theleelajoker

Yes I think that at times, I have been in this trap myself. Not sure I am completely out of it, tbh. Of course I liked the girls I dated very much, there was alignment in values, communication etc. And I dated women that my friends did not consider as hot, but I found them hot and did not care about others opinion. But I also know that at other times, part of me was generating self value through me having a very hot gf and thus getting status through it from others. I remember this feeling very clearly. It's all a learning process... If you don't get laid for several years, maybe you should start to change your approach towards women. Getting to know women I struggled with when I was younger, now it happens very smoothly. It's really just about being open and interested in them as human beings + listening to what I need right now, being in touch with myself and my body + being authentic and not giving a **** what others think. I'm one those struggling with the maintenance Just the simple idea of rating 7,8,9, 10 and value is so stupid. It's a mindfuck and I don't get how this BS came into western culture. What is the rating mechanism? Looks? Sure, you need sexual attraction, but this only partially based on looks, it's a lot about the connection and subtle things like smell. Is it also material stuff, status? Well, good luck cuddling status. It will surely keep you warm at night. And the big villa feels pretty empty when there is no one that understands you. Is it personality? Then it becomes impossible to rate, because it's subjective and everybody needs different personality as an individual match. OK and even IF you put some rating on personality, it's not a fixed thing. People change, yourself change. Moreover, people are who they are also because the way you relate to them, the way you see them and behave towards according to this.

I appreciate the intention for clarity, but also very much like the personal stuff. It's easier to relate to for me when it's not only meta. Personal stories matter IMO. And with certain meta topics, it's similar for me - can't stop contemplating and need to articulate it as well How is the level of interpretation when you are interacting with other people, animals etc? I say this because if I noticed that when I am truly engaged, present in (inter)action, then the interpretation slows down. You said in a different thread you don't interact much, that might become vicious cycle. Too much thinking earlier in my life, too little interaction, which causes more thinking, etc etc

For me too

What's the best strategy when you exchange the goal of "sleep with high quality women on regular basis" with "being happy, maximizing your personal understanding of love"?

Yeah. So Hi JoshB, nice to meet you Thanks for being here, thanks for interacting

You would be surprised. Did you not realize yet, that "the environment" adapts to what you do and say? Go and prove me wrong

Love the last part. Infinite variables ❤️

I bring the drinks!

Yes I see that trend among men too. Maybe better communication among men/women will lead to less aggression and crime. And to not necessarily more, but better sex

Maybe would help those guys to stop calling it "game", to stop looking for sex only and to start to look for true connection

Yes. What trend do you see among men/women within your bubble of experience? What trend would you like to see?

Yes I see your point about knowing who to ask about whom:) But I disagree about "average" because it's just a construct. The older I get, the more I appreciate the unique individuality of people. But who knows, maybe we can soon order a "average" programmed AI woman (and man) online

"But as a guy I want to have a deeper understanding of female psychology" I recommend talking to females The quality of input varies, as every one seems to have a different level of self reflection, self awareness etc. But when you ask women about other women the replies have been very good to great in my experience.

What's practical then in your POV?

"Becoming conscious of what is = insight= change how you relate to it". I like that. Did you create meaning by creating sth I like? 🧐

Ok, I'll let you know once I've been through the process as well

You have been through this process? And now you're back in attachment, reality?

Reality ceases to exist?

Ok, I think I approached that point twice. There was this "ohhhh if I feel this more, if I let go more, I dissolve" Got scared and stopped feeling. Was afraid I won't come back to this reality. What happens after the realization you describe?

Think about this for a moment: Animals don't think of strategies how to mate They don't book pickup courses They don't discuss for hours with their friends (m+f) when, how to behave, what to do, how to approach, analyzing etc Why the **** this stuff seems necessary in our current culture? Every concept, every strategy, every reasoning you create in favor or against doing this, that location, and this approach and bla bla is creating more blockages in your head. ITS UNIQUE EVERY FUCKING TIME. Except you want to live like a robot, good luck with that. OP already has good points on the harmful programming. Yes, women are attracted to good vibes. But the same goes for men. And friends. Woman are also attracted to men that show sadness. And men like women that express true sadness as well. Same with friends. So what's the lesson? People like when other people show true emotion, authenticity, truly living. And guess what? That's what you want for yourself. You want to be your authentic self. So the best way to be attractive for others is to be you, to express your self fully without BS strategies. What's best for you is what makes you attractive for others. That simple? Yes. And the this stuff about the 10s and "most attractive women". The most beautiful woman I dated drove me crazy because we were not compatible long run. Most men seem so fucking determined on finding the outward "hottest" girl instead of the one that makes both partner feel good. And then get frustrated when they don't get what they should not want in the first place lol

Short answer: yes. It changed after I tapped into this feeling deeply without acting on it other than talking about it. Also, a guy responding "how you know the alternative is better?" gave me pause. Short time after mood was trending up.

Done

@Nilsi @AION Very interesting for me to follow your discussion and lines of thought about Jung and Freud. Makes me questions some of my understanding of the psyche...and my relationship to my parents

OK thanks will observe.

Ahhh you mean deeply going into it, facing it, feeling it instead of avoiding pain? So in a sense avoidance of pain = suffering but feeling pain and it just becomes a feeling? If you mean this: For psychological pain, suffering disapears for me when directly experiencing it. For physical pain I could shift limits during retreats, but being burned alive as in the example I don't know if it's possible to go that far.