
Sabth
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Everything posted by Sabth
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A baby likes me. Wine temptation. idk whats happening. I want red. I like red. Proceed to painting it red again ~
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I just wish I had a car so I could go to the park everyday. And have a great body as a result.
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We went to the park , today🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻 ! After a long time. Wow. But it was just hot outside. There are really many people because it's weekend. I feel old but I went with my nieces and nephew. Holding my nieces. I used to go here since I was 15. But back then,, I was young and we went with the adopted sisters (ours) but now I went with my nieces and nephews so I did feel old. But I wasn't as before. I wish I would have made a lap/jogging for a few rounds. But maybe tomorrow or any other day. I want to use the benefit of being a grown up or adult so that we can go to the park in non weekend days so there wasn't any kids or school children around. I want to go when there aren't many people around. It was so hot just now. And the park are just crowded. But as an old person, I feel like it was fine. I like seeing the kids and the people crowding the place. I wasn't as shy as before. I'm old now. I wish I was younger though. It's not good to feel old. I wanna jog and exercise a lot more.
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And I don't know what to do. I am trapped. And there is nothing I can do about it. It had been years. And there's nothing I can do about it.
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So I have painted my room red .
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@FourCrossedWands I hv watch a war documentaries a lot when I was 17 and have passed through that. Not interested anymore. I'm just currently worried for my own self right now. My circumstances.
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Right now is the era of Taeyeon's new album : kyaaaaa~>>>
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This song is my Essence. Throughout childhood, adulthood, teenagehood.. but now not anymore. Only recently. It has ended. This song is a past. Now. ....
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I sleep and after having a good sleep, I woke up feeling better. I just didn't know what to do the day before. Just thinking that I don't have work, and can't move forward, and couldn't get away from home whenever I feel like to. I feel like I'm trapped. I feel like my life is a waste. And I couldn't do nothing.
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I am thankful for this paint. 12:07AM
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I need to face this wall forever....
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The kind of colours that grows on u.
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I want maroon but it turns out red. 🌚 this is so different than I thought...
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No. But I'd like to. I've only had a concert in my room that's the most that I'd do. Watching concert videos from my room . And sometimes I would listen to music from my room.
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Listening to music out loud does make me feel a little better. But it doesn't changed my life.
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https://vt.tiktok.com/ZSNu1JrhR/ I was laughing so hard at this
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I don't know why I choose a red bedroom : It was supposed to be maroon bedroom but I choose this instead. RED And my father ask me to create a wall art. To decorate the new wall with my own work.
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Waaaa I have finished this game, I can't believe it. I have finished healthy lifestyle and collect all 10🎉.
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I tried to do this morning routine but realizes that my usual daily habits are better because I got sick afterwards.. maybe from the cold morning shower. I shouldn't shower early morning unnecessarily just the way I usually is. I should keep warm and do things naturally. I don't feel like it's a necessity either. "10 Ways to start off your day 1.Wake up at 4:30AM 2.Get ready and prepared for your morning or Isya prayer. 3.Pray Isya/Tahajjud/Hajat prayer until morning 5:15AM 4.Pray Your Subh prayer. 5.Get to shower. 6.Eat an icy cold mango. 7.Get back to your room and read a Yaseen. 8.Get ready to drive to your park or the stadium. 9.Skate to your heart content/till the sun rise. 10.Going back home and start your day. "
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I had a weird dream I don't know... I had to kill a big bird because it won't stop attacking me. First I crack/fold it's wings until it break but his big beak won't stop attacking me towards the end. Then someone unplug it. Just like electrical lighting. And there was also a lamb/goat. Keep attacking me. But I remember killing the bird. I still got weird dream of the back neighbour and the blinds. It's truly weird. I do open up the blinds completely yesterday. .. maybe it's time for me to change my room yet again. Like back then. The other room had a smaller window. But I do once in a while caught looking at each other randomly there is no privacy. It was both our backyards. So we both want a reflective time on our backyard. But it turns out there's each other. It was never , had privacy. But we forgot and act as if there's really no one in our backyard it's funny. When early morning I just want to open my window. But there's someone sitting in his backyard reflecting. It was a long time ago. And there was a group of my mom's friends who brought me out of my room while I was sleeping. They woke me up. it's like a cult. And we read something. 3:41AM Taeyeon's album is coming out btw~
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I have $160 with that person, I want it back.
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I think whatever I do this room simply doesn't make it. It can't be good no matter what. No matter what I do to my room it is still not pretty. I think this house is old. And it is beyond repair. Whatever you do, however to make up the room . It's still... Unsettling. I am trying to draw my room from IG story. 😂 We used to have like the real plan of this house.
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I keep on 6:36PM Nov 20th , 2023. Right now, at the age of twenty seven , I wonder where my life should be. Where I should be now. I should have gathered wealth, career, success, experience, love, children, 💟 and many more. I'm old. But with nothings much really. I have a few nephew and nieces. That's only it. They are loud and merrier. Now I'm twenty seven. I am no longer twenty two. I should have ... Can my life be really good?
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In December 2018, I simply drop out from my school (by right, it was my third year university). So I don't go to the examination and the classes at the end of the semesters. Then, I took a study break. For a year. At this time, I was just focusing on something that's bothering me. So I was focusing on that. I went to three different places. Buy a lot of books and was learning "a lot" spiritually. I do everything that I'm curious about. I attend a weekly programme for months , in 2019. And I also attended other , retreat? I don't know what to call it. But it's basically learning religion for two weeks straight. And I meet someone whom I would deem a sage (usually/initially) and he gave me a book which I implemented into my life daily since then and it was a good book (but I've stopped doing this somehow) . Since it has been years before (2018-20xx) there was a time when I no longer had felt respect towards the said "sage" /englightened being. After a while, I realized that it is just me who looked at him highly. And that I should be careful. Because we're not the same. He actually bring me down instead of higher. Then I missed my education and my people . I remember walking away from this Madrasas to my home thinking that it's not for me. And later, I did go back to my university. In 2019. September. But, I have already changed so much. It take me a while to get back to it. I was really strange. I couldn't walk on the road or be with a group of people and feeling normal. It felt so weird. And I had to be taken cared of. Or I might get into accidents on the road. But anyway, towards the end , this is not even the end, in the middle of the semester, I withdraw. For the second time. I feel like I am like a zoo animal. Being watched by some. As if I'm some unique being. I got really repelled by my English teacher. He said something along the lines of "you don't see her everywhere" , "it's hard to see her" , damn. Like I'm such a special kid. And I was very , repelled by that. And I felt stupid answering the midterm examination writing all my thoughts out in those papers. I felt like an idiot. I wish I didn't. And I stop going to classes. I felt like everything is no longer worth it. It felt totally different than the generations before it. (Remember that I was from the previous batch? But I took a study leave and go the next year. ) It was all different. In the end, I stop going to university (classes) even this year. Until early 2020. When I told my mom that I no longer wanna do it. So that's when I officially go back. Flying back home. And I was doing just fine until 2022. I feel like I'm even high. But in December 24th 2022, when my mom was away, there was that whole hospital thing. I was doing fine. I never skip my prayers. I've always done my routine without skipping it. Im doing fine, but this is what they did to me. Since then, I never felt okay. I feel like I have something that I'm losing in life. I feel like I want or need work to fill my life. I feel like I want to study again. All of these things. Otherwise , I'm occupied with my spirituality. In my higher ground. But they f ing took it away from me. Holding my hands. I'm disgusted. Otherwise I haven't been touched by anyone.