Sabth

My bibles had been stolen so I can no longer read Jesus' words. (But yesterday I just downloaded an online app version.) Though it can never be the same as my pretty, expensive bible. A few years ago, I just like having all of the holy scriptures.

I love holy scriptures

My home is calm. From the airport all the way to home is calm . And, I was greeted by my lovers. They are , it felt like we've leaved them for long... They are such a delight. Leaving them , in this space , while I'm out somewhere. Idk. I wanna bring them all. That's what I thought when I go. That would be fun.

But now I'm home safely. That's a miracle that I even arrived. To my destination. Going and coming back home. While there are a lot of things that I want , there are a lot of things that I couldn't. So yeah.

I'm home now. after a long journey. Everytime I travel , I risk my life. Everytime I fly. As I get older, I became more cautious/conscious about the danger of this. While it wasn't even on my mind back then. I am only anticipating my destination. Never think about it. But this time, at first I just felt tired (last year) and now I felt scared. The experience was really bad. My life is on the line.

Idk . In each house that I went to I got a different dream. With the exception of my bros house. Where I don't dream of anything. Because I haven't slept for days. I sleep peacefully. Without a dream. But here last night I got a weird dream . No I don't want for our fam to be separated. We're all fine.

I don't wanna go back because of my father. He had abused me I'm just pissed off by it. Rather not going back.

I miss this place I'm definitely gonna come back. I wish..

He's a millionaire or maybe even a billionaire who wasted his money on games and creating more money with games.

I don't wanna go back.

Let's not forget to curse the thief everyday.

I shouldn't let anyone know my playlist.

I won't sleep anymore. I'll stay awake.

I got a series of bad dreams. Idk.. idk. 9:28AM

You cant invite God or heavens into your life when your surrounding is no longer good. I wonder what it would be like , in an ideal world. In a Truthful world. If everything was in accordance with Truth. I can no longer listen to good songs. It is not fitting. My world used to be just heavenly.

This house had been destroyed. I have said it again and again. (I’ve been thinking whether i should move to my original room or stayed in my current room. This is my conclusion. There’s no way around it. I have told my mom that i want to move but she didnt let me and now that room, had been used by, MANY, people. In and out. The energy that i had was def not there anymore. It had been spoiled by people. But even the reason i changed my room, it was for a reason. Still not settled. There was a reason why i wanna change my room. Though it is not the best. Now my room can no longer be the same. As i said , “The house had been destroyed” ~

.

4:20AM

I don't wanna go back I don't wanna be here. I haven't travelled I haven't explored or walk. And now the return ticket had already been bought. I don't wanna go back. But there will be no one here either. I don't wanna go back.

It IS, in a bad condition. This house, when i arrived last night. I dont know.

I got a bad dream. After I wrote this. Idk 12:55PM

My life is I’d imagine I lived here having my own one unit apartment to my likings, having a home. And then working and doing arts. I like this place, I miss it so much. But a few days ago all of these , just shattered. I’m not going anywhere. And my had since turns really bad. All the energy & excitement that I got from this city, died. I dont wanna go back. I’d imagine my nieces & nephew “coming to my house” . And that I went to a lot of places around the city with them. I thought it would be fun. Or else we’re just living together at home. To bring them here would be fun. Then after we’re done with this city we can go back home. I dont wanna go back when i arrived here. With the little thing that i bought, i think that would be sufficient. I dont need anything else. I wanna stay here. Idk. It felt all possible and good the Fisrt few days but now i am crushed. No longer was fun. It rather seems weird now that my plan… wtf “because i wasnt allowed to walk around the city by the person who had assaulted me back home, wtf. And i was at a place that im not familiar with (not the city center) the first few days felt so good. but f my mom want to keep me like a toddler. I am not sick and i am not old i should walk miles. now i am back, to my old place, without ever doing anything. I wanna live in my brother’s house longer. Its New and better. New environment and New dynamic. I wanna have my own house too. Here. In this city. But now im less excited. yk i carried the spirit of the people back home. I dont like how it turns out. 8:04AM - 26july2024 - week 1

I was never assaulted while I'm in school or when I'm alone outside but at home. Disgusting.

I wanna live here.

We didn't buy a return ticket yet and I don't wanna waste my time any longer. I wanna use everyday to the fullest.