Sabth

Huh? Idk why I got all these dreams. Things that I do differently, ; a new shampoo, a guest coming over and sleep at our house. I also eat my mom's cook. Yesterday. And I changed my bed setting.

I sleep again and wake up to another nightmare. 4:50AM I am running away in a building. Locking every floor to the outside, there is my father outside. And it was night. In a darkly building. Then I go up, while locking every floor that I went to. At the second uppermost building, there is my brother and my mom. I wish I wouldn't see them. It is actually a university building. I wish I can pass through without my bro looking at me. But then he saw me. And I went to a place/room which my mom happen to went to. We're together..in the end. She closed the room door. There was several other people. It seems like a postgraduate students room. Quite messy. And we make a dish like a cracker together. It seems disgusting because there's 3 hands making it. Just tossing something in it with bare hands. Then I woke up.

What do you think, would make me win? Against my family and against everyone. who wants me trapped?

Fuh. Night dream~

I wanna run away from home and achieve financial independence. But in that dream , it was worse. I want "freedom". I saw everyone was laughing at me (my father). Or my mom. Unabling me to go. I was just scared for my life. Trying to convince the card person. That I was fighting for my life. The dream ended up with me trying to (fake a) laugh as hard as my mom was before. Then she got angry. Which initially was her laughing now she's laughing . As I was doing it harder. In a fake way. But I won. Pretending to laugh. I don't know what was before that. It was so sad. I was in a place. Trapped. With another few guys. Idk exactly what happened. I can't seem to remember. But it was distressing. And I was running away for my life.

2:06AM I dreamed that I was running away from my fam. It was so sad. And at the end I was caught. I was even crossing the sea. Which has many people in it, including my first sister & her husband, which are looking for me. I was almost got caught. Then I went to my bank. My university bank? To retrieve my card, which there, everyone was there. It was so sad. Before that I was somewhere. Idk why I got this dream. I was just trapped.

I can literally walk up to a McDonald which is only 1.4km from my home early morning and ask for work (it's open 24hours) But I prefer to stay at home doing nothing. I can literally start creating arts I have bought many art things months ago but never started. I just love doing nothing. It's not something that I wanna do.

I need some motivation to do art. Or should I not?

I can only walk if I wanna go out. Early morning. Not considering the dogs that are around. I do wish to have more social circles if I were to work or go to a university again. But I didn't. So, idk. I'm thinking of traveling, hiking, or anything (making a video) but I don't have money. I'm not gonna sell my PC as I needed it. I want to work so that I could buy a camera and a drone. And a new laptop for travel. But yeah~

Just bought these things. My messy room.

Why did this delivery guy woke me up early in the morning, only to sent the package hours later? I am in my deep sleep.. I just woke up for nothin.

I'm really doing nothing. I wake up, shower, just on my phone. Lying around. Etc. That's doing nothing. Open up the window.

There will be a cabin crew interview this weekend. Shall I not go?

Do I have what it takes to be a cabin crew? I was invited for an interview this 8 October. Should I go?

I have two certificate that reflects my years of studies. But both are gone. Or idk where it is. One had been like that for long. The other was stolen/getting rid off by others/someone while I was gone last year/earlier this year. Everything else was there except a few items including this. I put it together with my precious self portrait painting. I have yet to make a police report. I wonder if I can go back to my school & university to have it reprinted. I wonder . If they could do that? Can they do that?

It feels like all my school years and training had been come to waste because I'm not doing anything . Either. I don't have a supporting parents either. They don't care. And not doing anything. I have wanted to changed my course/university since I was 22.

.

No, I'm too shy to get back to my good relationship.

I don't know what I'm thinking.

How can I do a work that would pay me $15/hour , 8hours a day, seven days a week?

How can I further my studies? Without any help or contact with my parents. I just wake up very late, sleep a lot and not doing anything. I hope I wake up to do something but there's nothing to do. Earlier this morning , I wake up to pray and then eat, then sleep again. Feeling bad. I just thought that I wanna start studying again. Even though I'm getting older. (I woke up at 5AM & pray and I woke up at 10am and eat. Then I woke up at 3pm. What should I do? )

What old world? Prophets? Ancient Egyptians? Medieval?

We're not in conflict or something. But just I just have nothing to do~

I don't have that much money~ I think I'm just gonna be an Artist this month.

Right now, I have the tools for me to create art but I'm not motivated to do art. Now. Idk about my parents. My father focus on his work and my mom are just there doing nothing. She cooks for em and do groceries. Idk. How can I make use of October and November so that I could have fun in December. (Travelling? ) There was a trip going to Mount Kk this October but the cost was about 1.4k/300$ This is something that I wanna do. But there's also a local mountain which is free. But there's no group doing that trip. I would have to find my own group/people.