theleelajoker

Yes I think so too. It's always updating, always evolving.

IT IS HARD. Took me a long time to deal with shame, lots of shame I was not even aware of, until something slowly started to open up. IS IS HARD, BUT: What you gonna do about it? Keep it hard for yourself? Keep it hard for others? Eat your emotions up until you break? Or be the guy that breaks the fucking cycle? BTW, my experience it not that external reality, others, whatever, will punish you for doing this. Last time I cried in public for the desperation and reasons above, the (male) friends around me all made an effort to be with me, support me. They feel the same. And when I cry in the presence of women, even on a date, most of them want to see me again. I think one of them once said "it makes me trust you". But nothing I say will and nothing I say SHOULD convince you. Either prove me wrong or come back here in few days or weeks and tell me that you had the same experience. Either way, I'll learn.

❤️

Few days ago, I was at rock bottom. You can still find my posts here in this forum where I say this. Really rock bottom, like entertaining thoughts of ending my experience here at all. I became so incredible desperate that I did not see glass half empty, it was completely empty. Since allowing this deep sadness, desperation, loneliness, things are trending in a good direction. So, the lesson I took for me is to allow all feelings as best as I can. Yeah, of course I struggle with that a lot, often. But it gets better. So if I can give you advice? Don't force yourself to learn from the guy that can't breath. Don't tell yourself what you should or should not do. The way it is, it sometimes just fucking sucks. Feel that. Courage, and Oneness is to allow ANYTHING, any feeling. Courage is to also feel like a coward from time to time. Feel and express this, to the very core of your being. And then see what happens next.

Ok this I get. I think it's good advice. Thanks. The other part I don't get. "look at my own fallacies and then I recall that there is someone who struggles to even breath." You mean you can't be happy bc you know someone else is struggling? What you mean about own fallacies? Honestly, I am simply curios (also, ENG = second language)

I am not sure I am following...can you please elaborate?

"Can't share the answer to this question" sounds fair to me. Much better then going in cryptic circles. What I want - beyond the question of how "others" experience reality : Learning how to make the best out of this ("my") experience. Understanding reality. Putting experiences and situations into context. But most of all, the first point. How to create the best possible experience / existence.

Sounds like a contradiction, doesn't it? Ain't trying to wake me up, put end goal of pushing me towards awakening? And then WTF about "no other sentinent beings", then why try to wake up your gf? Why trying to wake up your gf at all if you don't care? Have done enough substances or dope. Yeah, there's suffering, I suffer too now and then, wanted to leave as well. But I am not suffering 24/7. And what else to do but keep going? If waking up is better then this, why go here in the first place?

I see what you mean. Sometimes it feels like that for me. But right now I still feel like being here a bit more. Stuff to do, experiences to make. And WTF always refer to others, to Leo? You are your own avatar, character, role, illusion, whatever. THIS gets boring bro.

Well, nothing wrong about taking things with sense of humor right? So why is this the end goal?

Guys you make me laugh

@Inliytened1 Please go through all I and you wrote in this thread. So what I am seeing is that repeatedly, I asked for real experience, first person information, no meta, no abstract stuff, not you explaining the world to me. Repeatedly, you avoided this. There's nothing about real experiences in your reply. You only reply with abstract meta stuff, explaining the world to me, there is not a single "I" in your sentences. How come? Why are you avoiding answering in FPV and go meta all the time? I don't understand. Do you not have a first person experience of reality? Or are you unable to express it? Compare this to @Mvpjouney first reply for instance. You can go even further. You have conversations with your boss, your best friend, partner, whatever. How do you approach, how do you experience these conversations? What's happening before, during, after? What feelings, what thoughts, what sensations in your body are coming up? What messages are you sending, knowing that's it's oneness you talk with?

Ok I'm talking to myself. But if I now call my mum and ask her about this conversation we are having here, or any other stuff, then she won't be able to have a response to the big metaphysical questions we are discussing now. She will be like "he what are you talking about?" From her limitations in space and time, she's not part of this conversation we are having, right? But I have the feeling that she somehow will KNOW EXACTLY what we talk about in this thread. For the same reason you mentioned: all is one, no separation. I personally just have the feeling that information just gets coded in a certain way. So what I am trying to learn here is how to it works, how I can improve in communicating. I only know my experience, so I do my best to get learn more. PRACTICAL REAL LIFE EXAMPLE Form instance, I talk with this girl, turns out she likes to do horse riding. Dressage to be precise.I ask her some questions, how she manages to get comfortable with new horses, how she approaches horses that are shy, how she knows when it's the moment to ride a horse, when it's a moment to just walk with it, comb its fur etc. She starts talking and at one point she says "I slowly approach and get a feeling for the horse, if it's focused enough to learn a lesson or not" An when she says that, there is a certain energy coming up within me, I can't shake the feeling that it's not about dressage lessons for a horse. It FEELS LIKE it's just a code for me, telling me how it works in life, how - let's call it "oneness" - is teaching me and how it gently points out to me to be focused and awake to receive information/ lessons. So that's the stuff I am interested in. Am I the only one having such impressions? Am I delusional? Am I projecting?

@JoshB first all all, I appreciate your input. I get the part with ego = construction= illusory. What I don't get is How is understanding yourself /being= reality? Can you give a concrete example how this works? if there is no other that understands something I don't, how can conversations with other peoples give me information that it previously did not have, or put known information in different and constructive perspective? Happens all the time How can this thread have close to zero practical implications? Isn't what we are doing exchanging information about understanding l, which is according to you= being?

I believe everyone is doing the best he can. I am doing the best I can in my life. You're doing the best you can with the situation you described. CR is doing the best he can to support and help you. Maybe CR has or will have some input that will help you with the situation you describe. Maybe the first input wasn't what you hoped for, but the input can't improve of he's losing his motivation to engage... When nothing seems to help, I go and look at a stonecutter hammering away at his rock perhaps a hundred times without as much as a crack showing in it. Yet at the hundred and first blow it will split in two, and I know it was not that blow that did it, but all that had gone before." -Jacob Riis

Reading this thread. Gotta think of this song. https://open.spotify.com/track/4nGiEF3ZCBOCkr3cM0UtyE?si=2Hwr9afPTQK9IKERiLGiow

Thanks man. Anicca, Anicca. Something strange is going on lately and it am not fully understanding yet what's exactly happening or how Whatever it is, I believe it's trending in the right direction

Wow, just stumbled across your journal by accident. Lot's of good stuff. Keep it up. Much love

Yes I think it's just the continuation of communication. It's just becomes - typically - more nonverbal communication. I could often recognize how sexual patterns reflects other behaviors re daily interactions between the woman and me. Confidence, balance, passive vs. active, letting go, giving and receiving, etc. etc. Sex is IMO not a distant goal, a final destination or whatever, even if that seems to be reflected in our culture. It's the continuation of a process. And After Sex is before daily interactions which is before having sex another time which is already different because you got to know each other better... until infinity(!?) First time with my GF was often (maybe every time?) awkward. But the learning curve tends to be very steep

During my last Vipassana retreat, I got high very similiar to LSD. Just no visuals. Did not take long, happened on second day. Just had to go through A LOT of uncomfortabel feelings before for few hours, especially physcially (nauseous, dizziness, almost becoming unconscious). Bottom line: I am convinced that u can get there just naturally. Now, in everday life I often feel high as if I took MDMA or smoked weed without doing any of those things. Just happens, more or less randomly

Thanks. It's what I need right now

I want to / will try this

It gives me a chance to act/react. Situatiuon ABC, what do I do? How I respond? What engery do I give into the situation? Action, action, action. It's like a soup, and I have the choice to select ingredients It gives me chance to feel, experience love It gives me chance to see what has been created. I like what I experience vs. I don't like. I give freely. Others give me freely. I act like a jerk. Others act like a jerk. Mirrowing myself, facing the creation. Accountability, responsibility It gives me chance to gain information that has been blocked / filtered / supressed by me, by my subconscious. Advice, new information, different perspective It gives me chance to be physical (so fucking crucial for me). Touch and being touched. Mind and body are connected for me It gives me chance to connect. Don't know how to describe it better...It's a feeling of "OK that's more then just my/her/his physcial 3-D structure" Hope it makes sense

@Tristan12 Nice. Much love.

Looking inside. Vipassana. Observation. And INTERACTION with others. Last one is key for me. Interact, interact, interact.