Sabth

I'm not talking to my mom ever again. Because she's still ignoring me. Changing the topic. Trying to silence me. ? I should probably not bring these up. I said I should go straight to the 👮🏻‍♀️🚔🚓

Of course. I never expect anyone in my fam to protect me*. Instead , I should be protected from them. No one, had ever laid their hands on me. *My brothers are both younger than me.

I said , my mom is evil because she ignored it. The men in my family are useless. They failed to protect me. Instead, he is the one who attacked me. They betrayed me. Still useless. Still useless. (My mom). Do you think she got money from (doing) it? Weird.

If I went to x I wanna stay for a few months. Or even a year. I don't wanna rush. I wanna spend my time there as I wishes. 11:07PM I don't wanna have anything to with No one would be supporting me

They're evil. My father is evil. My mom is evil. My siblings are evil. I have been like a person who have stayed in this country for a long time. But my sister are coming back from the middle east. So we may not have the same standard /on the same page. She might be, whatever that is, are lacking in something. Or are ruckus. Or they might not be able to resist seeing good things. Or I don't know. But they are like a destroyer. Bringing in destruction. Destroyed everything. Like my books and our childhood books that we've kept for years. We aren't like that when we are young/a baby. So those things last until we reached adulthood. But they, destroyed it all. I wasn't mad. But, they aren't like us. And my thing, they steal it just like that. I remembered my other sister who had lived with me for a long time, we aren't like that. She never touch my thing. And she's practicing. Her whole outlook is different. I feel safe with her. I AM safe with her. We grow up together. But when all these happened, my youngest bro and my eldest sister aren't here. They live faraway.

@BlueOak Well, if I have money I could have solved a lot of problems. I could have lived in my own home somewhere faraway. My things wouldn't hv been stolen and I wouldn't be assaulted. My life wouldn't have a setback and I can keep on being /going higher. Without any setback. I wouldn't have been killed. Still wake up feeling anxious of what they've did to me. Stealing.

@Davino No it's dirty with people's sins. I hate being touched by a lot of people.

I dream that my brother is having sex in my mom's room. Do you find this disturbing? Aka disgusting? I also seen other things in my dream. And that this house, to be renewed. Idk. But we had to pay for something. Idk. Idk how it works or if it even exist in real life. I have dream of others having sex in front of me a lot. Like my cousin. When I visited them irl. I wish, I would be kept clean until forever. And my sister, In Real Life , having sex next door. It's disgusting. As much as I hate it . It is unavoidable. They live with my parents. (But I don't remember my other sister ever have sex to my knowledge. Because they live in the guest room back then. And not next door. ) As I said, this house had been ruined. I wish I can be far away back then. Shouldn't be here.

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Those who get pregnant and have a kid.

To my friends who never give up, I really respected them a lot. For being the same. And I only missed a little.

Dreams getting weirder. I see someone won a lottery. A huge amount of money. There are three guys. Two, are trying to steal it as soon as he went out of the door. And I see these people running and chasing. They tricked him by an aquarium first. I don't know. These two people are carrying an aquarium. And this third people too, and bring it inside a room. It was like a corridor with many rooms (a hotel room? ) idk. But they are trying to catch this guy who won the lottery. He had with him a bag full of money. And once he went into the room , he couldn't get out. So his bag was stolen. And so this bag of money becomes a two sets of examination paper. I see it being stolen. So it was a stolen examination paper. It got leaked before it's time. And I see that some people allowed their kids to take this test and some didn't. Didn't wanna participate in a stolen thing. So when the time comes, I see some students are taking it. Doing this examination. In my dream, I also had some.. type of examination. A paper. That I'm doing. I don't know if this dream is related. But it both are dreams that I got this morning. But instead, I had this paper at home/ at my grandpa's home. So idk. I can't remember exactly what it was about. But it has been ages since I took any examination. So it was a little.. I can't remember what it was about. And I got several other dreams. I got a dream that my father married another woman. But she's ugly. So it was very upsetting. She was not even pretty. In this house. And I dream of a family, who, all of their big family living in one space. Having a lot of beds. They said they prefer it that way. So all of their family are living and sleeping together in one room (one massive big room that would fit everyone from grandma's to grandchildren. But they sleep in one big room.) I said don't you want privacy? And they said they are happy with that. It seems fine. For just sleeping. Good.

There was a kid vomiting around. A car crash at the airport (race car) . And some people I know , appeared in my dream. All of these seemingly random dream, I think , I think it was the unseen world that couldn't manifest in the real world. Too weak? I don't know. But I'm glad that it didn't. It only disturb me in my dream. Idk. Maybe, it was already in this world. Appearing as those which are already around me.

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New I wish my circle (world) is bigger. Now I am only just trapped and being with nothing. I got a dream that consist of the people that I've met before (in the past) but I'm not living in that moment , that life. I think there are a lot of things that are occuring that are meant for a higher life , things that are arises/ birthed into this world. I shall be, it should be , something higher, but because of my small world at the moment , it can only happen within , my small (family)/world. I dream about a lot of things. A lot of people. Probably people that failed to be manifested in the real world. So those souls appears only in my dream. Not physically. Idk. People that I didn't know. And some I know. It feels like they are a reincarnation . I wish I can only be with people I love. Not just a random person /soul that I didn't know of. What does it mean when you dream of lions in a cage and then the cage was opened? There was a lot of it. A pack. I don't hv such a good dreams, . My life had been very constricted Reminds me of when I was 24. Life should have been bigger. Greater. But I am only having a small circle. So those things that appear in this world (from the unseen) couldn't be bigger. I should have bring everything together. But things only get worse. I don't even know. But things really is. As I said , to the already poor me. Why do people steal from me? I'm back to zero. Stripped off everything from me. I am already poor. And they make me have nothing taking everything. I don't even have money /are making money. Maybe I am the richest person on earth. Na. (My small world btw) But they steal from me. 🌆 I do have feel unsafe ever since I was a child. Taking precautions. But it just, didn't help in 20x. I could no longer save myself. My fate had been ugly. Maybe because I didn't appreciate what was before. They said you can asked for anything in heaven. And I will asked for all my footage that was lost, among others. But this is the most important. The first things I will ask for. But heaven didn't even exist now. So it was all really pointless. I really have lost EVERYTHING. WHAT IS LOST IS LOST FOREVER. I can't ask for it anymore. And I really, valued , all of my memories. Since I was a child. But I've lost a piece of my most valued timeline. And on top of that all , my possession are stolen by someone inside the house. Am I rich? Am I poor? I know what I have, I even documented my thought process since I was eight. Throughout childhood throughout adulthood, I always write as the age I'm in . To the future me. So I understand every ages. And most importantly, my .... was in it. I may not have a degree , but I have the things that I've collected. But a part of me was stolen from myself. I bet they brun it. Or destroyed it. Would you think that they keep it for their own self? Why would anyone do that? Are my things circulating? I'd rather not make any assumptions or have high hopes that it still exist. 🌆

I dream of a head ball (3 of them) on the seaside /beach which can turn into a face with a long hair (all three) ,and it is, a type of fish , or some evil cursed thing (a ghost) idk. And I got several other dreams. While not entirely good, I don't know.

I still dream of running away from my father a lot. 10:40AM

I don't know. I feel like I'm further and further away from heaven. Heaven is my childhood.

4:53

My bibles had been stolen so I can no longer read Jesus' words. (But yesterday I just downloaded an online app version.) Though it can never be the same as my pretty, expensive bible. A few years ago, I just like having all of the holy scriptures.

I love holy scriptures

My home is calm. From the airport all the way to home is calm . And, I was greeted by my lovers. They are , it felt like we've leaved them for long... They are such a delight. Leaving them , in this space , while I'm out somewhere. Idk. I wanna bring them all. That's what I thought when I go. That would be fun.

But now I'm home safely. That's a miracle that I even arrived. To my destination. Going and coming back home. While there are a lot of things that I want , there are a lot of things that I couldn't. So yeah.

I'm home now. after a long journey. Everytime I travel , I risk my life. Everytime I fly. As I get older, I became more cautious/conscious about the danger of this. While it wasn't even on my mind back then. I am only anticipating my destination. Never think about it. But this time, at first I just felt tired (last year) and now I felt scared. The experience was really bad. My life is on the line.

Idk . In each house that I went to I got a different dream. With the exception of my bros house. Where I don't dream of anything. Because I haven't slept for days. I sleep peacefully. Without a dream. But here last night I got a weird dream . No I don't want for our fam to be separated. We're all fine.