm too shy to get back to my good relationship.