Sabth

He is Allah—there is no god except Him: the King, the Most Holy, the All-Perfect, the Source of Serenity, the Watcher ˹of all˺, the Almighty, the Supreme in Might,1 the Majestic. Glorified is Allah far above what they associate with Him ˹in worship˺! 23 He is Allah: the Creator, the Inventor, the Shaper. He ˹alone˺ has the Most Beautiful Names. Whatever is in the heavens and the earth ˹constantly˺ glorifies Him. And He is the Almighty, All-Wise. 24

@Nabd who do you think preserve the Quran and hadeeth? I don't know about you but for my source, it is connected to the prophet. And we have even the descendants of the prophet through his two grandchild. Hasan & Hussein. So it's not completely disconnected at all.

The last time I went to the park was February 1 this year.

But what I did was attending a pre university. When I was 19 things started to fall out a little bit. I wasn't as good as I was when I was 18 (Sem I & Sem II) But I was doing it anyway. And I finished it. During these times, I had a hard time living away from my family. I feel like, anything that you force yourself to do is not worth it. You can't force yourself. If you feel like you have to force yourself into doing something, then it's not worth it. I have actually wish I would hv stayed closer to my fam , like attending a local university in my state rather than another state. I struggled with homesickness for years and years. And I've wasted my precious youth , away from home and my family. I think it's not worth it. And I can never get used to it. In the end, I'm back. I wish I would have stayed closer to home back then.

I even wish, I would have had, a child when i was 18.

Don't Waste Your Youth. And when I say youth, I mean 22, 18, Don't waste it doing nothing. Or doing something that are not meant to be forever lasting. Or something pointless. Be steadfast. In your path. Don't have a fallout. In the drain.

It never crossed my mind that I want to work /need to work before I was put into the mental hospital . It was completely normal for me and I have no interest or even considered working. Ever. Only then. After that. Because they would ask me if I want to continue my studies etc. And I feel like I want to do something. Since my energy had been disrupted. Completely.

For your information, I have a secret. And that secret is, my account previously is.... @Twenty But I forgot it's password after having been in the hospital for a month so I created a new one. No. I actually forgot the account name altogether until much later. When I remember it back.

Do you think that's why they took my phone? And my phone was missing forever . And they bought me a new one. In the hospital, I wasn't allowed to have my phone at all for over a month. They cut my contacts completely. And force me to do ect. For a few weeks. I have a few sessions of it. I never have lost consciousness in my life before. But they did it to me. And during the pandemic , and during these times, I had not wanted to shake hand with my father at all. Or even let anyone touch me, but when my mom wasn't around, (it is just me and my father and on that day, that guest) he touch me with all his heart. Holding my hands. And I felt disgusted by it . I can't remember exactly who's holding what, but I think it was both of them. Why would anyone took my phone? Is it because my phone will be evidence that I'm not crazy? They're evil. What do ect will do to me? It's just evil. It doesn't work for me/anything. It's just pure evil. And I was very much like a saint before that. I don't do anything bad. I never skip my prayer. I read the Quran. I was doing fine. If anything, I don't wanna be dependent on anyone/them. I remembered how I want to walk to buy something. And how I made my own cash on delivery online purchases. (This is a big thing because I don't know how to make online transaction) and I just simply don't wanna be dependent on them. At one point. I was very distant even. Because I don't wanna have anything to do with some thing. I get out of their Whatsapp group. Somehow. I hate to be dependent on my parents and I don't. During the pandemic, I remember that we made certain changes in that we no longer visit others houses. And people became a little distant. We all have our own room. And I don't wanna be close to some of family members. I was put into the mental hospital by force. I got disconnected from all of my social circles. (And it's forever) at this time I had a lot of synchronicities with a lot of people. But cutting me off from my contact and social media really disrupted it. And I was forced to stay in the hospital until about a month. I have missed new years eves and Christmas altogether. And I had to shower and pee in public. It was like a Chinese hospital with a lot of chinese. I get used to it but I despise the hospital. I hate the fact that they're cutting me from my high ground. Cutting me completely. And I have to be really people smart to save myself in the hospital. Because or else they would threaten me. I thought I want to convert everyone in that hospital to save myself or else I'd be really fucked up. Because there is this hospital and on the other side of the spectrum is my light . There is light. There is no such thing as mental illness in my religion. And I just thought that if I wanna save myself I would have to make everyone like myself or I'd be really fucked up. But I am already fucked. I saw people being dragged by female male nurses and was tied to the bed. No one wants to be tied. Even if you're not crazy they would accused you of being crazy. I learned that if you're suicidal you would be put into a mental hospital too. But fuck I was far away from being suicidal. The girl next to me has attempted suicide. There's only four people who are young including me. The others are old people. And a Chinese girl younger than me had been in there for a long time. Probably since she was young. I don't know her case but she seems very sane to me. I don't know when she'll ever get out. When you think about it, you're time wasted in the mental hospital. Your youth. She's even pretty. I wish she would get out as soon as possible but she's not. I just hate the hospital. It shouldn't exist. Heh. It's very old fashioned. Stuck in the past. They had stole my 26yo from me. I had a few days left to celebrate my 26years. And it is my things that are stolen when I was in the hospital. So who's crazy? Who's criminal? Who's at fault here? If anything it was me who lost my things when I was away. And when I'm back my mom keeps accusing me that I wasn't sane.

For your information, I have a secret. And that secret is, my account previously is....

He is my first (adolescent) love. When I'm 17 going to 18. Right after high school. But we're both, young and immatured. If you can, remember me : Of course you wouldn't... .

Mansion is no fun.

🎬 I miss him so much. O God, make us meet. He's my precious guy. I miss him so much. When are we going to have the same adventure again? I wanna be with him. I don't even know you're name guy.

This song. I think what's cool about her is that she has so many followers , beyond what I could ever grasp. And she drive a cool car. And she's pink. But culturally I think she's very different.

And this , is the actual singer whom I listened to, since I was young. Even way before Taeyeon. (Because Taeyeon had her solos way later. ) So I like her (Cl) since I was young.

I just saw this. I didn't know her. Didn't really know her, but this year, I kinda get to know her. Probably because she's Pink . And she's the barbie of Instagram. So I know her. She also feels fresh. And new. I like her concept. And her first song that I listened to is "who the fuck is these people are". Who the fuck is these bitches. Hahahaha na. Nvm. But I kinda think that she's cool.

Today is 11.11 Happy 1111 ^^

.... Thanks. I'll think more about it. 10 Nov 2023 5:36AM - I dreamed that I went to Egypt with my mom. And there are like a big ocean seen from the higher perspective /view (like an aerial view) and there were a lot of ships and waves. And along the road there was some military thing and shops selling souvenirs . I remember collecting every pink pastel colour items. As it was irresistible. A ceramic plate, a figurines, and an undergarments. It was all super pretty. There are other colours too but I choose every pink item. Then we went to a big art shop. It still is my dream. But before that, I went to the toilet and are still afraid if I'm gonna miss my prayer. You have to pay 20cents to get into the public toilet. But I couldn't see any mosque or prayer room. And by the time I was out of the toilet, my mom had finished shopping in the art shop and I just went in. And as usual, I love the art shop. But this art shop, it was more dreamy than any real art shop I've ever been to before. There are so many items that are ideal like. A lot of pink papers that didn't exist in real life. And brushes. And so many things. I go crazy. I don't think about the payment or the price. Just like the roadside shop. I seems to be... Careless. It almost feel like it's free in my dream.. and then there was a big get together. Everything was ideal and I love everything.

.

I did all this because I just tried making my resume.. but realized that I have nothing to put in there. Nothing good. I am very inexperienced. I don't have any experience. Or a thing that I'm good at. A portfolio. I don't know. I don't graduate. So I am considering a second degree. What would be good to be put in my resume? I am reconsidering my 27years of life. (The example of someone's resume) (Mine). Aaaaaaaaaaa .... ~~~

Am I really just stupid? I see everyone else's doing just fine . As if it's not even a hard thing. Everyone doing just fine. But why couldn't I graduate? Why do I have to extend two years? What happened? I even thought I was above average back then. During high school, I do know that I have an attitude . But, Was it a mistake to go back here in this country? I looked at myself and wonder, what would she be, if, she were to just stay in x. Forever. Since back then. What would she be? Because when I came here, it wasn't the best life possible. Let's see. Let's see where it all goes wrong. In my third year (12yo) I got a full marks on my national examination. And in my sixth year (15yo) I still got a full As with flying colour though I didn't expected that. Cuz I was the most rebellious kid ever. I do as I wishes. And study to the last minute. But I got full As. That's doing things as I wishes. Going to school whenever I feel like to. I have an adoption too. So my life was filled with love and flowers. But in my upper high school, I slack a bit. In my eighth year (17yo) I got only 5As out of 8. By that time , I have compromised a lot. "My teacher told me that I have matured a lot". It's not maturity. It's compromising with the teachers and school a lot. So I have a so so results. I wasn't doing good. And I think my peak , my another peak was in my ninth year (18yo) when I just went to a foundation studies. I really enjoyed it very well. And except for my final third semester, I do well. But towards the end I slack a bit so I couldn't get a 3.5 pointer and above . I got 3.3. Cgpa. But I still think that I do well. With my homesickness a lot too. I think I did well. But, in my first year university everything crumbled. I don't like it. I don't like my university . But I learned preserverance. Which clearly didn't work. Because I'm forcing myself. Which lead me to nowhere and I dropped out at my fourth year. I became worser each year. Or maybe better. But I wasn't teach nothing. They didn't teach me. That's one of my problem. I need special attention and I need to be teached. But they didn't. So I wasn't doing well. Idk. Or maybe I was young. I wish I would hv went to a private university so that the people would be fewer . The capacity or group of people would be lower. Instead of a massive/big groups of people studying together. ***I'm in yellow This too is when I'm doing well : (18yo) This was me in 2016. I was well but not too well. I lost my footage. I have one of the best high of all high but also was struggling a lot. At my university. I guess? Idk. But I was doing well. Nah I was doing really super well. But not too well. December 2016? I just remember there was really many good songs released during this time. Bb bp. And I can't get it off my mind. I wish my footage wasn't lost. Because I was at my peak. In filming everyone and everything. But I was also busy with my university. And without A GOOD HARDWARE. So I lost my footage. (20yo) . (22yo) when I went to Yemen, Oman , Dubai somehow. I also lost my footage here. My old camera was creating problem and my harddisk too. So ,that camera that you see in the picture that I bought in 2012, the footage from that camera was lost. There was a problem with the memory card when it just simply format itself. So when I came back, I brought nothing. All the footage was lost.

They changed form during this transition between day and night. Then they returned (or became) a human again..

I just got a strange dream. In that dream, it was all family, and some YouTubers , gathering. At my current house. But the way it looks was movie like and very/quite traditional. You won't believe what I see. At first, there was a baby named Luca whom I watch on YouTube, but she's at home and I called her name. Then she dropped my beads or my glitters. And I was furious but I took it back and put it together. My sister's are there. And my first sister are acting like the villain. But in the end, I can get things my way. But again strange things happened. She blow dried my hair and put/stick a rubber on my right at the back of my head. It took me a while to fine it and took it away. I just told my mom that she's blow drying my hair. The whole dream was like quite traditional and unreal. I don't know. And my second sister had always been nice and sweet. Even in that dream. (Idk if she's married or not. She seems to be alone until later on. But her child aren't like my current nieces. It's a different kid altogether. And the grandma's too. And grandpas. It wasn't ours. But she told my sister to let her "granddaughters" wearing clothe. And my sister brings it. That's when I know or I assume that it's her daughters. Then, something strange happen. After I found out about the band that is on my head, were about to go somewhere. We're all gathered. And since there are a lot of other people, I say something along the lines of "it was hereditary". Then, as the realm switches during sunrise/sunset (at this time I guess it is sunset) or sunrise? Idk. But suddenly.... Those people... They changed. Their face are bloody and it changes deformed into a really scary monsters. I don't know. But it was bloody and look awful. I can't describe it. And people are busy. And we go out. I was with my brother and after a while, like after the process of sunrise/sunset half happened, they returned like normal. In a proper dressing and continued with their greetings and sweet talk. At this time I was outside with my bro. He's about to get married. So everyone was wearing traditionally. But in this dream , I just learned that some family changes forms during sunset or sunrise. When I was young, I was always told not to go out during this changing between day and night or night and day. Because, idk. It's just the time when the Jins was out. Their day is our night and our night is their day. So do you think I just saw a part of them in my dream? It sure do is weird.