Sabth

Wake up at 5AM. Pray. Till 6/6:30. Sleep again. Wake up at 9AM. Breakfast ready. Then up and about. I only take a shower at 2PM or something. Or early morning(5AM). I wish I can go for a walk everyday. Every morning. (but this place, is not suited for it.).

And now these guys are asking me for the 15% $3357 and I'm feeling scared.

Leave Israel. Never make contact with a Muslim ever again. I didn't know that about Syria.

I think this green light symbolizes Saudi Arabia.

I dream of Resurrection Day September 8 ,7:06AM I said it is a resurrection day because there's too many people gathering everyone I know with a lot of others, dozens of people all seemingly either gathering for a one purpose (mosque) or a concert. But the artist and everyone else are one. People. Together. There is something that is too bright on the other side. Which seems like the balcony that I had in Egypt, my childhood home. Atop it was something like covered with a bright green thing, which the effect can be seen on the other side. It is too bright like a light pollution..green thing. We talk about it. Then my eldest sister and my deceased grandma was there. After the event. There's way too many people. I was resurrected with my beloved artist. I was calm. And she knows my presence and like it. Then she sings cuz I'm so good to you. It was a good thing. And I was all over the place like being a leader /homeowner. I went from one side to the other. Then there is a boygroup which I am familiar with on the other side. Exo. Together with people I know. All as one. Together. But we're singing this female's singer's song. Then (as I was all over the place) I went up and then went back. On my way back were still singing this female singers song. But then people started to form a line. Like in a mosque. In this very large building/area. It wasn't a mosque but people are gathering like the way it is in a mosque. And I continued walking finding my way. The lines and place are very long. Big. Even though there's endless more people coming, it fit. Then on my way back, I saw a longtime friend . She didn't recognized me/see me but was busy in her own world (wanting to get in line and coming in further). Then she fall/was stopped. Then I saw her clothes. And thought it was good. She's wearing two piece clothing with one jacket. And I thought it's really good and stylish. Then I saw my clothing. /I look at my clothing, and thought , it's good too! I wear white two piece clothing with one outergarment. Crocheted. So I don't feel bad about myself. And we go our own way. People are already a lot. I went out. This place is like my old university. It has many buildings and each for each faculty. Then I went out. This place is like a mix of my primary school and my university. The place is kinda bad. Like an unfinished plastering. Then I saw in each building people and even at the walkway where I'm at. (Since people are gathering) . Then I saw my high school classmate in the building . At this point, I am just amazed at how earth doesn't fall out /break at the amount of people on it. The buildings look very bad with unfinished plastering. And it seems like it's going to break. With a lot of people coming in. And remember, it's all one thing. From the inside earlier to this space. It's connected. And while I'm out, I could hear what was seemingly like a khutbah. (Like a preacher in a mosque during Friday prayer) it is a mixture of concert and khutbah. Earlier there is this female singer and now I could hear the khutbah given. And as I was far away, I tried to listen to it carefully , like everybody else who came. But these people, I am not too comfortable with them. They are males and doesn't seems like a Muslim. And maybe for racial reason too. So I was crowded by these people. I am the only person looking like me. Female. Alone. Little. But it was kind of an outdoor pathway/walkaway so I don't really feel bad. Then it's over and everybody are going out (dispersing) the buildings seems old and dusty. And then when I wanna go back, I got lost. In these many faculties and buildings. There's water element to it. Like a fountain pool. Or circle. And there are many . Two? Idk. But the place are insane. After I've made a few turns, (I wanna go back) I arrived at what seemingly like a ferry drop off. But the ferry was like apartment. With staircase and it looks creepy. Like a floating apartment with massive sizes that are floating on water. It seems dangerous. And my second sister was aboarding that thing. Idk. It just seems like a long journey. In a dangerous looking thing. But she says it will be just two days trip. I worried for her safety. She and her family. And I asked her how do I get out? And she didn't tell me either. (She didn't know?)idk. This area are very massive. There are dozens of people. On these ferry like building. And I don't have a family or anyone with me. I'm lost. I didn't know how to get out. It seems like a life and death journey. Those who are boarding the ferry. Or was it a cruise? Idk. But the parts are like apartment building. And I take my turn and I was just lost. Then I wake up. I could never find my way out.

. With nothing to do. With no aspiration to look up for. My life is idle ism. How can I move to Saudi Arabia?

@MarkKol that's why I want to move to Saudi Arabia. I'm getting lame in my country~

I wanna go to Mount Santubong. But I want to have a drone first. So that I could see. The whole mountain. My trek would be worth it. Now I'm not prepared. I can go there alone. As fast as possible. Not thinking about anything. It's already day light.

Today, they are going to the place that I wanna hike, but they go to the beach. Not hiking. 8:00AM

7:34AM

I dream that I was about to dye my hair. I have always wanted to dye my hair. Maybe I'll get to it later. I will do an update.

Idk This Ogival swimsuit feels so ugly~

My life now is ...

My 2013 DeviantArt https://www.deviantart.com/yanalove1

I'm just gonna post this cuz I used to draw them a lot. As a teen.

DECEMBER 27, 2021 December 27 2021, I want to install a lock into my bedroom. But one year later , all of my belongings are missing. This is a true valid fear. But I didn't install it. And they took or get rid of all my precious things while I was in a hospital. My family is my enemy. They put me into a mental hospital. And when I was away, get rid of all my things. I have always thought as a child, that I wanna put my diaries collection in my own home. In a safe area. So that it can be ready again by my decendants. Or something. I wanna keep it as my memories. But when Im twenty six, it was gone. 24 December 2022. My phone are gone too. I wonder if there's any worth living life even. All of my precious things are gone. I used to keep it locked in a luggage as a young kid. So even as a kid, I had this threat. From my family. It was never safe. Once I dreamed that my older sister are cutting this luggage open with a knife and destroyed my drawings. When I woke up it feels so real . I wonder if that's real. If they really wanna destroy my things. And now when I'm gone from home for the first time ever , without being prepared ,( before this even when I went to a university I kept it locked inside a larger luggage). Now those luggage are gone. My phone are gone. The phone that I had my contacts with. All of my "contacts". Now it's gone. 11 October 2023.

I dreamt that Taeyeon draws a plan and it materialize... Then we could stay in it together. It was a pretty big home.

Tell me one way. People my age have already work in two or more company. Have done masters degree. Have worked part time job a lot. (Outside their career). And some have even got married and have a child. What can I do?

I wouldn't ask anyone for money except my parents. But they didn't have much money. It is a dream to me to make my own money. I haven't ever work in my life ever. Huh?

I don't know. I want a restart button. My life currently, .

@Jacob Morres I never make contact with Indian people this is my first time and I had a bad experience. It seems like they are on the lower ground in comparison to Chinese. I am having a good relationship(/experience) with the Chinese. They are more business mind like. And I never got scammed by a Chinese it seems like they focus more on success. It seems like indians are more behind than Chinese. From the way that they spoke to me, I got a feeling that they have this attitude that are worser than my own people. Like not keeping their promises. And being a little behind.

I have been scammed by some Indian people when I want to buy a "saree" and have paid but the thing never arrived. I have contacted them a lot and they respond saying it "later" for eternity. It was quite a lot. And I never got my "saree". Now I think they might be worser than Chinese (to dealt with). I have paid $76 for a saree , but never got it. The ad for this profile come across my timeline and I thought I wanna buy one. But it turns out to be a lie. https://instagram.com/nk_signature?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA== Now the followers had grows twicefold. Idk. It used to be 35+k now it's 70+k. This is the ones that I wanna bought.

Do you believe that he can see angels as their real being, with wings and in it's true form? Like something that is outside of him. Which he communicate with daily. His first encounter was in Mount Hira' (I've been here in 2014 and it was so good going to a place where Muhammad meditate every night directly from this mountain you can see the Kaaba) it was quite tiring hiking up there. I was wearing just normal clothe.